So I did a bit of a social experiment

[Wolfer]

Last night I had a bad, bad night. I haven't slept in nearly 24 hours and at night I walked for hours along the river where I live.

 

Just a heads up: I am getting professional help. Seeing both a psychiatrist and a pyshotherapist. Doing all I can in my power to keep my head afloat. Yet last night none of my usual tricks were working and I was desperate to distract my mind by doing something, anything.

 

So I decided to make a fake Grindr profile. To distract me. There were some ground rules: I would not lead guys on (by not indicating I was interested in meeting nor saying I was available for anything). I made it clear I was only on Grindr to chat and nothing else. So if anything, the guys on the other end would get a nice conversation out of it.

 

So chat I did. The other thing I did was to not filter or change anything about my personality. I have buckets of charm on good days (on bad days not so much, then I can be quite a grumpy old man, albeight I can do so hilariously). The thing I wanted to test was to see how much appearance would have an impact on guys interacting with me.

 

The results, albeight completely anecdotal, were enough to distract my mind (and heart) until the worst of my bad spell passed.

 

So, what I noticed was that since I was using pictures of guy that's hotter than I am guys were of course hitting me up a lot. But they would swoon and fall over themselves whenever I started chatting back in my style of personality which I describe as "one-man double act". Brains and beauty seem to a deadly combination.

 

A stark contrast with how guys responded to my razor sharp wit and disarming charm when I was using my own pictures. They would amuse me and themselves for a while, then move on to other guys with bigger biceps and bigger dicks.

 

Was I crazy? Yes. Was it slightly unethical? Yes. Did it literally safe my life last night after the lady on the other side of the suicide hotline told me she didn't have time to listen to me? Hell yes.

 

Does my post read like I'm a narcissistic douchebag? Sure. But then I'm focusing like a madman on the good traits that I can allow myself to believe I have (incredible sense of humor, disarming charm, razor sharp wit) to remind myself I still have something to contribute to this world.

 

To those who want to slap me or give me some tough love: move along please. It's reactions like those that have alienated me from my friends, driving me further into solitude. Punching someone on a bruised arm will not make it heal faster, it will only make it hurt more.

 

To those who want to offer solace to a (temporarily) broken soul who's doing every single thing in his power to fucking get through this, please do. I seriously need it.

 

I know I'm strong enough to get through this, I just need to keep myself reminded of that fact.

[Rudynate]

When you're struggling with depression and anxiety, nights can get very long and without anything to distract you from your own thoughts and feelings, they can seem overwhelming. No matter how bad it feels at night, as soon as the sun starts to come up, things start to seem better. Congratulations on having come up with a distraction that helped make the long night tolerable.

[jackjackjack]

Last night I had a bad, bad night. I haven't slept in nearly 24 hours and at night I walked for hours along the river where I live.

 

Just a heads up: I am getting professional help. Seeing both a psychiatrist and a pyshotherapist. Doing all I can in my power to keep my head afloat. Yet last night none of my usual tricks were working and I was desperate to distract my mind by doing something, anything.

 

So I decided to make a fake Grindr profile. To distract me. There were some ground rules: I would not lead guys on (by not indicating I was interested in meeting nor saying I was available for anything). I made it clear I was only on Grindr to chat and nothing else. So if anything, the guys on the other end would get a nice conversation out of it.

 

So chat I did. The other thing I did was to not filter or change anything about my personality. I have buckets of charm on good days (on bad days not so much, then I can be quite a grumpy old man, albeight I can do so hilariously). The thing I wanted to test was to see how much appearance would have an impact on guys interacting with me.

 

The results, albeight completely anecdotal, were enough to distract my mind (and heart) until the worst of my bad spell passed.

 

So, what I noticed was that since I was using pictures of guy that's hotter than I am guys were of course hitting me up a lot. But they would swoon and fall over themselves whenever I started chatting back in my style of personality which I describe as "one-man double act". Brains and beauty seem to a deadly combination.

 

A stark contrast with how guys responded to my razor sharp wit and disarming charm when I was using my own pictures. They would amuse me and themselves for a while, then move on to other guys with bigger biceps and bigger dicks.

 

Was I crazy? Yes. Was it slightly unethical? Yes. Did it literally safe my life last night after the lady on the other side of the suicide hotline told me she didn't have time to listen to me? Hell yes.

 

Does my post read like I'm a narcissistic douchebag? Sure. But then I'm focusing like a madman on the good traits that I can allow myself to believe I have (incredible sense of humor, disarming charm, razor sharp wit) to remind myself I still have something to contribute to this world.

 

To those who want to slap me or give me some tough love: move along please. It's reactions like those that have alienated me from my friends, driving me further into solitude. Punching someone on a bruised arm will not make it heal faster, it will only make it hurt more.

