What would you do?

[Reluctant Daddy]

Let me preface this by emphatically admitting that I'm a total milquetoast. I never send food back in restaurants no matter how awful it is, in uncomfortable situations I'll bite my tongue until I draw blood rather than speak up, and generally walk into situations where I'm apparently an easy mark to take advantage of. It's the way I've been forever and as much as I've tried, I don't think it will ever change.

 

I recently got into portrait photography and am having difficulty finding interesting models where I live. I'm acquainted with a kid who looks like an A&F model (we're friendly, but not friends) who agreed to model for me. Nothing smarmy, no nudes, just A&F type photos. I asked him if he would model for me so that I could add to my meager portfolio. He knows that I'm an amateur at this, but he agreed and seemed to be into it. We set up a date and were going to make a day of it. Brunch, photos, a quick bite, and more photos. As a token of appreciation for agreeing to do it, I sent him some Amazon gift cards by email.

 

The day arrives, he picks me up, camera goes in the trunk of his car while we eat brunch. After brunch, he decides that he wants to see a new movie that came out. I agreed and we went to the movie. Afterward we grabbed a bite, drove around for a while, then he drove me home. All the while I'm thinking, "what about the photo session?", but not having the guts to say anything. The camera came out of the trunk and I walked through my front door, a little worse for the wear. I didn't say anything, and even texted him to tell him that I had a nice time with him and would like to get together again for some photos. Nothing back from him to this day.

 

He knew this was important to me, and it kind of hurts that he just blew it off. The milquetoast in me says walk away with your tail between your legs. Yet, there's a part of me that wants him to know just how disappointed and hurt I am by all of this. It's not about the cash spent on the gift cards, I guess it's about not being shown any respect or consideration.

 

Would you chalk it up to "life lesson learned" and just walk away, or would you say something? I'm not even sure that saying something would have an impact or matter to him.

[jjkrkwood]

There are always those situations where we end up wondering, WTF happened here ? And the truth is that sometimes, eventhough we ASK, we will never know because we dont receive an answer. We have all experienced disappointments, and like you end up feeling some kind of way about it. Perhaps on the initial day, as time was going by, you might have said "Hey, dont forget we still have those photos to take", BUT if he was intent on avoiding that, it would not have happened either.

 

Putting your own feeling aside, HE has feelings too, and that is the missing piece here. We dont know how he felt about your request (really) or why he is choosing not to reply to you. Alot of "IFS", but sometimes, that's all we have, and the best thing to do is chalk up the experience and move on... But before you move on, re-assess YOUR feelings and try to see if there was really something MORE going on here. Maybe you had a little "Crush" and are feeling rejection ? Once you are comfortable with your feelings..... move along.... Basically, he was NOT a friend, and your agreement was a "business deal", and if you ask Trump, those often "fall thru.

 

Perhaps you can find a local college and post an ad for "photo models" IF this is the subject matter you want to pursue ? Kids always need extra cash... Or seek out photography classes which also supply models for practice. There are other options. I am sorry you were hurt here, but its best to put things in perspective, learn that life has no guarantees, and just continue to follow your passion of taking pictures....

 

Good Luck

[Rudynate]

I'm wondering if his understanding of the itinerary was the same as yours. Since assertive communication is difficult for you, what seemed to you like a definite plan may have been understood by him as an option or a possibility.

[+ Keith30309]

I would look at this in a more optimistic way: he enjoyed your company and wanted to spend time with you doing date’ish stuff rather than simply modeling. I’d not be deterred and ask again about a modeling session, perhaps followed by dinner (I.e., after and only after).

[jjkrkwood]

There really should be NO reason for him pursuing this guy if its strictly "modelling"... there are tons of models out there, and the OP already got his response , "SILENCE"... That should be telling enough.

 

However, if his goal is to DATE this guy, then he certainly can keep trying to beat the dead horse..... I'm just not that kinda girl...... (I get the message the first time)

[jawjateck]

You said he's a "kid", right? You'll hurt your head and your heart trying to figure him out.

[Reluctant Daddy]

Not a crush. It’s just that he was extremely hot and would have been a feather in my portfolio cap. I’m after a certain type of look, and the addition of his pics may have opened the door for similar guys.

 

I was very thorough in setting this up to the point of having him ageee to signing a model release for any pics, so there shouldn’t have been any doubt or confusion. I sent him a link to my portfolio, so there was never any questions of motives. It was a trade for pics deal. I always try to do a little for any model for their time, effort and courtesy (when it happens). I’ve tried the colleges, Grindr and Scruff with extremely limited results. It’s amazing that all of these guys who are so willing to post pictures of their junk become so modest when it comes time to take real photos. Disappointing to say the least.

[+ WilliamM]

I sent him a link to my portfolio, so there was never any questions of motives.

 

Nevertheless, he spent part of the day with you in return for your gift, but would not pose for photos. Are you sure he did not have concerns about your motives?

[rvwnsd]

A couple of observations and a coupe of suggestions. First, the suggestions:

1. Join Model Mayhem (or a similar site) as a photographer and state that you are looking for models to pose for photos to add to your portfolio. The folks who post to Grindr and Scruff are not looking to model, they are looking to get laid.
   
2. Post an ad on Adam4Adam to take pics of guys for use in their profiles/for use to beef up your portfolio. You will probably get some guys who do not wish to have their photos in your portfolio, but at the very least you would get some practice. There is at lest one professional photographer in San Diego who does that and another who recently moved from there to Phoenix.
   
3. Expand the "type" you are looking for. Anyone can make an A&F type guy look good. A very good to great photographer can make an average guy look like a knockout. Additionally, the A&F age group, as others have stated, are not always fully mature and might be more prone to flaking. There is also a plethora of photographers who photograph that type.
   

Now for the observations. You used very negative terms to describe yourself (milquetoast) and your portfolio (meager). Sounds like you are not very assertive and are in the process of building your portfolio. Nothing at all negative about that.

[Reluctant Daddy]

Nevertheless, he spent part of the day with you in return for your gift, but would not pose for photos. Are you sure he did not have concerns about your motives?

 

There were never any overtures to anything but pictures, so I’m not sure what concerns he may have had. If I’m going to gift someone for companionship, I’ll hire. Much easier and forthcoming in what’s expected.

[jjkrkwood]

Perhaps the guy watched alot of GAY porn where the photography sessions always turn to hot steamy sex, and he just wasnt down with that ??? From the way you describe how the day played out, it just seems like he was avoiding the photography part.

[rvwnsd]

He might have probably changed his mind and wasn't certain how to tell you.

[Rudynate]

Not a crush. It’s just that he was extremely hot and would have been a feather in my portfolio cap. I’m after a certain type of look, and the addition of his pics may have opened the door for similar guys.

 

I was very thorough in setting this up to the point of having him ageee to signing a model release for any pics, so there shouldn’t have been any doubt or confusion. I sent him a link to my portfolio, so there was never any questions of motives. It was a trade for pics deal. I always try to do a little for any model for their time, effort and courtesy (when it happens). I’ve tried the colleges, Grindr and Scruff with extremely limited results. It’s amazing that all of these guys who are so willing to post pictures of their junk become so modest when it comes time to take real photos. Disappointing to say the least.

 

 

When I was a young man in my 20s, from time to time, a photographer or artist asked me to model for him. Generally, I suspected mixed motives and usually wanted to avoid these situations. At the same time, I had a hard time just saying no, so I found all sorts of passive-aggressive ways of weaseling out of it. That could be going on here. He isn't satisfied that you don't have mixed motives. Part of the problem may be mixing socializing and modeling. If there were a clearer boundary, he might be more comfortable.