Worst Ever Massage

[LoveNDino]

Mine was with an effusively recommended masseur. He got snippy when I had trouble finding the entrance to his apartment. He had a big sore on his upper lip (herp?). He refused to lower the roman blinds on his picture window, allowing his neighbors a view of my nakedness. The bad treatment disarmed me. I could not wait to hop on a plane back to Chi town.

Nice try! Good story! But sorry @Dmitri is the reigning champion! I can never think of aromatherapy in this same way again!

[hardjohnny]

Josh Big Texan - no need to say more.

[LoveNDino]

Josh Big Texan - no need to say more.

I see. Thanks @hardjohnny for sharing....https://www.companyofmen.org/threads/411-on-josh-big-texan-la.120862/

[Ajac]

Newports guy sounds like a guy that was discussed here before. Advertised as A college bodybuilder. Way older than college. Located in the valley, pulled the same routine on so many guys. As far as Josh Big Texan goes he was the Jeckle and Hyde of masseurs. Started out as a favorite ended up upsetting quite a few clients.

[Ajac]

OK one more post...

These are not really worst experiences but a few oddities.

Photos of wife and children prominently displayed...Gee look who your Daddy is doing to this stranger.

Several taxidermy pets around the room....Very Norman bates.

Watching a reality show for the entirety of the massage.

Fashion show of every sparkly or leather outfit in his closet that he found sexy... I found them all ridiculous.

Going to a regular masseur who suddenly changed to a pitch dark room not even a candle. Maybe it was to experience the sensation of what a massage was like for Hellen Keller.

[LoveNDino]

OK one more post...

These are not really worst experiences but a few oddities.

Photos of wife and children prominently displayed...Gee look who your Daddy is doing to this stranger.

Several taxidermy pets around the room....Very Norman bates.

Watching a reality show for the entirety of the massage.

Fashion show of every sparkly or leather outfit in his closet that he found sexy... I found them all ridiculous.

Going to a regular masseur who suddenly changed to a pitch dark room not even a candle. Maybe it was to experience the sensation of what a massage was like for Hellen Keller.

You'd have a thing for strange ones, don't you?

[Beancounter]

I also have two that are a toss up. The first was my only Craigslist experience. I was living in New Jersey and needed an outcall. I found a masseur who said he would be right over. When the doorbell rang, there stood a man carrying two sawhorses and a board. I thought he was at the wrong house. Turns out it was the masseur! He proceeded to set it up in my living room. His massage table was two sawhorses and a board with carpet stapled on it! I placed a sheet on his "Table" and he went to work doing the massage. At one point the room smelled. I asked if he had farted, and he said "yes." I asked him to open a window, and he laughed and said"just think of it as aromatherapy." At this point I stopped the massage and asked him to leave. He gathered his things, and that is when I noticed he had a 4 inch piece of duct tape on his pants. I asked what it was and he said he ripped his pants and did not know how to sew, so he uses duct tape! That was the last time I used Craigslist! The other toss up worst massage was a masseur who I went to in Boston. A REAL massage table this time. At the beginning he asked if I was gay. I said yes. He said he was straight, and that it did not bother him to massage a gay man (?). Then about every 3 minutes during the massage he would say things like " Yup, does not bother me at all that you are gay." Or things like " Really comfortable with you, even though I am straight" This went on throughout the WHOLE massage session. Hard to relax when someone keeps telling you how straight they are. After I turned over, he suddenly blurted out "Can you fuck me?!!" Please?!! Literally begging me to fuck him! I had no chemistry with him and declined, got dressed, and left my "straight" masseur with a hard on.

 

We have a winner! Best of the best stories!

[LaffingBear]

OK one more post...

These are not really worst experiences but a few oddities.

Photos of wife and children prominently displayed...Gee look who your Daddy is doing to this stranger.

Several taxidermy pets around the room....Very Norman bates.

Watching a reality show for the entirety of the massage.

Fashion show of every sparkly or leather outfit in his closet that he found sexy... I found them all ridiculous.

