Cannon

I never give my real name unless they need it to purchase a plane ticket to travel to them....In which case i’ll acquiesce and share my real name .....otherwise, its not necessary for them to know my real name, or for me to know theirs.

At what point after several successful and mutually enjoyable sessions is it considered appropriate for escorts and repeat clients to exchange real names? Curious as to what various people (both escorts and clients) think.

Honest question: Why would you want to resist hiring a masseur, if you enjoy massage?

It's like saying you want to avoid other activities or hobbies you enjoy.

I think that's what I was saying, but making it a general case rather than just about Scott. I'm not sure whether is is privilege or just a lack of consideration to think, 'You have to disclose this, but I don't'. As gay men we should be aware how tedious it is to have to correct other people's assumptions when they haven't bothered to consider the possibility that they were wrong.

Yes, you and I are on the same page ;-)

In LA my fave is The London in West Hollywood

In New York my fave is The NoMad Hotel

In Vegas Wynn is my fave

In Miami The Riviera Hotel (South Beach)

You're right. A lot of things are 'the norm', and people can be forgiven for assuming that someone they 'meet' will conform to the norm until it's demonstrated otherwise. (In our societies the 'norm' is generally white, male, cis, married (or partnered), believer, Christian, even though people who don't conform to each of those are common, and in some cases (male) in fact the minority.) Being surprised by someone not conforming to any of those characteristics is perfectly understandable, putting the onus on them to tell you (apart from a momentary, 'I wish they had told me') is the issue here. We need to be able to check ourselves and reflect on whether it's our own assumptions that are the problem rather than the other person's disclosure or otherwise.

You're right. A lot of things are 'the norm', and people can be forgiven for assuming that someone they 'meet' will conform to the norm until it's demonstrated otherwise. (In our societies the 'norm' is generally white, male, cis, married (or partnered), believer, Christian, even though people who don't conform to each of those are common, and in some cases (male) in fact the minority.) Being surprised by someone not conforming to any of those characteristics is perfectly understandable, putting the onus on them to tell you (apart from a momentary, 'I wish they had told me') is the issue here. We need to be able to check ourselves and reflect on whether it's our own assumptions that are the problem rather than the other person's disclosure or otherwise.

Of course it would be his problem for assuming. Perhaps the black guy thought he was meeting another Black guy, yet Scott Dickson didn't announce himself as white...Perhaps the Black guy didnt care what color Scott was going to be, but for Scott to have taken issue with the fact that the guy didn't announce his skin color when Scott also didnt announce his.... wreaks of entitlement.

Reading these things make me so glad I don't advertise anymore. Christ! lol

I dont think he has to know a lot of masseurs to know that to be true. It may not be your practice or your lived experience even but on this forum alone we have had black masseurs, escorts, and clients tell tales of being ghosted or canceled when they were found out to be black or even because they look darker than their pictures. It is insulting to minorities but like they say the truth hurts and facts dont care about your feelings.

Definitely not my experience. When I advertised I had in my profile I that I am Blackety Black Black Black McBlackerson. Let a bigot beware so that there is no mistaking. I don't care the race of my clients. I care if they are sane, hygienic. I do discriminate against pricks as well. The whole thing is ridiculous. Should I only accept Black clients? Of course not, it's ridiculous.

The closest I ever came to having that kind of experience is when I once had a profile on a4a and a guy (white) approached me there for a massage, i clicked on his profile and in his profile he noted he was only into white guys...so I found his inquiry to be quite bizarre. So I said to him, "thank you for the compliment, but I'm obviously not white and I don't want to waste your or my time. Have a wonderful evening." He replied right away saying, "hold on, I'm into all different types of guys", and i said, "well that's what your profile should say. Goodnight."

Out of curiosity I checked his profile maybe 2 minutes later and he had "updated" it to say he was in to "all types of guys"....but I was not about to give a massage to anyone who had excluded guys who look like me and I am not interested in being an exception and that was that on that.

Did you disclose to him that you were white???? Why in the world would he have to disclose he's Black if you didn't have to disclose that you were white????

I have mixed feelings about this, and I happen to like, appreciate, and be attracted to men of all races. Before I go on, I'm a client, not a masseur or escort. I have hired many masseurs over the past 30 years and perhaps a handful of escorts, although I didn't find out until later that they were escorts (by seeing their escort ads after the fact).

 

For me, when there's a monetary transaction afoot, information is relevant. I don't like yellow, so I wouldn't buy a yellow car or shirt or comforter.

 

Revealing one's race (or weight or height or amount of body hair) is relevant in this sort of monetary transaction.

 

Way back in the days of AOL and the tangential chat rooms and buddy lists, I ventured into the risky young world of online hookups. I was having a great online conversation with a guy who sounded ideal for me at the time. We shared all our personal stats and sexual likes; he was educated and communicated beautifully and was pushing all my buttons. We agreed on a time and place to meet. I drove out to the edge of a college campus in suburban Atlanta and saw the car he had described: a gold 280Z with dark-tinted windows. We pulled up next to each other. His window went down and I saw a handsome black man. I'm talking VERY handsome. He started talking and I couldn't tell you what he said. I was suddenly turned off, and it wasn't because he was a black man: It was because in all the minute details we had shared with each other while chatting on line, he had left that out. Maybe he was ashamed of it or afraid I would stop the chat, by default assuming I was racist. I pretty much told him that. It caused me to wonder about his integrity.

 

This might sound like a lot to consider for an online hookup, I realize, and today, 25 years later, I might handle it differently.

