KensingtonHomo

I worry that so much of this sense that you and others are "old, ugly and fat" is the result of advertising geared toward gay men and our community's obsession with physical perfection. I have no idea what you look like, but I know a lot of people who are very hard on their appearance when they're average or even slightly better-looking than average. The world can be cruel. Be nice to yourself. 

This is my issue. We're doing to each other and ourselves what men and advertising have done to women. Straight men get to age and gain weight and generally let themselves go, but women and gay guys have to be eternally youthful and beautiful. It's not realistic or healthy. My husband is four years younger than you, and he's as handsome to me now as he ever was. And when we go out, I have to beat the twinks off him because they all love a silver fox. 
The generation before ours didn't get to age because AIDS killed so many of them. I want more of us. As your triathlete friend shows, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

I was never in this exact position, but I dated a very wealthy man when I was 20-21 (he was around 30 and had family money as well as a successful business). While he never paid for me to live, he did take me to luxurious places and spend money on me. Having grown up poor with a single Mom, I was always anxious. And while he never said I was replaceable, he hinted that my looking as I did then was non-negotiable. I was savvy enough to realize this relationship had no good future. How can I have a long-term relationship with someone who won't let me age? 
I also had offers to escort (I had friends doing sex work in college) but I was too afraid of HIV to go through with it. I would probably do it if I were in my 20s today. 

I was never in this exact position, but I dated a very wealthy man when I was 20-21 (he was around 30 and had family money as well as a successful business). While he never paid for me to live, he did take me to luxurious places and spend money on me. Having grown up poor with a single Mom, I was always anxious. And while he never said I was replaceable, he hinted that my looking as I did then was non-negotiable. I was savvy enough to realize this relationship had no good future. How can I have a long-term relationship with someone who won't let me age? 
I also had offers to escort (I had friends doing sex work in college) but I was too afraid of HIV to go through with it. I would probably do it if I were in my 20s today. 

This is my issue. We're doing to each other and ourselves what men and advertising have done to women. Straight men get to age and gain weight and generally let themselves go, but women and gay guys have to be eternally youthful and beautiful. It's not realistic or healthy. My husband is four years younger than you, and he's as handsome to me now as he ever was. And when we go out, I have to beat the twinks off him because they all love a silver fox. 
The generation before ours didn't get to age because AIDS killed so many of them. I want more of us. As your triathlete friend shows, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

I was never in this exact position, but I dated a very wealthy man when I was 20-21 (he was around 30 and had family money as well as a successful business). While he never paid for me to live, he did take me to luxurious places and spend money on me. Having grown up poor with a single Mom, I was always anxious. And while he never said I was replaceable, he hinted that my looking as I did then was non-negotiable. I was savvy enough to realize this relationship had no good future. How can I have a long-term relationship with someone who won't let me age? 
I also had offers to escort (I had friends doing sex work in college) but I was too afraid of HIV to go through with it. I would probably do it if I were in my 20s today. 

EVERYONE is interested in this ass. I'll DM you to discuss the praise kink. 

I was never in this exact position, but I dated a very wealthy man when I was 20-21 (he was around 30 and had family money as well as a successful business). While he never paid for me to live, he did take me to luxurious places and spend money on me. Having grown up poor with a single Mom, I was always anxious. And while he never said I was replaceable, he hinted that my looking as I did then was non-negotiable. I was savvy enough to realize this relationship had no good future. How can I have a long-term relationship with someone who won't let me age? 
I also had offers to escort (I had friends doing sex work in college) but I was too afraid of HIV to go through with it. I would probably do it if I were in my 20s today. 

You are very kind. I AM old - 62 - which is 186 in gay years - “ugly” is subjective I suppose - and fat? Well, yes. Not just “slightly overweight” and not “morbidly obese”, but fat. I had one provider turn me down as he “didn’t work well with fat guys.” The flip side to that is I now have an FWB who is a triathlete. This guy likes big guys and he is sexy as hell and he asks me to f**k him. For a man who doesn’t fit the mold of gay physical perfection, I sure do get a lot of sex. But, the good Lord doesn’t like a braggart. 🤣

I was never in this exact position, but I dated a very wealthy man when I was 20-21 (he was around 30 and had family money as well as a successful business). While he never paid for me to live, he did take me to luxurious places and spend money on me. Having grown up poor with a single Mom, I was always anxious. And while he never said I was replaceable, he hinted that my looking as I did then was non-negotiable. I was savvy enough to realize this relationship had no good future. How can I have a long-term relationship with someone who won't let me age? 
I also had offers to escort (I had friends doing sex work in college) but I was too afraid of HIV to go through with it. I would probably do it if I were in my 20s today. 

