Realalist

In a good way or bad way because he has been on my radar for months!!!!

Literally everything you said is how I feel. I'm not attracted at all to the type pf guys that I attract so hiring is really my only option at the moment. Opting for body worship with my clothes on has also been my go to as it gives me control to be satisfied without feeling too vulnerable. We could be twins.

Damn damn damn. I can't argue with that. If I'm not upfront with them, despite my embarrassment, I could set myself up for the very thing I'm trying to prevent.

I am not trying to offend anyone or diminish escorts as people, but from my perspective it is kind of strange for escorts to treat clients like they would a dating app hookup.
 
I view hiring as completely different from hookups in the same way I view hookups as completely different from dating and dating different from being in a relationship.
 
It just seems like the nature of the beast that escorts will get clients they are not necessarily attracted to and would not have sex with in their personal lives. Part of the professionalism is overlooking that and trying to give everyone a good time.
 
For me personally, my only concerns when hiring are me being clean and having fun. I do not want the extra anxiety of having the door slammed in my face because my lack of six pack does not get the escort’s motor revving.
 
Of course escorts are people and can do whatever they want and should be allowed to.
This is just an outsider’s perspective.
 
As a final note, I am a bear who is equally DTF jocks and other bears not to mention white and attracted to people of other races and ethnicities. It is important to examine your own prejudices and make sure your dick is not getting hard because you are not attracted to certain types of people or whether society has dictated whom you should fuck and taught you to feel shame for your desires (that is for civilians and escorts alike!)

I'm not sure about that... jocks might be attracted to other jocks but bears are usually attracted to guys who in good shape.

The idea that it's not fair having to bring it up sounds like a worthy topic, but if you let that issue put your hiring life on hold, then maybe you should ask yourself "what do I really want." Thankfully there is some great advice above from guys that understand how you can get the satisfaction you are looking for. Kudos for being willing to ask.

All kinds of people should inform an escort ahead of time of certain limitations, physical, mental, emotional. I have had only a few bad experiences in years of hiring. Those bad experiences happened when I did not give and get all the information needed to have a great experience. So to avoid a hurtful rejection, be clear in what you want and give an accurate description of yourself. I am a big man and I usually just tell the escort I am fat fifty something and fun. If they want more details, and they usually do not, I let them know.

@Realalist, I think many of fear the rejection. In the ten years I've been pursuing this hobby, I've realized that I'm not going to have a mind-blowing experience if I don't go outside of my comfort zone and reach out to someone whose ad has me interested.
 
When hiring someone for the first time, whether for an escort or massage experience, I include a brief bio about myself. I like to think it helps a provider understand my sincerity in the potential hire and also politely decline the opportunity if he's not comfortable with my stats. (It also helps for some masseurs planning our session if they have tables with weight limitations that might not support us both if that is part of the masseur's technique.) Last week while vacationing, the communication went like this:
 
"Hi Bob, I'm Sam and I saw your ad on xxxxx. I'm looking for an erotic massage tonight in Ft. Lauderdale and was hoping you would have an open appointment. I'm looking for a 90 minute session at my hotel/your place. About me: I'm 55, 5'10", 330, DDF and on PrEP."
 
I will get one of three responses and an occasional no reply.
 
(1) Thanks Sam, I'm available at 9p tonight.
(2) Thanks for the interest Sam. Sorry, I'm booked tonight. Would you be interested in tomorrow?
(3) Thanks for the interest. I'm sorry, I'm not available.
 
I would say 70% of the time, I receive either reply #1 or #2. So I find that by narrowing my selection to advertisers that list their age as over 30 (sometimes I drop it to 25) helps reduce the quantity of no responses.
 
Last week, I contacted five first-time providers. The results of my five inquiries were:
 
3 - yes, let's book. (I actually scheduled time with two, the third could only meet while I had dinner plans with friends)
1 - sorry, I'm moving tomorrow and need to finishing packing. How about next week?
1 - no reply
 
For the two appointments I actually had with first time providers for erotic massage, one was satisfactory and the second was unbelievably wonderful.
 
I hope sharing how I approach it, will make things a little less anxious for you.

What a great thread with info that can lead you to a win-win experience. Realalist, you did not specifically say what type of encounter you seek, but if you want a longer session with more affection and personal attention offered to you, I recommend you select a provider over 30. No guarantees, but some maturity increases the likelihood you have a socially adaptable companion capable of getting over himself and his needs and wants to satisfy you. Plenty of guys find satisfaction in making you happy.
 
