TallMuscl37

I find the same. I think many times it comes down to the "legality" mindset, unless referring to Adam4 Adam which has defaulted all sex workers as "masseurs". Some guys feel safer browsing for massages. Not to mention, the very word "escort" is not even in existence across many sites description. Which sucks, but it also seems to have bridged the divide. I don't even consider myself an escort or a masseur anymore. I just consider myself someone this expertise happens to be erotic in nature. I feel "escort" is what people outside the biz refer to us as. Then they compare it to the H and P word, which is short sighted considering I'm also knowledged in massage, trip planning, sex counseling, the works! But people's idea of it is so skewed, I rather just drop the labels

?? Hi,I’m back (feel like it’s been like a couple of months lol). I might have said something along the lines of that. I also have 3 type of sessions that I offer, and I probably meant that I would prefer orgasms for the sessions that typically go beyond the hour. But as everyone in the biz knows, few experiments in the biz are ever permanent lol. I mean, most appointments in certain markets tend to only be an hour, and there’s only so much one can do about it. However, at the end of the day: I think some clients OVER think the idea. And then make assumptions. For example, the OP says he’s hesitant to see the provider at night because he probably has been cumming all day/already? That’s quite assumptive (not a bad assumption, just a variable assumption). I would actually be MORE willing to cum at the end of the night, than in the morning or afternoon, where it could potentially zap testosterone and energy to do a workout, see a client, or cruise for a personal hookup. The best time to get me to cum, is before I go to bed, but that doesn’t mean I’m not able to in the morning or afternoon. At the same time: clients shouldn’t assume anything. Remember: many “clients” tend to postpone or have change of plans anyway. The other morning, I had 2 clients wanting to see me. I was strategizing how I was going to be able to cum for both, if I needed to. Or cum for 1 and not the other. Turns out, the 2nd client couldn’t make it due to a valid reason...so I decided to just blow my load for the 1st one b/c he is a long time regular. Then later in the evening, in a different city...I had a client, but he was just like, “you can cum if you want to”. But since there was no sucking or fucking involved, and he came 1st...I decided to save the testosterone for my gym workout today. After many years, I think a provider will know how to pace himself. If he’s gone a week or 2 without work, he may be able to cum 2 or 3 FULL loads in a day/night. I’ve done it before. Some days I can cum twice in one night. Other days, I may not. Maybe it’s a busy week or a slow week. There have been times where a guy does something or turns me on to where I can cum twice within a few minutes lol. However, I’m not privy to clients who say outright, “how many times can you cum” or “I want you to cum twice, one in my mouth and one in my ass”. I’m not a dairy cow. I’m not going to promise ANYTHING when it comes to cumming more than once. You get ONE load during your hour, anything more...will need to be booked 2 hours, the evening or an overnight.

I meant to add as well, 1 of my biggest challenges that I’ve faced when traveling..and clients here have mentioned it as well, when seeing providers. It’s can be a challenge to be ready on time (either at your hotel or to their place) for every appointment, when you’re traveling on a non routine route. Then clients cancel even if you let them know ahead, because they may have planned something AFTER the appointment that usually they don’t mention until the cancellation Then, many clients want to push the time earlier than planned, or come earlier. It lessens the time to get ready before the appointment, when I’m already losing time commuting, sorting luggage, waiting in drive thrus for food, etc. Yesterday I arrived to my hotel at 4:30 pm... which isn’t “late” by any means, but my guest wanted to meet around 3:30-4. He also asked if I could meet sooner, at 2. I had to let him know, that I couldn’t do anything sooner than 4 because I was already pressed for time due to a number of things. He ended up not being able to come today, but I had to explain to him, we can “shoot” for a time, but that doesn’t guarantee meeting at that time sharp, when the day comes. It’s too many variables at stake, to put so much expectation that an escort can be ready and available by a certain time when traveling...unless that escort just happens to be at their local incall place, and can plan time accordingly. And I’ve just come to accept, it’s not my fault or the client’s fault. But it’s still frustrating because the client feels like their time isn’t being valued, and I feel their time isn’t flexible (I notice my free “dates” tend to be more flexible, whereas some clients seem to plan with not as much ??‍♂️) At one point I was getting angry at myself for not being able to be ready on time when traveling (even @Epigonos made a joke about it 1 year while visiting Palm Springs) ?. BUT...I find when I’m in the city, and have my incall place set, that’s rarely ever an issue. Especially if they want to come to me. I temporarily had a private incall studio from December thru earlier this month in January, and the stress level of trying to catch appointments on time was pretty much non existent. I wasn’t late for any appointments. Travel has a way of throwing wrenches into the schedule. I’ve even missed appointments because of complications in the process of checking into a hotel, if the client wasn’t willing to wait (long line, unexpectedly high deposit, rooms not up to expectations etc.). I’m almost considering coming up with a disclaimer to send to every client while traveling: PLEASE PREPARE THAT THE APPOINTMENT START TIME MAY RUN LATER THAN PLANNED. PLEASE NOTIFY IF UNABLE TO ALLOW SUCH WINDOW. But of course, things like that tend to get seen as being “off putting”, so I try to just explain on a case by case basis. Even though I did miss my 1st client today, I was able to gain 2 more clients... and timing wasn’t an issue since they were evening visits. I find most of the issues with timing with travel, come when guys want to meet at the ever popular: between noon and 3 pm. It seems many clients need to meet during those times, and it can be a 50/50 chance of working out because if I’m traveling, usually can’t check into a hotel until 2 or 3 anyway... and I usually like to have 30 min to an hour to get set up.

