Am I aromantic but homosexual?

[caramelsub]

I've been sexually attracted to men since puberty. But never felt the need or desire to experience the romantic side of being with a man. Never wanted to cuddle, hold hands, or even kiss men. Heck, I've never even had a boyfriend. However I find satisfaction and fulfillment by hiring escorts. I don't know if I'm supressing any romantic inclination towards men, because I'm still closeted about my sexuality, or if I'm truly aromantic by nature. I can't live without the physical sexual contact of being with a man, but I have no desire for romantic contact. I also have no desire to have sex with a woman. But honestly, could rather see myself romantically linked with a woman, holding hands, growing old together, raising kids etc. But I've only had one girlfriend briefly in high school. I'm in my late twenties now. What do you all think? Does it seem like I'm aromantic? Not to be confused with asexual. I've always been the kind of person that never wants to draw attention to myself in public. I feel like holding hands with a guy would do that, at least where I live. I don't live in San Francisco, or NYC, where you might see that often.

[+ OliverSaks]

Sounds like you’re likely suppressing because of being closeted - some people certainly could be “aromantic,” but I’ve run into far more dudes who just haven’t fully come to terms with what life will look like for them as a male in a relationship with another male

 

“I just couldn’t see myself with a guy...”

“I always pictured a wife and kids...”

Etc etc

 

/armchair psych

[caramelsub]

Thank you for your input. I also wanted to mention, I cannot see myself being with just one guy, and not being able to have sexual contact with various men. That is another reason I hire escorts, because I like the diversity and thrill of having different sexual experiences. So the idea of being married to one guy, or just dating one guy, is hard for me, because I would get bored quickly.

[+ azdr0710]

funny, I was reading your word "aromantic" the wrong way until you compared it to "asexual", then I saw what you meant....I was thinking aroma--man--something??..............

 

a few here on the forum who know me personally know I'm suffering from some combination of internalized homophobia and, maybe, the "Madonna-whore complex"......sounds like we may be similar.....mostly closeted here and definitely not looking for love.....the physical part of the whole thing appeals much more.....

 

complicated topic!

Edited June 8, 2018 by azdr0710

[+ Avalon]

Imo the romance, the affection, the touching, the holding, the kissing, the foreplay are as important as the sex itself. If all one wanted was sex one could just masturbate.

 

That's why so many escorts advertise "the boyfriend experience".

[+ Gar1eth]

You might be truly aromantic. After all I'm sure there are straight guys who may only want sex. There may even be women who only want sex too. On the other hand saying you could see yourself having a non-sexual, but romantic, relationship with a woman seems to indicate that at least fantasy-wise you might crave affection on some level.

 

It seems to me this could be something that therapy might help you explore better.

 

Gman

[Rudynate]

Fear of intimacy.

[gallahadesquire]

A sense of affection is necessary for me. I’m not a wham bam thank you kinda guy. So I always book 2-3 hours and hope for dinner afterwards.

[Bearofdistinction]

Imo the romance, the affection, the touching, the holding, the kissing, the foreplay are as important as the sex itself. If all one wanted was sex one could just masturbate.

 

That's why so many escorts advertise "the boyfriend experience".

 

I love an aromatic man as well as a Romantic Man. From Kink to Cuddle - All G0o0od!

[+ Avalon]

I love an aromatic man as well as a Romantic Man. From Kink to Cuddle - All G0o0od!

 

The post climax cuddle!