"The "best" guys are scooped up & "kept" by the wealthy" - true? false?

[+ sniper]

Seems to me the effort of finding the right person for that particular "gig" is at least as great, if not greater than, finding a boyfriend. And at some point it basically is a committed relationship; just one that is slightly easier to walk away from because you're not legally married. I mean, if you're being exclusive, how different is this really from having a stay-at-home spouse? You just talked about it explicitly beforehand.

[Mydavid]

I decided early on in my career that I had absolutely no interest in being a kept man. I've been with my man for almost 6 years and though we have some common bills, we are otherwise financially independent.

Oh, I thought you guys were married.

[+ sniper]

msclelovr I'm curious, does your guy take care of the house as part of the deal?

I've honestly thought I would have gotten a lot farther in my career if I had someone taking care of that side of life. I think there's something to be said for division of labor.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

Oh, I thought you guys were married.

 

I'm sure we will get married one day, but it's not something that either of us feels is necessary.

[Mydavid]

I'm sure we will get married one day, but it's not something that either of us feels is necessary.

I like your attitude. People connect to each other by love, not by the signature on the dotted line.

[mike carey]

I'm sure we will get married one day, but it's not something that either of us feels is necessary.

I like your attitude. People connect to each other by love, not by the signature on the dotted line.

Marriage has two purposes, to cement and validate a relationship and to lock in rights that the partners might not otherwise have. If a couple are confident in both those spheres marriage loses its urgency (but not its importance). Sadly, in the US the second part is often necessary. Often in Australia, cohabitation confers 'familial' rights.

[Mydavid]

Marriage has two purposes, to cement and validate a relationship and to lock in rights that the partners might not otherwise have. If a couple are confident in both those spheres marriage loses its urgency (but not its importance). Sadly, in the US the second part is often necessary. Often in Australia, cohabitation confers 'familial' rights.

 

I remember I watched a video which showed a guy hadn't any rights after his boyfriend died even though they had been living together for years, only because they were not married. I also wonder if you could sign the document for urgent things, for example, your boyfriend needs an urgent operation.

[+ MostlyLurking]

There's a couple who have been friends of mine for thirty years, and a couple for roughly the same time. (When we met, I was amazed at their "long-term commitment" - which had reached the amazing length of three months.) They decided to marry on the advice of their accountant. Much to their surprise, however, they found their relationship - already profound - deepened even more. I think I may have seen that in their interaction. (Though other things happened at the same time which might have caused the change. Or of course I may simply have imagined it.)

 

FWIW

[Mydavid]

There's a couple who have been friends of mine for thirty years, and a couple for roughly the same time. (When we met, I was amazed at their "long-term commitment" - which had reached the amazing length of three months.) They decided to marry on the advice of their accountant. Much to their surprise, however, they found their relationship - already profound - deepened even more. I think I may have seen that in their interaction. (Though other things happened at the same time which might have caused the change. Or of course I may simply have imagined it.)

 

FWIW

 

I believe marriage can help you overcome some small obstacles in your life while you might have broken up if you just lived together.

[+ MostlyLurking]

Allow me to shift to my professional status.

 

If you live in the US, and are in a relationship, and have not married, you must have a health care power of attorney, or the analogous papers in your state. If you live in the US, and are NOT in a relationship, it is STILL essential to have those documents. I suggest you consult a competent lawyer, but if you don't want to do that, at least fill out the papers yourself.

[Mydavid]

Allow me to shift to my professional status.

 

If you live in the US, and are in a relationship, and have not married, you must have a health care power of attorney, or the analogous papers in your state. If you live in the US, and are NOT in a relationship, it is STILL essential to have those documents. I suggest you consult a competent lawyer, but if you don't want to do that, at least fill out the papers yourself.

 

If you are married, it means you automatically signed the paper to your husband or wife?

[N13]

Marriage is a must! The two most important things are 1. health and hospital and 2. inheritance. I have seen too many health proxies ignored or turned down and too many homes taken away by immediate family of the deceased. If you are in a committed relationship cover these two very important situations. Don't trust to "the kindness of strangers."

[+ MostlyLurking]

Marriage is a must! The two most important things are 1. health and hospital and 2. inheritance. I have seen too many health proxies ignored or turned down and too many homes taken away by immediate family of the deceased. If you are in a committed relationship cover these two very important situations. Don't trust to "the kindness of strangers."

 

(Ha! I figured out how to insert the quote!)

 

Goodness knows I have nothing against marriage. Find me a husband and I'll sign up immediately. For some couples, there may be income tax advantages. And if you have more than $4 million, there may be estate tax advantages.

 

The issue with the health proxy probably depends on where you live. In the Chicago area, nobody ignores a health care POA. Also, in Illinois, wills are virtually never challenged successfully. In my 40 years of practice, I've never seen one challenged at all.

 

If you are married, it means you automatically signed the paper to your husband or wife?

 

This is another question where local law may vary. In Illinois, a property power of attorney (your state may call it a durable power of attorney or something else) can give some powers that a marriage does not not automatically provide. So yes, even if you are married, it's advisable to have a health care power of attorney, a property power of attorney, and a will or trust. These are advisable for married couples. But for unmarried people the power of attorney forms, and particularly the health care power of attorney forms, are essential - a word I do not use lightly.

[Mydavid]

@MostlyLurking Thanks a lot for your explanation!

[Good Grief]

Well I am glad you are enjoying the success while it is there. But if there is a monogamy component to this, eventually the green eye monster will rear its head and that young man will be headed for greener pastures soon after. It is an oft told tale, no less sad despite its frequency.

 

I know @purplekow , I know.....