Everything he said.... However the reasoning for travel can vary, for all the ones Shawn mentioned. Some guys may go to the same cities on rotation, or back to back. But I sometimes find that if one travels to a city too often, you may find it gets slower on subsequent visits. Probably considering that there may be guys who see travelers for the "i don't see local guys" reasons. But that may also mean they might not be a regular on every trip. I like to travel to meet friends, and it gives the chance to turn it into a tour. Other events like pride tours and "sex fests" can also be a good excuse... just as long as one isn't overly optimistic. Lot of times, I just travel to wherever my vibes are telling me to go. But this past year I've been only comfortable going within an 8 hour radius, no long cross country trips. I'm not much into flying because it feels limited to me. I have booked week long flights, and wanted to cut it short. Or I may book 2 day trip, and need to extend it. I've learned to never say never when visiting a city lol. There's been places I've swore off ever going to again, only to return 3, 4, or more years later and have a great time. Indianapolis is one of those. I couldn't STAND that city lol. Flakes and racist vibes out of this world. But couple years ago I went twice in one summer, and was busy and had a good time downtown. Still ran into some Flakes, but overall it was a good couple trips...and I've still got the post it note the front desk guy gave me saying he'd like to meet for dinner ? But like Shawn said, there some cities that have consistently proven to not be easy, and I wouldn't advise going to without advance bookings, and extra money already on hand, to avoid disappointment: namely Los Angeles, Vegas, I'd probably say New York, Miami, Detroit, Atlanta, and Houston. All promising markets, but often too dense to go to overly optimistic.

Thankyou, that definitely put everything in perspective. It’s all very true. I guess it just gets to me sometimes, that many “relationships” end up turning sour. Well, that’s bit exaggerative. I’ve not been in a lot of “confirmed” relationships, but I also have had the ones that turn into friends, or the dude who drifts off suddenly after a “great” meet or 2. Of course, I’m not insinuating that I “need” somebody to begin with, but it’s great to have that. Issue is like you said, people are so fucking stuck on their bullshit, they can’t make room for anyone else. They portray they want someone, but can’t actually HANDLE having someone. That’s what I told the last guy; he wanted to be so controlling about things, I told him he has no business being with someone if he’s so stuck up his ass about things being HIS, when in a relationship it should be US. I’m still going to keep an open mind and heart. I’m not one to be jaded or paint the whole culture as untrustworthy (I now understand, but equally feel sorrow for guys who claim, “I don’t do relationships”) But it makes sense why. A lot of guys just be doing too much, to want to give up your own life, and be with them. oddly enough, I find previously Bi-married clients “tend” to be the best catches ? Seems they learned all the pitfalls, and just be so easy going and no unnecessary nonsense and post sexual gripes ?