Now if it's just a hot romp across the sheets for an hour or two, any compatible stud will work..... age, weight, or whatever be damned.

Fat guy here too. Not much experience with men, only began to hire in 2015, also older (60's). I communicate that to potential hires.
 
I'm happy to say that the majority of my few hires have looked beyond appearance, and have been great to me, making me feel special, and so much better about myself when leaving than when I arrived. Unfortunately, a couple of times, it didn't happen, despite all the glowing reviews they had (YMMV).
 
Don't blame, or fear a bad experience based on your appearance. We're all human. Sometimes, we're Just not a good match, or it's chemistry, or a bad day, or you were at the end of long line of other guys that day. Know yourself, and be comfortable with your choice of whom to hire when you're ready.

Another thing you might want to consider is when you read reviews here of escorts who you might be interested in hiring is pay SPECIAL ATTENTION to how the reviewers describe themselves. I have always looked for reviews written by guys closer to my own age rather than those written by thirty year old studs. You might want to look for reviews written by reviewers who self describe themselves as heavy. Thus if a reviewer who describes himself as heavy praises the escort there is a good shot that the escort will likely relate well to you. Just a suggestion.

I’ve hired escorts when I was fat and I’ve hired escorts when I had a six pack.
 
Guess what....I had better experiences when I was fat.
 
I‘m sure the reasons are myriad....including the escorts’ brains being as fickle
and screwed up as mine. Yes, I’ve had great (and bad) experiences regardless
of my body, but my batting average of “incredible” hires was higher when I was
fat.
 
Now get that self defeating crap out of your head. Get of there. And ”Play Ball”!

I'm also a fat guy (I own the word) who has navigated the same choppy waters as you. The key for me, both in dating and hiring, began with accepting myself just as I was/am and you can't get there with an "if only" mentality. It starts today, not after you've lost 100 lbs or anything else. As for dating, you should try sites such as biggercity or chasabl where you will be welcome and fully embraced. I like to swim in a pool of friendly fish.
 
The same goes for hiring escorts. I'm a realist. While I'm comfortable in my own skin, I also understand there are lots of guys who have "preferences" regarding size, age. race, etc. By putting it out there first, you can almost guarantee a good hire. Why should you have to? You don't. It just makes sense if you want a satisfactory experience. As was mentioned, there are a number of escorts who state that they are open to all shapes and sizes. Another way of vetting is to peruse daddy's reviews and look at the comments. Some of the guys that I have hired had glowing comments from gentlemen of size. There's even one guy, who I've yet to hire, who states clearly that his speciality is obese men (https://rent.men/MikeGaite/). All this to say that there are options available to you. Just open the door and walk through. Good luck.

Isn't the reason for hiring guys is to relieve yourself from the fear of rejection? Think of it as a service. You hire a guy to perform certain acts for pleasure. Trust, there are guys out there who are willing to perform a service for $$.

Realalist, I have definitely been in your shoes as a formerly overweight person, and you should feel under no obligation to be anything but yourself. I have had plenty of nasty rejections in the dating scene because of my weight (but also because of my beard and foreskin), but honestly nothing has ever come up for me when hiring an escort. All those guys have been understanding and accepting, and one of the reasons I have hired in the past is to take the stress out of sex, to not feel like I had to be someone else to make the other person happy.
 
I think you should feel comfortable acting on your fantasies, and while you are under no obligation to disclose your personal appearance (and no one should ever feel pressured to do that I think), it seems for your own mental well being you should in the initial conversation with the escort. That way they can set your worries to rest and you can set expectations together without your anxieties weighing you down.
 
Good luck! And please remember, there are a lot of racist and fatphobic people in the world. Some one will always find a reason to look down on you and reject you. But they are just a bunch of fuckheads and have no actual say in your worth as a person.

1. Get out of your head... you are creating your own dismal reality.... the dating world is definitely cruel, and tough, but paying for a service may be a bit different.
 
2. Appreciate your life and take control of it (work on it). Please seek some therapy to help you on the inside, and also work on yourself on the outside too. You’re still young. You can lose the weight, gain confidence and live your best life.
 
to be quite honest, being overweight, black, and gay, is a lot to handle.... at the least, you can change one of them. Focus on yourself, only place yourself in situations that make you feel good about yourself, and take the time to affirm to yourself daily that you deserve the best for yourself while putting in the work.
 
