A regular client owes me for a session...now he's avoiding me. How do I collect?

[Guest paulbenjaminsf]

Hey Guys,

 

<NOTE: I apologize in advance for the length of this post...but it's a complicated situation, and I felt it was necessary to explain it fully. I appreciate any and all of you who take the time to read it, and, hopefully, to respond...thanks>

 

I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the correct forum, as I'm new to this particular board. (The one I usually go to is an escort-only forum that is, sadly, off-line currently and no word on when it is to return...) I'm experiencing a frustrating situation with a trusted "regular" client, and I need input, from either other escorts, or experienced clients, as to how I should proceed with this issue.

 

The client: a local professional guy, about 40 years old, seemingly very responsible, who (oddly enough) went to the same college that I graduated from back in my home state (needless to say we have plenty to talk about when we're hanging out together.) I don't want to give away this guy's identity, but suffice it to say he is a legal professional who works for the federal government.

 

We've had 4 or 5 sessions over the past few months. He's always paid me, no problem, at the close of each session. Two weeks ago today, we had a meeting scheduled at his house, because he'd just finished a big case and needed to let off some steam. It was planned maybe a week or so in advance. He called late in the afternoon, maybe an hour before we were scheduled to meet, to tell me that he had taken out the maximum amount allowed from his ATM earlier that day, to make his car payment, and that it was a long story...he asked if I would accept a personal check from him in payment for our meeting.

 

Now, like most other escorts, I don't like the inconvenience of dealing with checks, so I offered him an alternative: we could meet as scheduled, and, since we had an established relationship and a good rapport, that I would trust him enough to pay me the next day when he was again able to access funds via his ATM. He agreed, and I remember he commented that I could trust him because I know where he works and I could cause a lot of trouble for him at work due to this privileged knowledge. (I've even visited him at his office, here in San Francisco, to return an item he'd left at my house the previous evening -- at his request, of course -- so I've even seen personally and verified where he works and in what capacity...he wasn't lying to me about it. In fact, he'd given me his business card on our first meeting, which identifies his position and job title and office location.)

 

This seemed fairly reasonable to me...though I normally would not meet someone under a "credit" agreement, I felt that we had enough of a trust relationship that I could be fairly confident that he would pay me as promised. He told me he had some things scheduled for the morning the next day, but that he would call me around 11AM and then drop the money by shortly thereafter.

 

The next day, I waited for his call late in the morning. As of 1:30pm, he hadn't yet called. So, I called him, and found him at home...he said he had more to do in the office, for about an hour or so, and that he would call me when he was finished there at about 3pm, and then he'd come by on his way home from the office.

 

As of 5:30 that evening, I again had received no phone call from him and he hadn't come by with the money. I then tried to reach him by phone, and, for the rest of the evening, it appeared that he had turned off his cell phone. Still wanting to believe that he would come through, I considered that he had just finished up a big case and he was probably thoroughly exhausted. But, I was starting to get nervous...while I didn't absolutely NEED the money Tuesday, when we had met, I did have rent to pay by Friday and I was counting on his payment to me to make my rent.

 

So, I wrote him a polite e-mail that evening, to communicate to him the necessity of receiving the agreed-upon payment so I could pay my rent. I told him I knew he was exhausted from work, and that I wasn't worried about whether or not he would be good for the money, but that I needed him to prioritize getting the payment to me as we had agreed.

 

The next day, in response to my very reasonable and conciliatory e-mail, I got a message from him that he would call me that afternoon (now Thursday) and drop by my payment...but, that since this situation was "obviously putting a strain on our realationship" that following this payment, he thought we "should go our separate ways."

 

I think this was an unreasonable overreaction on his part, since I was merely trying to follow through on commitments he had made to me and had since not complied with. In each case so far, I had had to call him since he had not contacted me as promised. And yet I was still very polite and reasonable. So why the overreaction?

 

Well, to make a long story short(er), he did not call AGAIN as promised that day, Thursday. I got an e-mail from him the following day, Friday, with this message:

 

QUOTE: I am very sorry. My finances are incredibly fucked up. I have been trying all day to unravel the mess that my BOFa accunt appears to be in. I am, sadly, in the same boat as you. I don't have the money to pay my November rent, the mortgage on my house, or my car payment. I am trying to get a loan from my bank but I've been told that i won't have an answer until Monday.

