Reality-check and responses

LaffingBear · May 29, 2017

Ive tried posting some ads on craigs over the years, and responded to others' ads.

While often quick to judge, assuming an advertiser or respondent was just plain dishonest, sometimes the experience leaves me wondering.

Have some of these guys lost touch with reality? Are they just taking a shot?
Should I reply with a polite decline? Or ignore it - I hate when people start communicating then just disappear.

Hypothetical: i run an ad. Something like "interested in young, 20s or 30s, fit latin jock for......" i attach a photo or two, noting its a sample of the type I'm seeking

I get a reply, picture attached. "Hi, im a 54 year old guy in great shape. Everyone says i look much younger. I was born in Greece, and my Mediterranean features look latin." Nice picture, something I'd compliment under most circumstances. I wish I was in such good shape. But i cant help thinking "Really? By what stretch of the imagination do you think you're like a 20-something Latin jock?"

Is he delusional? Just horny and irrationally hopeful? More important for me, is it wise to reply with a polite "no thanks", or just ignore it?

Similarly, i might reply to an ad of someone saying he's a 33-yo bodybuilder, only to learn hes 61. And yet his follow-up, insistence he knows he looks much younger, everyone says so, tells me he's lost touch with reality. Again, better to just drift away, not poke the bear? Or send a polite "thanks anyway"?

Is it wiser to just move on, stop replying? Or politely decline, potentially drawing ire or generating hurt?

+ *Funguy* · May 29, 2017

ALWAYS, a polite response is best. You, yourself, said "I hate when people start communicating then just disappear."

I have always felt that for someone not to acknowledge a message, be it voice mail, email, text, whatever, is the highest form of rudeness. It says that they are more important than me. This is especially pertinent to escorts and/or masseurs who ignore messages clients. It's different if the original message is, itself, rude.

LaffingBear · May 29, 2017

ALWAYS, a polite response is best. You, yourself, said "I hate when people start communicating then just disappear."

I have always felt that for someone not to acknowledge a message, be it voice mail, email, text, whatever, is the highest form of rudeness. It says that they are more important than me. This is especially pertinent to escorts and/or masseurs who ignore messages clients. It's different if the original message is, itself, rude.

Thats my first inclination.

Im surprised when i get a polite acknowledgment. But its also happened that i get vitriol, etc... or, suddenly, my ad was flagged and removed... which us an unmoderated process any viewer can do on craigs.

BasketBaller · May 29, 2017

I gave up on craigslist after too much of this kind of thing. People advertising as tops and then wanting to get fucked, using phony stats and pics, and vanishing when it came time to set up something. The few guys I met were all people in hotels here for work, and while a couple of them were nice enough guys, the sex was mostly disappointing, so hiring became my preferred way of scratching the itch. The last couple of times I looked at the ads it was 99% bottoms and the few tops sounded flaky.

bostonman · May 29, 2017

I have been posting ads on CL for a while now. I tend to make my ads very specific in terms of activities or types of guys I'm looking for.

If I get a response that is just so totally off the mark from what I'm asking for in the ad, I have learned to essentially ignore it. Sometimes I will send back a response where I ask something like "did you REALLY read the ad?" - but mostly I ignore.

But it depends. If it's a really considerate reply and the guy seems honest, and it seems like something could happen, even if it's not what I was essentially hoping for, I'll write back and start a conversation and see where it goes. If the online chemistry seems right, and he sounds like a good person, and there's something we can share, I might go for it. If ultimately I feel it's not a good match, I'll say so, and thank him for the conversation.

But yeah, if I can sense that the guy is making it all up, or thinks he can get away without being upfront about things (if I press him for stats but he doesn't give them, etc), I just move on.

Red flags for me always - a guy who can only converse in short, txt-style lingo ("r u into it? Wats ur address") - no go. Ever. A guy who is trying to rush me into a "right now" when I've made it clear I'd like to talk and establish a bit of a rapport first - nope. Or a guy who doesn't respond to repeated inquiries (if I have to keep asking him for a first name, or for a face pic, or if questions about activities I'm interested in go unanswered, etc) - a waste of time.