I worry that so much of this sense that you and others are "old, ugly and fat" is the result of advertising geared toward gay men and our community's obsession with physical perfection. I have no idea what you look like, but I know a lot of people who are very hard on their appearance when they're average or even slightly better-looking than average. The world can be cruel. Be nice to yourself. 

Truthfully, escorting is hard work. It’s tough. Initially I wasn’t so much an “escort” as I was a “kept boy” so my perspective is a bit different. I was in my early 20’s, thin, good-looking and working full time (this was the mid-80’s when minimum wage was $3.35 a hour) when I met a really great and very attractive man on a phone chat line. (Remember those?) He and I clicked and pretty soon he was paying my rent in exchange for my availability weekday afternoons. My thought was, “Really? I get to have sex a couple of times a week and Dude pays my rent? Hell, yes!” There were no trips and no luxuries; I was expected to have scotch and cigarettes on hand as well as to be prepped and ready for a couple of rounds in the bedroom. Within a couple of months he would arrive with a friend, whom I was expected to accommodate. Another month or so after that he was sending friends to my apartment and expecting me to entertain them. I was not attracted to many of these men and I was told that I had to be available pretty much from Noon through the end of the work day Monday through Friday and, occasionally, weekends. (I still had my full-time job.) I always saw my guy at least twice a week and maybe one or two other men would stop by. When one of his “friends” introduced hard drugs into our scenes (specifically, cocaine) I put a stop to the activities. (Cocaine scared the shit outta me.) Dude warned me that he’d have no problem replacing me, and I’ll admit getting my rent paid was really nice, but something told me it was time to quit. I tried escorting after that but it was quite different having to drum up business or hustle or having to turn down bookings given my full-time job. And I’ve never been a good salesman. So that didn’t last long. Given this experience I have a lot of respect for the guys who choose to escort and do sex work. 

Wow. This is a great topic. Like another commenter I will say that I am old, ugly and fat so I’m usually tremendously happy that the guy will actually show up, LOL! For me it’s “consideration” – consideration for my wants and needs and my special requests. Treating me like a human being and a sexual being. I once had a provider call me on the way to my place and ask if I wanted anything from Starbucks – he was getting himself a coffee and offered to get me one, also. When they don’t leap off the bed once we’re both finished saying, “Well, I gotta go!” (I once had a man ask me if he could use the shower while he was still in me.) A soft, sweet kiss at the door. Hell, a soft, sweet kiss out in public! A text afterward thanking me. When they leave their underwear behind. When my sheets smell of their scent, their cologne and sex. A genuine concern that I am getting what I want. 

So interested in your praise kink @KensingtonHomo (and your ass! 😂)

To answer the original question: 
Specific compliments definitely get me going I have a bit of a praise kink - so providers who get that  Once we've met or at least changed pictures, a bit of flirty banter is great (not full-on sexting, which I know providers can be really overwhelmed or turned off by that) Authentic pillow talk - showing that they're genuine and also interested in us as people  Honesty and transparency - sometimes things don't work out because we're tired, or a provider has worked too much. Being open about that as we will be - makes for a better session than trying to pretend everything is fine Being friendly if we run into each other in public like you would with a client in any other profession. We run into providers at clubs, bars, concerts, etc. Guys who will just say hi and ask how we are and then move on also score points.   
And, of course, complimenting my ass  

I completely agree with the younger guys enjoying older guys.  I have to admit that surprised me a bit, but I have a regular who is 26 and another who is 24 and if they are faking having a good time, then god bless them... because the times with them are amazing.

To answer the original question: 
Specific compliments definitely get me going I have a bit of a praise kink - so providers who get that  Once we've met or at least changed pictures, a bit of flirty banter is great (not full-on sexting, which I know providers can be really overwhelmed or turned off by that) Authentic pillow talk - showing that they're genuine and also interested in us as people  Honesty and transparency - sometimes things don't work out because we're tired, or a provider has worked too much. Being open about that as we will be - makes for a better session than trying to pretend everything is fine Being friendly if we run into each other in public like you would with a client in any other profession. We run into providers at clubs, bars, concerts, etc. Guys who will just say hi and ask how we are and then move on also score points.   
And, of course, complimenting my ass  

