Does Anyone Know If There's A Special Pit Or Level In Gehenna For Minor Offenders ...

[+ Gar1eth]

...where maybe the coals and fires are only set at broil rather 10,000x the sun?

 

Ok, I know many of you thought I was a perfect angel. But I just committed a sin. In the way that sins go, we aren't talking a major trespass (I don't think:confused:), but it was a sin. Let me set the scene-

 

About a year ago-maybe two-around one of the grilling holidays like Memorial Day, Labor Day, and what's that one in July...., I'm sure it will come to me:cool:), I was in the mood to grill a steak or something. It might have been the day after one of these holidays. And the more I'm thinking about it, it very well could have been post- Labor Day as you'll see when I explain.

 

Not needing a major grill that was going to last forever, I went to Walgreens to see if they had any. In Texas in times past, possibly still, Walgreens carried a convenient little grill called an Old Smokey. They come in multiple sizes.

 

http://assets.academy.com/mgen/17/10045417.jpg

 

So I went to my Washington state Walgreens looking to see if they carried them. They didn't. But they had other grills. They had a small one marked down for clearance. It didn't look particularly opened. But the box was a bit smooshed. The clearance might also have been because it was the end of summer-i.e., Labor Day. I bought the grill. Then something happened, and I never put it together, never used it. I can't remember if I opened it at that time or not and thought it was too complicated to put together, or if I just decided to go out to eat for that holiday without even attempting to put it together.

 

Suffice to say that at some point I looked at it and wasn't in the mood to wield my mighty #2 Phillip's Head Screwdriver and follow some overly complicated (mostly) pictorial directions. I need to make especially clear that even though I opened the carton, the screws, nuts, bolts, and etc were all cartoned up together, and I did not open them.

 

Well today for some reason;), I got the urge to grill again. It's getting late in the day. But I have a steak in the freezer that I can defrost relatively quickly with the microwave. I go looking around and finally find the partially opened box with the discombobulated grill and my trusty screwdriver. I start putting the grill together. And the 1st thing I notice is that there is a spring missing on one of the collapsible legs. The leg will still fold and open. And with the other three legs having the springs, it's not that unsafe although maybe a bit more wobbly than it should be. But then as I am progressing through the assembly of the grill, I find I'm missing some washers and maybe a wing nut or two-although maybe I misplaced these things in the rug where I'm assembling the grill. In any case I decide I want to return the grill to Walgreens.

 

Now let me repeat and emphasize that whether I've lost a few nuts (something none of us ever, ever want) or not, the grill is still defective as one of the legs is missing a spring. And while I might have lost a nut or two (ouch), I had nothing to do with the missing spring.

 

I know that this grill is long past the return period. And I don't have a receipt anyway. But I'm hoping they might give me $5 or $10 bucks (I can't remember how much I paid on clearance-could have been less than 10), and I'll buy a new one.

 

I drive to Walgreens. I tell the clerk about the missing spring and other missing pieces. He tries looking the sale up by using my loyalty card. I'm a bit worried that it will show how long ago I actually bought it. But I'm safe as their records only go back thirty days. I tell him I bought it longer than 30 days ago in preparation for July 4th. But now that I've opened it and am trying to put it together, there are missing components.

 

The clerk calls the manager. She initially thinks I want my money back (well I did but only a 5 or 10 bucks ) on a pristine grill. I explain that it's missing components which is another matter. So she starts looking for the stock numbers. I have no idea if Walgreens still carries this model or brand as it could be a year or a bit more old.

 

I then go to their outdoor aisle. I see they have almost the exact same grill/same brand, but mine has a red cover. And these are are all black. I tell the manager. She says, "Oh, you want an even exchange." And I do. Although I'd like a better than even exchange since my original was defective. These grills are currently priced at $24.99. Mine on clearance (with a bit of a dent in its cover) was nowhere near that. But I accepted the trade.

 

I know I shouldn't have. But mine shouldn't have been missing a spring either. If I had discovered that near the time I bought it, I might have returned it.

 

I now repeat my original question. Is there a level

of Gehenna maybe with only the heat of a scalding hot spring as opposed to that of a supernova?

 

Gman:confused:

[+ nycman]

Miss Thing...you are absolved.

 

Of whatever silly sin you think you have committed.

 

Honestly...I'm ashamed to admit I read that ENTIRE post...about a fucking $25 grill.....but still....you are forgiven.

