Safe vs. Ask Me?

[Scooter]

When an advertiser advertises as "ask me" about Safe/BB, does that mean they might be willing to engage in unsafe procedures? How does one prevent acquiring anything if the advertiser says "ask me" and has been less than safe with a previous consumer? This is one of my worries. Thanks!

[sincitymix]

When an advertiser advertises as "ask me" about Safe/BB, does that mean they might be willing to engage in unsafe procedures? How does one prevent acquiring anything if the advertiser says "ask me" and has been less than safe with a previous consumer? This is one of my worries. Thanks!

 

Well, It doesn't matter mych to me if they put safe or ask me, because I always go with the assumption that everyone has something, so make sure the escort pulls out the magnum xxxl

[Nathan_L]

.

[nynakedtop]

Or perhaps such an important issue may not be addressed merely by checking a box and actually merits some discussion?

[+ Lance_Navarro]

I wouldn't draw any assumptions based on which of those they have indicated. Let me ask you, do you use a condom for oral sex? If not, you have just as much of a chance of getting gonorrhea, chlamydia, and most other STI's. Let's remember these are all infections, not viruses, like HIV. For me, the decision whether or not to use a condom is a conversation I have with each client. I'm on PReP and therefore well protected against HIV, and unless I wear a condom for oral, I'm gonna be at some risk for an STI, just as we all are. Getting an STI, is just a part of being a sexually active gay man, which is why we all need to get tested regular and get treatment if we wake up with a "drip".

[sincitymix]

I wouldn't draw any assumptions based on which of those they have indicated. Let me ask you, do you use a condom for oral sex? If not, you have just as much of a chance of getting gonorrhea, chlamydia, and most other STI's. Let's remember these are all infections, not viruses, like HIV. For me, the decision whether or not to use a condom is a conversation I have with each client. I'm on PReP and therefore well protected against HIV, and unless I wear a condom for oral, I'm gonna be at some risk for an STI, just as we all are. Getting an STI, is just a part of being a sexually active gay man, which is why we all need to get tested regular and get treatment if we wake up with a "drip".

 

I will agree with you there. I hate sucking a dick with a condom on it.

[seaboy4hire]

I will agree with you there. I hate sucking a dick with a condom on it.

 

I once dated someone who insisted we use a rubber for oral. I was always afraid I'd swallow and choke on the rubber.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[Marlfox]

If someone insisted on condom's for oral, it would be a deal breaker for me. Anal, yes, oral, no.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

If someone insisted on condom's for oral, it would be a deal breaker for me. Anal, yes, oral, no.

 

I have had a few clients (usually married) that have insisted I wear a condom for oral, I happily obliged because I want to meet them where they are comfortable. Casually, I would not.

[+ Eric Hassan]

When an advertiser advertises as "ask me" about Safe/BB, does that mean they might be willing to engage in unsafe procedures? How does one prevent acquiring anything if the advertiser says "ask me" and has been less than safe with a previous consumer? This is one of my worries. Thanks!

 

Great question - I would like to discuss "safe" a little bit. I find most people use "safe" when they mean "condoms for anal sex." Condoms for anal sex are a great strategy to minimize the odds you'll get an STI from anal sex, including HIV. However, as Lance_Navarro pointed out - you can STIs from oral sex or rimming - even if you use a condom for anal sex. PrEP is another way that some folks (including me) prevent HIV infection; taken daily, PrEP reduces the risk of acquiring HIV if you're exposed by 99%. With perfect use, I think condoms are about 96% effective at preventing HIV infection, if exposed.

 

So - back to "safe." I think it's important that we stop using that word to mean condoms for anal sex. We all could benefit from considering what we would like to be safe from and how we would like to protect ourselves and then be clear in our communication - using the words for what we want. For example, I am on PrEP because I would like to be safe from HIV infection but I prefer not to use condoms - this is my definition of safe, and what I convey to my partners - and as far as a safe strategy goes, it works for me. Of course, if someone wants to use a condom, then I'm going to use a condom. What works for you is what works for you. I just would love to stop seeing "safe" used with the assumption that everyone uses the same meaning!

