I dont know what to do

[+ WilliamM]

Just remember, should "the worst" occur ... it's not your fault. In fact, you are responsible for none of his emotions.

 

Easy to write, very, very hard to accomplish.

 

Many years ago I volunteered on a child abuse hotline for five years. I received a very upset mother's call in the middle of the night. Nothing I could say seems to help (by this time I had been taking calls for over three years). Two hours later, she called again, even more upset and said I had been no help.

She also said it was impossible to go on living and hung up the phone. I answered some horrible call, but nothing like this. Unfortunately, you can never forget a call like that.

[+ sync]

This is Mentally exhausting guys....

 

 

I feel either way He'll hurt. I do care about his well being. Thank You for all the comments. I think its best just Scale back. Not sugar coat anything anymore.

 

Try to not let this keep you from getting the sleep you need or taking your meals. The day will come when all of this will be just another life lesson.

[Bearofdistinction]

Sometimes it absolutely necessary to be "a cold hearted bitch".... There is no other way to get your point across, because if you are nice or agreeable, your intentions are misinterpreted.

 

As it is the holiday season - perhaps sending the perfect gift would help

 

- The Omaha Steaks Xanax Marinates Filet Mignons with the

Thorazine Figgy Pudding Pops!

[+ friendofsheila]

While you may not want to cut off all contact immediately, you definitely need to cut back on you interaction. ....... Ease off the gas and apply the brake slowly but firmly.

 

I would also add that you be honest about why you are easing back. Your discomfort should matter to him, if he is interested in you in a reasonable way.

 

Good luck.

[gallahadesquire]

Vanish. Block his number and emails. Make him disappear from your life.

 

+1. If you "scale back", he'll only hope that things will change.

[down_to_business]

I am sorry to read about what you are going through. I have no magic advice only sincere wishes that it all works out for the best for both of you, but if the worst case does come about and he does harm himself over it, that you are able to forgive yourself even though you know in your head you are not to blame.

[+ purplekow]

+1. If you "scale back", he'll only hope that things will change.

I will once again vote for the cut back firmly but slowly. it is the honorable thing to do after investing time and efforts in this relationship. You must care somewhat about him and while it is clear that he is overly invested, you have invested some of yourself in this relationship. With that said, you need to be clear, you need to set boundaries and you need to be consistent. Eventually, you will either reach a place at which you can still interact or, if you do not, then the time to close the door will have come. I opt for kindness to him and to yourself. While there may come a time that the kind thing to do will be to disconnect with him totally, if that were the answer you would know it.

[marylander1940]

Just remember, should "the worst" occur ... it's not your fault. In fact, you are responsible for none of his emotions.

 

Exactly!

 

@Jock123 this situation is the top of the iceberg he has a lot of issues and you might be just one of them.

There's not much you can do, you've been patient enough, slow down the exchange of emails and simply move on or just tell him you have other problems/concerns in your life.

He's understand, you're not his first crash nor the first time he asks for attention this way or so I'm guessing.

[+ WilliamM]

+1. If you "scale back", he'll only hope that things will change.

 

I will once again vote for the cut back firmly but slowly. it is the honorable thing to do after investing time and efforts in this relationship. You must care somewhat about him and while it is clear that he is overly invested, you have invested some of yourself in this relationship. With that said, you need to be clear, you need to set boundaries and you need to be consistent. Eventually, you will either reach a place at which you can still interact or, if you do not, then the time to close the door will have come. I opt for kindness to him and to yourself. While there may come a time that the kind thing to do will be to disconnect with him totally, if that were the answer you would know it.

 

As usual, I agree with purplekow, who is one of wisest and most kind people on this site

[+ purplekow]

As usual, I agree with purplekow, who is one of wisest and most kind people on this site

Thank you William i hope you are not just blowing smoke up my udder lol

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

Jock,

 

My employer does training on workplace violence, and a co-worker's potential suicide is included in the training. Part of that training is to notify officials if someone is exhibiting unusual behavior or threatening suicide. The "I will kill myself if..." scenario is included. In that situation I should contact my security department that has team members trained to handle the situation.

 

In this situation, perhaps contacting law enforcement in concern for this individual's well-being might be the cautious thing to do, both for your safety and his.

[+ WilliamM]

Jock,

 

My employer does training on workplace violence, and a co-worker's potential suicide is included in the training. Part of that training is to notify officials if someone is exhibiting unusual behavior or threatening suicide. The "I will kill myself if..." scenario is included. In that situation I should contact my security department that has team members trained to handle the situation.

 

In this situation, perhaps contacting law enforcement in concern for this individual's well-being might be the cautious thing to do, both for your safety and his.

 

I agree mostly. If this is a way to get attention, or even if he is "in love" with @Jock123, this may make him realize he's gone too far.

[jjkrkwood]

I will once again vote for the cut back firmly but slowly. it is the honorable thing to do after investing time and efforts in this relationship. You must care somewhat about him and while it is clear that he is overly invested, you have invested some of yourself in this relationship. With that said, you need to be clear, you need to set boundaries and you need to be consistent. Eventually, you will either reach a place at which you can still interact or, if you do not, then the time to close the door will have come. I opt for kindness to him and to yourself. While there may come a time that the kind thing to do will be to disconnect with him totally, if that were the answer you would know it.