 

Now on the issue of making me read a ENTIRE god dammed post about a fucking $25 grill.....I'm thinking 25 Hail Mary's and nice wet 30 minute Blow Job might suffice to save your soul.

[bostonman]

Or, you could always have broiled the steak, maybe with a little sprinkling of Liquid Smoke. Not exactly the same as grilling, but pretty close.

 

As far as the grill exchange, good for you!

[+ LIguy]

I haven't used my outdoor grill in over 2 years to grill a steak. Try my method next time. Defrost your steak and an hour before cooking put it out on the counter and brush with olive oil and sprinkle with pepper. When ready to cook make your skillet really hot and put sear steak steak about 20 seconds on each side and I also hold it up to do all around the borders. Once seared take it out of pan and put in 1 -2 tablespoons of butter and let it get hot til its brown and smoking. Then put steak in pan and leave it 3 -4 mins and then flip it for another 3-4 mins. I like to baste it abit with the melted butter in pan while it cooks. 3-4 mins gives a medium rare steak which is about three quarters to an inch thick.

[+ ArVaGuy]

Defrosting a steak in a microwave?

 

Blasphemy!!!

[+ nycman]

Defrosting a steak in a microwave?

 

Blasphemy!!!

 

 

I'm not gonna lie...I threw up a little in my mouth when I read that as well.

 

Poor dead cow....murdered twice!

[+ honcho]

I've read enough to Gman's culinary talents to believe that I would not have been able to

tell that the steak had been been defrosted in the u-Wave before being grilled.

 

I also don't think that Gman needs to feel totally guilty. He bought his original grill with

the understanding that it would be functional, albeit with it a cosmetically disavantaged top.

 

I might have made the offer to the manager for paying the difference between the regular

and reduced price one, but I think it is in walgreen's interest for you as a customer to receive

a fully functional grill when you've paid for one. Helps retain you as a satisfied long-term customer.

 

And speaking of distressed grill's, did I ever mention the result of a certain computer programmer at purdue demonstrating what happens when you use liquid oxygen to start a fire in a grill?

 

It caused a total melt-down for the week after on the server/network holding photo's of the event ...

 

http://baetzler.de/humor/litegrill.html

 

[+ Travis69]

Heat up the grill, drop your pants and sit your bare ass on it for 10 minutes and you will be forgiven.

[+ Gar1eth]

 

Honestly...I'm ashamed to admit I read that ENTIRE post...about a fucking $25 grill.....but still....you are forgiven.

 

Now on the issue of making me read a ENTIRE god dammed post about a fucking $25 grill.....I'm thinking 25 Hail Mary's and nice wet 30 minute Blow Job might suffice to save your soul.

 

In my defense, I mentioned right in the title that this was a minor incident. In my mind that was ample warning for the story to follow.

 

The denouement is I just finished putting the grill together. It's a little after 8 pm. I think I'll wait to do some actual grilling manãna.

 

Gman

[rvwnsd]

Serves them right for attempting that freakin' tax inversion. Oh, and for that icky coffee they served me at their "upMarket Cafe" last year in Chicago. Yuck!

 

But seriously...there's a reason they have a satisfaction guarantee. I hope you enjoyed your steak.

 

PS: I defrost my sticking the frozen steak, while bagged/wrapped, in water for 20 minutes. Works like a charm!!

[+ Gar1eth]

Serves them right for attempting that freakin' tax inversion. Oh, and for that icky coffee they served me at their "upMarket Cafe" last year in Chicago. Yuck!

 

I don't think I know what a tax inversion is. But is it possible you are referring to Walmart? My adventure occurred at Walgreens.

 

Gman

[rvwnsd]

I don't think I know what a tax inversion is. But is it possible you are referring to Walmart? My adventure occurred at Walgreens.

 

Gman

A tax inversion is when a company "moves" its headquarters from one country to another that has a lower corporate tax rate. Walgreens proposed doing this a year or two ago, but changed its corporate mind.

[+ sync]

I now repeat my original question. Is there a level

of Gehenna maybe with only the heat of a scalding hot spring as opposed to that of a supernova?

 

In this instance, the shortage(s) within the product packaging along with your time, labor, and travel for the return far outweigh your modest financial gain.

[Guy Fawkes]

All of you are demented. Here is the definitive guide to cooking a steak by a flaming asshole:

 

[AdamSmith]

I now repeat my original question. Is there a level of Gehenna maybe with only the heat of a scalding hot spring as opposed to that of a supernova?