[sincitymix]

Great question - I would like to discuss "safe" a little bit. I find most people use "safe" when they mean "condoms for anal sex." Condoms for anal sex are a great strategy to minimize the odds you'll get an STI from anal sex, including HIV. However, as Lance_Navarro pointed out - you can STIs from oral sex or rimming - even if you use a condom for anal sex. PrEP is another way that some folks (including me) prevent HIV infection; taken daily, PrEP reduces the risk of acquiring HIV if you're exposed by 99%. With perfect use, I think condoms are about 96% effective at preventing HIV infection, if exposed.

 

So - back to "safe." I think it's important that we stop using that word to mean condoms for anal sex. We all could benefit from considering what we would like to be safe from and how we would like to protect ourselves and then be clear in our communication - using the words for what we want. For example, I am on PrEP because I would like to be safe from HIV infection but I prefer not to use condoms - this is my definition of safe, and what I convey to my partners - and as far as a safe strategy goes, it works for me. Of course, if someone wants to use a condom, then I'm going to use a condom. What works for you is what works for you. I just would love to stop seeing "safe" used with the assumption that everyone uses the same meaning!

 

Hmm with the success of Truvada as Prep, I wonder if other HIV medications can do the same thing.. would certainly be interesting to see a competitive Prep pricing especially if one of the meds is a generic.

[+ Eric Hassan]

Hmm with the success of Truvada as Prep, I wonder if other HIV medications can do the same thing.. would certainly be interesting to see a competitive Prep pricing especially if one of the meds is a generic.

 

I would love to see other options! If cost is an issue - for anyone - there are many ways that Gilead and other resources have for you to get the medication at a reduced cost or free.

[nycguy]

I once dated someone who insisted we use a rubber for oral. I was always afraid I'd swallow and choke on the rubber.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

You can't control your swallow instinct when sucking cock. It would be a real waste to have you choke on latex instead of choking on a big, fat piece of Daddy cock and an huge load flooding your mouth or filling you up, um....elsewhere.

[LADoug1]

I also consider the HIV STI risk when sucking and whether or not letting someone cum my mouth/swallowing. Perhaps there is really no difference although I know people disagree about this.

[jackjackjack]

You can't control your swallow instinct when sucking cock. It would be a real waste to have you choke on latex instead of choking on a big, fat piece of Daddy cock and an huge load flooding your mouth or filling you up, um....elsewhere.

 

OMG. . It's 5:40am and I'm reading about Daddy cock and huge loads in such graphic wording.....what a glorious way to wake this fine day. .

[+ Lance_Navarro]

So - back to "safe." I think it's important that we stop using that word to mean condoms for anal sex.

 

YEEEESSSSS!!! I agree. I know its just habitual with all the years of condoms being the soul means of protection, but PrEP, as well as TasP (treatment as prevention) for those who are HIV+ are both forms of "safer sex". When I see people say things like "you go ahead and take your pill, Im still gonna practice safe sex" it drives me crazy.

[Brian Kevin]

YEEEESSSSS!!! I agree. I know its just habitual with all the years of condoms being the soul means of protection, but PrEP, as well as TasP (treatment as prevention) for those who are HIV+ are both forms of "safer sex". When I see people say things like "you go ahead and take your pill, Im still gonna practice safe sex" it drives me crazy.

 

 

No offense Lance, but when someone says "I'm on the pill" I think of a story I hear all too often, from women "I forgot to take my pill" and now they have a baby. Well, unfortunately, we can't just abort HIV, so even if someone tells me they are on a pill of any kind. I still would like to wear a condom. All these medications are still so new, and we're still learning about them. I also don't have health insurance or do I sit in one place for to long to ensure I'm getting the proper perscritpion each month.

 

So for me, it's not that I'm afraid of sex without a condom, I just need to take the neccicary steps to protect myself. This is the safest, easiest and most logical way for me. All these years they drilled us about always wearing a condom, I just cant install faith on a pill that is XX% effective. even though its in the high 90's you can't give me a 100%. I need 100%. Even though condoms do fail, I'd rather take my risks with the brands I've trusted for many years. To me, using a condom is relioguous, it shows respect to your partner and respect to yourself. However, if you have faith in the pills, then you have respect for your partner and yourself. SO I proud of you for taking the steps!