Going to a regular masseur who suddenly changed to a pitch dark room not even a candle. Maybe it was to experience the sensation of what a massage was like for Hellen Keller.

Not sure why, but this really hit my funny bone. I cracked up.

 

Somewhere in all of these posts, theres the making of some lunatic reality TV Show....

[Ajac]

You'd have a thing for strange ones, don't you?

No just a handful of weird ones over a long period. Way more great experiences but that is a whole other thread.

[hopehawk]

This thread made my night. Dimitri's story and the Helen Keller joke in particular.

 

My worst experience was also my most recent one. A masseur who goes by NakedBearRub3 on A4A agreed to meet me later the same day for a massage. We agreed on $100.00 for the massage. I arrived about ten minutes early which he didn't mind. He led me downstairs to his massage table which was a bed with a paper thin sheet on it (red flag). He massaged me for about 5 minutes and then I was asked to flip over. He proceeded to the HE portion of the massage which concluded before the original time we even agreed upon. I was able to clean up briefly, but noting that only about 10 minutes had passed I asked for more massage. He was like "I guess, usually people just go after that part." So after at most 5 more minutes of massage he goes for HE number two. It doesn't happen. Still in the refractory period. I ask if he could just massage a while longer, but nope about 25 minutes in he's throwing in the towel. As I go to dress, he is literally guarding the door like I'm going to make a break for it. I politely asked if $80 would be acceptable given the extremely short duration of the massage and he responds "Nope, you finished twice, my clock is fast, I do 45 minutes, $100." I didn't, which he would know if he spent less time watching the clock and it wasn't even close to 45 minutes. Will never get a massage again from someone who is solely on A4A with no other reviews/website.

[LaffingBear]

He proceeded to the HE portion of the massage which concluded before the original time we even agreed upon. He was like "I guess, usually people just go after that part."

 

While thats never happened to me in a massage, one of my worst escort sessions was something similar. I had a guy in LV, start with 3 minutes of seductive undressing, a tiny bit of body contact, and then reach for my dick and start jerking away with more passion than Ma Kettle churning butter. And in a bizarre turn of paid session events, I was actually squirming, pushing, wrestling and scolding him to leave my dick alone. He was not to be deterred. I came in 10 minutes, he hopped up, got dressed in a flash, had grabbed the fee I'd left out and was moving towards the door. I complained, and he acted genuinely surprised, citing "sessions over when you cum".. stayed and conversed for a while, but contact was finished.

 

I chatted about it online, and had others share that it was a fairly common scam. (Back then - late 90s.) Somewhere, the bad guys, get this idea in their crooked head that they can claim "delivery as promised" once the client achieves orgasm. And pursue a cheater's strategy of making it happen as quickly as possible.

[Nomadic]

This really isn't a worst ever massage, but more the situation ... years ago, before the internet was real popular, I was looking for a massage in the local bar rag. Saw an ad for someone that was traveling and in town. Got in touch and set a meeting up. Show up at the hotel and when I get in the room I was surprised to find he actually had a massage table set up in the small room, it was wedged in there somehow and made the tight space even tighter. The massage itself wasn't bad. He then asked me to turn over and that's when it happened. He let out a small shriek, ran to the bathroom and closed the door. Between small muffled girly shrieks and "oh no"s and "oh God"s ... he tells me to get dressed and get out, go away. I wasn't sure what was wrong, so I asked him through the closed door, "hey, what's wrong?" and the reply was like "that thing in your dick ... get out". I guess he'd never seen a frenum piercing before, but I would have assumed as someone doing massage, he would have, I mean, even in the 90s I knew a number of guys with at least PAs.

 

Anyway, I got dressed and left. And for a while after that, I was self conscious about it and warned the masseur before I took my clothes off.

[gallahadesquire]

Bruce in boston:

 

http://daddysreviews.com/search/All/bruce/bruce_boston

[url=http://daddysreviews.com/search/All/bruce/bruce_boston][/url]

Massage was on a daybed in a cluttered room. He didn't shut up the whole time, and about every five minutes slurped coffee.

And he was certainly not the guy in his photos "HUNKYITALIAN" which used to be on rentboy.