To answer the original question: 
Specific compliments definitely get me going I have a bit of a praise kink - so providers who get that  Once we've met or at least changed pictures, a bit of flirty banter is great (not full-on sexting, which I know providers can be really overwhelmed or turned off by that) Authentic pillow talk - showing that they're genuine and also interested in us as people  Honesty and transparency - sometimes things don't work out because we're tired, or a provider has worked too much. Being open about that as we will be - makes for a better session than trying to pretend everything is fine Being friendly if we run into each other in public like you would with a client in any other profession. We run into providers at clubs, bars, concerts, etc. Guys who will just say hi and ask how we are and then move on also score points.   
And, of course, complimenting my ass  

Nope. It’s an old but false saying, uttered by an outrageous anti-government racist annoyed by civil rights interventions. When your house is on fire, it probably won’t be a thought that comes to mind when the fire trucks pull up and the firemen jump out to hook up their hoses to the city hydrant. 

Good to remember that there is a range here. Just because a provider can have a good time providing a service doesn’t mean it’s the same as feelings they have in their personal lives. It’s nice when you can tell they are feeling genuine pleasure. For me, that really only happens when I’ve been able to spend time with someone over many sessions. 

I wouldn't assume they're not into it. There are many young men, even ones who are conventionally attractive and fit, who are into older men, overweight men, men who are not conventionally attractive. And many of the best escorts are those who are able to find something attractive in all their clients. I'm an empath so it's incredibly hard to fake enthusiasm and have me believe it. The guys we see regularly are those who are genuinely enjoying our time together, whether or not they'd pick us up at a bar or on Grindr. 
My husband and I are constantly approached by younger men (too young for us, usually). And while we're both conventionally attractive, we're not movie star handsome, and we don't have perfect bodies. 
I love this podcast, which is aimed toward older guys, particularly those in open relationships. This episode features three escorts/content creators and they talk about why they love their work, their love of older guys, etc. It's worth a listen to get another perspective besides the overarching gay media narrative that you must be 28 and have 3 percent body fat to be attractive. 
 

I wouldn't assume they're not into it. There are many young men, even ones who are conventionally attractive and fit, who are into older men, overweight men, men who are not conventionally attractive. And many of the best escorts are those who are able to find something attractive in all their clients. I'm an empath so it's incredibly hard to fake enthusiasm and have me believe it. The guys we see regularly are those who are genuinely enjoying our time together, whether or not they'd pick us up at a bar or on Grindr. 
My husband and I are constantly approached by younger men (too young for us, usually). And while we're both conventionally attractive, we're not movie star handsome, and we don't have perfect bodies. 
I love this podcast, which is aimed toward older guys, particularly those in open relationships. This episode features three escorts/content creators and they talk about why they love their work, their love of older guys, etc. It's worth a listen to get another perspective besides the overarching gay media narrative that you must be 28 and have 3 percent body fat to be attractive. 
 

I wouldn't assume they're not into it. There are many young men, even ones who are conventionally attractive and fit, who are into older men, overweight men, men who are not conventionally attractive. And many of the best escorts are those who are able to find something attractive in all their clients. I'm an empath so it's incredibly hard to fake enthusiasm and have me believe it. The guys we see regularly are those who are genuinely enjoying our time together, whether or not they'd pick us up at a bar or on Grindr. 
My husband and I are constantly approached by younger men (too young for us, usually). And while we're both conventionally attractive, we're not movie star handsome, and we don't have perfect bodies. 
I love this podcast, which is aimed toward older guys, particularly those in open relationships. This episode features three escorts/content creators and they talk about why they love their work, their love of older guys, etc. It's worth a listen to get another perspective besides the overarching gay media narrative that you must be 28 and have 3 percent body fat to be attractive. 
 

In my experience, it's niche even within liberal bubbles. Most of the anti-sex work laws that have been passed has broad liberal support because they were presented as "anti-trafficking." The don't really address trafficking so much as drive sex work further underground, which makes people trapped in it less likely to access help. And it criminalizes those who genuinely want to do it. 
The US is a uniquely sex-negative, puritanical country. But only for the regular folks. We see how the elites engage in the most immoral and often illegal behavior without consequence, while someone engaged in sex work for survival can be arrested and jailed. 

I didn’t do that. I explained why it doesn’t appeal to me specifically, not as a universal truth or in judgement of his desires. I even said I was in the minority of gay men, most of whom fantasize about straight men. You should keep your debates to 18 year olds and stop trying to gaslight adults.