I have become attached to my escort

[Tony861]

Hello everyone -

 

I have a question. I have become very attached to my escort. We have been doing business for a little over a year. I love the stories and the attempt to appear that I am the only one. He is such a teddy bear sweetheart.

 

Here is my challenge and ask - would like to get folks thoughts.

 

I would like to triple his fee for an 4 hour period for a trip down reality row. Basically (no details of course) would like to know what his "real" life is like. He is a strong dude and very private. I do not want to insult him, just really want to know him. If he said no, I would immediately back off. If he said yes I would have my list of questions. Of course playing fair I would answer anything he may want to know. I am also a very private person, but have been very up front with him. My ask is not to trick or con him in anyway, I would never do that to anyone especially someone I have grown so fond. I think he is aware how much I value my integrity and would never do anything in malice. With either answer it would change the dynamics of our time together.

 

In your opinion if you were given a similar ask, what would you think and/or do? Should I put this idea to rest and realize I am silly dude who has a crush?

 

Thank you for your thoughts, advice.

[+ poolboy48220]

I had a weird reaction to "triple his fee to find out what his real life is like". Given the relationship you've described, it seems like knowing what his real life is like is something that should grow organically, not from paying him more. That seems to move it more into the realm of a business transaction, rather than less.

[Tony861]

Good point. We do not discuss money anymore, and so that would probably be a bad approach. Better would probably be "what could I do to get a glimpse of your real life". Of course over the time spent together we have discovered real life aspects. I should probably just junk the whole idea. I will not have it appear that I am not respectful of his privacy. Maybe I am crossing the line.

[Whitman]

... knowing what his real life is like is something that should grow organically ...

This!

 

Just let is happen over time with a fellow whose company you enjoy. As you would with a new friend you met in any other way.

[LADoug1]

Abandon the idea about the fee increase. If I were he I'd run like mad in the other direction.

 

Talk the situation over with him and express how you feel and what you want. He might divulge his personal information naturally.

[+ BigRic]

IMO this proposition is a good example of what I call "halo thumping." It's very possible that there's a reason the personal 411 you seek hasn't already become known after a year of seeing this guy.

[adventurous old guy]

I'd go step by step. What you've got going for you is a history of respect so fair to assume there is some trust on his part that you're a good guy. You could start with something direct but innocuous, like: No pressure, but I'm curious about you, what do you do for fun? This gives him a lot of room to offer something or demure. Given what you've said about valuing your own privacy, he may be respectfully being discreet so as not to offend you. Someone's got to break the ice. I find that the few minutes of afterglow just after sex is a great time to share something or ask something about him as a whole person.

 

No judgment at all here, but I wonder if the bigger issue is getting attached to an escort. When I've found that happening myself, I back off. I'm in a relationship so crushes feel dangerous to me. Again, wondering where you want to take this. Do you want to know whether he's available to date? Or to be a friend? If so, you might work up to that question once you gauge reaction to smaller "break the ice" first steps?

 

Thanks for posting such a thought provoking question. I'm in a space now where I've rehired someone with whom there is wonderful sexual chemistry, and he's a very nice guy. Like you, I'm curious about him and fond of him. I've asked him about his life and learned he's been in a relationship earlier where he was basically kept, didn't like that, is in school and doing what he does to pay for it. Knowing that helps me understand his path and I'm rooting for him to have a great life. Feels like a friendship with very clear lines, but I'm watching myself!

[MartyB]

I get where you are coming from in your feelings towards your escort. Sometimes it does cross the line particularly if you are seeing him exclusively. What I think is let the relationship you have progress naturally. Personal info will come. However, in the final analysis you have to look at this as business first. As long as your escort is charging you a fee it's still a business relationship . My suggestion what you have here sounds great. Right now I have the same thing and its awesome. Don't offer more $ just to get more personal.

[robberbaron4u]

Get thee to a therapist.

[jawjateck]

I understand the title and the word "crush." I'm not sure what you mean by what you wrote in between. Back away, and give yourself time to think more clearly.

[MikeBiDude]

I'm with @BigRic on this one. If personal information you're seekimg hasn't been forthcoming so far...there's a reason. Leave it alone or risk ruining the client/escort relationship you have now.

[rvwnsd]

I agree with those who say "back off" and with you when you say "junk the whole idea." Also, you might want to stop referring to him as "your" escort. He isn't "yours."

