SouthOfTheBorder

you’re making the case to make personal inquiries based on someones outward appearance & how you perceive them - because you’re curious and want to know more. by this logic - should we inquire about someone’s disability because we can see it and want to know more ? Or, is there some line that dictates we use tact and discretion ? the truth is you have no idea how a random stranger will react to your personal inquires about appearance & ethnicity - some will be ok and some won’t. Just like people with disabilities - some will be ok with it and some won’t. So why go there ? do you also ask heavy women if they’re pregnant ? I mean - maybe you’re curious about that too. I’ve actually witnessed someone do this to a women who was not pregnant - at a client/vendor lunch. Want to create an awkward situation very fast, try that. Personal invasive questions that can create awkward situations are bad manners and indicate poor social skills. Find a more interesting & intelligent line of conversation. Comments about appearance are lazy & dated.

Old, white, angry & watching way too much television. Usually speak in dated terminology that’s more akin to talking points. There’s no reasoning with this crowd as they’re angry at everyone/everything/everywhere. Usually angry for their own poor life choices and not happy with current circumstances - they hate change & fight it all day long. Anger rules the day above all else. I saw the same exact thing happen to my parents up close & personal. It’s a disease of the mind manifested in vitriol & anger. It’s a life lesson not to turn out like these people. Very sad.

I just threw up - can it get more cringe ? obviously, yes. I feel like it’s only downhill from here nobody says woke anymore. just like exotic. it dates you. how old are you people ? I suspect the word choice is specific to their online persona here & other sites where they troll - nobody would actually talk this way in real life. Unless they want to sound very very stupid and very very old. which might be possible I guess

correct - doubtful I will go back to Rio. Its natural beauty is unrivaled, yet I no longer have the tolerance for that type of urban danger. Not dissuading others from the Rio adventure, I think it helps to have realistic expectations and understand other less risky Brazil options.

I love a vague reference to dark conspiracy theories while simultaneously sampling a 12 year-olds vocabulary; Touché, how very contemporary ! Viva La Matrix

exactly - I was describing where vast majority of foreign visitors stay in Rio. the other Rio Zona Sul neighborhoods may offer relief from the crush of foreign tourists to seasoned visitors, however, a solitary gringo in the other areas may stick out like a sore thumb. whatever works if you don’t mind being a perpetual target the overall point was that SP has much less crime directed at tourists due to the geography of the city. much easier to blend in to SPs many fine hotel’s & restaurants

conversations about race and corresponding power dynamics are complicated & nuanced. And, I’m not surprised this is hard for many, because people tend to self-sort to be among others like themselves. One “black friend” or one “gay friend” doesn’t make someone knowledgeable about those communities & sensitivities. Understanding those who have different life experiences doesn’t come naturally to most. The simple rule is to not make others uncomfortable by our words & actions. If in doubt, err on the side of caution. As the last few years have shown, race & gender in America are topics under intense scrutiny and sensitivities are changing - what may have been ok 10 years ago is not ok today.

Please explain your criteria to determine the “black people” where you would avoid asking “where are you from?” questions vs mixed race people where it would be ok ?

btw - this is totally outdated language and not an appropriate reference to human beings. using that language makes the speaker sound old & out-of-touch.

It’s not regional most of the time, when these questions are asked to people-of-color who take offense - you’d never know because they won’t tell you. They’re used to it. They will just take it as patronizing, uneducated or similar. it’s exactly the same as someone making patronizing, dated or otherwise insensitive comments to gay people. When it happens to me I just mark it up as another stupid person I have no interest in getting to know - and move on. so, back to the OP original point of inquiry - on meeting new people, why would anyone wade into some conversation points that may be considered inappropriate, offensive or hostile ? not exactly a way to ingratiate yourself to new acquaintances - but hey, you do you and no, my screen name has nothing to do with where I’m from or my ethnicity. I’m white as they come and know exactly how stupid people can be re; racial sensitivities, or lack thereof.

I’m actually the observer in these situations, not the victim. People are free to question as they see fit - but, this post was from a white person seeking input on appropriate questions to non-white people in social situations. I have tons of first-hand experience watching this play out in real-world interactions. Not hypotheticals from keyboard warriors. The typical response when these questions are asked is a big eye-roll, indicating exactly how the question was received. If you want to look really stupid when meeting new people & looking for conversation points, then absolutely nobody is stopping you. Go for it.

All 3 are relatively new to RM. 2 ads with no reviews. 1 ad with 3 very recent reviews. All very young. Looks fishy

Rio vs São Paulo I’d still visit SP, but no more Rio unfortunately. Visiting the well-known tourist zones (Copacabana, Ipanema, Leblon & adjacent) in Rio is going into an extremely small geographic area populated by wealthy tourists and surrounded by favelas with people in extreme poverty/desperation. Of course, there’s going to be rampant crimes against tourists. It’s been this way for years, although it does seem to be getting worse. It’s possible to visit Rio and not be a victim, but not much fun to be on vacation and in a state of hyper-vigilance at all times. By contrast, SP is not a city known for tourists and there is no similar small zone of wealthy tourists that is surrounded by favelas. It doesn’t exist that way in SP. So, the potential crime against tourists doesn’t compare, although crime obviously does happen there but in larger context of street crime in general. Additionally, Brazilian friends have explained that in SP, the drug trade is largely controlled by one gang/cartel where in Rio its urban warfare among many gangs - thus the extreme violence in Rio. And the police in Rio are known to be corrupt and dangerous themselves, where in SP it’s a much more professional law enforcement situation. As for the OPs comments re; São Paulo - perhaps San Francisco, Los Angeles and NYC should be viewed in the same context ? None of those cities is the same as pre-pandemic and it’s a complicated discussion that goes way beyond one or two simple explanations. Cities tend to be dynamic & fluid - what we see now is not how it will be in 5 years time.

