Rudynate

I don't doubt that it's an extremely erotic experience, but the practice carries a very high risk of potentially fatal arrhythmia. And I even recognize that a top's skill level may mitigate the risk. The problem is that I'm not aware of any certification programs that guarantee that a top has the skill level necessary to keep a bottom out of ventricular tachycardia. So, unless the bottom knows his top pretty well, he's taking his life in his hands doing breath play.

A fatal arrhythmia is a more likely possibility.

Many years ago, I had a FB and we did a lot of wrestling and gut-punching. I really enjoyed it. I've never done it since though.

Fear of intimacy.

I would . I actually did hire him but could't keep the appointment because I came down with a bad cold and didn't want to expose him to my cooties.

The low heart rate (sinus bradycardia) could be caused by the hypertension. A cardiology consult wouldn't be a bad idea for you. I have cardiovascular disease on both sides of my family. I see a preventive cardiologist. So far so good. At my current age, my father had hypertension, had had several heart attacks, congestive heart failure and kidney disease. No sign of any of those so far.

There's even a name for it: post-finasteride syndrome. There are online support groups for it.

Right- spongey boners can be from estradiol that's too high.

I tried "passion," "bliss" and "sleep." The "sleep" made me very sleepy, but also got me really high, so I coudn't go to sleep. "Passion" definitely did help me really get into sex. "Bliss" also did, but I felt hung over the next day from it.

It used to, but not any more. It used to give me unnaturally hard boners . I liked the rock-hard boners but not the reduced sensation. But, at some point, my system must have adjusted to it and the effect felt completely natural. I generally take a long time to come, but sildenafil doesn't have any effect on that either way.

That fact that there's a question at all means that the balance sheet is not favorable. If it were working, he would just be enjoying it and wouldn't think to ask for others' opinions.

I like museums in small doses, e.g. going to look at a particular collection or exhibit- in and out in an hour or less. Honestly, I've never taken much notice of the men. I will make it a point to.

If you aren't getting a thing from the friendship, the answer is obvious. But the answer to the question of whether or not you are getting anything from the relationship may not be so obvious. Even though you find the relationship burdensome, you may have a stake in the relationship because it validates your self-image in some way, for example. Or the friendship is a useful distraction, etc. etc

I'm only guessing, but if the provider, when he sees a text from the client, says to himself, "Not him again, it's the third time this week" or some such, that could be a sign that a burdensome attachment is developing. And I imagine the determination would be fairly nuanced. Personal trainers and psychotherapists, for example, like certain clients better than they like others. Does that mean that the less popular client is being taken advantage of or that the provider should dump his less appealing clients? I don't know. In my entire career, I have fired three clients. To me that seems like a lot. My mentor, in his entire career, might have fired one client and that was only after a lot of soul-searching.

True. There are so many clients who want to "rescue" their providers. Never mind the fact that the provider may be making 6 figures. or is comfortably self-financing a graduate education, travels the world and enjoys an enviable degree of autonomy. There's a hypocrisy at work there, that escorting is something the provider needs to be rescued from. But if the provider needs rescuing, so does the client. Without clients, there wouldn't be escorts.

It's time for a re-frame. We keep using the word "crush" for this relationship. But, to me anyway, a crush is an infatuation. It's a distraction, but substantially harmless. But more and more, the conversation is drifting in the direction of an obsessive type of codependency in which you are looking for the provider to fix you or to complete you. If I were a provider, and I felt that sort of attachment developing with a client, for my own sanity, I would shut it down.

I first encountered it in a gay bar in Rochester in the 70s.

That's so true. Often, when people talk about being friends, what they really mean is being "friendly."

No.

Ahhhhhh- Jewish guys. They're such men.

There's an important "gotcha" with the premiums- they're means-based, so if you are on Medicare and still working, you may have to pay a higher premium. I feel like I'm paying three times for Medicare-I've been paying into it for my entire life, a portion of my self-employment tax goes to medicare and I pay an increased monthly premium because of my income.

Shutting it down means you do whatever it takes to end it, including leaving. There may be a heavy behavioral component in managing one's feelings. It isn't all an inside job.

There's so much at stake that you're stuck.

No. You can control your feelings. If you're developing a crush on him, it's because you're letting it happen. Having a crush on a provider isn't such a bad thing, but don't be a victim of your own feelings. If you don't want to have a crush on him, shut it down, now.