3. If you’re seeking a service provider, just be clear of your weight and race (yes I said it.. because people do have biases ... (oops I meant “preferences”....)... anywho, if a provider turns away your hard -earned money, then find one who won’t and will give you the service you deserve.
 
4. And finally.... convince yourself that you do not give a fuck about what anyone else thinks about you... even if you have to record yourself saying that and play it on some headphones.... Not giving a fuck about others opinions, views or judgments is the most liberating thing you can do in life... and it will make you happy as can be!!!

@Realalist I wasn't going to comment, but I can only echo what @Epigonos said. You are entitled not to tell a potential hire anything about yourself, but if you don't you'll be on tenterhooks wondering if they'll turn you away. Many will say any age, race or body shape, but unless you've told them about yourself, you'll still harbour thoughts that it might have just been their advertising pitch. I now make a point of telling guys I want to hire how old I am, and also that I live in a small town so if I'm going to meet it won't be 'now' but when I'm in their city. Most responses are positive on both counts. I realise it's easy for me to say this and harder for you to accept it, and I had similar reservations. But in my trips to the US I have hired some incredible men whom I would have thought would turn their noses up at me. They didn't.

Realist you need to understand that you don’t have to do anything. When you state that, “Nobody else has to inform escorts of their physical attributes beforehand, so why should I?” you are correct. Nobody has to, HOWEVER, many of us DO simply to avoid embarrassing situations later. I have been hiring escorts, on a regular basis, for over fifteen years and I ALWAYS describe myself in our early communication. I am especially careful to include my age, soon to be 79, so if the escort happens to be an ageist he can opt out of meeting me early. In all of my years hiring only one escort ceased communicating with me upon knowing my age. Your refusal to mention your weight to a potential hire is a serious, silly mistake. By not doing so you create a situation where you are terribly nervous and up tight about how the escort will react when you meet. Additionally you set yourself up for disappointment if the escorts happens to be weight conscience. COMMUNICATE and stop feeling that by doing so you are being forced to do something the rest of us aren’t.

I’ve had a few overweight clients and knew immediately from their RentMen bios. I don’t think you should feel discourage or anxious to reach out and get the experience you want. If a guy isn’t comfortable meeting then that just isn’t the guy for you! I’m sure you can find someone lovely if you just initiate contact

Be gentle with me because I'm sharing something that I can't share anywhere else that's rather personal for me.
 
I'm a tall mid-30's overweight black man that probably spends more time on RM than any other site. I often fantasize about having an amazing experience with a hot guy to at least somewhat makeup for the disaster that is a my dating life. The problem is that I experience a great deal of anxiety trying to hire someone because of my weight. I've had a number of bad experiences in the free dating world because of my weight and I always feel like that experience will be similar with an escort. Mostly I tend to choose less attractive escorts to mitigate some damage but I feel so ridiculous passing up hot guys I can afford because of this fear. I just want to feel wanted and validated. Does anyone else share these feelings?

Be gentle with me because I'm sharing something that I can't share anywhere else that's rather personal for me.
 
I'm a tall mid-30's overweight black man that probably spends more time on RM than any other site. I often fantasize about having an amazing experience with a hot guy to at least somewhat makeup for the disaster that is a my dating life. The problem is that I experience a great deal of anxiety trying to hire someone because of my weight. I've had a number of bad experiences in the free dating world because of my weight and I always feel like that experience will be similar with an escort. Mostly I tend to choose less attractive escorts to mitigate some damage but I feel so ridiculous passing up hot guys I can afford because of this fear. I just want to feel wanted and validated. Does anyone else share these feelings?

Be gentle with me because I'm sharing something that I can't share anywhere else that's rather personal for me.
 
I'm a tall mid-30's overweight black man that probably spends more time on RM than any other site. I often fantasize about having an amazing experience with a hot guy to at least somewhat makeup for the disaster that is a my dating life. The problem is that I experience a great deal of anxiety trying to hire someone because of my weight. I've had a number of bad experiences in the free dating world because of my weight and I always feel like that experience will be similar with an escort. Mostly I tend to choose less attractive escorts to mitigate some damage but I feel so ridiculous passing up hot guys I can afford because of this fear. I just want to feel wanted and validated. Does anyone else share these feelings?

You really nailed it. This problem is definitely more me than the escorts themselves. I think I'll take the easy way out and just tell them upfront to spare myself the perceived embarrassment. I'm truly a mess but damn if I didn't appreciate being able to talk about this.

I think I really like this idea. Thank you.

I share those same feelings. I would've hired twice this week alone if it wasn't for my fear.