I literally don't have a cent and need to come up with roughly $7000.00 by Monday. I will keep you posted.

 

At this point, I was pretty pissed off. For all sorts of reasons, not the least of which being now I would be late in paying my rent, and, since I'm new living in this building, I don't appreciate having to pay my rent late, while trying to establish a good relationship with a new landlord. Also, he had told me originally that he was unable to pay me the day we met because he had to withdraw cash for his car payment...now, he was telling me that he was UNABLE to make his car payment. So what's the REAL story?

 

I responded very directly, that I felt that this was an unacceptable situation, for the reasons I stated in the previous paragraph. I told him that I expected prompt payment, as we had arranged, and that he should definitely "keep me posted" as he had promised in the above quoted message.

 

As of Monday, (a week ago yesterday), he had not called to apprise me of the current status of the payment, so I called him at home. I asked him what was up with the money, and he answered very coldly. "didn't you get my e-mail?" I answered in the affirmative. "Well then that's the situation. I don't have the money so there's nothing I can do about it. Go to the police if you want to, I don't care what you do. There's nothing I can do about it."

 

I reminded him that he had promised to "keep me posted" on developments and that he needed, at very least, to "keep me posted."

 

He answered curtly: "Well I'll do what I have to, so fuck off." and with that, he hung up on me!

 

This was now a full week and one day ago. I was finally able to make my rent, albeit a number of days late, but at the expense of pushing back paying some other bills and thereby screwing up my whole budget...I'll have additional late fees now due to this situation, so the financial ramifications of this added to the emotional stress of the situation are really wearing on me.

 

How does one have the money to rent a boy one day, and two days later they somehow "discover" they are $7000 in the hole? I can't imagine very many ways for this to even be possible, except in the possibility of high gambling debts or some sort of extreme drug habit. I have no information to suggest either of these is the case.

 

Yes, I have information on him, that could be problematic if his co-workers (or, obviously, his employer) found out about his hiring of escorts, but I don't have any experience playing those sort of games and I'd really rather not have to stoop to those types of tactics. So how does this supposed advantage translate into actual payment? What do I do to collect this money, to keep me from getting behind even further?

 

For all of you who are preparing to scold me for granting this guy a little credit, I all ready know. I shouldn't have trusted him. I should never trust anyone, for all practical purposes. I have been burned before. But there is a trust inherent in being an escort, and in some ways I have to trust people to some extent all the time. I had a relationship with this guy, we share a similar history (school-wise, if nothing else), we have similar backgrounds, I know where he works, what he does for a living, and within a small margin approximately how much money he makes as well. Of anyone I would ever consider trusting, he would be high on the list, at least when comparing credit worth of clients on a spectrum.

 

Anybody have any ideas? I really need him to pay me and I have a hunch, if it were a priority to him and he really cared about following through on his responsibility to me, he could manage it SOMEHOW.

 

Any advice would be gratefully received.

 

Thanks,

 

Paul Benjamin

San Francisco

 

 

Removed the brackets rendering the first paragraph illegible.

[LovesYng]

>This was now a full week and one day ago. I was finally able

>to make my rent, albeit a number of days late, but at the

>expense of pushing back paying some other bills and thereby

>screwing up my whole budget...I'll have additional late fees

>now due to this situation, so the financial ramifications of

>this added to the emotional stress of the situation are really

>wearing on me.

 

What if you did not meet him from the start, sounds like you would still be in this situation for your rent & late fees if you canceled the meeting?? Sounds like you screwed up by cutting yourself that short, BIG mistake counting on your expenses from escorting for yours bills & not having a back up plan

 

 

>Yes, I have information on him, that could be problematic if

>his co-workers (or, obviously, his employer) found out about

>his hiring of escorts, but I don't have any experience playing

>those sort of games

 

YES it would be a game to play but you could lose in the end, BIG TIME.

 

>For all of you who are preparing to scold me for granting this

>guy a little credit, I all ready know. I shouldn't have

>trusted him. I should never trust anyone, for all practical

>purposes. I have been burned before. But there is a trust

>inherent in being an escort, and in some ways I have to trust

>people to some extent all the time.