 

I don't see that he advertises anymore. Thank goodness.

[hardjohnny]

Whatever happened to Josh Pig Texan Massage anyway? Noticed his ad his gone. Hopefully his unprofessional (putting it mildly) tactics caught up to him.

[+ Just Sayin]

@hardjohnny maybe he made enough money to retire; he was talking to me about his IRA when he massaged me

[feldersteve]

Long time ago, I was working temporarily in another city, so I wanted to find a masseur and schedule some regular sessions. First appointment was with a guy who lived near a major university. Studio was on the 4th floor of a large apartment house. Climbed dozens of stairs to get there. Dude opens the door, invites me to sit down for the "interview". Asks me what my favorite Disney character is (wtf?) and do I like unicorns. Not making this up. Then we move to the bedroom - no table, just a bed - and I disrobe and stretch out. He turns out the lights, and switches on a thousand tiny little Christmas lights, cranks up the music (Fantasia?) and he begins to hum along. Holy shit. Then he starts rubbing my backside, a little. Then I feel something cool - so I ask what's he doing? Baby powder, he says. Johnson's baby powder. Seriously? His humming turns to singing, the incense is getting strong, and I'm wondering how the hell I'm going to get out of this. Then he starts asking if I want spanked, or a little whipping? Uh, S&M ain't my thing. I'm sure I could have whipped HIS ass, but thought better of it. My pants were close by, and so was my cellphone. I grabbed it and faked receiving a call, told him it was an emergency and had to leave. He starts getting all weird. His fee was $60 (that should have told me something) and I said that I'd give him 40 now, and come back later for the rest. He agreed, but insisted on giving me a big hug before I left. Grabbed the rest of my gear and flew down the stairs. "my, oh my, what a wonderful day" was still ringing in my ears.

[LoveNDino]

Long time ago, I was working temporarily in another city, so I wanted to find a masseur and schedule some regular sessions. First appointment was with a guy who lived near a major university. Studio was on the 4th floor of a large apartment house. Climbed dozens of stairs to get there. Dude opens the door, invites me to sit down for the "interview". Asks me what my favorite Disney character is (wtf?) and do I like unicorns. Not making this up. Then we move to the bedroom - no table, just a bed - and I disrobe and stretch out. He turns out the lights, and switches on a thousand tiny little Christmas lights, cranks up the music (Fantasia?) and he begins to hum along. Holy shit. Then he starts rubbing my backside, a little. Then I feel something cool - so I ask what's he doing? Baby powder, he says. Johnson's baby powder. Seriously? His humming turns to singing, the incense is getting strong, and I'm wondering how the hell I'm going to get out of this. Then he starts asking if I want spanked, or a little whipping? Uh, S&M ain't my thing. I'm sure I could have whipped HIS ass, but thought better of it. My pants were close by, and so was my cellphone. I grabbed it and faked receiving a call, told him it was an emergency and had to leave. He starts getting all weird. His fee was $60 (that should have told me something) and I said that I'd give him 40 now, and come back later for the rest. He agreed, but insisted on giving me a big hug before I left. Grabbed the rest of my gear and flew down the stairs. "my, oh my, what a wonderful day" was still ringing in my ears.

Almost as bad and hilarious as @Dmitri but not quite!

[hopehawk]

This thread made my night. Dimitri's story and the Helen Keller joke in particular.

 

My worst experience was also my most recent one. A masseur who goes by NakedBearRub3 on A4A agreed to meet me later the same day for a massage. We agreed on $100.00 for the massage. I arrived about ten minutes early which he didn't mind. He led me downstairs to his massage table which was a bed with a paper thin sheet on it (red flag). He massaged me for about 5 minutes and then I was asked to flip over. He proceeded to the HE portion of the massage which concluded before the original time we even agreed upon. I was able to clean up briefly, but noting that only about 10 minutes had passed I asked for more massage. He was like "I guess, usually people just go after that part." So after at most 5 more minutes of massage he goes for HE number two. It doesn't happen. Still in the refractory period. I ask if he could just massage a while longer, but nope about 25 minutes in he's throwing in the towel. As I go to dress, he is literally guarding the door like I'm going to make a break for it. I politely asked if $80 would be acceptable given the extremely short duration of the massage and he responds "Nope, you finished twice, my clock is fast, I do 45 minutes, $100." I didn't, which he would know if he spent less time watching the clock and it wasn't even close to 45 minutes. Will never get a massage again from someone who is solely on A4A with no other reviews/website.