 

To those who want to offer solace to a (temporarily) broken soul who's doing every single thing in his power to fucking get through this, please do. I seriously need it.

 

I know I'm strong enough to get through this, I just need to keep myself reminded of that fact.

 

I think what you did was really a nice distraction for you. You had your ground rules, didn't lead anyone on, and maybe, just maybe you had an interesting conversation or two..... other than sexual. Although sexual,... I'm not going there. . Best to you.

[down_to_business]

Or you could just watch Catfish reruns on MTV

[sincitymix]

I think what you did was really a nice distraction for you. You had your ground rules, didn't lead anyone on, and maybe, just maybe you had an interesting conversation or two..... other than sexual. Although sexual,... I'm not going there. . Best to you.

well im thinking wolfer needs to go find that hot guy again and rock the bed into splinters :D

[Wolfer]

well im thinking wolfer needs to go find that hot guy again and rock the bed into splinters :D

That story's come to an end... He went completely radio silent and it wasn't until a mutual friend (which neither of us knew was mutual) put two and two together (after first the guy telling the mutual friend of our date, then me telling the mutual friend of our date) when I mentioned the guy's name.

Apparently the guy thought I was a hoot and a half (maybe even two full hoots! ) but not interested in seeing me again in that capacity.

[Wolfer]

I think what you did was really a nice distraction for you. You had your ground rules, didn't lead anyone on, and maybe, just maybe you had an interesting conversation or two..... other than sexual. Although sexual,... I'm not going there. . Best to you.

Yeah, the conversations were actually really fun (and funny) and it actually allowed me to vent my feelings in a humorous way.t

 

Guys were surprisingly kind and empathic when I was wearing my heart on my sleeve. Although I think the biceps might've had something to do with it...

[+ FreshFluff]

First, I'm glad to hear you're feeling better.

 

So, what I noticed was that since I was using pictures of guy that's hotter than I am guys were of course hitting me up a lot. But they would swoon and fall over themselves whenever I started chatting back in my style of personality which I describe as "one-man double act". Brains and beauty seem to a deadly combination.

 

A stark contrast with how guys responded to my razor sharp wit and disarming charm when I was using my own pictures. They would amuse me and themselves for a while, then move on to other guys with bigger biceps and bigger dicks.

 

Was I crazy? Yes. Was it slightly unethical? Yes. Did it literally safe my life last night after the lady on the other side of the suicide hotline told me she didn't have time to listen to me? Hell yes.

 

Does my post read like I'm a narcissistic douchebag? Sure. But then I'm focusing like a madman on the good traits that I can allow myself to believe I have (incredible sense of humor, disarming charm, razor sharp wit) to remind myself I still have something to contribute to this world.

 

I don't think you're narcissistic at all. You do have a lot to contribute, and you're lucky to be facing a world in which the bolded statement is true.

 

Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way in the straight world, not for women anyway. I've heard it from smart men who approach me, from honest male friends, and from women who've conducted small "self-experiments." Intelligence is considered a masculine trait, same as skill at ability to tacking offensive football players is. And it doesn't require genius-level intelligence to fall into that category.

 

I've decided that in the future, I'll deflect or, if I'm cornered, I'll fudge. What's the point? First impressions are important, and things that come across negative upfront are often tolerated later. One can always you couldn't hear them over the loud music and blame their intoxication for the apparent error. One of these tactics was used on me, so why not.

[craigville beach]

When you're struggling with depression and anxiety, nights can get very long and without anything to distract you from your own thoughts and feelings, they can seem overwhelming. No matter how bad it feels at night, as soon as the sun starts to come up, things start to seem better. Congratulations on having come up with a distraction that helped make the long night tolerable.

 

Try and wear yourself out during the day. Get outdoors if you can and take long walks, no matter the weather. Today, I walked all over Boston, looking at all the holiday shoppers and store windows. I didn't spend more than the $15 I spent at Mike's Pastry Shop in the North End. Tonight I'm exhausted and looking forward to going to bed and falling asleep. Tomorrow is another day

[+ bigjoey]

Try and wear yourself out during the day. Get outdoors if you can and take long walks, no matter the weather. Today, I walked all over Boston, looking at all the holiday shoppers and store windows. I didn't spend more than the $15 I spent at Mike's Pastry Shop in the North End. Tonight I'm exhausted and looking forward to going to bed and falling asleep. Tomorrow is another day

 

Exercise can be a big help. I had a boyfriend who suffered from depression. There was a great book on the subject with a special chapter devoted to gays and another for seniors. The book is: "Noonday Demons" and may help.

