FaustOust

It seems there are some providers who will accept PayPal, Venmo, CashApp, or other money transfer services. Are others finding this convenient or do most people still use cash?

Does anyone have any experience with or can recommend a duo who would travel well together with a client? Any advice on how to secure such an arrangement?

I appreciate your responses in helping me put this situation in perspective. Sometimes, one feels like he is hiring in a vacuum. The providers usually have more experience generally in the hiring situations than I have, and I can easily be gaslighted into believing that I am either being unreasonable or that their behavior and expectations are quite the norm, as they take advantage of my mindset that I am fortunate to have them or as they exploit my avoidance of conflict out of fear they will move on.

I normally get up between 7 and 7:30AM. I don’t think that is particularly early. I don’t expect that he get up at 7, but he usually sleeps until about 10 or 10:30, goes to the gym and we might not start our time together until noon or even 1 o’clock. Sometimes I go out or exercise myself and return to him still asleep. Never has he awoken before me. We did discuss this, but it never occurred to me that I should have to put him on an hourly schedule. Of course, I agreed that he should be able to sleep at night and have personal time in the gym, but I didn’t think that personal time would consistently take up an entire morning.

I normally get up between 7 and 7:30AM. I don’t think that is particularly early. I don’t expect that he get up at 7, but he usually sleeps until about 10 or 10:30, goes to the gym and we might not start our time together until noon or even 1 o’clock. Sometimes I go out or exercise myself and return to him still asleep. Never has he awoken before me. We did discuss this, but it never occurred to me that I should have to put him on an hourly schedule. Of course, I agreed that he should be able to sleep at night and have personal time in the gym, but I didn’t think that personal time would consistently take up an entire morning.

I have hired a provider to go away with me, and we have done a few weekend trips together previously. When we travel together, I find that he sleeps in every day and upon waking leaves to spend hours at the gym or wherever. He usually says he’ll be right back, but I may not see him for hours until the afternoon, which troubles me as a morning person. He told me that I should know that he needs his personal time. Although I recognize that when traveling people may need time on their own or may need to attend to things, but if he got up earlier maybe half the day (which he is charging me for) wouldn’t be lost with his sleeping and exercise, especially on a trip that only lasts a weekend. Is this a reasonable expectation? Is he just trying to spend as little time with me as he thinks he can get away with while enjoying a free vacation? How should I broach the subject further or should I just move on?

Yes, it is a huge leap to think that, because @MeatHead wasn’t talking about Irish ghettos in New York or European Jewish ghettos. It was clear to whom he was referring and why he chose that reference in the context of his comment about “hood people.” He knew he was talking about Black people and how to convey it. His own race is irrelevant to that. The etymology of “ghetto” is merely a history lesson that might explain how it evolved to current usage, but @MeatHead was obviously not using the word in an historical context as that would be nonsensical.

No, it’s a coded dog whistle. Everyone knows of whom you speak without you mentioning race. That’s why the word works to convey the sense you feel you can’t say. You can thereby back out of it semantically when called on it. If you were simply speaking of behavior and nothing else, like drinking in the street and fighting, you wouldn’t have categorized the type of people, in your view, engaging in the behavior, let alone call them “hood people.” You would just describe the behavior. You chose not to do that and instead refer to where you thought they were from as being the hood or ghetto for one obvious reason — to convey a more powerful image, a racially loaded image, of the people without you having to say it explicitly.

“Crowded with hood people” sounds like it’s just a euphemism for there were too many Black people present for your comfort level at what you expected to be an almost exclusively white gathering — which many Pride celebrations are.

Although I am sure they are being truthful in your case, that is something escorts say to clients. Addressing the client as “Handsome” is Escorting 101. It can also be a way of not having to recall your name in that moment.

Do they know your real name?

How important to you is eye contact during sex? I like it, particularly in a position that lends itself to eye contact, but I have noticed that some guys, even then, close their eyes or look elsewhere. I remember once when a guy ordered me to look him in the eyes as I was blowing him. It was very hot. I think eye contact can be used to turn up the heat in a situation, and I am surprised how many guys seem like they are drifting off somewhere else with their eyes shut or looking somewhere else while doing the deed.