I get what you're saying 100%. And I did see the humor in what @Benjamin_Nicholas said (e.g. ? thankyou for being a friend ?). But here's the sad truth: few of my friends have done any of that for me. Some have done it, only to use it against me later in an argument or as a way to gain leverage. I’ve confided in “friends” during rough periods, and all they’ve done is talk shit, criticize, and made me feel worse about myself. I’ve had 3 people recently who’ve done that, and they’re all in my trash bin now. I mean don't get me wrong, I don't underestimate or take for granted the chivalry and commarderie of a good friend...But too often, especially with GAY MEN, it seems conditional. Like they'll do those things, provided you have sex with them, or be of some disposable use to them, and don't call them out on any of their behavior, or don't show any adverse behavior yourself. I'm getting to a point now where I just don't want to accept anything a gay guy offers me, unless it's for paid arrangements...because I've had time and time again, a guy do nice things for me; then at some point make it seem like they have the power to pull the plug on whatever they offered when they are having a bad day. It's for the reason, I just filed my 1st lawsuit against a (former) client last week. He came off very friendly over the past few months. We were “dating” which I guess doesn't count as "client", but offered something to help me with my biz...But then he became this irritable control freak who wanted everything on his terms, didn't approve of anything I did, and then pulled something that completely violated the agreement and friendship. I'm like...not so fast. Some guys must think we as sex workers are so afraid and/or ignorant of the law. He's going to learn the hard way, I'm not one of them. I know that's deep...But it just goes to show. It's sad that making friends has to end the way it does sometimes. Which is why sometimes I do prefer to just travel with an open mind and heart, just go to a city and meet someone, hang for a couple times and keep it moving. I'm just finding most gay guys are too much drama to maintain friendships with. Even the ones who claim to live a “quiet, drama free life”, are drama when you get to know them. Past hurts, conditioning, etc. Only a select few aren't that way (or maybe some are only that way around certain people, like I asked the last guy how many other gay black male friends he associated with outside of me, he could only name 1...his ex. Who cheated on him and is with someone I fucked. I said friendship not luggage lol). I'm starting to think I just need to change up my whole crew. I'm starting to think harder about the type of dudes I should be around, versus the ones to keep sparingly, even if it seems we get along well initially. I would even spend more time with women, but I'm just not one of those gay guys who likes to surround himself with feminine energy or female friends. I appreciate women, and seem to have a lot in common with some..But I just don't seek out friendships with.

Seattle is expensive in July! I opted to stay near the airport to get something in my range. But that was several years ago. I also imagine now, we won’t be seeing $350 a night hotels considering hotels are eager for biz. I’ve been browsing many cities, and even the most expensive cities like San Fran, have cut down over half the price. I’m really hoping to take the travel game by the reins this year, last year I didn’t get to take as much advantage of the circumstances as I would of.

Somewhat of an annex to @Storm4U ’s travel post...but just a different subject. I had someone “project” to me the other day, about if I’d considered settling down and having a “steady” group of friends (likely just his ideal view of social norms). Not that I haven’t had before, but I more enjoy the chance to meet new people that traveling brings. Sometimes it can feel like going in circles trying to maintain friendships/relationships/fuck buddies in the same city; things can be going well for a little bit, then taper off within 2 or 3 meets. I been trying to do that locally over the last couple months (not to mention I didn’t want to travel heavily between holidays, election and inauguration), but it’s just been drama and miscommunications dealing with “friends”. I’m in the mind frame now where I just want to leave for the next 1 or 2 months, and just go where I don’t know anyone, but still be able to connect with others. Not just clients, but all types.

I’ve been touring for years...my preference is hotels simply because if things go better or worse than planned, I can stay longer or shorter than planned. Air bnbs generally require more advance notice and payment. On the flip side, I have enjoyed staying at air bnbs that others have rented. My most recent was a friend who came down and got a 2 bedroom in a historic factory. It was bad ass to say the least. I’ve seen more than a few decent air bnbs out there, and being in a neighborhood and having a more private entrance is certainly a perk. But I feel air bnbs are better suited for visiting a “specific” city, rather than touring and visiting multiple cities. I have sometimes passed 7 or 8 major cities, in the course of a week, maybe only staying a night or 2. I wouldn’t want to be obligated to stay if there was no business, but I wouldn’t want to pass up if someone came along. Only hotels offer such room for flexibility.

I always look forward to going to (and putting that work in) the nations capitol. However, it’s been since August 2019 that I last visited, and most of last year, I had no opportune moments to take the trip (including all the obvious events). However, with the latest events, and the upcoming inauguration, just wondering how’s biz out there lately. I would like to take a January, February or March trip out before Cherry Blossoms, but I also don’t want to return to a sh*t storm. I know DC can also be very hit or miss, or involve waiting around for awhile, which can be kinda unsettling considering the cost of lodging and the fact it’s usually always a long trip, with a week or 2 stay. But, I hope once things get settled, I can make something happen out there.

