Online hookups are a lot of work...

[Wolfer]

So I've decided to finally join the online dating/hookup world via Grindr the day before yesterday, after having built up some of my sexual self-esteem with time only dates and having spent the past few months working hard in the gym.

 

IT IS SO MUCH WORK. OH MY GOD. All the chatting, unreliability, the instant boner killing conversations...

Having said that, I have enjoyed some lovely chats with some lovely guys.

 

But my first experience with a (cuddle) date was an awkward disaster! A guy on Grindr chatted me up, asked if I wanted to come over to cuddle. I send him pictures (pictures that completely and accurately represent me, by the way!). So I drive for 40 minutes to his place. He opens the door, takes one look at me and says: "On second thought, you're not really my type, bye." And back on the street I go! This cooled down my enthusiasm fast.

 

Also, I'm not quite gifted in the downstairs deparment (I'm just over 5 inches and not very thick) and it's shown to be quite the conversation stopper, apparently. I don't mind so much that people disconnect because of my size (nothing to be done about it anyway), but it's annoying when you've been having a bit of a horny chat, exchanging sexy pictures and basically are ready to jump in the car to get over to their place and get sexing and then be cut off, left alone with a raging boner and no helping hand (or orifice) but your own.

 

But it does work in my favour, when a guy chats me up that's not really my type, one mention of my size will stop that chat dead in its tracks.

Of course, if I like the guy, I add an internet inch.

 

It's also flattering in a way to get chatted up by guys I myself am attracted to! Though nothing has come of it yet. I've really become hesitant to actually go on a date now. I now also jokingly send a very bad picture of me. So they know what I look like when not at my best. The nice thing about this is that it scores charisma points.

[Rudynate]

Keep your expectations low. Online dating tends to be very sketchy and it's best to approach it skeptically - "I'll believe it when I see it." I got together with a guy from an online contact about three months ago. It was everything I'd hoped it would be. He was leaving, going down my front steps and I asked myself, "What just happened? That was incredible." But those experiences don't happen often.

[AdamSmith]

Watching the contortions of cute attractive friends half my age working and working to arrange their grindr hookups does not exactly set me afire to jump on the bandwagon.

[geminibear]

So I've decided to finally join the online dating/hookup world via Grindr the day before yesterday, after having built up some of my sexual self-esteem with time only dates and having spent the past few months working hard in the gym.

 

IT IS SO MUCH WORK. OH MY GOD. All the chatting, unreliability, the instant boner killing conversations...

Having said that, I have enjoyed some lovely chats with some lovely guys.

 

But my first experience with a (cuddle) date was an awkward disaster! A guy on Grindr chatted me up, asked if I wanted to come over to cuddle. I send him pictures (pictures that completely and accurately represent me, by the way!). So I drive for 40 minutes to his place. He opens the door, takes one look at me and says: "On second thought, you're not really my type, bye." And back on the street I go! This cooled down my enthusiasm fast.

 

Also, I'm not quite gifted in the downstairs deparment (I'm just over 5 inches and not very thick) and it's shown to be quite the conversation stopper, apparently. I don't mind so much that people disconnect because of my size (nothing to be done about it anyway), but it's annoying when you've been having a bit of a horny chat, exchanging sexy pictures and basically are ready to jump in the car to get over to their place and get sexing and then be cut off, left alone with a raging boner and no helping hand (or orifice) but your own.

 

But it does work in my favour, when a guy chats me up that's not really my type, one mention of my size will stop that chat dead in its tracks.

Of course, if I like the guy, I add an internet inch.

 

It's also flattering in a way to get chatted up by guys I myself am attracted to! Though nothing has come of it yet. I've really become hesitant to actually go on a date now. I now also jokingly send a very bad picture of me. So they know what I look like when not at my best. The nice thing about this is that it scores charisma points.

 

The very reason why I stick to hiring rather than hooking up.

[RussJohnson]

So I've decided to finally join the online dating/hookup world via Grindr the day before yesterday, after having built up some of my sexual self-esteem with time only dates and having spent the past few months working hard in the gym.

 

IT IS SO MUCH WORK. OH MY GOD. All the chatting, unreliability, the instant boner killing conversations...

Having said that, I have enjoyed some lovely chats with some lovely guys.

 

But my first experience with a (cuddle) date was an awkward disaster! A guy on Grindr chatted me up, asked if I wanted to come over to cuddle. I send him pictures (pictures that completely and accurately represent me, by the way!). So I drive for 40 minutes to his place. He opens the door, takes one look at me and says: "On second thought, you're not really my type, bye." And back on the street I go! This cooled down my enthusiasm fast.

