Gay retirement destinations

[+ Charlie]

What to do with the aging population? They actually don't want much - just to be allowed to age in place. They don't wasn't assisted living facilities that resemble luxury hotels, they don't want to be on a perpetual cruise or to be spending their days playing shuffleboard. They just want to live a life as normal as possible and to stay close to family and friends.

 

When I was in law school, I took an elective called healthcare law. There was a whole unit just on elder law. I remember reading in the text that the bias we have in the US toward delivering elder care in institutional settings is unique to the US. They said the same care can be provided in a person's home for 20% of what it costs to provide it in institutional settings like assisted living facilities. I have never tried to verify that statistic, but I have never forgotten it either.

That may be true, but my friend who recently died at home at 88 had to have a fulltime paid caregiver (she was a gem, BTW), but the cost had reached the point that the house itself would soon have to have been mortgaged to pay for the care. Finding a good in-home caregiver was also not easy.

[Guest]

What to do with the aging population? They actually don't want much - just to be allowed to age in place. They don't wasn't assisted living facilities that resemble luxury hotels, they don't want to be on a perpetual cruise or to be spending their days playing shuffleboard. They just want to live a life as normal as possible and to stay close to family and friends.

 

When I was in law school, I took an elective called healthcare law. There was a whole unit just on elder law. I remember reading in the text that the bias we have in the US toward delivering elder care in institutional settings is unique to the US. They said the same care can be provided in a person's home for 20% of what it costs to provide it in institutional settings like assisted living facilities. I have never tried to verify that statistic, but I have never forgotten it either.

There are in-home supportive service programs which work for certain people, but not for others. My mother wanted to stay in the house, and we tried to get people to help her, but she became too agitated and confused. She couldn't prepare any meals for herself, and when she had people come in to help her, she even managed to leave the house full of gas and didn't even notice. She would be up most nights screaming and sleep during the day. Even with directions taped to her bathroom mirror, she couldn't remember to take her medications, and had no idea what to do with her mail. She really needed skilled caregivers available 24/7.

The assisted-living facility where she spend her final months was certainly more luxurious and costly than necessary, but at least allowed her some comfort. There were daily activities, lectures, and enrichment programs, unfortunately none of which she participated in, since her MO was being asleep during most of the day, and up most of the night (she needed staff to find her and bring her to meals during mealtimes). The meals were restaurant quality (she had lost a lot of weight when she tried to live by herself, and regained it at the facility).

I would be curious to look at the study to which you alluded. Who was included in the study? How were the figures determined? An in-home care provider typically makes less than $20 an hour and cannot be expected to do things such as help pay bills, let alone nursing issues. Even at $17 an hour, having someone there 24/7 would cost over $12,000 per month, which was even more than the cost of my mother's assisted living facility, which had an RN on duty at all times.

[RealAvalon]

That may be true, but my friend who recently died at home at 88 had to have a fulltime paid caregiver (she was a gem, BTW), but the cost had reached the point that the house itself would soon have to have been mortgaged to pay for the care. Finding a good in-home caregiver was also not easy.

Better to spend it on yourself if you need it, than leaving it to someone else once your dead. Id rather have happy parents than an inheritance.

[+ oldNbusted]

What to do with the aging population? They actually don't want much - just to be allowed to age in place. They don't wasn't assisted living facilities that resemble luxury hotels, they don't want to be on a perpetual cruise or to be spending their days playing shuffleboard. They just want to live a life as normal as possible and to stay close to family and friends.

 

When I was in law school, I took an elective called healthcare law. There was a whole unit just on elder law. I remember reading in the text that the bias we have in the US toward delivering elder care in institutional settings is unique to the US. They said the same care can be provided in a person's home for 20% of what it costs to provide it in institutional settings like assisted living facilities. I have never tried to verify that statistic, but I have never forgotten it either.

 

At what point is it just denial of being old? People mostly can't age in place because they can't manage where they live, partly because in here in the US, also unlike most of the world, multigenerational households are the exception. I think this is just another example of the dark side of the American obsession with individualism.

[+ tassojunior]

What to do with the aging population? They actually don't want much - just to be allowed to age in place. They don't wasn't assisted living facilities that resemble luxury hotels, they don't want to be on a perpetual cruise or to be spending their days playing shuffleboard. They just want to live a life as normal as possible and to stay close to family and friends.

 

When I was in law school, I took an elective called healthcare law. There was a whole unit just on elder law. I remember reading in the text that the bias we have in the US toward delivering elder care in institutional settings is unique to the US. They said the same care can be provided in a person's home for 20% of what it costs to provide it in institutional settings like assisted living facilities. I have never tried to verify that statistic, but I have never forgotten it either.

 

The problem with our healthcare system and the reason Medicare 4 All is so important for us seniors is nursing/assisted living. Right now you have to sell your home and declare bankruptcy. That is amazingly cruel. Many of us would like to age and die in place but will require some assistance which we can't afford. So we have to sell our homes, declare bankruptcy and die in a nursing home on Medicaid.

 

Medicare for all will stop that horrible requirement.