 

4 or 5 meetings & you trusted him??

 

>Anybody have any ideas? I really need him to pay me and I

>have a hunch, if it were a priority to him and he really cared

>about following through on his responsibility to me, he could

>manage it SOMEHOW.

 

Take your lost & go on

 

When in doubt I whip it out :+

[DelawareGuy]

I think LovesYng is being a little harsh on Paul; I have an established relationship with an escort, and while it's never happened, he has told me that if I'm short on funds and long on horniness, he would wait until my next payday. I took this to be an indication of the mutual trust we have built up. So I don't think it is correct to chastise Paul for trusting someone who had a good track record. Actually, I think he should be congratulated for conducting his business in a business-like manner; we often have relationships with cash only service providers, i.e., the lawn guy, etc. I know on more than one occasion, I've looked out the window to see the lawn guy and realized I didn't have enough cash on me. He graciously said it's OK, he'll get it next week.

 

The client should be ashamed of himself. He has done a disservice to all of us by increasing the lack of trust between escort and client. Unfortunately, Paul, I don't have any advice for you. Since you know who the man is, perhaps you can at least spread the word amongst your colleagues about his behavior?

[Guest ncm2169]

Paul, first I've followed your career because we hail from the same native state. I really hope to meet up with you someday. }(

 

If the client behaved in the way you described, he's clearly stressed out at best, or an asshole at worst. Either way, I don't see him putting paying you high on his list of priorities. I think the best case scenario is that he gets his problems resolved and reconsiders his decision to tell you to get lost, but I wouldn't hold out much hope for that happening anytime soon.

 

As for whatever "leverage" you might have with him, I'd strongly advise against "outing" him in any sense, or even threatening to do so. He could also mess with your life. Better to write it off and, while continuing to trust good clients, avoid becoming a creditor.

 

Just my 55 cents worth (2 cents adjusted for inflation. ;-) )

[bigjake8]

He's a sexual compulsive that managed to get over on one of his episodes of acting out. Trust me, you are never going to hear from this guy again. Relax, cut your loses and learn something from this. Every business person get burned by thieves once and awhile, either with bad checks, charge backs, or just out and out theft (which is what happened here).

[Guest skrubber]

Yes, spread the word amoung your colleagues - make sure this prick never gets laid by another escort again. OR take him to small claims court. You won't have to reveal you were secorting just that you provided services - call it companionship - to him. He evidently doesn't care that you can cause trouble for him at work or he would have never made the arrangements in the first place apparantly knowing, from what you say, that he would never be able to pay you. And also knowing that you know so much about him. Of course now it's either chalk up your loss or go for the revenge factor.

[mattgunther]

This is the kind of behavior I find really annoying on the part of the escort. Any professional knows that he will not be able to recover all of the money people owe him. Doctors, Lawyers, you name it, know that some people don't pay their bills. Sometimes its not even that they are bad people, it just that they can't handle money, possibly because they have gotten into some other problem like drug or alcohol addiction.

 

Many doctors, not all by any means but many, continue treating patients who lose their insurance even though they know the patient won't be able to pay them. Lawyers do pro bon work. That means they don't bill the clients who can't afford to pay anything.

 

I'm not suggesting Paul work for free but I don't see why he can't give this guy a break. In fact in this case I think he should. This is a case the client has given Paul a significant amount of money already and treated Paul with respect and consideration. Now the client finds himself in a tough financial situation. But Paul doesn't care. All he can think of is his money. The idea of cutting this guy some slack is something that Paul has not even considered.

 

The bottom line Paul, is that you're not going to get your money back so you might as well accept it. The world does not revolve around you and if you had any compassion or common sense you would let the matter drop.

 

But if you're not bright enough to see that (what do they teach in that college you went to? clearly not much if you have to #### to support yourself), feel free to continue beating your head against a brick wall.

[bigguyinpasadena]

Paul,as much as I hate to see folks get one over on the "working boys"on this site,I think you just have to let this one go.

I do not know if the guy ever had any intention of paying you-I would assume he did not,and is being a jerk about it now.