[+ Kufrol]

If you can afford it, take a road trip or longer vacation with him. After several hours of traveling or spending time together at a resort, hotel, whatever, he'll probably open up about his private life. Or not. Regardless, remain cognizant of the professional relationship that has brought you to where you are (emotionally and maybe spiritually), and maintain as objective a perspective as you can.

[robberbaron4u]

Make remark to him that you have been "wiped out" financially by speculation in the Peruvian cotton market, and, you will want to continue your "relationship" on a "love amd affection" basis. . .

[Tonyko]

"What at night seems oh so scenic, can be cynic in the light" "The Fantasticks"

I was also in love with a hot little str8 muscle scort I saw for over 2 years maybe 10-12 yrs my junior, also very private bout his private life other than I knew he lived with a long time GF that much he shared. (he was like a tuff little M Whalberg guy) Saw him on the subway early one summer eve he didn't see me, and he LOOKED tots different his clothes his hair his bag etc. We got off the same stop in Chelsea where I also knew he prolly lived he had also told me his general hood, and, embarrassed to say I decided to tail him a little. He went into a bldng I waited a while and was gonna leave then he came back out his arm around a very flamboyant guy and they both had these little shorty shorts on AND very bright glitter eye shadow and were shortly joined by a gaggle of similar guys on the street and they headed off down the block. (NO judgement here btw to each his own there's room for ALL of us lol) but omg it was like EVERYTING I thought about him was a lie and just his scorting persona. AGAIN, nothing wrong with ANY scort having one lol, they must be "actors" in a way to make us feel special and give us what we want, I get that. BUT I wish I'd never looked into that window cause it ruined it for me with him. So my advice is DON'T look don't ask to look don't fantasize bout what will prolly never be and just enjoy your great times with him

[adventurous old guy]

"What at night seems oh so scenic, can be cynic in the light" "The Fantasticks"

I was also in love with a hot little str8 muscle scort I saw for over 2 years maybe 10-12 yrs my junior, also very private bout his private life other than I knew he lived with a long time GF that much he shared. (he was like a tuff little M Whalberg guy) Saw him on the subway early one summer eve he didn't see me, and he LOOKED tots different his clothes his hair his bag etc. We got off the same stop in Chelsea where I also knew he prolly lived he had also told me his general hood, and, embarrassed to say I decided to tail him a little. He went into a bldng I waited a while and was gonna leave then he came back out his arm around a very flamboyant guy and they both had these little shorty shorts on AND very bright glitter eye shadow and were shortly joined by a gaggle of similar guys on the street and they headed off down the block. (NO judgement here btw to each his own there's room for ALL of us lol) but omg it was like EVERYTING I thought about him was a lie and just his scorting persona. AGAIN, nothing wrong with ANY scort having one lol, they must be "actors" in a way to make us feel special and give us what we want, I get that. BUT I wish I'd never looked into that window cause it ruined it for me with him. So my advice is DON'T look don't ask to look don't fantasize bout what will prolly never be and just enjoy your great times with him

There's a million stories in the city, right? And this one is very entertaining!

[+ BigRic]

Make remark to him that you have been "wiped out" financially by speculation in the Peruvian cotton market, and, you will want to continue your "relationship" on a "love amd affection" basis. . .

 

LOL yup. If he can remain a "teddy bear sweetheart" at that point, you "know" him. If he doesn't, you never did . . . and probably won't (carnally) know him ever again. This is the conundrum.

 

 

Re your "Fantasticks" quote and Chelsea Wahlberger @Tonyko:

 

Exactly. LOL. No disrespect, @Tony861, but wanting answers to these questions is IMO akin to expecting to still like Ryan Gosling after offering to pay him to tell you his movies are a "lie" after growing fond of the way he made you feel every time you went to see La La Land again and again.

 

"You lied to me 'cause I asked you to / Baby, can we still be friends?" --"Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses," U2

[BaronArtz]

I have a bit of a dissenting opinion on this. I would say, go right ahead. A good escort, which he presumably is, will be glad to take the money. And if need be, make up an entirely fictional story of his fascinating, secret but 'real' life. Just to satisfy your craving, as a client.

[MikeyGMin]

Dude. Terrible idea. A really terrible idea. Walls come down naturally or not at all. Trying to force them down can come to no good.

