Live With a Client?

[Brodney]

So I have this massage client ive known for quite some time time. He is literally one of the sweetest guys I've ever met, but here is the kicker.... he is also a drug addict./ and positive. I do not have sex with him; erotic massage only. He comes to see me regularly except for when he goes on his binges. He has a big crush on me and recently he offered me to live with him rent free. It's very tempting because i live in LA and it would be amazing to save money because rent is outrageous...He's not really a highroller , he lives very modestly in a large snd very nice studio apartment in koreatown, he appears comfortable..so I would obviously be sharing a bed with him... I'd love to save the money but I also think I'm going to be extremely uncomfortable. He thinks me being there would help with his sobriety. He'll be clean for 6 months to a year and then he falls off the wagon. He thinks he wouldn't fall off if I were there. I'm wondering if u would consider this If u were in my shoes?

[+ purplekow]

Leave your shoes under your own bed.

[LaffingBear]

Not an escort.

 

But no matter what, I wouldn't knowingly move in with an addict who currently has problems.

 

Recognizing that sounds harsh, Ill clarify

• Someone in recovery-OK
  
• someone already a close friend or relative -OK
  
• Offering other forms of support -OK
  

[+ Tarte Gogo]

I don't know if I should say something, since this is an escort to escort question, but seriously, for me that would be No, No, No, No.

 

Drug problems? Triple NO, thanks.

 

In the same bed= he is going to make a move regularky on you. Are you ready for daily intimacy without being in love? Or are you still charging him every time he wants you? Awkward.

[Guest]

Thing is its one thing to see the client for 1 hour massaging him and another thing to be living with someone 24/7. People are totally different once you live with him and you will see sides to a person you didnt know. I have lived with a client before (because I was homeless) and it worked out for me but I stopped escorting when I lived with him. I don't know the rules if he's going to be giving you an allowance or you can still see other clients. At this point of my life I couldn't see myself living with a client though, having a roommate is bad enough lol, I need some form of independence. But if your in a bad situation like I was when I was younger and about to be homeless, I say go live with him, save some money and when you have enough find another place.

[Mydavid]

If you want to be his boyfriend, okay. If not, no............

[Brodney]

Thing is its one thing to see the client for 1 hour massaging him and another thing to be living with someone 24/7. People are totally different once you live with him and you will see sides to a person you didnt know. I have lived with a client before (because I was homeless) and it worked out for me but I stopped escorting when I lived with him. I don't know the rules if he's going to be giving you an allowance or you can still see other clients. At this point of my life I couldn't see myself living with a client though, having a roommate is bad enough lol, I need some form of independence. But if your in a bad situation like I was when I was younger and about to be homeless, I say go live with him, save some money and when you have enough find another place.

I'm not really in a bad situation but it would just be nice to save the money . I hear you. Thanks for your feedback and for sharing part of your story!

[Brodney]

I don't know if I should say something, since this is an escort to escort question, but seriously, for me that would be No, No, No, No.

 

Drug problems? Triple NO, thanks.

 

In the same bed= he is going to make a move regularky on you. Are you ready for daily intimacy without being in love? Or are you still charging him every time he wants you? Awkward.

I still charge him and yes him making a move on me is my biggest concern.

[Guest]

I'm not really in a bad situation but it would just be nice to save the money . I hear you. Thanks for your feedback and for sharing part of your story!

 

Then that changes everything, I say absolutely not, since you are not in a dire situation. When I lived with a client, I was a teenager and my family was extremely abusive mentally and psychically plus that client didnt have a drug problem or any bad vices. Seems like your going to be a babysitter to him as he thinks he won't relapse because your there. Drug addiction is very tough to escape, your too young to be enduring someone else's battles

[MiamiLooker]

So I have this massage client ive known for quite some time time. He is literally one of the sweetest guys I've ever met, but here is the kicker.... he is also a drug addict./ and positive. I do not have sex with him; erotic massage only. He comes to see me regularly except for when he goes on his binges. He has a big crush on me and recently he offered me to live with him rent free. It's very tempting because i live in LA and it would be amazing to save money because rent is outrageous...He's not really a highroller , he lives very modestly in a large snd very nice studio apartment in koreatown, he appears comfortable..so I would obviously be sharing a bed with him... I'd love to save the money but I also think I'm going to be extremely uncomfortable. He thinks me being there would help with his sobriety. He'll be clean for 6 months to a year and then he falls off the wagon. He thinks he wouldn't fall off if I were there. I'm wondering if u would consider this If u were in my shoes?

I can't believe you're even considering this.

[bigvalboy]

I can't believe you're even considering this.

 

+1

[Brodney]

I can't believe you're even considering this.

Me neither

[KennF]

So, here's the thing...

This is going to come across dickish and harsh. I'm saying this from some personal experience with people having addiction issues and codependency. So please take it from a place of love and compassion.

 

It's wonderful to have the option to move in with him and to know that it is a safety net in case you lost your home or something.

 

You should be aware that you could really be hurting him by moving in. Among other things, he is looking for you to move in as a crutch to keep him clean. That would mean that you would be necessary in his life... forever.

 

It is much better if he finds himself and his support structure in order to find his own way to keeping clean. You can be his friend, and I think it is great that you feel enough of a connection that the offer is present.

 

Before you go and make such a move consider...

• What happens to your regular income from him?
  