When I had my catering biz my 3 most dificult types to get to pay up were Lawyers,Doctors,and Interior Designers.I learned to pad the bill heavy up front and then let them have a discount to settle the bill in a timely manner.

[bigguyinpasadena]

>This is the kind of behavior I find really annoying on the

>part of the escort. Any professional knows that he will not

>be able to recover all of the money people owe him. Doctors,

>Lawyers, you name it, know that some people don't pay their

>bills. Sometimes its not even that they are bad people, it

>just that they can't handle money, possibly because they have

>gotten into some other problem like drug or alcohol

>addiction.

>

>Many doctors, not all by any means but many, continue treating

>patients who lose their insurance even though they know the

>patient won't be able to pay them. Lawyers do pro bon work.

>That means they don't bill the clients who can't afford to pay

>anything.

>

>I'm not suggesting Paul work for free but I don't see why he

>can't give this guy a break. In fact in this case I think he

>should. This is a case the client has given Paul a

>significant amount of money already and treated Paul with

>respect and consideration. Now the client finds himself in a

>tough financial situation. But Paul doesn't care. All he can

>think of is his money. The idea of cutting this guy some

>slack is something that Paul has not even considered.

>

>The bottom line Paul, is that you're not going to get your

>money back so you might as well accept it. The world does not

>revolve around you and if you had any compassion or common

>sense you would let the matter drop.

>

>But if you're not bright enough to see that (what do they

>teach in that college you went to? clearly not much if you

>have to #### to support yourself), feel free to continue

>beating your head against a brick wall.

Your kidding right?You are making the victim of a fraud into the "bad guy"here.

Take your smug condescending "advice" and shove it up your tight constricted ass you pomous jerk.

Compassion?For whom?Another Jackoff freak(like yourself)who thinks their stuff is better than anyone elses?

We do not need you on this message center so shove off.

[Guest skrubber]

Not very nice Matt.

[Guest alanm]

You have every right to be upset, especially since this guy has told you so many stories that your head in spinning. It will take you a long time to get over this bastard's treatment of you.

 

But, you have to put this incident behind you. He is never going to pay you and played you for a fool with all the college talk. This is more about your personal dignity than money at this point. A year or two from now you will look back on this and chalk it off to experience.

 

As a client, I have often had more than enough personal information to make life difficult for some escorts, but never used that information even when I felt that I had been played. I am glad now that I took the high road. You took a lot of time to wright your message and seem like a decent person. For your own sake, do not retaliate in a personal way against this client. He knows what he did to you (and probably many other people)was bad, let him like with himself.

[Guest Mikel]

Lots of good advice rendered here on the board...a consensus certainly has developed. I will only add...laugh at your mistakes and praise yourself for learning from them.

[Boston Guy]

Hindsight is always closer to 20/20 than foresight. Nevertheless, we can see that there were some warning signs right from the beginning. The biggest, to me, was the whole idea of taking cash out of an ATM to pay one's car payment.

 

I mean, really, who pays their car payment in CASH? It's not how I'd expect a reasonably successful attorney to be operating and, the moment I read that, I smelled financial trouble. Also, if your quote is verbatim from him, why is he paying rent and a mortgage? Some of these details just dom't smell very good.

 

1. It was kind and decent of you to agree to give him the ability to pay you later. Unfortunately, as you have now learned, kind and decent acts are sometimes rewarded by mean-spirited behavior in return. Don't let that turn you from future acts of kindness and decency. You'll feel better about yourself if you choose the high road.

 

2. This guy is clearly either (a) in trouble or (b) a world-class liar. I vote for (a). You can almost hear desperation in his communications with you, again not what you would expect from a successful lawyer. If he's in trouble and desperate, what leverage you might have once had will be diminished. Like it or not, you may well be a sort of "lesser of evils" in his mind. This is looming large in your mind but may not be looming at all in his, your efforts at collecting the debt notwithstanding.

 

3. You didn't say how much he owes you or how long you were together. I'm assuming the amount he owes you is in the hundreds of dollars, possibly as little as $200. While it's frustrating to be taken, especially by someone you respected and trusted, it's worse to allow yourself to become obsessed with it. You must accept that you may well not get your money back. At the very least, he seems to be under so much pressure that any pressure you add will not be fruitful. Try very hard to put this in perspective. In the long run, it will be a speed bump.