Maybe a bit overkill but how about the Seventh Circle of Hell in Dante's Inferno...

 

Summary: Canto XIV

Here [Dante and Virgil] find a desert of red-hot sand, upon which flakes of fire drift down slowly but ceaselessly. As Virgil expounded in Canto XI, this ring, reserved for those who were violent against God, is divided into three zones. The rain of fire falls throughout all three. The First Zone is for the Blasphemers, who must lie prone on a bank of sand. The falling flakes of fire keep the sand perpetually hot, ensuring that the souls burn from above and below. Among these sinners Dante sees a giant, whom Virgil identifies as Capaneus, one of the kings who besieged Thebes. Capaneus rages relentlessly, insisting that the tortures of Hell shall never break his defiance.

 

Summary: Canto XV

Crossing the stream, Virgil and Dante enter the Second Zone of the Seventh Circle’s Third Ring, where the Sodomites—those violent against nature—must walk continuously under the rain of fire. One of these souls, Brunetto Latini, recognizes Dante and asks him to walk near the sand for a while so that they may converse. Latini predicts that Dante will be rewarded for his heroic political actions. Dante dismisses this prediction and says that Fortune will do as she pleases. Virgil approves of this attitude, and they move on as Latini returns to his appointed path.

 

Summary: Canto XVI

Still in the Second Zone among the Sodomites, Dante is approached by another group of souls, three of whom claim to recognize Dante as their countryman. The flames have charred their features beyond recognition, so they tell Dante their names. Dante recalls their names from his time in Florence and feels great pity for them. They ask if courtesy and valor still characterize their city, but Dante sadly replies that acts of excess and arrogance now reign.

 

http://www.sparknotes.com/poetry/inferno/section7.rhtml

[whipped guy]

Maybe a bit overkill but how about the Seventh Circle of Hell in Dante's Inferno...

 

Summary: Canto XIV

Here [Dante and Virgil] find a desert of red-hot sand, upon which flakes of fire drift down slowly but ceaselessly. As Virgil expounded in Canto XI, this ring, reserved for those who were violent against God, is divided into three zones. The rain of fire falls throughout all three. The First Zone is for the Blasphemers, who must lie prone on a bank of sand. The falling flakes of fire keep the sand perpetually hot, ensuring that the souls burn from above and below. Among these sinners Dante sees a giant, whom Virgil identifies as Capaneus, one of the kings who besieged Thebes. Capaneus rages relentlessly, insisting that the tortures of Hell shall never break his defiance.

 

Summary: Canto XV

Crossing the stream, Virgil and Dante enter the Second Zone of the Seventh Circle’s Third Ring, where the Sodomites—those violent against nature—must walk continuously under the rain of fire. One of these souls, Brunetto Latini, recognizes Dante and asks him to walk near the sand for a while so that they may converse. Latini predicts that Dante will be rewarded for his heroic political actions. Dante dismisses this prediction and says that Fortune will do as she pleases. Virgil approves of this attitude, and they move on as Latini returns to his appointed path.

 

Summary: Canto XVI

Still in the Second Zone among the Sodomites, Dante is approached by another group of souls, three of whom claim to recognize Dante as their countryman. The flames have charred their features beyond recognition, so they tell Dante their names. Dante recalls their names from his time in Florence and feels great pity for them. They ask if courtesy and valor still characterize their city, but Dante sadly replies that acts of excess and arrogance now reign.

 

http://www.sparknotes.com/poetry/inferno/section7.rhtml

Somehow I just knew where Mr. Smith would be going when I saw that he posted in this thread.

 

As for myself and gas grills. I tried to light mine the other day and nothing happdned. My feeble mind had told me that I had refilled the tank at the end of last grilling season. Well, evidently I had not as the tank was indeed out of propane. To add insult to injury I then noticed that the tank's 12 year expiration was a month ago. Consequrntly I could not even get the damned thing refilled. So I just said screw it. Would that I were in a place with a desert of red-hot sand, upon which flakes of fire drift down slowly but ceaselessly, I would have no reason for a grill or propane on which to roast my wieners.

 

Well, eventually I might just end up in such a place, but something tells me that wieners of a different type will be roasted....

[AdamSmith]

Gustave Dore's engravings thereof...