There have been a couple of occasions, either following several hours or overnight together, I have asked a provider, “What is your name?” or “Is such and such your real name?” On one of those occasions, one told me he was not willing to share his name yet, and on the other, the provider just said that he had an uncommon first name and would rather not say. In each of those cases, I respected their wishes not to reveal their first names to me and didn’t pressure. I said something like “oh I understand, no problem,” and dropped it. In each of those cases, the guy knew my real name and in one case, he could have known both my given name and surname. However, I am not sure why, but after having established what seemed to be a connection with someone, I wanted to call them by their real name — rather than a pseudonym or a screen name. Is this a reasonable desire — or is everyone, clients and providers, just sharing fake names with one another as part of some invented identity for escorting? Do people know the real identities of their regulars? For me, it seems to have been a one way street, where I have not hidden my name or even facts about my life, but the escort won’t be equally as honest or forthcoming.

Many have been in this hobby long enough to notice shifts —some subtle, some seismic. And lately, I’ve found myself wondering: where is this all going? I don’t just mean how or where we find escorts (though that’s changed too over time), but what the whole dynamic even means anymore. Is the traditional client-escort relationship evolving? Is it at risk? There’s a lot packed in there that individually may have been points of discussion , but as far as macro-impact, a few trends and questions have been on my mind: Has digital replaced desire? With OnlyFans, X (Twitter), and other platforms offering endless virtual engagement, are fewer guys actually booking in-person time? And if so—why? The BFE shift: Most escorts seem to offer some emotional connection as part of the package. Is that real, or just something to say in clever marketing? Pricing, professionalism, and polish: There’s been a definite rise in high-end presentation with online platforms such as OF, JFF, even among newcomers. Is the industry becoming more professional—or just more performative? Client anonymity and risk: With online visibility, reviews, and social platforms, is client confidentiality at risk? Legal and logistical concerns: Do current laws and payment platform crackdowns make this work harder to access and sustain for everyone involved? To fellow clients: Have your booking habits changed? Are you finding it easier or harder to connect meaningfully? To the escorts: How do you see your role changing? What are clients doing now that feels different from even 5 years ago?

You’re Not A Sex Worker — Stop Pretending To Be One WWW.HUFFPOST.COM “Inaccurately claiming to be a sex worker feels disrespectful to people who experience discrimination and... I stumbled across the above article about civilians appropriating the experience of sex workers for their own benefit. It seems to address the issue mostly among straight women, but is this a phenomenon in the gay community? I can’t imagine why someone would fake something like that. Are there men who want others to believe that they are or have been sex workers when in fact they were not? Does the appropriation of the experience of sex workers buy some sort of street cred in the gay community?

As primarily a bottom guy, I have wondered what makes a good top. When I was younger and less sexually experienced, I would call myself a top primarily until I experienced a great top who turned me on to being a bottom. Sometimes I associated exclusive tops with inexperience, as was my case. Does being a bottom make you a better top? I don’t think the reverse is true. So who are the best tops: exclusive tops who have never or only once bottomed; the truly versatile who are indifferent to topping or bottoming; or the bottom who maybe only rarely has performed as a top?

The inverse of this is can also be true. I think that for many escorts there is a rush in knowing that someone would pay $1,000 (or whatever sum) just to be in your presence naked. There is power, albeit fleeting, in inspiring that level of desire. It seems to me that the one receiving the money,and not the one paying, has the upper hand in the power dynamic, particularly at this level.

I think anyone can be asked their political affiliation; the real matter is whether one chooses to answer the question and the consequences for answering truthfully. I would take political affiliation in account for hiring if the provider’s extreme political views were already known to me or would potentially present danger, particularly for a BFE— for example, I would not go on a date with a known Nazi, or someone with Nazi tattoos, or someone who was any other avowed racial supremacist. Moreover, with that knowledge, I would find any sexual encounter with them repulsive.