 

4. Don't try to expose the guy. You sound like a decent guy yourself and you'll be going down a road that leads to a place where you may not like yourself very much. And you end any chance whatsoever of ever getting your money from him.

 

5. Consider taking an alternative tack. You might send him a note saying that once it was clear that he was in trouble financially, you managed to find other funds to pay your rent. Since you now have a little breathing room, you're willing to give him a little breathing room. Ask him when he thinks he would be able to pay you? In other words, he may well be in a position where he simply can't pay you now but might be able to pay you in the future. Showing some empathy here might be a wise way to increase your chances of getting at least some of your money.

 

Finally, to reiterate what I've said above: everyone gets taken once in a while. The trick is not to become bitter and to move on in as classy and high-spirited a way as possible.

 

I'm glad you've joined us and glad you posted.

 

Regards,

BG

[Guest skrubber]

Keep us posted.

[VaHawk]

Put down the double latte grande from Starbucks and go get a cocktail. It might calm you down some, and cause you not to fall into troll flaming!

[Spida]

Okay I have to say I sort of disagree with most of the posts. I will give someone money if they need it and ask for it. But if someone tries to rip me off it pisses me off more than anything.

 

First off the one thing I do agree with is that as an escort you probably make somewhat decent money, and since you are self employed, as with most businesses the work can be very cyclicle. Therefore I would make an obvious suggestion to put a few bucks away just incase something like this happens again. However, you did say you just moved and we know that takes a bit of money.

 

I would not "out" the guy even though you are in the right there is a possibilty that he cause problems for you that isn't worth the $$ owed. However, I would drive him crazy in a very very professional and nice way. I would send an email to him daily asking for an update. I would also call him both at work and on his cell asking when you could expect the payment and suggesting a payment schedule if he doesn't have the money all at once. However, the only reason I would do this is because as I stated if someone tries to rip me off then is really gets under my skin. I work very hard for my money and I am sure you do also (hard heheh I am so childish!).

 

I would drive him out of his mind even if I didn't get the money, I am a very nice guy, however, if you piss me off I can be a total ass!

 

Spida

[guptasa1]

Sorry to hear about the situation, and no, I don't think you were a fool for wanting to trust this guy. I would have probably done the same thing if I were in a situation like that. It's actually a shame this type of thing has to happen, because trust in an escort-client relationship is a wonderful thing.

 

I think when it comes down to it, it all depends on the person involved, and that's not always cut-and-dry to predict (sometimes it is; sometimes it isn't). Hell, I used to pay an escort well in advance regularly without hesitation (he's now retired, but he NEVER burned me, and I doubt he ever would).

 

I've likewise made the mistake with some others of showing trust prematurely, paying in advance, and getting burned badly, even though they've been well-reviewed on the site (and yes, I had to write a review after that).

 

In your situation, I hate to say it, but you'll likely have to just take the loss UNLESS he decides to pay (unlikely at this point I'd say) OR you decide to pursue it with the police (and for obvious reasons, if it were me, I wouldn't want to go that route, and I sort of doubt it would be successful).

 

It's not fun at all to be scammed, but I'm not sure what more can be done in a situation like that except to take precautions to prevent it from happening again. Which probably means not showing that much trust to your clients again. (Which sucks, because there are some trustworthy guys out there.)

[+ deej]

Paul, I'm with the crowd that says "them's the breaks".

 

It's clear you're not going to get anything from this guy. You could make his life uncomfortable, but it sounds like it already IS. }( Take comfort in that. (Car payments in cash? He's got bigger problems than you can deal with.)

 

You showed this client an incredible kindness and he pissed all over it. You now know his true nature. Extract him from your life. You don't need this kind of individual or his karma anywhere near you.

 

I was once in a situation with an escort I see regularly where, due to mutual miscommunication, I didn't have enough cash to cover his full rate for a "weekend-plus" engagement. I was MORTIFIED! I couldn't make up the shortfall from an ATM on a Sunday. I offered to write a check, send it Western Union, whatever. My guy was so totally gracious about it, realizing the miscommunication, and said "forget it". Well I didn't. Next time I saw him for an overnight, he got the overnight rate plus everything I'd shorted him the previous time. (And I got a REALLY GREAT thank you present!)