 

 

It baffles me that anyone would think a slow and gradual retreat is a good idea, considering the clients state of mind. That sort of approach sends a message of "I cant quit you", and gives the client a sense that he can accomplish his goal of "being with the escort".. Its also unfair to the client if this is not the escorts intention as it is only leading the client on. There is no place for "kindness' in THIS situation. It was probably the escorts KINDNESS that created the situation.? A clean, quick break (with explanation) is a more efficient approach IMO.

 

An obsessive client usually doesn't "see the light" unless "tough love" is employed because they are blinded by their intense emotions. Regardless of what the relationship WAS, if it is strangling and out of control and you want to end it, JUST END IT...

[+ WilliamM]

It baffles me that anyone would think a slow and gradual retreat is a good idea, considering the clients state of mind. That sort of approach sends a message of "I cant quit you", and gives the client a sense that he can accomplish his goal of "being with the escort".. Its also unfair to the client if this is not the escorts intention as it is only leading the client on. There is no place for "kindness' in THIS situation. It was probably the escorts KINDNESS that created the situation.? A clean, quick break (with explanation) is a more efficient approach IMO.

 

I have used the clean, quick break (with explanation) twice in my life. It may be more efficient, but I have always regretted it. There has to be room for kindness in the explanation for me, and both times I failed.

[jjkrkwood]

I have used the clean, quick break (with explanation) twice in my life. It may be more efficient, but I have always regretted it. There has to be room for kindness in the explanation for me, and both times I failed.

 

WM, of course each person needs to handle a situation in a manner they are comfortable with, but must also consider the situation itself and the severity of it, its ramifications and implications. In this case, I believe any continued contact with the client will give him false hope, and fuel his actions even more. With kindness in mind, I don't believe its "kind" to deceive the client , unless the escort really does intend to maintain the ongoing relationship with him.

[+ WilliamM]

With kindness in mind, I don't believe its "kind" to deceive the client , unless the escort really does intend to maintain the ongoing relationship.

 

There is always a way to give "bad news" in a kind way that gets the point across in no uncertain terms.

[jjkrkwood]

There is always a way to give "bad news" in a kind way that gets the point across in no uncertain terms.

 

You are "right" again, but only if it is able to be "received" in the manner it was intended. I don't think the clients frame of mind here warrants that, based on the detail of the story.

[+ glennnn]

@Jock123

 

You are on my mind. Please keep us informed as to the progress of your problem.

[+ sync]

I have used the clean, quick break (with explanation) twice in my life. It may be more efficient, but I have always regretted it. There has to be room for kindness in the explanation for me, and both times I failed.

 

I also believe kindness should be in the equation. One of my primary weaknesses is that I will lie to spare feelings. If I were in this situation, I'm thinking I would tell/email the client that "because the person I am seeing has become uncomfortable with the closeness that has developed between the two of us, I must make a painful client separation. Please know how very much I appreciate the kindness and support you have shown me the past year. It will always be special to me."

"Sincerely,"

[+ WilliamM]

I also believe kindness should be in the equation. One of my primary weaknesses is that I will lie to spare feelings. If I were in this situation, I'm thinking I would tell/email the client that "because the person I am seeing has become uncomfortable with the closeness that has developed between the two of us, I must make a painful client separation. Please know how very much I appreciate the kindness and support you have shown me the past year. It will always be special to me."

"Sincerely,"

 

Exactly. But, I would also include no more gifts as well.

[jjkrkwood]

I also believe kindness should be in the equation. One of my primary weaknesses is that I will lie to spare feelings. If I were in this situation, I'm thinking I would tell/email the client that "because the person I am seeing has become uncomfortable with the closeness that has developed between the two of us, I must make a painful client separation. Please know how very much I appreciate the kindness and support you have shown me the past year. It will always be special to me."

"Sincerely,"

 

 

Whoops, after reading THAT reply, I forsee a "bunny in a crockpot on the stove" Fatal attraction style.....

[+ sync]

Whoops, after reading THAT reply, I forsee a "bunny in a crockpot on the stove" Fatal attraction style.....

 

Cynic!

[Jock123]

Thank You guys.

 

After his Threats, Turns out he IS Ok. He Didnt Hurt himself. Which to me Is the most Important. I've always been nice to him, but after throwing the word "Im hurting myself" around a few times now I HAD to give him tough Love. Honestly I am Pissed. Suicide and Mental Illness is not a joke. Those words are not to be thrown around. As many of You have pointed out I think Its even Selfish to make me feel like I am the one causing the Breakdown. Obviously he has had deep rooted Problems and they just happened to manifest.

 

 

I havent "Dissappeared" on him, Yet. I have to tho...but SLOOOOWWWLLLY. I have so much shit going On in my own life. I cant be Dr Phil. I'm sorry. I hope that doesnt sound Harsh. I DO care about him. But I honestly believe Its In BOTH of our Best Interest to part ways.

[+ WilliamM]

I havent "Dissappeared" on him, Yet. I have to tho...but SLOOOOWWWLLLY. I have so much shit going On in my own life. I cant be Dr Phil. I'm sorry. I hope that doesnt sound Harsh. I DO care about him. But I honestly believe Its In BOTH of our Best Interest to part ways.

 

It's not harsh. Remember you know him, we do not.