FWIW, this is not a fully accurate statement. Extradition treaties apply to those indicted for a crime, which JLo has not been, not subpoenas, and she could not be “easily” subpoenaed. A subpoena to testify from a US court is technically only valid within a US jurisdiction with personal jurisdiction and cannot be effectively served in another foreign, sovereign state. However, the exception would be a US national in a foreign jurisdiction; and to compel that testimony a plaintiff or prosecutor has a very high bar to overcome. Those compelling testimony would have to demonstrate to the US court, under a statute enabling it to do so, that there was no other way to get information essential to the case but through this person’s testimony, and that without it the case could not be effectively prosecuted so as to have a miscarriage of justice. Only then could the US Court ask the foreign court with personal jurisdiction over JLo (through what are called Letters Rogatory) to serve the US subpoena. They likely would have to go through the process again to enforce it, if she chose to ignore the subpoena while she was abroad (although if she returned there could be penalties.) So leaving the country, for all intents and purposes, is actually a very effective way to avoid the risk of being compelled to testify in a case or certainly delay the eventuality of testifying considerably, because of the time and cost involved once a prosecutor met the very high bar of persuading a US court to ask a foreign court to intervene to serve a subpoena.

Do you ever feel like you’re a widget on an assembly line with popular providers and their schedules? Or with more experienced escorts, who have likely seen every situation, fielded every request, and are familiar with every scene, just a variable inserted in a formula, or a play in a playbook, or a fill-in-the-blank BFE?

Should one reasonably expect that a provider not check out Grindr while on a multi-hour, overnight, weekend, or extended appointment? There is something about it that makes me uncomfortable. I fear that he is distracted from his time with me and seeking to hook up while on my dime. Although, I don’t think I would feel the same way if he had to check email or texts. I just don’t feel that I should pay for his online cruising.

In the few years that I have hired regularly, I have been asked for a picture on more than several occasions before a first meeting. I provided a face pic reluctantly most of the times, especially if I was really interested in hiring the guy. I guess I allowed myself to be manipulated by my desire to be with someone who would otherwise be out of my league. I have even seen some in their RM ads say that they “ask for a pic like every other site.” So I never really have known what standard behavior was in this regard. Most have not asked for anything before meeting for the first time, but I do remember one that wanted a written description of myself (I assume to assess whether I was at least height and weight proportionate and of an acceptable race to him) and another who wanted to speak on the phone first, after we had texted. (I still don’t know what that accomplished because minutes before we met, he wanted me to send a selfie. I guess to see if I looked like my voice?) In each of those scenarios — sending a pic, writing a description, and scheduling a phone call — I felt like I was auditioning to be a client, which wasn’t a good feeling for me, especially because I probably would have felt that way in any case at our first meeting. Sending a picture particularly compounded my insecurity. At some level, I had thought that paying would relieve me from having to go through that. Fortunately for me, none of them declined to schedule the appointment after receiving my picture; although one later canceled at the last minute, after having scheduled days before. I am not sure if my pic had anything to do with that cancellation, but having sent it, I guess I will never really know for sure, as I have not tried to schedule again with that provider, even though he was well-reviewed. I also hired one guy who neither would send nor post a picture of his face out of privacy concerns. (Nor did he ask one of me.) I had promised myself never to hire someone whose face I could not see beforehand. He assured me that no one had ever rejected him. (I can’t imagine living in such a world!) Despite having sworn that I would expect a face picture either in an ad or have one sent to me after I had expressed serious interest in hiring, I relented and met him without having seen his face first, as he possessed other non-facial traits that I found to be quite desirous. I took the risk, and I was very pleased with his overall appearance. I know it’s not fair, but I don’t think that I should be judged by the same standard when I am the one paying. Otherwise, I should just try my luck for free.

I am considering hiring someone to come to NYC for a weekend with me. However, I realize there are many options among providers based in NYC. My experience in NYC with local providers has only been for a few hours at a time or an overnight, at most. It seems to be the maximum time that most advertise. Do local providers do all-weekend appointments in NYC? Or is it better, in my case, just to hire a regular to fly to NYC, if I am planning to be with one person for the weekend? The guy I am considering has been hired in NYC (he’s not someone I picked up at the local filling station) but is not based there. I am also open to the possibility that I am doing this all wrong, and, when in NYC, I should just line up multiple providers to construct the range of experiences that one could have in a single weekend BFE, thereby not even trying to hire one local to spend his entire weekend with me. (But that seems like a lot of work for me to discern and line-up someone for dinner, someone for f*cking, someone for the theatre, someone for conversation, etc.) I welcome your suggestions and experience.

It seems that with so many escorts in NYC and coming to NYC that competition would drive rates down, but there must be a commensurate increase in demand to keep rates so high or some externality artificially inflating price. At some point, the price will depress demand. (But I’m just an old Keynsian. What do I know?)

You’re absolutely right. It’s just like that.