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He’s on my “list!” Says he’ll top too

For $1800/night, you can hang out with him!

Oh, I know. But he’s no looker.

Not needed. Just curious. So the rules about interpersonal behavior between members have remained unchanged?

Is this an exhaustive list of the change to the rules?

Jake Gyllenhaal Keanu Reeves Channing Tatum Chris Pratt

Have you tried finding a church community that’s gay friendly? Could work form you. You can be as involved or as uninvolved as you like. And there are supports for people in a place like you in healthy congregations. And the spiritual side of human existence is an important, often neglected one. We talk ad nauseam about physical health but poopoo spiritual health.

Sorry.

Yes. Some are. And some providers treat us like ATMs. I didn’t say anything was wrong about liking Reno. I’m saying I can’t stand him. I’ll refrain from expressing a view that’s not cheerleading anymore.

I cannot stand Reno Gold and don’t understand the appeal. He strikes me as someone who’s high most of the time and is irresponsible, entitled, and shallow.

I want the mods to shut this thread down.

My experience has been that Germans are always looking for a person to speak English with too. I tell them, “You can speak English with those who don’t know German.” I don’t get a lot of opportunity anymore…I miss dreaming in German. 😞

You really don’t like me, do you? Moderator's note: It is time to stop the sniping and move on. Thank you

The ultracrepadarians love to offer unsolicited advice. Now if that could be translated into unsolicited attention from guys, that would be much, much more appreciated! 👍🏻

I don’t think feeling desirable or attractive and loved for who you is too much to ask. See…the issue here isn’t that I can’t change things. The issue is that the proposed “solutions” is for me to do something. I’m not so stupid that I don’t know I can change things. But there are guys – apparently every one of them who’s replied to this thread, for example – who has be desirable or attractive with doing a damn thing. I’d like that for me once. Hell, even here, on this forum, I feel ostracized or like an outsider. Expressing this confession as a venting was supposed to be cathartic and hopefully have support from folks who nominally share similar experiences as me. Commiserate perhaps. @MscleLovr– I’m curious though what I’ve expressed on this forum that leads you think I’m to rigid in what I’m looking for. I’m not naive, stupid, or presumptuous enough to believe for a moment that the kind of guys I hire would even look at me, let alone consider me as boyfriend material. So if you’re basing your idea of my relationship expectations off my escort preferences, for which I pay, you’d have assumed incorrectly. I’m delusional enough to think I’m in any sort of “league” or otherwise for the kind of guys I pay…whether they escort or not.

In Germany he can listen to my bungled German! 😂

Are these encounters extended sessions or longer, multi-hour meets, such as overnight BFEs? You really don’t need him to talk well if he’s just going to plug your hole and leave. But I’m not paying someone who can’t have a conversation over dinner without who can’t be bothered or isn’t able to use conjugated verbs or articles. Accents are fine, even sexy. But I want to have a conversation with the guy without mentally having to work to understand him…

Of my issues, clothing is really not the one that's the biggest. Given my size, it's difficult to get things from designer brands that fit. They simply don't make Armani in my size, for example. But I do shop for clothing at places like DXL etc. that particularly cater to larger guys. I'm aware of the nature and impact that clothing has on setting first impressions. I also enjoy good, nice clothing, so clothing isn't my issue. I have worn bespoke suits for years now and get my dress shirts made from a tailor and have since I was just out of high school. All this to say, again, clothing isn't the issue. I do think that it's interesting that guys who've been approached without seeking it out are telling me how to deal with the feelings of undesirability from not being sought out. How can you relate? I work in what might be considered a "social service" or "helping profession." Doing things with other people who value me as a person isn't the issue. I don't need more social groups to be part of and feel like I'm doing good with like-minded people. A gay group would potentially be advantageous only insofar as it's got LGBTQUIA+ folks in it, but so do gay bars and clubs, where you know guys go to cruise etc. A gay bookclub isn't a cruising spot. And, not to be the pessimist that I am, but why would I go to join a gay man's chorus only to make friends with someone who I do decide to approach, only to have him say to my like my best friend said to me years ago, "I could never date you; you're my best friend." Why would I go run the risk of affirming yet again, "You're a nice guy, just not the nice guy for me." If I had a nickel for everytime that someone - gay or straight - has said to me that any guy would be lucky to have me, I could attract any and all guys becuase they'd want a piece of my account... I wasn't so much looking for solutions to my feelings. Sometimes you just share how you're feeling and don't necessarily want someone to rush in and solve the problem. Sometimes you just want someone to listen and identify...It doesn't matter what it is; someone has always got a solution or different (i.e. better) way of looking at the problem. I can't possibly be the only one in this forum who feels this way or similarly.