correct - this is the main problem with that line of questioning. when a white personal asks those questions to a person-of-color in a society/culture/country that is predominantly white, then it’s a clear signal that the person is “other” or doesn’t belong to the dominant group. that’s what makes it offensive. in the United States, Germany or the UK as examples, those questions are particularly troublesome given either the modern history re: race and/or current issues re: immigration. As mentioned, my personal experience as a witness to this particular line of questioning is that it’s ALWAYS white people asking non-white people “where are you from?” However well-intended, it’s just not appropriate in my observations. If you don’t think these particular questions are troublesome, then either you are probably white or from a country that does not have these same systemic racial disparities.

asking “where someone is from” or even worse “what is your ethnicity” is not an appropriate question for anyone. If they want you to know, that information will be offered. My partner is an American born person of color and he gets asked those questions all the time when I’m standing next to him. It’s always awkward and isn’t necessary. There are many other conversation starters besides that. The question implies that you think the person is “other” or perhaps “exotic”. ….I’ve literally heard it all in a variety of creative questions. 90% of the time, it’s very white people asking the question to a person-of-color. It’s actually pretty cringe-worthy when it happens. It reeks of some sort of superiority, whether you know it or not. Absolutely qualifies as a micro-aggression and very bad manners.

don't let that guy ruin hiring for you - just learn from it & try again we all make mistakes & we're all learning

I’m sorry this happened to you. but, tbh - you got off easy. That “masseur” has no reviews and it’s basically hiring an unknown person who has already confessed to having a drug problem, meaning he missed your first appointment because of “partying”. You’re lucky he didn’t cause you any bodily harm or steal other stuff that would be harder to replace. Every time we hire it’s a risky proposition. My thinking is to try to minimize the chances for something to go wrong and at a minimum, the hires need to have a few recent 5star reviews. It’s not an exact science and plenty could go wrong - but, it’s less likely. I also have a hard no policy with any drug use mentioned in profile or indicated at any point in communication - that’s just asking for trouble. The police are not an option. You’re hiring someone to do something technically illegal.

I have no personal experience with thick_machotop - but, he’s been around for while and has all 5 star reviews with some very detailed recommendations. He’s not my type, but I wouldn’t hesitate to hire him if he was. Barcelona is one of the easier cities to get good escorts - just do a RM search based on your criteria and you will get several options with multiple good reviews. Sauna Thermas in BCN is a great option if you want to see the guys in person before hiring. Some days are in theory better than others - but I’ve probably been there every day of the week and always had a good time. It’s more what you bring to it vs what you expect to get

yes, non-premium members can block users, among other privacy features. My sense is that if providers are blocking potential clients, then something happened to cause the block. I’ve blocked providers where there have been issues and I don’t want to mistakenly engage them again if they’ve substantially changed their profile or I just forgot the details. It’s not a big deal - just move on

if this is real (which is extremely doubtful in nyc), then yes…..it’s you causing the situation aggressive repetitive cruising as described doesn’t just happen if you really want it to stop vs being a topic to complain, perhaps wise to examine your own behavior. Or not

fyi - the political keyboard warriors are alive & well at "the other site" some of the more passive/aggressive are at war amongst themselves (surprise) definitely the right move to purge the toxic politics from here

exactly this similar to a house on fire while the residents argue about which tv channel to watch it’s not a right side or left side issue - it’s both sides, together with insidious systemic corruption. which is why the partisan arguments & polarization is so terribly misguided. But, that’s precisely what they want - a public largely distracted from the big picture and tearing each other down while the thieves are at work back to the original post re: SF - it’s very complicated and a complete understanding of SF history is required in context with extreme economic disparities exacerbated by the various tech booms. I suspect few are interested in these complex discussions, but rather 2d analysis to confirm what they already believe about the city

I would have agreed with your Winston quote 40 years ago. Now, that idea is sadly outdated. Our politicians & courts have been bought by corporations and the wealthy elites for their benefit only. There is no more “doing the right thing” - that’s exactly why the wealthiest country in the world has both of out control homelessness and escalating gun violence. And it’s going to get a lot worse. We now have an entire political movement wishing for the destruction of our own cities - we are at war with ourselves. Doing the destructive work no outside enemy could. I guess we can be proud of the America that once was. But, it’s long gone

we don’t need to reinvent the wheel here - wealthy civilized countries like Japan & Spain do not have these same homeless problems at same scale as US. Each of those countries has a tiny fraction of the American homeless….to the point where you have to look for it in their major cities. It’s like the gun problem in an America - other wealthy civilized countries just don’t have mass shootings every other day. Yet, most Americans are certain everything is better in the US. My only conclusion is they must not travel much.

Grindr is for people that have time to waste - on both sides of the potential hookup. and the “flakiness” is usually either something better came along or they just realized that you aren’t “partying” the apps are a cesspool. it’s that simple