 

Some of us clients actually DO live up to our word! Find some that do. Don't focus on this loser that you're better off without.

[LovesYng]

>I think LovesYng is being a little harsh on Paul; I have an

>established relationship with an escort, and while it's never

>happened, he has told me that if I'm short on funds and long

>on horniness, he would wait until my next payday. I took this

>to be an indication of the mutual trust we have built up. So

>I don't think it is correct to chastise Paul for trusting

>someone who had a good track record. Actually, I think he

>should be congratulated for conducting his business in a

>business-like manner; we often have relationships with cash

>only service providers, i.e., the lawn guy, etc. I know on

>more than one occasion, I've looked out the window to see the

>lawn guy and realized I didn't have enough cash on me. He

>graciously said it's OK, he'll get it next week.

 

Delaware Guy sorry if it came out that way, that was not my intent to chastise Paul. All I meant was would he had still been hurting for the cash for rent and all if they did not meet. YES the escort was a fuckin jerk, all I meant was don't count on the funds for bills & things till you have it your hand. I do understand that escorts do count on that money for a big part of their living and a lot of times that is why they are escorting. As far as trust, your right. Has to be trust between the escort & client or I would not have some of the regulars that I have today. With my regulars I do try and take care of them for putting up with me at times as in vacation trips, side trips to AC and in other ways. With out them I would be in a world of hurt at times

 

>The client should be ashamed of himself. He has done a

>disservice to all of us by increasing the lack of trust

>between escort and client. Unfortunately, Paul, I don't have

>any advice for you. Since you know who the man is, perhaps

>you can at least spread the word amongst your colleagues about

>his behavior?

 

I guess because this is a escort site we won't know who the client is, but if he reads this site that was FUCKIN low of you.

 

 

When in doubt I whip it out :+

[noviceny]

I think one of the best things we can do in life is to never regret doing a kind or compassionate act, even if we wind up getting screwed from it. That's not to say that you should repeat that act, but know that you put out kindness in to the world. Try to forget how you were repaid, and know that there are many people in this world who would not do that to you.

[Guest paulbenjaminsf]

I want to respond to what a few people have said, more for clarification's sake than anything.

 

First of all, LovesYng said,

 

QUOTE: "What if you did not meet him from the start, sounds like you would still be in this situation for your rent & late fees if you canceled the meeting??"

 

Actually, I'd had another opportunity to meet someone that same evening which I had turned down because I'd all ready agreed to meet the man in question.

 

QUOTE: "Sounds like you screwed up by cutting yourself that short, BIG mistake counting on your expenses from escorting for yours bills & not having a back up plan."

 

Perhaps that's true. Maybe it's for that very reason that I started a part-time job with a property management company just over two weeks ago. In the meantime, while I await my first paycheck from that job, the reality is that I HAD to rely on my escort jobs to pay my bills.

 

Another respondent, mattgunther:

 

QUOTE: "This is the kind of behavior I find really annoying on the part of the escort. Any professional knows that he will not be able to recover all of the money people owe him."

 

Naturally, you're right; but that doesn't mean that any professional worth his salt wouldn't attempt to COLLECT THE DEBT. I don't know about you, but most people who don't pay for the services they receive, at the fee they've agreed to pay, are not surprised when they eventually get nasty letters from collection agencies.

 

QUOTE: "Many doctors, not all by any means but many, continue treating patients who lose their insurance even though they know the patient won't be able to pay them. Lawyers do pro bon work. That means they don't bill the clients who can't afford to pay anything."

 

This is a totally different situation. Doctors may choose to continue to treat patients who lose their insurance, but I hardly think this is the norm. Once the doctor becomes aware of the loss of insurance, it is their decision whether or not they want to work for free, and they are not obligated to do so. Lawyers who work "pro bono" (I think that's the word you were searching for) likewise may CHOOSE to do so, but this is up to them. The operative word here is CHOICE...if the patient or the person seeking legal counsel defrauded the doctor or lawyer, I think they might choose NOT to.