 

You say yourself that he's a very private person. Let me ask you this. After all this time do you even know his real full name? If not, that's a pretty good indicator that the request will make him very uncomfortable.

[+ sniper]

I used to be a statistician working in modeling risk: I'd say the idea in the OP has about a 5% chance of working as he hopes, 90% chance of the escort cutting off all contact, 5% chance of a simple declining of the offer, and a 100% chance of being incredibly awkward for all involved. Do with that estimate what you will.

[MikeBiDude]

"What at night seems oh so scenic, can be cynic in the light" "The Fantasticks"

I was also in love with a hot little str8 muscle scort I saw for over 2 years maybe 10-12 yrs my junior, also very private bout his private life other than I knew he lived with a long time GF that much he shared. (he was like a tuff little M Whalberg guy) Saw him on the subway early one summer eve he didn't see me, and he LOOKED tots different his clothes his hair his bag etc. We got off the same stop in Chelsea where I also knew he prolly lived he had also told me his general hood, and, embarrassed to say I decided to tail him a little. He went into a bldng I waited a while and was gonna leave then he came back out his arm around a very flamboyant guy and they both had these little shorty shorts on AND very bright glitter eye shadow and were shortly joined by a gaggle of similar guys on the street and they headed off down the block. (NO judgement here btw to each his own there's room for ALL of us lol) but omg it was like EVERYTING I thought about him was a lie and just his scorting persona. AGAIN, nothing wrong with ANY scort having one lol, they must be "actors" in a way to make us feel special and give us what we want, I get that. BUT I wish I'd never looked into that window cause it ruined it for me with him. So my advice is DON'T look don't ask to look don't fantasize bout what will prolly never be and just enjoy your great times with him

Yup, when you turn over that rock be prepared for what surprises you might find!!!!

[+ bigjoey]

This!

 

Just let is happen over time with a fellow whose company you enjoy. As you would with a new friend you met in any other way.

 

Agree completely. If it is meant to be, it will come naturally with time and a friendship will develop and the information will flow as it does with any friend.

[Mount N Do]

I was seeing an escort that I was becoming dangerously close to. He too was clinging and offered more personal information than I probably needed to know. One of the hottest guys I've ever been with. I stopped seeing him. I don't think that ever ends well. Particularly under my circumstances.

[Nvr2Thick]

Hello everyone -

 

I have a question. I have become very attached to my escort. We have been doing business for a little over a year. I love the stories and the attempt to appear that I am the only one. He is such a teddy bear sweetheart.

 

Here is my challenge and ask - would like to get folks thoughts.

 

I would like to triple his fee for an 4 hour period for a trip down reality row. Basically (no details of course) would like to know what his "real" life is like. He is a strong dude and very private. I do not want to insult him, just really want to know him. If he said no, I would immediately back off. If he said yes I would have my list of questions. Of course playing fair I would answer anything he may want to know. I am also a very private person, but have been very up front with him. My ask is not to trick or con him in anyway, I would never do that to anyone especially someone I have grown so fond. I think he is aware how much I value my integrity and would never do anything in malice. With either answer it would change the dynamics of our time together.

 

In your opinion if you were given a similar ask, what would you think and/or do? Should I put this idea to rest and realize I am silly dude who has a crush?

 

Thank you for your thoughts, advice.

 

Only you know for sure, but I think you're a silly dude who has a crush. The fact that you want to know your escort personally strongly suggests obsession. Others have advised you on how this attempt might fail, but I'd be afraid of what happens if you succeed. Then what? You've got a big crush on an escort, and you now have so much more to develop your attachment, which is likely one-sided. In a few months you'll be one of those guys posting to this forum because your escort retired and you can't bear to part with him, or you're in love with your escort and you don't know what to do to either bring him closer or break free. Consider these desires as a warning sign that you need to play the field a bit; find another escort or two to dilute your obsession. Protect yourself by creating some distance before you get hurt.

 

[Jose305]

Just my 2cents but we're first human. As human we crave attention, affection and the need to be wanted and loved. Here comes along someone who not only is beautiful, hot, etc but provides those things plus sexual intimacy BUT it's all an illusion, a game of pretend but in a different level. Bottom line he's a fantasy and he's doing it for money. He might be extremely believable but again it's pretend - it's easier said then done but let him go. This path is destructive for you emotionally- you'll be emotionally shredded to pieces and he will walk away unscathed but with a few hundred dollar bills in his pocket