[BtmBearDad]

Wolfer - I don't think there's anything wrong with what you did. In fact, I applaud you for finding a way to distract yourself from your mood without harm/distress/etc. to yourself or others. When you're down in the dumps, suffering from depression, nights and weekends can be especially challenging. I know for me that has been the case since my last relationship ended (even before that at times if I'm going to be completely candid). The work week is fine - I'm busy during the day and usually worried/stressed about something else other than my problems. I try meet with friends one or two nights a week for drinks and/or dinner and a bit of a laugh rather than heading straight home - but those are getting harder to arrange due to the fact most of my friends now are of the partnered variety. So meeting on the fly for a few swift ones or a meal can be a challenge. I do have a regular meet up with a group of straight friends on Fridays - it kind of just happened over time, they're all younger than me, some married, some single, guys and girls and I'm looked on as the big gay daddy to the lot I suppose. I do enjoy the Fridays, and I enjoy their company and that they include me in events outside our Friday meets (weddings, christenings, parties, dinners, etc.) but when I come home, I may not speak to a sinner until I'm back at the office Monday. I know for me, lack of interaction - be it a phone call, texts, in person, online chats, etc. - can trigger more blues. I recognise this is not healthy and I do push myself to engage more and be more proactive. I am hopeful new work and living arrangements in the new year will help in this regard. I'm also hoping re-engaging gentlemen callers will as well. Regardless of how others perceive you - no one knows what another is going through/dealing with. By outward appearances, I may look like I have it together - good job, comfortable life, nice homes, wonderful friends - but there's some things I don't reveal. It can be hard, but I also believe it can be overcome. I too have engaged in the online chat - just for chat, with clear parameters about not hooking up/looking/etc. so I know it can be a benefit to distract one but I also know I have to do more. For example this weekend - did the Friday night meet. Saturday did my normal bits and bobs running around and was invited to go to a Christmas party with a gay couple I'm friends with. My first reaction was to politely decline but I thought "what are you going to do otherwise? sit home alone again?" so I accepted and had a lovely time. I was distracted and not thinking about my own issues. Listen, as far as I'm concerned everyone is dealing with "something" - it may be big or it may be small but its no one's place to judge that person or how they deal or distract themselves from their "something". As long as no one is hurt or distressed, I see no harm but rather I see the benefits from being distracted.

 

Good luck to you Wolfer (and everyone else who may be dealing with their own thing) and keep the chin up and all that!

 

 

Cheers,

BBD

[+ FreshFluff]

Exercise can be a big help. I had a boyfriend who suffered from depression. There was a great book on the subject with a special chapter devoted to gays and another for seniors. The book is: "Noonday Demons" and may help.

 

Yes, but exercise isn't going to happen when someone is really down.

[craigville beach]

Yes, but exercise isn't going to happen when someone is really down.

 

I agree. But getting up and going out and moving around is not the same as going to a gym and working out. If I were to go to the gym, all would be thinking about is what was on my mind. My therapist says I have 3 seconds to redirect my brain when I feel that I'm about to go to a bad place. I need to not put myself in the position of having the chance to start to think about things that cause me to become depressed. When I'm outside and moving around, there is to much other stimulation to occupy my brain, I don't have room to get depressed. When I get home and everything starts to unwind, I am physically to tired. I know everyone is different, but at some point you need to step up and take responsibility for the physical environment that contributes to depression.

[Wolfer]

Thanks for the kind words everyone, they truly help.

 

I agree. But getting up and going out and moving around is not the same as going to a gym and working out. If I were to go to the gym, all would be thinking about is what was on my mind. My therapist says I have 3 seconds to redirect my brain when I feel that I'm about to go to a bad place. I need to not put myself in the position of having the chance to start to think about things that cause me to become depressed. When I'm outside and moving around, there is to much other stimulation to occupy my brain, I don't have room to get depressed. When I get home and everything starts to unwind, I am physically to tired. I know everyone is different, but at some point you need to step up and take responsibility for the physical environment that contributes to depression.

Yeah, sometimes it requires every ounce of willpower I have to rise out of bed, but it's better to be physically moving than staying still. That choice still comes down to me.

Just getting out of the house can be strangely therapeutic. Last night I parked my car along the river and just sat in it there for a couple of hours, talking to myself, pretend talking to other people to get clarity on my own feelings.

[dcguy20]

When people mention exercise, the first thing I think of is a bicycle as opposed to the gym. I'm not sure what the weather is like where you are, but the weather in DC has been unseasonably warm for the most part. I find when I take a nice long ride, it puts my mind in a completely different place. There is something about being on a bicycle that makes me feel carefree (even if only temporarily).

 

Sorry things have been rough for you. May each day get a little better.

[+ not2rowdy]

Just getting out of the house can be strangely therapeutic....

 

No surprise with that statement.

I realize yu said you went out in the evening but...

During these short winter days get outside.

Spend some time in the sun.

Natural sunlight is very therapeutic.

 

Do a Google search on: Need for sunlight

Here’s one response that’s applicable:

 

http://www.naturalnews.com/001541.html