I've rarely met a guy who misrepresented himself all that much (we all tell little lies I suppose, but I've never felt like the guy that shows up wasn't the guy in the pics lol).. Sometimes, of course, you meet someone at the door and you just don't feel the same about them live as you did when you saw his pics - or there's no sense of chemistry in person - but I've never had the misfortune of a guy sending fake pics or anything like that. The one time I really felt "taken" was when a guy showed up stinking drunk (though he seemed fine in how he typed his emails) AND smelling of cigarettes (I don't mind if a guy is a light smoker - but this was like a tobacco factory walking into my apartment lol) - AND was dressed more like a homeless person than someone that wanted to look appealing for a hookup. (I don't ask for much, but this guy was a mess, lol.) His excuse was that "it's St. Patrick's Day - c'mon man, everyone's smashed." I managed to get him to leave without incident - though he kept sending me angry insulting emails afterwards...until he clearly just got tired of not getting responses back. Haven't heard from him since, thank god.

So yeah - it's a crapshoot, just like any other method of meeting a guy on the web. Though I have had some very nice times. It just pays to be as vigilant as you can - and yeah, you have to create your own set of standards for what you'll accept and what you won't. I say if someone isn't sounding right to you, just ignore him and move on.

LoveNDino · May 29, 2017

Ever considered Grindr?

MiamiLooker · May 29, 2017

I have been posting ads on CL for a while now. I tend to make my ads very specific in terms of activities or types of guys I'm looking for.

If I get a response that is just so totally off the mark from what I'm asking for in the ad, I have learned to essentially ignore it. Sometimes I will send back a response where I ask something like "did you REALLY read the ad?" - but mostly I ignore.

But it depends. If it's a really considerate reply and the guy seems honest, and it seems like something could happen, even if it's not what I was essentially hoping for, I'll write back and start a conversation and see where it goes. If the online chemistry seems right, and he sounds like a good person, and there's something we can share, I might go for it. If ultimately I feel it's not a good match, I'll say so, and thank him for the conversation.

But yeah, if I can sense that the guy is making it all up, or thinks he can get away without being upfront about things (if I press him for stats but he doesn't give them, etc), I just move on.

Red flags for me always - a guy who can only converse in short, txt-style lingo ("r u into it? Wats ur address") - no go. Ever. A guy who is trying to rush me into a "right now" when I've made it clear I'd like to talk and establish a bit of a rapport first - nope. Or a guy who doesn't respond to repeated inquiries (if I have to keep asking him for a first name, or for a face pic, or if questions about activities I'm interested in go unanswered, etc) - a waste of time.

I've rarely met a guy who misrepresented himself all that much (we all tell little lies I suppose, but I've never felt like the guy that shows up wasn't the guy in the pics lol).. Sometimes, of course, you meet someone at the door and you just don't feel the same about them live as you did when you saw his pics - or there's no sense of chemistry in person - but I've never had the misfortune of a guy sending fake pics or anything like that. The one time I really felt "taken" was when a guy showed up stinking drunk (though he seemed fine in how he typed his emails) AND smelling of cigarettes (I don't mind if a guy is a light smoker - but this was like a tobacco factory walking into my apartment lol) - AND was dressed more like a homeless person than someone that wanted to look appealing for a hookup. (I don't ask for much, but this guy was a mess, lol.) His excuse was that "it's St. Patrick's Day - c'mon man, everyone's smashed." I managed to get him to leave without incident - though he kept sending me angry insulting emails afterwards...until he clearly just got tired of not getting responses back. Haven't heard from him since, thank god.

So yeah - it's a crapshoot, just like any other method of meeting a guy on the web. Though I have had some very nice times. It just pays to be as vigilant as you can - and yeah, you have to create your own set of standards for what you'll accept and what you won't. I say if someone isn't sounding right to you, just ignore him and move on.

Agree...especially "If I get a response that is just so totally off the mark from what I'm asking for in the ad, I have learned to essentially ignore it."

LaffingBear · May 29, 2017

Ever considered Grindr?

Yeah. Tried it for 3 whole days. Saw alot of guys who interested me - pretty nearby in suburbia, which seemed encouraging at first. Never had one guy initiate contact. Never had one guy respond to my efforts.... not even a "fuck-off."

