Mystified by "Ghosting"

[LaffingBear]

One the most difficult things for me is today's norm that no response by electronic communications is an acceptable form of saying no.

 

I've worked with a rentguy multiple times. Extended visits. Assured me he's interested last time I saw him, even contacted me when coming to my area. Now, no reply to texts or other messages. Yet he's still active on RM, I even retain access to his private material.

 

Hired a young person to work in my yard. Polite, hardworking, completes whatever is asked. Assured me he's available and interested in more work. But now a no show for scheduled work, and no response to communications.

 

I know this isn't a new topic. I've moaned and complained about it on the forum previously. But I can't wrap my head around it.

 

Strangely, if either guy said "hey, not interested" I'd move on without fuss, never contact again. Wouldn't take it personally. But no response leaves me wondering... is it a tech problem? Miss the message? Too busy and forgot to reply? Should I keep trying, or does that become bitter or creepy stalker behavior? In practical terms, no response really isn't efficient if it's intended to stop communications.

 

I've adjusted my expectations of communications civility... but one of most evident examples that I'm older without contemporary social values is that I'll never fully accept no response as an acceptable substitute for a negative response.

[samhexum]

Mystified by "Ghosting"

one of most evident examples that I'm older without contemporary social values is that I'll never fully accept no response as an acceptable substitute for a negative response.

 

you ain't the only one, sister...

[MikeBiDude]

One the most difficult things for me is today's norm that no response by electronic communications is an acceptable form of saying no.

 

I've worked with a rentguy multiple times. Extended visits. Assured me he's interested last time I saw him, even contacted me when coming to my area. Now, no reply to texts or other messages. Yet he's still active on RM, I even retain access to his private material.

 

Hired a young person to work in my yard. Polite, hardworking, completes whatever is asked. Assured me he's available and interested in more work. But now a no show for scheduled work, and no response to communications.

 

I know this isn't a new topic. I've moaned and complained about it on the forum previously. But I can't wrap my head around it.

 

Strangely, if either guy said "hey, not interested" I'd move on without fuss, never contact again. Wouldn't take it personally. But no response leaves me wondering... is it a tech problem? Miss the message? Too busy and forgot to reply? Should I keep trying, or does that become bitter or creepy stalker behavior? In practical terms, no response really isn't efficient if it's intended to stop communications.

 

I've adjusted my expectations of communications civility... but one of most evident examples that I'm older without contemporary social values is that I'll never fully accept no response as an acceptable substitute for a negative response.

Agree, makes me sad. I like closure, seems like ghosting is easier.

 

I’m still a bit brokenhearted right now, from a young man that I met on seeking arrangements. Chemistry, dates, everything fun and through the roof. He was always a little slow at texting, and yes our location distance was challenging, but he always get back to me eventually, and we worked it all out and had fun.

 

All of a sudden, ignore/silence. Doesn’t answer any of my texts or calls. Me Sad

 

So easy to say “no thanks”, seems so hard nowadays.

[LaffingBear]

Not to minimize your frustration, but... don't personalize your experiences.

I dont know what that means.

 

I dont take it as a reflection on me... not my fault. Not a behavior I believe to be disproportionately occurring for me.

 

I can shrug it off. I can't not notice. I hope Im not ever immune to lack of civility, as that would probably only occur when I behave the same towards others.

.

[MikeBiDude]

I dont know what that means.

 

I dont take it as a reflection on me... not my fault. Not a behavior I believe to be disproportionately occurring for me.

 

I can shrug it off. I can't not notice. I hope Im not ever immune to lack of civility, as that would probably only occur when I behave the same towards others.

.

It appears @JayCeeKy deleted his post...I’m glad you quoted it before he did

[+ quoththeraven]

Ghosting is either a no or I'm so busy with other things right now that it makes no sense for me to take the time to explain why. Also sometimes the explanation will either be convoluted or too emotionally difficult to deliver. There's probably also fear of your reaction.

[dcguy20]

I met a guy on A4A in July of 2016. We hit it off immediately (he wasn't living in DC, but was going to be in DC for business). We conversed for a few weeks before his trip, spending many hours on the phone. Finally meeting in person reiterated the connection. We kept in contact when he returned home after his trip, but shortly thereafter that he met someone. I kind of took a step back, but a month or so later, we resumed the frequent communication via texts and phone calls (his initiation, not mine). Several months later, he stopped communicating with me mid text chat. No explanation, no nothing. I'll admit I was very hurt. Over one year later, I question what happened that he ceased communication with me so suddenly. I had texted, called a couple of times, and sent an email, when I realized I was just never going to hear from him again. I miss him.