 

Just want to give a heads up. This guy is now on rentmasseur. https://rentmasseur.com/bearnakedmassage

[Capitano]

I've had 6-7 experiences that I absolutely hated and couldn't wait to be done.

Several of those have left this business because it apparently wasn't for them, but surprisingly many are still hanging on.

I'll be very specific:

 

This one was an awful, whiney, affectatious, self-centered diva with seriously fake reviews on masseurfinder:

https://www.masseurfinder.com/members/anjred.shtml

PS Updated links, no wonder they keep changing their names:

https://rentmasseur.com/anjrped

https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/18208/

 

 

Slightly less whiney but still very catty and unpleasant, plus completely out of shape wrt to these old pictures:

https://www.masseurfinder.com/members/alexchicago.shtml

 

Serious hygiene issues, plus he couldn't stop yapping, I felt like I should incinerate my sheets afterwards, but the upside was that I learned to become much more careful with outcalls:

https://rentmasseur.com/Fire_Insyde

 

I'll post links to others if they ever resurface

Edited December 27, 2018 by Capitano

[+ bashful]

I've only hired for massage twice, but think about doing so again.

 

I am thankful for this website, and all of your contributions. You have given me a lot of guidance.

[Redwine56]

Just want to give a heads up. This guy is now on rentmasseur. https://rentmasseur.com/bearnakedmassage

He should have a cup asking for donations as payment. Really?

[RunnerGuy]

New to this board (discovered this post-CL) and laughed at these stories.

 

Mine is funny (and painful).

 

I visited a masseur in NYC. It was the winter, and I went to his place in an old walk-up. Because we don't have those old school heaters, I didn't know what it was. After my massage I was still nude and we were making small talk. I was getting dressed and sat on the heater, badly burning my rear. I yelped and grabbed a pipe on a wall, which was also burning hot. It was like an "Itchy and Scratchy" cartoon. I left with burns on my butt and hand.

Edited October 27, 2018 by RunnerGuy

[Ajac]

Aww, I wish I was there to put some Neosporin on your Tushie ;^)

[Lankypeters]

Many moons ago..... Jake Deckard.

 

I, too, had a totally unsatisfying session with the highly (self) touted Jake Deckard. He was indifferent and hostile to the point of rudeness. I'd come from a long, tense meeting. He seemed annoyed that my back was tight -- what the hell are masseurs supposed to deal with? I wondered. And yes, there was little sensual interaction. He shoved his bonger in my face, as he did with you; and he handed me some lube. "Here," he said, "why don't you finish yourself off." A couple years later, I saw a former partner of his, also in the "business." He was no better. I might add that many of the photos Deckard posts on his website have been up there for at least a decade.

Edited March 27, 2018 by Lankypeters

[Guest InthePines]

So it's a toss up between two. I arrived on time and got on the table despite this ginormous dog watching me undress. The guy told the dog to lay down. The dog did and the massage began. About half way in the guy said he had just eaten a burger and it didn't set well. All kinds noises started erupting from his bowels and he ran up stairs for a major blow out in the bathroom. I got up to get dressed and the dog was standing there in a show down just daring me to get off table. I slowly reached for my clothes, gradually and slowly got dressed to the chorus of a farting masseur. Then he came down and was very apologetic...you know the drill. And that was that. I made it out with my all my body parts. No relaxation at all.

 

 

Live and learn...

Funny and sort of gross at the same time. I had a masseur who like to go by the McDonalds on his way to my house. Just the fact that he smelled like a deep fryer would kill the mood for me. It didn't help that his lotion smelled and felt like he bought it at the Dollar General. He's since fallen by the wayside.