 

QUOTE: "I'm not suggesting Paul work for free but I don't see why he can't give this guy a break."

 

Not to be argumentative, but yes, that is EXACTLY what you are suggesting. Please familiarize yourself with your own argument before presenting it.

 

QUOTE: "This is a case the client has given Paul a significant amount of money already and treated Paul with respect and consideration."

 

Yes, and in return the client received above-average service. He enjoyed the experience enough to return several times over the past couple of months. In return, he paid me my requested fee. And frankly, I EXPECT to be treated with respect and consideration... I don't think this is too much to ask. Respect and consideration are basic to any relationship. I wouldn't have seen him more than once if he didn't treat me with a minimal amount of courtesy. I think this is basic self respect...you treat it as though he did me some huge favor by paying me as agreed for services rendered in the past and by treating me as I would expect to be treated by anyone.

 

QUOTE: "Now the client finds himself in a tough financial situation. But Paul doesn't care. All he can think of is his money. The idea of cutting this guy some slack is something that Paul has not even considered."

 

How do you know if I care, or if I've considered cutting him some slack? I am not inhuman. Of course I care. But I also think that I was defrauded by this guy, because a person doesn't simply wake up one morning and have to come up with $7000 by Monday, without having some foreknowledge of this situation in advance. I find it hard to imagine what situation could possibly require $7000 because of what he characterized as his "B of A account being screwed up." The fact is, he had promised to pay me the next day, first in the morning and then in the afternoon...even after he failed to follow through both times, and again the next day, I was still trying to explain it away as stress or exhaustion. I think I was very considerate, and the fact that I'm NOT playing dirty shows I am still being considerate of his situation. And I am not materialistic or money-grubbing; I am not simply thinking of "my money"...I'm concerned because I needed the money that he had promised to pay me, to make my rent this month, and I think he was being dishonest with me about his ability to pay me. I think a little indignation is in order here. Do you really think someone who has been lied to, avoided, defrauded, swore at, and hung up on, should just roll over and take it?

 

QUOTE: "The world does not revolve around you and if you had any compassion or common sense you would let the matter drop."

 

When did I ever say I thought the world revolved around me? I am not being arrogant and I am not being an asshole. You seem to have an awful lot of sympathy for the guy who lied and defrauded me, and you seem to have very little compassion for me, the guy who has tried to be reasonable and patient and simply wants to recover what is rightfully owed to me.

 

QUOTE: "what do they teach in that college you went to? clearly not much if you have to #### to support yourself."

 

For your information, many escorts have college educations...some I know even have master's degrees. Often, we are not stupid people, and are in this business during transitional periods in our lives, or sometimes because we simply enjoy the work. Your attitude, and again I'm speaking to mattgunther here, that I must be an idiot to have to #### to support myself, makes me wonder what in the hell you're doing here on this website or this forum. Just in case you aren't aware of what this community is about, I'll tell you: this site is a place where male escorts are reviewed, and where clients and escorts exchange ideas and opinions. If your attitude is to denigrate or feel superior to anyone who "has to #### to support" themselves then I don't know what you're doing here. I don't think many escorts would appreciate being treated that way.

 

I'm surprised that sort of attitude is allowed to be expressed here. The whole reason I came here for advice was because I thought this was a supportive environment where I could get honest and respectful responses from other interested persons. I did not expect to be treated as though I was a second-class human being. Hopefully this is the exception and not the rule here.

 

For all other replies, I appreciate all the thoughtful responses (mattgunther obviously is not among these.) Thanks for taking the time to read my long post and thanks for taking the time to reply.

 

I guess I've learned my lesson; sadly, the lesson is that no matter how much you think you can trust someone, resist the urge to do so. At least in the money area. I will continue to go about trying to collect, but clearly I will do so in a direct but private way. I never actually considered "playing dirty", to tell the truth...the only reason I brought it up as an option, perhaps facetiously, was because it was the collateral offered by the man in question himself. Not because the idea originated with me.

