Throw the hook

Did not go. Its rough. But I did the right thing. 

Did not go. Its rough. But I did the right thing. 

Ive known this escort 5 years total. Weve been real good friends for 2 years. See each other once a month. Ive really developed a real caring about him. He got injured in a scuffle and I flew out to his city to be there for him. My problem is this------at times Id say "Bless you for being you and for our lasting friendship.",,,we have exchanged the "love " word often. BUT i am older and sometimes when I initiate the sex, it upsets him that I just am not totally "ready"---sprung.....He interprets that to mean Im not physically attracted to him......NOT true but I need a little touching, feeling, deep kissing. you know...stumulation, but he doesnt like to do that I guess. If he'd just PARTICIPATE, Im fine. He'll "forever and always." to statements Id make. He says I love you...Ive been there for him in issues of substances. Ive given him lots of things, gifts etc cuz I love the guy...Id really try to make it lasting.. BUT always pay everything. I know Im a client but my birthday was last week...He called sure but not even a card! He has said...you are the best ting I have in my life,,,,Of course I melt...Our deep friendship is that type I could follow as a real love. Once again Im older...hes 27. BUT when we are together doing something, its like we can read each others mind. There are a few times when id iniatiate sex and hed get so upset that hed run out of the shower or off the couch cuz he thought I was making him uncomfortable. he wont say why. Im a lost puppy. I pay the fee regardless. but  he would never come back around and be tender, caressing...treat me like a special guy

I know it’s hard bro, but you did the right thing.
It will get easier with time. 
And when you’re ready, jump back in the saddle.
There’s hundreds of the good guys who can’t wait to meet a man like you!

Did not go. Its rough. But I did the right thing. 

Did not go. Its rough. But I did the right thing. 

Did not go. Its rough. But I did the right thing. 

Did not go. Its rough. But I did the right thing. 

Did not go. Its rough. But I did the right thing. 

Now, go out and get yourself completely and thoroughly laid.   That will go a long way in getting this episode behind you.  

Did not go. Its rough. But I did the right thing. 

Did not go. Its rough. But I did the right thing. 

Did not go. Its rough. But I did the right thing. 

Did not go. Its rough. But I did the right thing. 

Cutie, you are so correct ! Its not simple and you hit in on the head with me developing  my formative experiences. I was too closeted and only now.....so thanks  for the understanding. Im going out there in 10 days. ( I know,,,,why??) Its like I want to see what he says now...where he doesnt know Ive seen the light.........So Ill see.....funny, I am quite at peace and I am happy I was such a help to someone in need . I paid alot of stuff for him etc....some therapy, lots of "tokens of my appreciation)" but I can justify it helping someone in real severe neeed....but then the truth hurts. MAN I never in my life would have  thought I would have been  so blind.....

I am in my 60s. I know. I should stick my head in a bucket of water ! and drown
I feel like he needs me. BUT the most recent 3 days...I paid 1500 per night and he freeked out  on me the first night when he would not touch me or initiate affection cuz I wasnt hard IMMEDIATELY....then then next 2 there was NO sexual interaction. He just smoked. You know as I am telling this...I feel like an idiot. 
When someone says he loves me....O well....I feel like a high school kid telling this. 
 

Cutie, you are so correct ! Its not simple and you hit in on the head with me developing  my formative experiences. I was too closeted and only now.....so thanks  for the understanding. Im going out there in 10 days. ( I know,,,,why??) Its like I want to see what he says now...where he doesnt know Ive seen the light.........So Ill see.....funny, I am quite at peace and I am happy I was such a help to someone in need . I paid alot of stuff for him etc....some therapy, lots of "tokens of my appreciation)" but I can justify it helping someone in real severe neeed....but then the truth hurts. MAN I never in my life would have  thought I would have been  so blind.....

Cutie, you are so correct ! Its not simple and you hit in on the head with me developing  my formative experiences. I was too closeted and only now.....so thanks  for the understanding. Im going out there in 10 days. ( I know,,,,why??) Its like I want to see what he says now...where he doesnt know Ive seen the light.........So Ill see.....funny, I am quite at peace and I am happy I was such a help to someone in need . I paid alot of stuff for him etc....some therapy, lots of "tokens of my appreciation)" but I can justify it helping someone in real severe neeed....but then the truth hurts. MAN I never in my life would have  thought I would have been  so blind.....