 

Also, I'm not quite gifted in the downstairs deparment (I'm just over 5 inches and not very thick) and it's shown to be quite the conversation stopper, apparently. I don't mind so much that people disconnect because of my size (nothing to be done about it anyway), but it's annoying when you've been having a bit of a horny chat, exchanging sexy pictures and basically are ready to jump in the car to get over to their place and get sexing and then be cut off, left alone with a raging boner and no helping hand (or orifice) but your own.

 

But it does work in my favour, when a guy chats me up that's not really my type, one mention of my size will stop that chat dead in its tracks.

Of course, if I like the guy, I add an internet inch.

 

It's also flattering in a way to get chatted up by guys I myself am attracted to! Though nothing has come of it yet. I've really become hesitant to actually go on a date now. I now also jokingly send a very bad picture of me. So they know what I look like when not at my best. The nice thing about this is that it scores charisma points.

 

My tips:

1. Keep expectations very very low

2. NEVER. EVER get into a fight with someone about anything, not worth it!

3. Always politely decline or respond people you are not interested in, even if someone gets upset by the rejection, it's the nice thing to do.

4. Make a set of rules for yourself (time limits for use, what type of responses you will not tolerate, what photos you will and will not send) then stick to them.

5. If it looks too perfect and the conversation makes no sense it's a bot.

6. Go for the personality and not the looks, the sex is always better that way.

7. Take your best offers on a first come first serve basis and let the other people know where they are in line. (It seems rude and deli like, but people seem to like at least knowing why you are not inviting them over even though you had a good connection. And even if it's not FCFS and based on who is hottest, no one will know that but you)

8. Avoid these words and phrases (into?, looking?, hung? sup, hru, wyd, AND THE BIGGEST OFFENDERS, responding to things with "COOL", "NICE", OR "LOL" it will kill a conversation so fast! haha

9. Don't listen to what anyone else tells you you need to be doing

[Wolfer]

My tips:

3. Always politely decline or respond people you are not interested in, even if someone gets upset by the rejection, it's the nice thing to do.

Oh, dear. I've been guilty of that. I got to say that before I went on Grindr I thought it was the nice thing to do and was all ready to respond to every message (I find silence just to be so rude). But then started getting inundated with messages... Probably because I was fresh meat in the neighbourhood.

And also, sometimes it's hard... Like, what do I say? "Thanks for saying hi, but I don't think we're a match." (Based on one profile picture?)

But then Grindr is a visual medium, of course.

 

After your post I actually went through my messages that I had left unanswered and responded as best I could.

[geminibear]

Oh, dear. I've been guilty of that. I got to say that before I went on Grindr I thought it was the nice thing to do and was all ready to respond to every message (I find silence just to be so rude). But then started getting inundated with messages... Probably because I was fresh meat in the neighbourhood.

And also, sometimes it's hard... Like, what do I say? "Thanks for saying hi, but I don't think we're a match." (Based on one profile picture?)

But then Grindr is a visual medium, of course.

 

After your post I actually went through my messages that I had left unanswered and responded as best I could.

 

Couldn't that also be taken as pouring salt on the wound?

[jawjateck]

hook-ups......ugh! When I'm in a "men's club", I occasionally draw the interest of a handsome business man, and may mix it up with 'em. Lunch time is a great time to meet horny handsome professionals who need to get down to business expeditiously.

 

My last online hook-up was 2006-ish. I'm so not interested. This hobby has spoiled me, and I can no longer settle for scraps.

[Rudynate]

Couldn't that also be taken as pouring salt on the wound?

 

I think it's a good idea. I say something like, "Thanks for reaching out. We're not a match." Usually they appreciate being responded to rather than ignored. Some may even say, "Thank you for letting me know that." The thing is not to make it personal.

[Wolfer]

I think it's a good idea. I say something like, "Thanks for reaching out. We're not a match." Usually they appreciate being responded to rather than ignored. Some may even say, "Thank you for letting me know that." The thing is not to make it personal.

Yeah, I actually prefer and appreciate it when guys let me know that too.

[RussJohnson]

Oh, dear. I've been guilty of that. I got to say that before I went on Grindr I thought it was the nice thing to do and was all ready to respond to every message (I find silence just to be so rude). But then started getting inundated with messages... Probably because I was fresh meat in the neighbourhood.

And also, sometimes it's hard... Like, what do I say? "Thanks for saying hi, but I don't think we're a match." (Based on one profile picture?)

But then Grindr is a visual medium, of course.

 

After your post I actually went through my messages that I had left unanswered and responded as best I could.

 

I know it's a lot, but I think it makes the community so much better. Lots of people on there are going through so much and learning to deal with polite rejection is a much better thing than just getting silence. Everyone's responses have been good. Keep it short and sweet. Just copy and paste your response to your phone clipboard. ("Thanks for getting in touch and saying hi, hope you have a good day!) People will generally get the message. If you're really good you won't let it just be visual and you will give everyone a chance to impress you...but that's asking a lot, even I can't say I do that.

 

Couldn't that also be taken as pouring salt on the wound?