Yeah, I feel like that’s where things got a bit muddled down the line. But I had originally discussed that, when he started asking me “what were we doing”. And I said back in the summer, I prefer to just be “good/regular friends who fuck, or friends with benefits“. Not just because of the label, but simply because he had things going on (like what I mentioned in the OP), and I had things going on. I was also living between 2 different cities, and didn’t want to feel obligated to stay in the one HE lived in, in order to maintain a relationship. As time went on though, he just started voluntarily making boyfriend moves: holding my hand in public (which I had a discussion about my feelings on that, which he seemed okay with but later on wasn’t), telling me about his emotional needs and how they aren’t getting met. Then he’d come back from 2 months out of town for work, and start telling me I’m not there for him enough when I started traveling and staying in the other city I was at. I’m like dude, we never entered into a monogamous 1 on 1 relationship, so how the F can you sit here and make it seem like I’m obligated to meet your every emotional need? So yeah, it’s done. All the way done. Well done. Like a Rib-eye ? Next time I’ll cut the drama sooner, he was just a drama ? waiting to go off ? Probably not client specific, but I have come across clients who seem to come off needy or want immediate attention, and it makes me wonder how they’d be in dating situations. Even had to tell one of my “demanding bottom” client that I can’t see him right now, because this falls too close to the situation I’m just getting out of.

Well if I can ask, what do you think of guys who have or are currently in some arrangement with a client? Perhaps the "client" does pay here and there for “sessions”, but there's a more involved relationship and/or friendship outside of the arrangement as well? Because, I’ve had situations like that work as well. This particular one is likely the most involved and longest I’ve ever become with a client, that didn’t involve payment per session. But actually, I had a different arrangement that went on for about a year and a half with a guy who did initially see me as a client, but we had an alternative arrangement down the line.

Good points. And that’s part of what I had discussed with him, towards the latter parts of our seeing each other. And like I say, I don’t normally go looking to turn these things into relationships. However, I’ve tried to be more open to allowing things to work...if the situation is right. Kinda similar to how porn stars may date one another, or escorts date one another, or even clients dating one another (usually not common unless said clients are a couple). Obviously those are different circumstances, but we’ve seen them work. But it seems the whole thing was more about him wanting me to play a role, versus having a partner.

Good point, but what difference does it make if it's a guy I met off grindr versus one at a social event? I mean, aren't we all vulnerable and guarded and have things we wish to have privacy about? I've come to learn everybody has drama to some degree. Whether it's past or present. Nobody is perfect. I've been opening myself up more to dating clients, because I've done grindr, the gay bar, the socials, the networking...the whole 9, and at the end of the day, everybody has struggles and issues and improvements that can be done. I know it sounds like I'm defending against my concerns, but I don't want to fall into this category of "I fucked up because I dated a guy who paid me for an encounter, and it didn't work because of that". When in reality, the same thing could have happened elsewhere. And I'm sorry I was eager for someone. I admit. Maybe a little desperate. But living in a state where there's nothing but "straight" White men at the gym, and gays of color only come out online, I was eager to accept someone to love me and see me regularly. Unfortunately it turned out he was a basket case who needed far more emotional support than I could offer.

We originally met on Rentmen. Paid encounter. Then I reached out couple weeks later (it wasn't any agenda to get paid or not paid, I just did it as I usually follow up with clients I had a great time with). He wasn't in a position to pay for "services" this go around as he described it, but since he seemed like my type...I offered to meet on a non biz level. Since then, it remained on that level and we started dating.

I get what you're saying. And I'm not negating the fact that I should have seen that things might have not been what they seemed early on, but I'm the type to try and let things flow... and enjoying it for what it is before making a decision. It's not about trying to psychoanalysize the situation, but it's what I had observed. Sometimes it does take a bit of understanding about where a person may be, to interpret why things turn out the way they can. The whole point of that is suggesting that perhaps, those who come to us as clients, may not be at a place in life where they can maintain a relationship for whatever reason, even though some come with the subconscious expectation of getting that from an escort. That guy, portrayed to me as if he was relationship material, initiated signs of wanting to be in a relationship, but ultimately was not at all able or willing to sustain one. He didn't want a relationship, he wanted someone who he could control and meet his insatiable sexual appetite and need for validation. When he didn't get it, he wasn't trying to do any real work, to make it work. He was still in "I'm the client, you're the whore" mode. If you want to get real, I can get real. 100%.