Decided its not for me. Uninstalled.

Scruff, pretty much the same experience

LoveNDino · May 29, 2017

Yeah. Tried it for 3 whole days. Saw alot of guys who interested me - pretty nearby in suburbia, which seemed encouraging at first. Never had one guy initiate contact. Never had one guy respond to my efforts.... not even a "fuck-off."

Decided its not for me. Uninstalled.

Scruff, pretty much the same experience

Sorry to hear that.

LaffingBear · May 29, 2017

I have been posting ads on CL for a while now. I tend to make my ads very specific in terms of activities or types of guys I'm looking for.

If I get a response that is just so totally off the mark from what I'm asking for in the ad, I have learned to essentially ignore it. Sometimes I will send back a response where I ask something like "did you REALLY read the ad?" - but mostly I ignore.

Ive run specific ads. Sometimes though, i want to reply

"I advertised for this: http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/ODg2WDU3Mw==/z/RawAAOSwv0tVQqyp/$_1.JPG

In what alternate reality did you think you'd get a favorable reply? http://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/,scalefit_970_noupscale/55c3a9911700002600566ce3.jpeg

bostonman · May 29, 2017

I did have a realization last night that I was played by a CL advertiser. Not a big deal, and no real harm done, but he does lie about himself in his ad. His "M.O." is that he's a 28-year old straight guy looking for his first gay blowjob.

He actually contacted one of my ads a while back, and we finally met (our schedules being rotten) a few weeks ago. He had led me to believe, rather convincingly, that this really would be his first time with a man. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. The experience was ok - he seemed to enjoy it a lot (and I don't think he was making that up), I wasn't as enthusiastic, but it wasn't awful either. He was nice enough and all, but just not someone I would have really sought out to see again. But hey, if I showed him a good first time, cool.

But I was surprised to see an ad on CL last night (including one of the pics he originally sent me) claiming he had never been with a man and was looking for his first gay blowjob. So if I had any suspicions before that he was playing a game with reality, now I knew for sure. I don't doubt he thinks that he will get more offers with the alluring "virgin gay experience" thing (he's a rather zaftig guy with a small cock - not that I minded that, but that's certainly not for everyone), and I'm sure he's far from the only guy playing that exact game out there. But it was galling, nevertheless, to see him doing that. (To be clear, he was honest about his looks - his pics were accurate, etc. It's just this virgin story that he's spinning...)

He and I had been texting after my ad that he initially answered had expired. (What is nice about CL is that you can use CL-generated emails forwarded to you instead of giving out any real info). I did text him to say that I saw his ad, and knew he was lying about the virgin bit. Then I blocked him from texting/calling. The end.

I mean - it's ultimately not a very serious thing, nor harmful, really. But it's stupid when guys have to rely on games like that.

Schmuck.

LaffingBear · May 29, 2017

I did have a realization last night that I was played by a CL advertiser.

(he's a rather zaftig guy ....)

Schmuck.

You should run your own craigs ad. A lexicon including Zaftig & Schmuck.... Men should be lining up!

bostonman · May 29, 2017

Zaftig & Schmuck

That could be trump's law firm...

Rudynate · June 15, 2017

ALWAYS, a polite response is best. You, yourself, said "I hate when people start communicating then just disappear."

I have always felt that for someone not to acknowledge a message, be it voice mail, email, text, whatever, is the highest form of rudeness. It says that they are more important than me. This is especially pertinent to escorts and/or masseurs who ignore messages clients. It's different if the original message is, itself, rude.

The magic words are, "We're not a match."

+ *Gar1eth* · June 15, 2017

Ive tried posting some ads on craigs over the years, and responded to others' ads.

While often quick to judge, assuming an advertiser or respondent was just plain dishonest, sometimes the experience leaves me wondering.

Have some of these guys lost touch with reality? Are they just taking a shot?

Should I reply with a polite decline? Or ignore it - I hate when people start communicating then just disappear.

Hypothetical: i run an ad. Something like "interested in young, 20s or 30s, fit latin jock for......" i attach a photo or two, noting its a sample of the type I'm seeking

I get a reply, picture attached. "Hi, im a 54 year old guy in great shape. Everyone says i look much younger. I was born in Greece, and my Mediterranean features look latin." Nice picture, something I'd compliment under most circumstances. I wish I was in such good shape. But i cant help thinking "Really? By what stretch of the imagination do you think you're like a 20-something Latin jock?"

