Advice for a couple looking for pro 3rd?

[tokyolite]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm a first-time poster and brand new to the community. Please forgive me if this subject has already been brought up.

 

My partner and I are in a monogamous m/m relationship and have been pretty stale in the sheets lately...I'm talking possibly more than 6 months. I'm not really sure at this point, to be honest. He's fairly vanilla, and I have a lot of kinky tendencies. (I say tendencies because I haven't had the chance to act them out.)

 

Well, without giving you much context of the conversation of this next bit, my partner mentioned whether I wanted to have a threesome with someone. (He was asking me what I wanted for my birthday gift.) A couple questions here and there revealed that if it were someone, it would have to be a professional who got tested regularly.

 

I'm actually very interested in pursuing this possibility, but I have no idea how to go about this. I think my questions for the professionals are:

1) Do you have any advice for how I should talk with my partner about this?

2) If you were meeting us, how would you know that you were comfortable taking us on as clients--in general as well as in a threesome scenario?

 

I hope I have given enough context without going overboard. As I said, I'm a newbie here. =) Thanks for any insight you can share!

[+ Funguy]

As a client - I think you answered the first question already - you said that your partner brought it up. Simply say YES and define what HIS borders might be. If they are "hard" borders, you have your answer - do everything within those confines. If there are no hard no-no's then go for the kink that you want and don't forget to involve him as far as he wants to go.

 

I think you just need to find someone who appeals to both of you and simply ask if the escort is open to such.

 

Good luck

[+ Travis69]

Have you ever tried to bring your kinky tendencies up with your partner? That might spice up your love life. If you haven't will he be surprised when you want to do things with an escort you haven't shared with him? Will he feel inadequate from then on thinking you are more comfortable with the escort then him? Do you think your partner wants to do this for you or for himself????? I have known a few couples where adding a 3rd works out great. Other times it creates jealousy and a dependency on hiring a 3rd to have any sex at all.

[RyanDean]

Speaking as a client, I'd say that certain pros would be veryvery good at making this a great experience, while other pros could be disastrous. So I'd encourage screening potential pros by experience and reputation first, and rather than using "type" as first criteria. And though it's not the same thing, when I've fielded invites (non-professional, mind you) to join as a third, I've always tried to be clear that both partners were into the scene. (Not, as happened in one unfortunate encounter, with one was "just going along" because the other clearly wanted to do this.) And, yes, your partner gets to set the boundaries and you get to have fun within them.

[tokyolite]

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies.

 

@RyanDean and @Funguy, I think what you say about my partner setting the boundaries is important, though maybe there will be some soft limits to define. One priority for me is that my partner really is on board and into the play instead of just doing it for me. Otherwise that sounds like a recipe for no one having a good time.

 

Have you ever tried to bring your kinky tendencies up with your partner?

I've been honest with my partner about my kinky tendencies. We did some role play once, which we both thought was a bit fun, but it was difficult for him to stay in it. If I had bad knees, it would be tough for me to focus on staying in character, too. The role play made him giggle a bit at times, which kinda ruined the mood for me. When we've tried some other kinkier things, it made my partner giggle a little bit again, too. I asked him about it, and he said it made him a little nervous at first but would be willing to try again sometime. (There are other things that have made our sex life a little difficult, including spontaneity, but bringing in a 3rd would definitely be a little bit of a wild card in terms of chemistry.)

 

Will he feel inadequate from then on thinking you are more comfortable with the escort then him?...Do you think your partner wants to do this for you or for himself?????

I'm not even suggesting that this has to be a particularly kinky encounter. It would be nice to have an experienced professional help us explore our mutual needs and shift moods to suit each other. I guess I'm imagining something like a sex coach that takes a hands-on approach...literally. I really want to protect the relationship that my partner and I have grown together, but I don't imagine shaking his confidence by bringing in an escort once, or even rarely, as long as we approach it like a mutual fun, guided experience.

 

Thanks guys--just responding to your comments is helping me clarify my perspective, reasons and concerns. Did what I say make sense?

 

xo

[+ poolboy48220]

Where are you? While reading this, I kept thinking of @Lance_Navarro in San Francisco.

[+ poolboy48220]

The role play made him giggle a bit at times, which kinda ruined the mood for me.

I hear ya. I'm into being dominated, mildly, and while playing that out with a guy he giggled a few times. Totally kills it.

[+ Funguy]

Where are you? While reading this, I kept thinking of @Lance_Navarro in San Francisco.

 

I had the same thought just before I read your post @poolboy48220

[+ Lance_Navarro]

Where are you? While reading this, I kept thinking of @Lance_Navarro in San Francisco.

Ahhhh, thanks so much @poolboy48220 & @Funguy!

[tokyolite]

@poolboy48220 @Funguy Thanks for the recommendation! We live in Chicago.