Ive known this escort 5 years total. Weve been real good friends for 2 years. See each other once a month. Ive really developed a real caring about him. He got injured in a scuffle and I flew out to his city to be there for him. My problem is this------at times Id say "Bless you for being you and for our lasting friendship.",,,we have exchanged the "love " word often. BUT i am older and sometimes when I initiate the sex, it upsets him that I just am not totally "ready"---sprung.....He interprets that to mean Im not physically attracted to him......NOT true but I need a little touching, feeling, deep kissing. you know...stumulation, but he doesnt like to do that I guess. If he'd just PARTICIPATE, Im fine. He'll "forever and always." to statements Id make. He says I love you...Ive been there for him in issues of substances. Ive given him lots of things, gifts etc cuz I love the guy...Id really try to make it lasting.. BUT always pay everything. I know Im a client but my birthday was last week...He called sure but not even a card! He has said...you are the best ting I have in my life,,,,Of course I melt...Our deep friendship is that type I could follow as a real love. Once again Im older...hes 27. BUT when we are together doing something, its like we can read each others mind. There are a few times when id iniatiate sex and hed get so upset that hed run out of the shower or off the couch cuz he thought I was making him uncomfortable. he wont say why. Im a lost puppy. I pay the fee regardless. but  he would never come back around and be tender, caressing...treat me like a special guy

I admire your kindness and care for someone else. In my opinion, the kindest thing that you can do for him now is to let him go. You are at peace and happy and aware. Have fun with the next guys that you choose to meet.

Ok I will

You're sure not the first person who got involved with the wrong guy.  Spend an evening at the Grand Ole Opry and you'll hear dozens.  Some folks seem to chase the heartache and you may be attracted to it.  It would be good to have a discussion with a therapist and figure out if you want to change and how to go about it.
This particular guy you're involved with is presenting a different problem.  You will never know whether you're talking with him or with the drugs.  My suggestion would be to ask him to get back in touch with you when he's clean and sober.  If you never hear from him again, you'll at least be free to find someone to take his place.
I admire your efforts to help him get off drugs.  Please don't beat yourself up.  You're not a professional and that's what he needs.  In my opinion, your $1500 is better spent elsewhere and losing that income and your company may help him wake up.
Best wishes to both of you!

Cutie, you are so correct ! Its not simple and you hit in on the head with me developing  my formative experiences. I was too closeted and only now.....so thanks  for the understanding. Im going out there in 10 days. ( I know,,,,why??) Its like I want to see what he says now...where he doesnt know Ive seen the light.........So Ill see.....funny, I am quite at peace and I am happy I was such a help to someone in need . I paid alot of stuff for him etc....some therapy, lots of "tokens of my appreciation)" but I can justify it helping someone in real severe neeed....but then the truth hurts. MAN I never in my life would have  thought I would have been  so blind.....

Cutie, you are so correct ! Its not simple and you hit in on the head with me developing  my formative experiences. I was too closeted and only now.....so thanks  for the understanding. Im going out there in 10 days. ( I know,,,,why??) Its like I want to see what he says now...where he doesnt know Ive seen the light.........So Ill see.....funny, I am quite at peace and I am happy I was such a help to someone in need . I paid alot of stuff for him etc....some therapy, lots of "tokens of my appreciation)" but I can justify it helping someone in real severe neeed....but then the truth hurts. MAN I never in my life would have  thought I would have been  so blind.....

Cutie, you are so correct ! Its not simple and you hit in on the head with me developing  my formative experiences. I was too closeted and only now.....so thanks  for the understanding. Im going out there in 10 days. ( I know,,,,why??) Its like I want to see what he says now...where he doesnt know Ive seen the light.........So Ill see.....funny, I am quite at peace and I am happy I was such a help to someone in need . I paid alot of stuff for him etc....some therapy, lots of "tokens of my appreciation)" but I can justify it helping someone in real severe neeed....but then the truth hurts. MAN I never in my life would have  thought I would have been  so blind.....