[MichiganMan]

Hmmmm....Didn't want to be bothered with the inconvenience of a personal check yet extended him "credit" so to say. Now you're extremely inconvenienced!! I would have taken the check, and given it back to him when he coughed up the cash. If he didn't show, you would have had a check. Sure, it probably would have bounced, but then you would have had legal recourse....Live and learn!

[nate_sf]

>I guess I've learned my lesson; sadly, the lesson is that no

>matter how much you think you can trust someone, resist the

>urge to do so. At least in the money area.

 

I'm sure you're still burning over this situation, but don't let it get the best of you, it will just eat you up. You had every reason to trust this guy, having seen him four or five times before with no problems. If this kind of thing was happening to you all the time, yeah, it might be worth getting more defensive about whether or how to extend "credit" but if it's just this once then try to keep it in perspective.

 

To me the client sounds like someone who is about to hit rock-bottom financially, for any number of reasons whether it's drugs or gambling, or even investments gone awry. When he made the appointment with you maybe had thought he would be able to borrow money to pay his bills, or get a line of credit, or max out his credit cards. And maybe he'd already been doing all of these things all the time you'd known him, but you never knew. He had no business scheduling an appointment with you without having the cash in hand, and he knows this, so he's acting like a jerk to you because he is embarrassed and in desperate circumstances. That's my theory, at least.

 

On the other hand, maybe writing the check was a ploy to get your real name? But I don't think so, I just think he's way way broke. If you must have revenge, you could always make a cameo appearance at his bankruptcy hearing!

 

I agree with the others, that you just have to rise above this and move on. The more you dwell on it the more angry you'll get, so the best thing to do is stop contacting him and forget about it. It's up to you whether to take someone's word if this kind of thing happens again, but in my experience there have been a number of times where I've given someone the benfit of the doubt and it's worked out just fine.

[Barry]

Excellent response Paul!!!

 

Barry

[Flower]

>Okay I have to say I sort of disagree with most of the posts.

> I will give someone money if they need it and ask for it.

>But if someone tries to rip me off it pisses me off more than

>anything.

 

Finally a post I can relate to! I don't mind pro bono work IF I know ahead of time it's pro bono--but when someone lies to me or cheats me, that's a lot different.

 

I couldn't believe all of the milk-toast posts above saying tough shit--move on. While I wouldn't threaten to out him, although he deserves it, I would do this:

 

Go to your local small claims court at the main courthouse--I believe it's down there by the Opera House--and get a small claim form and fill it out for "MONEY HAD AND RECEIVED AND THEFT OF PERSONAL SERVICES"--there will be some boxes to check off that best fit your claim (although escorting won't be one of the alternatives , but "money had and received" is called a "common count" in California (really an anachronism, but still on the books) and is a general catchall for somebody stealing time or money from you. You don't have to be specific--just say for personal services--fill the form out BUT DON'T FILE IT--mail it to him and tell him that it will be filed in 10 days and that you're making one last effort to collect your debt before resorting to legal matters.

 

It will scare the shit out of him and it will do you no harm. Why should you have to eat the loss -- especially when it was intention on his part as must now be obvious to all here--as one poster said--one last freebie. This is no different than if he ran out on you without paying--same thing but more deceptive. If he is an attorney, there is NO way he can allow you to file that--but if he doesn't pay, you should--you can always dismiss b4 your court appearance but I guarantee it won't go that far. You might also add a count for "fraud in the inception" in that he lied to you about the circumstances and if you had known the truth you wouldn't have carried out the contract for personal services. I'd do the same whether he's an attorney or not, but seemed from what you said that he is.

 

I'd also or as an alternative, email him asking for the name of his supervising attorney as you'd like to discuss garnishing his pay }(

 

He has no cards to play in this hand that he can play DIRECTLY, that is in the open, without hurting himself much more--he will NOT do so although may try to bluff. Obviously, however, as with any client who proves himself an asshole, he could try and surreptitiously cause you problems -- especially with the law. Depending on how well he is connected, that could be a serious threat to you, but if he is smart, he will pay you and cut his losses while he can--the only danger here is if he has more testosterone than brains.

 

Unlike most of the posters Paul has heard from, I think there is and should be a lot of mutual trust between escort and client, especially once a working relationship has been established--maybe akin to honor among thieves--it makes it easier for all of us.