Well, thank you all for your responses, even the one's that i disagree with. The responses to the thread have been eye opening. My thinking is: while I personally would never run my business in a discriminatory fashion, people have the right to be the kind of person they want to be and run their business however they wish. However, I do think that if masseurs/providers only want to work on certain types of clients, then they should own that entirely and put it in their ads so that the time of perspective clients is not wasted. Let people know how you run your business so they can decide if they want to proceed with you or not. I'm mortified reading stories about clients being turned away at the door or being treated in a very indecent way due to ...not preferences but they are actually prejudices. Let's call it what it is. I do hope they seek to give their business to those who appreciate it and are deserving.

Thank you! It looks terrible.

Hi all,

I’m planning to go to Palm Springs and I have a regular hotel that I stay at while I’m there but it’s kind of gone down hill and I’m looking for an alternative . I’m wondering if anyone has a hotel recommendation that is not a gay resort. I would also like it to be a place where my guests won’t have to check in at a front desk and also won’t stand out —privacy and discretion

PS I wasn’t sure if this was the correct forum to put it in so please forgive if it isn’t.

I have two that are clients. Like a nerd, I don't pay much attention to the celebrity world so I didnt even realize who they are until about my 3rd or 4th time working on them.

This is a side job to my career job. None of my friends or acquaintances are aware I do massage on the side. When you share any information about anything, it leaves it vulnerable to other people's opinions which is why I keep most things to myself.

If you begin to have more negative feelings about the business than positive ones, then it's time to put your energy into something else that does make you happier than this business does.

Just to through out there too that some want to only see older white clients because they ignorantly think that's the secret to making money.

Which is so ignorant because let me just say this....the guy who gave me the most money to this very day, is a tall, black man who was an executive for a football team who flew me to Arizona for a week. I have never made as much money in a week as I did with him...and I'm just going to leave that there.

I think that’s a fair assumption. Most masseurs like white guys over people of color

I don't think you know "most masseurs" to make that kind of generalization/insult; and as half Black/half White masseur, I can tell you that it certainly doesn't apply to me. I prefer clients who treat me with respect and generosity. Truly! I may gravitate towards certain types in my personal life but I certainly don't discrimante and when it comes to my clients, the amount of melanin, or lack of it in your skin makes no difference to me.

I usually stop after 11:00.. I don't take anyone after that. Ive made a couple of exceptions that is for my a couple of clients who made it worthwhile. Otherwise, there are more weirdos after 11:00 and in the wee hours and you leave yourself more vulnerable to those who are askew if you work those hours

WTF?!! I couldn't imagine treating a client or prospective client like that. When I book a client I have no idea what their ethnic background is (unless they have an accent)and I couldn't care less. It doesn't even cross my mind.

It sounds like you dodged a couple of bullets because they sound like they are not only terrible business men but also awful/ugly human beings.... and that's that on that.

I'm not an escort. But the several times I've hired one, I always informed them that I was black. Just wanted them to know ahead of time, people have silly hang ups and if it's an issue for them I rather they tell me upfront & I won't waste my time & money on poor service. Also don't want to meet up & then get rejected.

 

While I haven't booked anyone for their full service, (just massage and some extras,) I have experienced a couple providers either ghosting me after I told them I'm black or all of sudden "need to reschedule" to a time I said I wouldn't be available. One instance the provider told me he wouldn't be attracted to me and that it wouldn't work out without some level of attraction. Another told me "You can find another escort." It's disheartening just until I delete text thread, then I move on.

Maybe it's just like that here in MN ??‍♂️

This week a client who happens to be White asked me if I would take him (Im a massuer) even though he is a white client...and he was serious.....(most of my clients happen to be white so of course I took him). Then a Black client yesterday also asked me the same thing...So here I have white guy and a Black asking me if I'll discriminate against them.....Is this really a thing? Why would I? Do clients think I care how much or how little melanin is in their skin? Am I in the twilight zone? Was this just a coincidence? Is this happening to others? What in the hell is going on out there?

Everywhere you go, it's going to be saturated. My suggestion would be to Just focus on where you will thrive regardless. I live in Los Angeles and when I've traveled, I've done really well in places that were surprising to me so just travel a bit, explore and go where your business gets the best response.

Everyone is different. I have had requests and i don't mind them.

Both times I've traveled, I lucked out because both clients pitched an offer I thought was fair and it spared any need for negotiation. I'm so glad it worked out for the both of you and that you both agreed on a number you thought was fair. I hope you have a blast!

For me, being a gentleman goes a very long way! Sounds simple but not everyone has that quality. My favorite experience was going to Phoenix. He was a gentleman, thoughtful, just a very sweet human being. He was a retired football player so he did not look like who you would think would be sweet but he was, and he gave me more money than anyone ever has in a week. I’ll never forget him!

Anywhere you go there will be pros and cons. I live in Los Angeles and feel so at home here. I'm originally from Colorado and I think Denver is great as well. You may want to consider Chicago or Philadelphia.I think you are approaching it the right way, by spending extended periods of time and seeing where you will feel most at home and where your business will perform well.

I’m writing this just because something happened that reminded me how vulnerable we all are. I’m a masseur and I had a client, I hadn’t worked on before come and see me. He visited again about a week and a half later, and this time after the session he tells me that he thought his partner was cheating on him, and he went through his phone and discovered that his partner is a client of mine as well because he saw the scheduled appointments with my business phone number. They seem to keep their sessions with me a secret. That guy is harmless but he could’ve been a jealous maniac and it could’ve gone another way. I have instincts about people and experiences that have served me well and really kept me from dangerous situations and people but it’s always good to be reminded that we are vulnerable human beings. Just wanted to share in case anyone needed this reminder.

Hi guys,

So I really, really really want to do a work trip in Sydney,Australia for a week next fall. No anchor client but I just really want to go. I figure worst case scenario its a vacation in a destination I've always wanted to see but I would love to see clients as well. Has anyone here been? Any tips? Precautions? Recommendations?