Is he delusional? Just horny and irrationally hopeful? More important for me, is it wise to reply with a polite "no thanks", or just ignore it?

Similarly, i might reply to an ad of someone saying he's a 33-yo bodybuilder, only to learn hes 61. And yet his follow-up, insistence he knows he looks much younger, everyone says so, tells me he's lost touch with reality. Again, better to just drift away, not poke the bear? Or send a polite "thanks anyway"?

Is it wiser to just move on, stop replying? Or politely decline, potentially drawing ire or generating hurt?

So I'm not quite sure from your post whether you are looking for paid encounters on CL or hook-ups.

Going by the pictures you posted as examples, if you are going for hook-ups only, (and I don't mean to be insulting here), you'd need to be pretty hot yourself. I doubt for a hook-up I could ever get anyone who looked like your picture examples. Of course I'm a not terribly attractive chubby bald bear.

Gman

corymonroe · June 15, 2017

Lying and deceit are rampant on Craigslist. You have to dig deep to find anyone of substance (which explains why visiting there is rare for me).

What's the point of using a stolen photograph from the porn industry to attract a hookup? Stealing is sexy? I just don't get it, and I never will. If I ever find myself on Craigslist, I intentionally ignore all ads that feature stolen porn stills in their ads. I don't need to be shown someone's fantasy and photo theft is not an attractive quality in a man. If a personal ad doesn't show a photo of the guy writing the ad, then I'm not interested in looking at it.

LADoug1 · June 15, 2017

ALWAYS, a polite response is best. You, yourself, said "I hate when people start communicating then just disappear."

I have always felt that for someone not to acknowledge a message, be it voice mail, email, text, whatever, is the highest form of rudeness. It says that they are more important than me. This is especially pertinent to escorts and/or masseurs who ignore messages clients. It's different if the original message is, itself, rude.

Miss Manners would agree.

LADoug1 · June 15, 2017

The magic words are, "We're not a match."

"Thanks for responding. Sorry we're not a match. "

LADoug1 · June 15, 2017

I had a zero percent success rate with CL until I met a phenomenal guy who I've now been hooking up with for more than 1 1/2 years!

Deadlift1 · June 16, 2017

I did have a realization last night that I was played by a CL advertiser. Not a big deal, and no real harm done, but he does lie about himself in his ad. His "M.O." is that he's a 28-year old straight guy looking for his first gay blowjob.

He actually contacted one of my ads a while back, and we finally met (our schedules being rotten) a few weeks ago. He had led me to believe, rather convincingly, that this really would be his first time with a man. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. The experience was ok - he seemed to enjoy it a lot (and I don't think he was making that up), I wasn't as enthusiastic, but it wasn't awful either. He was nice enough and all, but just not someone I would have really sought out to see again. But hey, if I showed him a good first time, cool.

But I was surprised to see an ad on CL last night (including one of the pics he originally sent me) claiming he had never been with a man and was looking for his first gay blowjob. So if I had any suspicions before that he was playing a game with reality, now I knew for sure. I don't doubt he thinks that he will get more offers with the alluring "virgin gay experience" thing (he's a rather zaftig guy with a small cock - not that I minded that, but that's certainly not for everyone), and I'm sure he's far from the only guy playing that exact game out there. But it was galling, nevertheless, to see him doing that. (To be clear, he was honest about his looks - his pics were accurate, etc. It's just this virgin story that he's spinning...)

He and I had been texting after my ad that he initially answered had expired. (What is nice about CL is that you can use CL-generated emails forwarded to you instead of giving out any real info). I did text him to say that I saw his ad, and knew he was lying about the virgin bit. Then I blocked him from texting/calling. The end.

I mean - it's ultimately not a very serious thing, nor harmful, really. But it's stupid when guys have to rely on games like that.

Schmuck.

And texting then blocking is not a game?

bostonman · June 16, 2017

And texting then blocking is not a game?

Not if I don't want the creep to have access to me.

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