 

http://erikchisholm.com/catalogueraisonne/chisimgs/images/dante_inferno38.jpg

 

http://www.vintage-views.com/DORE/Inferno/images/0901K4-P109_jpg.jpg

[seaboy4hire]

It was missing parts. No harm in returning it.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[whipped guy]

Gustave Dore's engravings thereof...

 

http://erikchisholm.com/catalogueraisonne/chisimgs/images/dante_inferno38.jpg

 

http://www.vintage-views.com/DORE/Inferno/images/0901K4-P109_jpg.jpg

 

If that's what the guys (and gals) look like in HELL then sign me up! Not that there is any doubt that that's were I would be headed anyway....

[+ Gar1eth]

Or, you could always have broiled the steak, maybe with a little sprinkling of Liquid Smoke. Not exactly the same as grilling, but pretty close.

 

As far as the grill exchange, good for you!

 

I did broil a steak a few months ago. It turned out a lot better than I expected. Growing up we never really did that in my family. My Dad had a gas grill, connected to a gas line not a tank, from the time I was in elementary school. And in Texas even during the Winter, it's 'warm' enough to grill outside most of the time.

 

But two or three times during the broiling a few months back, the dripping fat from the steak sparked and caught fire-momentarily only-about three times. Still it was quite unnerving to see as I don't have a fire extinguisher.

 

Gman

[whipped guy]

I did broil a steak a few months ago. It turned out a lot better than I expected. Growing up we never really did that in my family. My Dad had a gas grill, connected to a gas line not a tank, from the time I was in elementary school. But two or three times during the broiling, the dripping fat from the steak sparked and caught fire-momentarily only-about three times. Still it was quite unnerving to see as I don't have a fire extinguisher.

 

Gman

 

I have never had to use it, but I always have a fire extinguisher in the kitchen and next to where I grill. However, my greatest fear is an explosion when lighting the damn grill. There is always that split second when you light it that a certain bit of uncertainty creeps into the equation! As in ! If that happens having a fire extinguisher would not quite help!

[rvwnsd]

Gman, I just stumbled across the hell to which you will be sentenced. Some will think it extreme, but desperate times and all. You, my friend, will be required to make a daily visit to an un-remodeled Rite Aid. The one with the aisles that slant in various directions. Not only that, but you will be forced to figure out their rewards program with the assistance of a Rite Aid employee.

That'll teach you.

[+ Gar1eth]

Gman, I just stumbled across the hell to which you will be sentenced. Some will think it extreme, but desperate times and all. You, my friend, will be required to make a daily visit to an un-remodeled Rite Aid. The one with the aisles that slant in various directions. Not only that, but you will be forced to figure out their rewards program with the assistance of a Rite Aid employee.

That'll teach you.

 

I know whereof you speak. Years ago I went to a Rite-Aid. I wanted to buy a Time Magazine, Newsweek, or US News and World Report. They didn't have them. The elderly lady clerk told me they only had 'regular' magazines. She was meaning something like 16, Brides, Women's Day.

 

Gman

[AdamSmith]

I haven't used my outdoor grill in over 2 years to grill a steak. Try my method next time. Defrost your steak and an hour before cooking put it out on the counter and brush with olive oil and sprinkle with pepper. When ready to cook make your skillet really hot and put sear steak steak about 20 seconds on each side and I also hold it up to do all around the borders. Once seared take it out of pan and put in 1 -2 tablespoons of butter and let it get hot til its brown and smoking. Then put steak in pan and leave it 3 -4 mins and then flip it for another 3-4 mins. I like to baste it abit with the melted butter in pan while it cooks. 3-4 mins gives a medium rare steak which is about three quarters to an inch thick.

I have a philistine version of this: Start with a well marbled steak such as a ribeye which will render enough fat not to need any oil or butter in the pan. Grind black pepper over the meat to taste. Sprinkle kosher salt or coarse sea salt in a cast iron skillet, heat it very very hot, throw in the steak, cook for five minutes on each side. It will come out with a grilled-tasting crust and medium rare inside.

 

PS Step one: Take the batteries out of the smoke detectors.

[+ ArVaGuy]

Gman, I just stumbled across the hell to which you will be sentenced. Some will think it extreme, but desperate times and all. You, my friend, will be required to make a daily visit to an un-remodeled Rite Aid. The one with the aisles that slant in various directions. Not only that, but you will be forced to figure out their rewards program with the assistance of a Rite Aid employee.

That'll teach you.

 

Man that's just cruel. Gman doesn't deserve that level of punishment despite defrosting a steak in a microwave.