• What stops him from asking for a massage when you are off hours (not on the clock)?
  
• What happens if he falls off the wagon and stops paying the rent/mortgage?
  
• What do you think will happen when you need to offer an 'in-call'? Or go out on an 'out-call' at 2AM?
  
• What do you do when he gets sick, either from a bad night binge, or the flu?
  
• How do you handle when he suggests a boyfriend/date?
  
• What happens in the middle of the night when he gets horny and reaches over?
  

He may be the nicest person in the world, and you two may become the best of friends, and it isn't worth the friendship to allow you to become codependent on his addiction nor enabling him to avoid facing the issues that drive him to his addiction.

 

The best thing you can do for him and yourself, is be his friend, not his sponsor, and not his roommate.

 

Saving money is great! But is it enough of a reason to risk his both of your mental health?

 

Just my opinion.

[YoungAD]

Thing is its one thing to see the client for 1 hour massaging him and another thing to be living with someone 24/7. People are totally different once you live with him and you will see sides to a person you didnt know. I have lived with a client before (because I was homeless) and it worked out for me but I stopped escorting when I lived with him. I don't know the rules if he's going to be giving you an allowance or you can still see other clients. At this point of my life I couldn't see myself living with a client though, having a roommate is bad enough lol, I need some form of independence. But if your in a bad situation like I was when I was younger and about to be homeless, I say go live with him, save some money and when you have enough find another place.

 

Then that changes everything, I say absolutely not, since you are not in a dire situation. When I lived with a client, I was a teenager and my family was extremely abusive mentally and psychically plus that client didnt have a drug problem or any bad vices. Seems like your going to be a babysitter to him as he thinks he won't relapse because your there. Drug addiction is very tough to escape, your too young to be enduring someone else's battles

 

Dominiking,

 

This is why you find yourself engaged in worthless dialogue with would-be clients. The question posted ("Should I move in with a drug-addled client to save money?") is nonsense and not worthy of a thought-out reply. Choose your conversations more wisely.

 

I can't believe you're even considering this.

 

Indeed.

[Bucky]

Hey @YoungAD. Who the hell made you the "I'll decide which posts are nonsense and who gets to reply" god??

 

Your note to Dominiking is waaaaay out of line.

 

Dominiking,

 

This is why you find yourself engaged in worthless dialogue with would-be clients. The question posted ("Should I move in with a drug-addled client to save money?") is nonsense and not worthy of a thought-out reply. Choose your conversations more wisely.

[Good Grief]

Dominiking,

 

This is why you find yourself engaged in worthless dialogue with would-be clients. The question posted ("Should I move in with a drug-addled client to save money?") is nonsense and not worthy of a thought-out reply. Choose your conversations more wisely.

 

 

 

Indeed.

 

I'm sure I've been thought of as a shit based on some of my posts.

 

You, sir, are shittier, more shitty, whatever. You win.

[AdamSmith]

DRUG. ADDICT.

 

RUN. AWAY.

[+ sync]

I would say definitely not move in with him. Effective addiction support requires the attention of individuals trained to treat that particular addiction, not a live-in boyfriend. As well-intentioned as your consideration may be, if/when he were to fall off the wagon, he would have the convenience of blaming you for it rather than his own weakness. Also, with drug addiction there would always be the possibility of a violent reaction endangering you, himself or the both of you.

[YoungAD]

Hey @YoungAD. Who the hell made you the "I'll decide which posts are nonsense and who gets to reply" god??

 

Your note to Dominiking is waaaaay out of line.

 

At no point did I tell Dominiking that he could not post a reply to any thread. I suggested Dominiking should reexamine the effort he places in responding to posts that are clearly utter nonsense and the product of an Internet troll, because it is likely he is placing a similar effort in responding to nonsense emails sent to him by clients who waste, and will continue to waste, his time.

 

This is my opinion. You are not required to share it, nor is Dominiking.

[AdamSmith]

At no point did I tell Dominiking that he could not post a reply to any thread. I suggested Dominiking should reexamine the effort he places in responding to posts that are clearly utter nonsense and the product of an Internet troll, because it is likely he is placing a similar effort in responding to nonsense emails sent to him by clients who waste, and will continue to waste, his time.

 

This is my opinion. You are not required to share it, nor is Dominking.

You need psychotherapy.

[YoungAD]

You need psychotherapy.

 

Because I have a difference in opinion?

[Good Grief]

Because I have a difference in opinion?

 

Pffft

[YoungAD]

Pffft

 

Just as I thought.

[+ Kufrol]

Many professional substance abuse recovery therapists recommend a person achieve one year of sobriety before making a significant living arrangement change. Kudos, both to the addict for making it so far, and to the masseur for wanting to help. Both could attain and possibly maintain a mutually beneficial arrangement, but given the sage advice provided by so many, perhaps waiting a bit longer would be best for both parties. The perplexities of codependency and enabling manifest themselves in complex ways. Regardless of your decision, clearly establish boundaries and maintain them if you decide to move in with your client or if you simply remain as his friend.

[AdamSmith]

I would say definitely not move in with him. Effective addiction support requires the attention of individuals trained to treat that particular addiction, not a live-in boyfriend. As well-intentioned as your consideration may be, if/when he were to fall off the wagon, he would have the convenience of blaming you for it rather than his own weakness. Also, with drug addiction there would always be the possibility of a violent reaction endangering you, himself or the both of you.

+++