 

'Tis fun though, and fine now, we communicated today regarding dates for two upcoming trips! Would say two up-cumming trips, but I hate to be tacky!

[+ newguy]

I feel that Benjamin Nicholas is quite correct. To me, the important word in what he wrote is "escort".

 

Please note that I mean no disrespect at all to escorts when I state this. The men with whom I had exclusive relationships, as well as the individuals I encountered who sought exclusivity, did not define themselves as escorts. They displayed no interest in advertising nor in being hired for sessions by many men. They may have referred to themselves as "being kept" occasionally but just as often they said they were into "older men" (who obviously could take care of them). I described it as being in a mutually supportive relationship.

----------------------

This is an excellent distinction. Many of us have come to understand that there are many different categories of male sex work, and many male sex workers (and clients) don't fall into one category. Despite the term "male sex work" physical sex sometimes isn't even part of the picture. An alternative term I've seen used was "emotion work," since so many escorts provide critical and authentic companionship. Does that term seem too dopey?

[+ bigjoey]

The gay world is little different than the straight world in these relationships. Think of Pamala Harriman, Brooke Astor and Jackie Kennedy who was "scooped up" by Onasis. All seemed to have married for money and made it work. Very rich men often "scoop up" the "best" partners be they straight or gay.

 

[Of this group, the only one who "bedded" just about all the powerful and rich men of her era was Pamala Harriman; her list of lovers is a "Who's Who" of her time. She is the only one who comes close to being an "escort" due to her "bed hopping."]

[N13]

Don't forgetAlma Maria Mahler Gropius Werfel (born Alma Maria Schindler; 31 August 1879 – 11 December 1964) was a Viennese-born composer and socialite. She became the wife, successively, of composer Gustav Mahler, architect Walter Gropius, and novelist Franz Werfel, as well as the consort of several other prominent men, notably painter Oskar Kokoschka.

[+ newguy]

I remember I watched a video which showed a guy hadn't any rights after his boyfriend died even though they had been living together for years, only because they were not married. I also wonder if you could sign the document for urgent things, for example, your boyfriend needs an urgent operation.

 

Yes, exactly. A counterpart short film depicted exactly what happens, albeit with a lesbian couple, when one was widowed, before gay marriage. Did others see this one?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERkmXIe5nxc

[+ nycman]

Don't forgetAlma Maria Mahler Gropius Werfel (born Alma Maria Schindler; 31 August 1879 – 11 December 1964) was a Viennese-born composer and socialite. She became the wife, successively, of composer Gustav Mahler, architect Walter Gropius, and novelist Franz Werfel, as well as the consort of several other prominent men, notably painter Oskar Kokoschka.

 

My god....you just gave me a musical art history hard on.....can we meet at the Met and Fuck?

 

Museum or Opera....your call!

 

Please!?!?!

[marylander1940]

Several forum members more experienced than myself noted (usually

woefully) that some escorts who were exceptionally desirable

had been "scooped up" and privately "kept" by extremely

wealthy older gay men.

 

They are noted to be "off the market."

 

In your experience, or to the best of your knowledge, is this

generally the case in this private world of ours?

 

NG

 

I know one case, everything was good for a couple of years. One day the "boy" got back to "their" home in Palm Springs and was received by his bf's lawyer, and given a couple of suitcases with all the fancy close he received as gifts... He was homeless. Now he's escorting again, hopefully saving the money he makes but he has a flaky fame in this forum and he loves to spend it all.

 

I'm sure there are good stories but unless the "kept" boy gets paid or he receives gifts with a resale value and not just expensive Versace, sooner or later things will end and the boy will be left on the street.

 

May I remind yinz of this love story?

 

[marylander1940]

The smartest guys don't let themselves be 'kept.' It's a fool's gold investment.

 

The most powerful word in any escort's arsenal is 'no, thank you.' You can't easily say that when you only have a singular stream of kept income.

 

I understand your point but for the right price per year who would turn it down. Imagine 30k per month while living in a mansion and having sex with your older boyfriend 3 times per week!

[+ newguy]

I understand your point but for the right price per year who would turn it down. Imagine 30k per month while living in a mansion and having sex with your older boyfriend 3 times per week!

 

I understand Benjamin's point also. However, anyone can still say "No" and just

leave. A mansion is not a prison cell. Does the "kept" lifestyle actually cause really dreadful levels of dependency and passivity?

[marylander1940]

I understand Benjamin's point also. However, anyone can still say "No" and just

leave. A mansion is not a prison cell. Does the "kept" lifestyle actually cause really dreadful levels of dependency and passivity?

 

you're absolutely right... I just hope the "kept man" gets money and saves it for the future because sooner or later things might end.

 

This kinds of arrangements are a deal that can be terminated, and changed by the desire of the provider, the kept boy can always leave.

 

I know about one of Falcon's top 10 stars of the late 90's who ended up with absolutely nothing living in a bedroom of an escort's agency in NYC. I've also met so many escorts who ended up with nothing but some stories to tell.

 

Not many working men are like @Dave and have a business plan for the future.

[+ sniper]

I understand your point but for the right price per year who would turn it down. Imagine 30k per month while living in a mansion and having sex with your older boyfriend 3 times per week!

Well that's a case of the adage "if it's too good to be true, it probably is." how is that $30k per month delivered? Who is paying the taxes handling the accounting on that? Or are you sitting on wads of cash that are kept in a safe on the premises that your sugar daddy can change the combo to at any time? Or does he just give you a credit card to run around with that he can likewise cut off?

The typical 21-year-old usually isn't financially savvy enough to do this the "right" way. Hell just read Tim Adonis' weekly emails about all the travails of his dancers. They're not typically noted for their smart decision-making skills.