That’s true. But I guess what made things “blurry”, is that this same person had dated a guy, who is now involved with someone I had a hot fling with ? I know that’s not directly relevant, but it seems like I could have just as easily met this client/boyfriend on Grindr, instead of RentMen where he found me. However, there have been conversations with him where I’ve had to say: I’m not an escort 24/7. I also told him he would seem to expect me to “perform” on every encounter. I told him that escort sex and private sex are not the same thing for me. He seemed to enjoy rough, aggressive fuck sessions...but that’s fantasy. Partly due to his insatiable porn addiction. That’s not something sustainable after being with someone for 6 months. Even though the fantasy is what sells the whole experience; someone has to understand that fantasy is not a personality.

Well that’s only if you choose to read only the negative parts of the posts. I mentioned both negative and positive aspects of the question I posted, but if you only see the negative...that says more about how you interpret the message.

Lol... please elaborate.

Right, which in my case I wasn't looking...but it just played out that way. That's a good way to go about it. I had a client-friend suggest an international trip later in the year. On a recent local trip, there was a couple of things that probably would need to be considered before taking on something like that.

I’ve been taking visits where things aren’t as locked down. But I got thru the Christmas slump (which is the period for slow down for many non retail type of businesses), by redecorating, watching back to back episodes of my TV reruns, and also doing some just for fans scenes. I’m getting ready to start a big long tour and get out of my local area for a bit.

I personally like couples encounters, they can and have been fun. However, if couples are going to reach out, it helps to make sure both are on the same page. It also makes it a little challenging if one partner is in a different mindset than the other. Both parties need to be on 1 accord.

I will mention, this can even include a client or provider that one has only met once, but then chemistry was there to where things were able to develop away from paid meets into a dating or regular fuck bud situation. I ask because I was seeing a client who hired me about 6 months ago (he was only a couple years older than me). Things were going well, or so I thought...but then it started becoming clear that he had multiple “issues”; unresolved family, sex/porn addiction (most of our meets involved him wanting to have sex or constant affection 2 to 3 times per overnight stay, and we would video but he didn’t want me posting on fans platform), prescription, control, trust, and other issues with everything related to the “datingship” we had going on. He also started having issues with me as a person, and waited til he chose to take up a stressful job out of state, a couple weeks before Christmas, to tell me all the things he didn’t like about me ??‍♂️ . Meanwhile trying to make something work from a distance for the both of us. Which didn’t. I had initially and occasionally told him, I liked that we had a steady thing going, but that I didn’t want to start calling it “boyfriends”. And that’s mainly because I know some gay dating can be drama filled, and I was seeing signs of that with him, even though he claimed to live a quiet, drama free life. I also knew he wasn’t monogamous, and I wasn’t going to sign up to an “open relationship” until things progressed more. But as it turned out, he was definitely about drama. Though it was more of the emotional and anxiety type, versus the wild and crazy at the bar type. Regardless, drama is drama. At the end of the day, it’s certainly got me rethinking again how and why I decided to stay in this. I feel some clients can make great occasional FWBs, supportive business partners, etc. But it seems like having steady dating situations with many, is tricky. I’ve conveyed this to a couple good close clients, and the more “mature” guys in their 50s and up seem to be fine with and understand this. This the first time I’ve tried with someone closer to my age though. However even with older guys, I’m just wondering how others maintain a casual friendship, without it stepping into drama territory where dating gets involved.

I’m hoping 2021 will be like 2012...I know I can recall things being better during that year. I don’t have data to post, but I do know the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas were awfully slow. But I had a good run during the week between Christmas and New Year and especially the week following Christmas. So much so that I’ve decided to temporarily take down my ads until I get ready to tour next week.

A question for tops: I’ve somewhat recently come across this phrase, but I guess it’s been out for awhile. However, I’ve also been coming across this lately. Most recently, I’ve been “seeing” a guy for the past 6 months who’s a definite “dominate” bottom (he’s the shorter of us 2, but a couple years older) and it has been having me like ? It started off with him wanting to be aggressive and liking rough sex, now it’s been turning into him trying to dominate me, yet I’m the top in the situation. This shows in conversations (with a condescending or bossy tone), but also in the bedroom. Basically wanting to “direct” our hookups into what he wants. Sometimes it just confuses me because it’s like, how can a top be dominant in the bedroom, if he’s being made to feel like a bitch any other time? I also have a client who’s been operating in this “bossy bottom” parameter, and I told him today, “if I’m to be the dominant, aggressive top that you want me to be, I can’t be dominated into dominance”. I figure, it just doesn’t work that way? I found a humorous, but sadly realistic example of what I’m referring to: [MEDIA=reddit]lolgrindr/comments/85kzul[/MEDIA] my thing is: how can one voice what they want, but without coming across as demanding or bossing their top around?