 

I also agree, "safe" sex shouldn't mean just a condom. I also am disgusted with the whole 'clean or dirty' thing. Having HiV doesn't make you dirty, nor does NOT having HiV make you clean. Honestly, in most cases the person with HiV in terms of hygiene in my experience is cleaner, only because they know how important health is to them.

 

Ends Rant.

 

I'm also sad to be leaving Sunny Florida, but SO EXCITED for the stepping stones ahead of me.

[Scooter]

Thank you for all of your comments, I appreciate the candor and also helping me to consider making the best decisions in each circumstance. Everyone has been great in their comments and advice. Thanks:D!

[marylander1940]

When an advertiser advertises as "ask me" about Safe/BB, does that mean they might be willing to engage in unsafe procedures?...

 

yes, it does... and you may not be their 9th client.

 

http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMzY2MzY0NDg1OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjkzNjg4Mw@@._V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_.jpg

[Nvr2Thick]

So - back to "safe." I think it's important that we stop using that word to mean condoms for anal sex. We all could benefit from considering what we would like to be safe from and how we would like to protect ourselves and then be clear in our communication - using the words for what we want. For example, I am on PrEP because I would like to be safe from HIV infection but I prefer not to use condoms - this is my definition of safe, and what I convey to my partners - and as far as a safe strategy goes, it works for me. Of course, if someone wants to use a condom, then I'm going to use a condom. What works for you is what works for you. I just would love to stop seeing "safe" used with the assumption that everyone uses the same meaning!

 

So, "safe" should mean "ask me."

[rvwnsd]

So, "safe" should mean "ask me."

 

Given the number of interpretations of "safe," yes, one should always ask.

[+ Eric Hassan]

So, "safe" should mean "ask me."

 

Well, "ask me" if probably the best available response on most platforms if one intends to have a clear conversation about it. A better system might be to include several possible options that you could check off as applicable and keep the "ask me" as a backup.

[Nvr2Thick]

include several possible options that you could check off as applicable and keep the "ask me" as a backup.

 

The abbreviated checklist:

 

Safe Sex (Y/N/NA)

__ Condoms always (anal - gives)

__ Condoms always (anal - receives)

__ Condoms sometimes (anal - gives)

__ Condoms sometimes (anal - receives)

__ Condoms never (anal - gives)

__ Condoms never (anal - receives)

__ Condoms always (oral - gives)

__ Condoms always (oral - receives)

__ Condoms sometimes (oral - gives)

__ Condoms sometimes (oral - receives)

__ Condoms never (oral - gives)

__ Condoms never (oral - receives)

 

Proactivity

__ On Prep

_____ Number of HIV tests per year

_____ Number of days since last HIV test

_____ Number of partners since last HIV test

_____ Number of loads taken since last HIV test

_____ Number of loads given since last HIV test

_____ Number of loads swallowed since last HIV test

 

Status

__ HIV+

__ HIV -

__ HIV+ undetectable viral load

_____ Number of days since assessment of viral load

 

Integrity

__ I'd never lie about this stuff

__ I'd probably lie about this stuff, but never on the Integrity section

__ I'm probably lying about some or all of this stuff

[rvwnsd]

Well, "ask me" if probably the best available response on most platforms if one intends to have a clear conversation about it. A better system might be to include several possible options that you could check off as applicable and keep the "ask me" as a backup.

I think the "safe vs bareback" option is outdated. Your suggestion is much better.

[AndreFuture]

This thread is really helpful; thanks for this much needed conversation.

 

Going condomless is something I really want to do, but because of the "safe=condoms for anal" mantra that has been drilled into me, plus my feeling of inadequate knowledge, I don't feel confident in abandoning condoms. Yet, I also don't use condoms for oral, so I agree that calling such habits "safe" is a misnomer because I think its giving me a false sense of security.

 

I'd really like to hear more from the "ask me"/"uses condoms when asked" crowd about how you all manage your health. I've never has an STI before, which may be part of my fear of acquiring one (that is, not having had to bear the unfortunate stigma/judgment we give to ppl with STIs). Some infections are easily cleared up with medication, some (like Hep C) are not, but I'm just so paranoid by it all. I'd just like more info to feel more in control over my health (as best as possible), without having to become celibate.