[+ WilliamM]

The problem with our healthcare system and the reason Medicare 4 All is so important for us seniors is nursing/assisted living. Right now you have to sell your home and declare bankruptcy. That is amazingly cruel. Many of us would like to age and die in place but will require some assistance which we can't afford. So we have to sell our homes, declare bankruptcy and die in a nursing home on Medicaid.

 

Medicare for all will stop that horrible requirement.

 

That happened with my mother who lived to age 91. My brother and I never complained because she was able to afford a private room in a nursing home until her money ran out.

[+ easygoingpal]

As I am getting ready for early retirement next year, I have the crazy idea of selling my place and going on a 3-year vacation to different world locations (Guadalajara where I grew up is one of them) and enjoy life while I can (I have some mobility issues). After those three years, I am counting on the following to survive: My monthly pension, access to Medicare at 65, and locating a retirement community (gay if I can find one) where I could rent a small one bedroom apartment. A friend from the forum suggested that I retire to Shady Pines...

 

When is finally time to check in at a nursing home for assisted living, I hope Medicare for all or some variation of it will be available.

 

Cheers!

[Guest]

At what point is it just denial of being old? People mostly can't age in place because they can't manage where they live, partly because in here in the US, also unlike most of the world, multigenerational households are the exception. I think this is just another example of the dark side of the American obsession with individualism.

Well, that's fine if you have 5 kids and one of them isn't working, but some people with dementia or certain other health problems do have to be supervised at all times, and it would take a village. In my situation, I couldn't just quit my job to take care of my mother, for example. I do see that here in some of my more international patients, in which one child stays at home to be a caregiver. But it depends on the needs of the particular elderly person, and it also depends on the caregiver not having gainful employment. If the family is poor, the IHSS program will actually pay one of the children (or grandchildren) to stay at home to take care of the elderly. But this will only help indigent patients.

Edited September 14, 2019 by Unicorn

[Brock O]

It may be hugely expensive and excessively touristy , but what about Providence? **Said largely out of limited knowledge**

My husband & I definitely plan to retire to New England where we have family. We both hate hot weather and would never consider moving further south than we already are. We looked at Providence, but the walkable neighborhoods and downtown are quite pricey. I don't think of Providence as touristy (Provincetown, yes; Providence, no). We often say we need to get The Gays to start moving in large numbers to Bath, Maine. It's a town with a great little Main Street, beautiful old houses that are affordable, and a good sense of community. And Portland, Maine (not far away) has great healthcare. Portland used to be on top of our list, but its downtown and other desirable neighborhoods have spiked in price the past five years. So, help me turn Bath gay. If you buy a house there, you can live out your retirement in a "Bath house"!

[+ WilliamM]

Well, that's fine if you have 5 kids and one of them isn't working, but some people with dementia or certain other health problems do have to be supervised at all times, and it would take a village. In my situation, I couldn't just quit my job to take care of my mother, for example. I do see that here in some of my more international patients, in which one child stays at home to be a caregiver. But it depends on the needs of the particular elderly person, and it also depends on the caregiver not having gainful employment. If the family is poor, the IHSS program will actually pay one of the children (or grandchildren) to stay at home to take care of the elderly. But this will only help indigent patients.

 

My mother lived in the Boston suburbs. I was able to fly from Philadelphia to Boston once a month for long weekends. My brother flew from Montana for two weeks every September. And we received an enormous amount of help from the senior center and both my dad's family and my mom's family. Mom said she had lived too long partly because her seven older siblings were no longer alive.

 

Note to self: get to know my local senior center much better.

[BSR]

My husband & I definitely plan to retire to New England where we have family. We both hate hot weather and would never consider moving further south than we already are. We looked at Providence, but the walkable neighborhoods and downtown are quite pricey. I don't think of Providence as touristy (Provincetown, yes; Providence, no). We often say we need to get The Gays to start moving in large numbers to Bath, Maine. It's a town with a great little Main Street, beautiful old houses that are affordable, and a good sense of community. And Portland, Maine (not far away) has great healthcare. Portland used to be on top of our list, but its downtown and other desirable neighborhoods have spiked in price the past five years. So, help me turn Bath gay. If you buy a house there, you can live out your retirement in a "Bath house"!

What about Ogunquit? It has to be the gayest small town in America. I love small towns because the people are the nicest you'll ever meet. Knowing everyone you interact with makes people treat others so much better. My big problem with most small towns would be the fear of feeling like the Only Gay Man On Earth, but that would hardly be the case in Ogunquit.

[Leyte2019]

I don't think of Providence as touristy (Provincetown, yes; Providence, no). !

 

I meant Provincetown. Obviously, I'm not from New England.

[Leyte2019]

What about Ogunquit? It has to be the gayest small town in America. I love small towns because the people are the nicest you'll ever meet. Knowing everyone you interact with makes people treat others so much better. My big problem with most small towns would be the fear of feeling like the Only Gay Man On Earth, but that would hardly be the case in Ogunquit.

 

Sorry, Ogunquit? Is this in Maine as well?