 

Yes, and some people will take it that way, but they will learn that being completely ignored is worse.

[SFViking]

My tips:

...

5. If it looks too perfect and the conversation makes no sense it's a bot.

....

 

Why would someone use a bot to respond to replies to their messages to someone? I think that happened to me, but I didn't keep the conversation going to see where it would go.

[SFViking]

If I should start a separate thread, please let me know, but I thought a discussion about Grindr was exactly what I wanted to chat about.

 

At 67 I have no expectations that I'd hookup with someone I'd be interested in sexually on Grindr. I have seen profiles that specify "$$$" or "Pro" or "generous only". I've also received messages from attractive young men, despite the fact that I don't have a photo, I list my stats as 67, 5'11" and 200 lbs. The only thing I have going for me is that I live only a few blocks from the gay bars on Arenas in Palm Springs, so my profile shows up whenever someone is out and about in PS. It didn't make sense to me that someone would attempt to connect with such an online non-entity as is my Grindr profile.

 

I haven't see any discussions about using Grindr to connect with escorts here. How does it work for that purpose? I considered modifying my profile to specifically welcome escorts, especially the type of men to whom I'm attracted. Does that seem like a viable strategy?

 

Since I'm new to PS, I'm also looking to meet new people. I only have some family here in the valley and a couple of friends who own second homes here, but they're not here all the time. I've been very busy getting settled and finding a new place, so lack of a social circle hasn't bothered me, but I know I should meet more people. I can strike up conversations with guys in bars here very easily (much more so than in my former residence, San Francisco), but those conversations never go anywhere. Would Grindr work to meet guys just as friends? Unlike email where I can create one persona for friends and one for my erotic interests, with Grindr it appears you are your phone number. I guess I'd have to alter my profile each time I switched between looking for friends and being open to other types of engagements.

 

Has anyone met a new coffee/ movie/ restaurant buddy using Grindr?

[bostonman]

I like Russ's list. Sensible advice.

 

It was back in the mid-80's, when I was just finishing college, when meeting guys via phone dating started, and I used to do that until the internet came along as well. One advantage to online sites, of course, is pictures, but as we know, they're not always accurate lol. But I will say, over the last 30 years of meeting guys in this way (wow) that I've had a lot of good experiences AND even more that were disappointing. C'est la vie. And I agree with the original poster, it CAN be a lot of work. But there ARE diamonds in the rough out there, and I'll also admit that in some ways, looking for guys this way becomes addictive - the thrill of the chase and all that. One huge advantage to online sites (as opposed to the old phone dating sites) is that it's easy to multitask. I can be logged in, say, to Manhunt and do other things and not feel like I need to be glued to the site.

 

But yes - it can be hard work, and it can be unrewarding. But not always.

[SFViking]

I guess I'd have to alter my profile each time I switched between looking for friends and being open to other types of engagements.

 

I just realized that trying to be two people on Grindr won't work. One of my part-time resident friends lives across the street. If he saw my profile for seeking friends as being 800 feet away, then later noticed a profile for some horny geezer with no pic as also, but never at the same time, being 800 feet away, he'd eventually put 2 and 2 together.

[RussJohnson]

If I should start a separate thread, please let me know, but I thought a discussion about Grindr was exactly what I wanted to chat about.

 

At 67 I have no expectations that I'd hookup with someone I'd be interested in sexually on Grindr. I have seen profiles that specify "$$$" or "Pro" or "generous only". I've also received messages from attractive young men, despite the fact that I don't have a photo, I list my stats as 67, 5'11" and 200 lbs. The only thing I have going for me is that I live only a few blocks from the gay bars on Arenas in Palm Springs, so my profile shows up whenever someone is out and about in PS. It didn't make sense to me that someone would attempt to connect with such an online non-entity as is my Grindr profile.

 

I haven't see any discussions about using Grindr to connect with escorts here. How does it work for that purpose? I considered modifying my profile to specifically welcome escorts, especially the type of men to whom I'm attracted. Does that seem like a viable strategy?

 

Since I'm new to PS, I'm also looking to meet new people. I only have some family here in the valley and a couple of friends who own second homes here, but they're not here all the time. I've been very busy getting settled and finding a new place, so lack of a social circle hasn't bothered me, but I know I should meet more people. I can strike up conversations with guys in bars here very easily (much more so than in my former residence, San Francisco), but those conversations never go anywhere. Would Grindr work to meet guys just as friends? Unlike email where I can create one persona for friends and one for my erotic interests, with Grindr it appears you are your phone number. I guess I'd have to alter my profile each time I switched between looking for friends and being open to other types of engagements.

 

Has anyone met a new coffee/ movie/ restaurant buddy using Grindr?

 

It varies so much on Grindr, you cant tell if it's a fake profile, someone looking to come rob you, or someone who is really interested (of which there are I'm sure!). Just go into with a lot of discretion and a huge grain of salt and be careful.