Looking past the ones who aren’t interested in me and what do I see? @WilliamM– Give what a try, exactly?

@CuriousByNature– Not spiraling. This is something I’ve felt for years. I’ve only ever had one relationship in my life, and that was one where I invested way more than he did. I pursued him. I appreciate that for some, guys just come their way. But it’s not how it’s been for me. I know that I’m not *most* guys’ so-called ten, but even then…I can’t believe it’s all my outward appearance. Sure, the gay community is extremely shallow when it comes to physicality, but it can’t be all that. There must be something more to it than that. And as far as confidence goes, my friends will often tell me that one of my problems professionally with colleagues is that I confidently present myself unapologetically, and that intimidates people. So I’m pretty sure projecting confidence isn’t my issue. I also don’t have a shabby wardrobe for going out…A guy my size can’t socially afford to look sloven lest we’re lock, stock, and barrel discounted. @nycman– That’s not all I took from it, but you led with it. “Suck it up, buttercup” isn’t exactly an endearing way of saying, “I know it sucks, but have you tried ABC?” But something tells me you weren’t aiming to soften the blow… I’m also not looking for escorts to solve the problem. I’m simply saying the only guys who’ve made me feel desirable were the ones I’ve paid to do that. @MikeBiDude– Yeah, well…if I could afford a subscription on Seeking and the support for a SB, I probably would be also a lot more attractive to others who overlook me now too. Out of curiosity, who here that’s offered “perspective” (not calling it advice) has had a guy approach them?

@nycman- Thanks for basically verbosely telling me that some guys are are out of my league. I can accept that there may be times – *may* – that I’ve missed approaches from guys, but the thing is…I’m pretty gregarious and if someone approached me, I’d be more than happy to talk to them, romantically or platonically. And that still doesn’t say anything about Grindr…Either guys who talk about their Grindr blowing up when they’re out are lying, or it’s just not something that happens for me. Could I make the first move? Sure. Most definitely. Carpe diem and all that shit. But for fuck’s sake is it too much to ask to be pursued by someone. Why can’t I be someone’s 10 to their 6? I’m sick of being out of everyone’s league…

I’ve hired twice since my mother’s death. I specifically told both guys I did not want to discuss her dying. They respected that. I don’t think it would’ve been good for the meet. For some maybe, but I’m not so sure that’s what I’d want to discuss if I were hooking up with an escort so soon after the death of a parent. But to each his own…

Of the guys I’ve hired, it’s been pretty clear that’s what it’s about. They do the job when they’re in town…But unless 💰 is showing up somehow, they don’t much care how desired I feel. Perhaps they care insofar as I’ll hire again if they go an extra few inches, but they’re not going that extra mile. Hell – some providers won’t even answer your initial inquiry to a text or message on RM. Thanks for the pick-me-up… “I see you saying you don’t have something I did and loved, so let me tell you how great it was.” It doesn’t feel mutual. I’m starting to feel taken advantage of. I don’t feel like my patronage even is appreciated, let alone me.

The only guys who’ve made me feel at all desirable are escorts. And that’s because they’re paid for it. I more than sometimes wonder what it must be like to have your Grindr blow up, to have guys flirt with you at the bar or wherever… I’d like to bask in unprompted, unsolicited, unscheduled glory once.