[+ WilliamM]

Sorry, Ogunquit? Is this in Maine as well?

 

Yes. Ogunquit. I remember a straight friend reading James Baldwin's "Another Country" in October 1962.

 

He explained about vacationing in Ogunquit with his parents. He was frequently propositioned when with his parents. "Another Country" was a way to be more aware. I couldn't help bcecause I only vaguely remembered Provincetown. I was 19.

[Stormy]

Yes. Ogunquit. I remember a straight friend reading James Baldwin's "Another Country" in October 1962.

 

He explained about vacationing in Ogunquit with his parents. He was frequently propositioned when with his parents. "Another Country" was a way to be more aware. I couldn't help bcecause I only vaguely remembered Provincetown. I was 19.

I think I may have been sleeping through my life. I had to google Ogunquit. Sounds like a perfect summer place

[Leyte2019]

Yes. Ogunquit. I remember a straight friend reading James Baldwin's "Another Country" in October 1962.

 

He explained about vacationing in Ogunquit with his parents. He was frequently propositioned when with his parents. "Another Country" was a way to be more aware. I couldn't help bcecause I only vaguely remembered Provincetown. I was 19.

 

You obviously grew up in a more open-minded and intellectual culture than the one I grew up in. No surprise-I grew up in the Deep South. I cant imagine my straight friends reading James Baldwin at 19.

[+ WilliamM]

I think I may have been sleeping through my life. I had to google Ogunquit. Sounds like a perfect summer place

 

Oh, I just remembered this friend telling me once he was a male underwear model, not that I cared. He was a good friend, especially because we both liked Joan Baez in 1962.

[buckguy]

Like Vienna, Bratislava is charming because it is structurally an old Hapsburg city (it used to be called Pressburg). Unfortunately, Slovakia on the whole is a fairly conservative, reactionary country, unlike the Czech Republic. Czecho-Slovakia was created after World War I by the western allies, largely because the Czechs and Slovaks spoke almost the same language, but their cultures were very different. The Czech half was industrialized and oriented toward secular western Europe, while the Slovak half was primarily agricultural and heavily Catholic. The split into separate countries after the collapse of the Iron Curtain has accentuated their differences. I would be more inclined to opt for Slovenia, which is more liberal, and has better weather.

 

The Czechs are mostly Catholic, too, not to mention the Slovenes (Slovenia being mentioned here). The major difference between Bohemia and Slovakia was that Bohemia was more industrialized, richer and closer to Germanic culture. The Slovaks has more affinity with the Hungarians and their us immigrant communities were often near those of Hungarians.

[BSR]

I think I may have been sleeping through my life. I had to google Ogunquit. Sounds like a perfect summer place

If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend a visit. Ogunquit is so beautiful, prettier than a postcard. Because of its large tourism business, there is so much to do, especially given the size of the town (Wiki cites the 2010 census population at 892). I went once for July 4th, more to see the town itself, which I absolutely loved, but I wasn't expecting much of a fireworks display. After all, fireworks are expensive, and how much can a small town budget? Holy zoinks, was I wrong! Ogunquit fireworks were incredible! Even with the big July 4th crowd, getting a good spot was so much easier than fighting the masses on the Boston Esplanade.

 

I just wonder about Ogunquit as a year-round residence. Winters are awfully chilly in Maine, and much of Ogunquit shuts down in the off-season.

[Guest]

Sorry, Ogunquit? Is this in Maine as well?

No, he was referring to the other Ogunquit--the one in Somalia. Sorry for being a little snarky, there. I assume you know what a search engine is... But, yes, Ogunquit is about as fun as a small town can get, and certainly extremely gay friendly. Plenty of drag shows in the summer. I would guess that everything closes in October, and doesn't re-open in May. If a quiet, gay-friendly life is for you, then Ogunquit would probably fit the bill.... <Just pulling your leg, Leyte>

[Leyte2019]

No, he was referring to the other Ogunquit--the one in Somalia. Sorry for being a little snarky, there. I assume you know what a search engine is... But, yes, Ogunquit is about as fun as a small town can get, and certainly extremely gay friendly. Plenty of drag shows in the summer. I would guess that everything closes in October, and doesn't re-open in May. If a quiet, gay-friendly life is for you, then Ogunquit would probably fit the bill.... <Just pulling your leg, Leyte>

 

Haha. I'm one of the least likely posters to be offended by snark or sarcasm. Thanks much for the info.

[+ WilliamM]

One winters in the desert, and summers in the mountains or by the sea. Doesn't one?

 

You do now, two years later!

 

Congratulations.

[Brock O]

What about Ogunquit? It has to be the gayest small town in America. I love small towns because the people are the nicest you'll ever meet. Knowing everyone you interact with makes people treat others so much better. My big problem with most small towns would be the fear of feeling like the Only Gay Man On Earth, but that would hardly be the case in Ogunquit.

Definitely true that Ogunquit probably is the gayest small town in America, and I love the place...but it has become so damn expensive to buy there, and a little more of a downtown would be nice. That's why I want the gays to colonize another coastal Maine small town further up the coast!