 

I say if you advertise your generosity on Grindr you are going to get a lot of "non-professionals", "seeking a quick buck" young types. You might find some good ones on there, but they would probably also be listed on the more professional sites. If you're fine with that go for it, you will get A LOT of hits! But yes you will have to switch, your profile for what you want at that moment.

 

I have actually made nice friends from Grindr, so it is possible, but just be clear about wha you are looking for in your profile, AND when you start talking to someone.

 

P.S. I am only a short drive away in Vegas and I love Palm Springs.

[RussJohnson]

Why would someone use a bot to respond to replies to their messages to someone? I think that happened to me, but I didn't keep the conversation going to see where it would go.

 

It's normally some business or scam using fake pictures to lead you to a cam or video site.

[Wolfer]

Oh dear, going on a week now and still not been able to set up a single hook-up that actually went through. I'm starting to see the appeal of hiring again.

How do guys do this? Hahahahaaa

 

I have to honestly say that I did cancel two social dates because I was emotionally drained and exhausted from divorce proceedings. And I'm getting the feeling that having wild anonymous sex might not be ideal for my emotional welfare either...

[Rudynate]

Don't forget that there's a whole world outside of your computer and smartphone. Online dating offers the illusion that it's going to be simple and easy, but as you've found, it's anything but. Meeting people in the real world doesn't pretend to be easy - there's no alternative to putting yourself out there, with all of it's discomfort. I submit, though, that meeting real flesh-and-blood people the old-fashioned way is probably less frustrating and, in the long run, less work then dealing with all the games in the online world.

[seaboy4hire]

I cant find the article but a few weeks ago there was a guy who was going 40 days without using the hookup apps. If someone could find the article and post it it was a good read.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[+ Lance_Navarro]

If I should start a separate thread, please let me know, but I thought a discussion about Grindr was exactly what I wanted to chat about.

 

At 67 I have no expectations that I'd hookup with someone I'd be interested in sexually on Grindr. I have seen profiles that specify "$$$" or "Pro" or "generous only". I've also received messages from attractive young men, despite the fact that I don't have a photo, I list my stats as 67, 5'11" and 200 lbs. The only thing I have going for me is that I live only a few blocks from the gay bars on Arenas in Palm Springs, so my profile shows up whenever someone is out and about in PS. It didn't make sense to me that someone would attempt to connect with such an online non-entity as is my Grindr profile.

 

I haven't see any discussions about using Grindr to connect with escorts here. How does it work for that purpose? I considered modifying my profile to specifically welcome escorts, especially the type of men to whom I'm attracted. Does that seem like a viable strategy?

 

Since I'm new to PS, I'm also looking to meet new people. I only have some family here in the valley and a couple of friends who own second homes here, but they're not here all the time. I've been very busy getting settled and finding a new place, so lack of a social circle hasn't bothered me, but I know I should meet more people. I can strike up conversations with guys in bars here very easily (much more so than in my former residence, San Francisco), but those conversations never go anywhere. Would Grindr work to meet guys just as friends? Unlike email where I can create one persona for friends and one for my erotic interests, with Grindr it appears you are your phone number. I guess I'd have to alter my profile each time I switched between looking for friends and being open to other types of engagements.

 

Has anyone met a new coffee/ movie/ restaurant buddy using Grindr?

 

I get a fair number of clients from off of Grindr and Scruff, however it's always them contacting me. Even though I don't solicit (cause I don't message others offering my service), I've still had my profile suspended by Grindr several times because I discussed rates with guys who inquired. Unfortunately, neither of the apps allow the user to identify as an escort, Grindr is especially tough on this. I do have my website in my profile on both of the apps however.

[mike carey]

Lance, your persona is pretty clear, so I don't understand why Grindr or Scruff would have an issue. You don't rely on them! Your website says all that people need to know. You rock!

[marylander1940]

It must be depressing going on grindr looking for a hook up, and ending up paying for company.

[Wolfer]

It must be depressing going on grindr looking for a hook up, and ending up paying for company.

Not really... Because they serve different purposes to me... With a hookup I have to present a sort of fantasy version of myself. Not that I fake anything, but ya know, I leave the emotional vulnerability at home and bring out more of my well-rounded, adjusted, carefree and down-to-Earth characteristics. With an escort I feel like I can really let my hair down and be the (sometimes overly) insecure, emotional yet incredibly polite guy I am.

[Wolfer]

Weeeell, seems like my dick size is (quite literally) the limiting factor. Even after adding an internet inch, guys still think I'm too small to give me the light of day. Despite the fact I'm cute, cuddly and wonderful company. Oh, well.

 

Hiring it is then, let me just go cry into a corner over there over the unfairness that women can get breast augmentations, but that penis enlargement remains impossible...