Contacting a man one probably doesn't have a chance with...

[+ VeryHappyCustomer]

I have a friend who is MODEL good looking. Brown & brown, scruff, 6'0", 190#, 8% BMI, 42" chest, 29" waist, 18" biceps, yada, yada, da. He's a commercial actor... Fastest way to turn him off? Compliment him on his FABULOUS looks.

An elderly aunt gave me this dating advice when I left for college: don't speak to the prettiest girl in the room until you've convinced yourself she's your sister.

[+ FreshFluff]

An elderly aunt gave me this dating advice when I left for college: don't speak to the prettiest girl in the room until you've convinced yourself she's your sister.

 

And if you can't convince yourself of that, you just approach the hottest guy instead.

[+ VeryHappyCustomer]

And if you can't convince yourself of that, you just approach the hottest guy instead.

 

Her advice worked with guys too. Talk to the person.

[+ FreshFluff]

Her advice worked with guys too. Talk to the person.

 

I know. I was joking.

[+ Gar1eth]

An elderly aunt gave me this dating advice when I left for college: don't speak to the prettiest girl in the room until you've convinced yourself she's your sister.

 

 

That sounds incestuous to me.:confused:

 

Gman

[+ purplekow]

Sorry that you puked in your mouth, but you are misinterpreting what I wrote. I am not taking about better and worse. (As you are. I don't see relationships as a competition where partners have to measure dicks to understand the pecking order -if I did, I would be fucked) I am not talking about who's in the seat driver or in control, especially based on a perceived higher worth by anyone.

 

 

No! If he responds that it's a great car he is just being polite! It's time to move on!

 

Now, if he responds "Tell you something, why don't I take you for a ride so you can get a feel of it? I know a really nice restaurant and we can have dinner" THEN you are off to the races.

 

Cruising is like playing poker. In order for things to advance there has to be a raise. If there is no raise, one has to fold. Game is over.

Quite frankly if someone answered that enthusiastically to the Mini Cooper, we would not be off to the races, i would be racing out the door. To use you poker analogy, he called my raise and reraised with such a large bet that i would fold and move on to the next hand.

[+ Gar1eth]

Cruising is like playing poker. In order for things to advance there has to be a raise. If there is no raise, one has to fold. Game is over.

 

Some of us (me at least) never even had enough of a stake to get anywhere near the game.

 

Gman

[+ stevenkesslar]

Her advice worked with guys too. Talk to the person.

 

I'd go 50/50 on Juan and FOS at this point.

 

These cruising websites make it very easy to do what Juan described: if you are gorgeous, or think you are, they make it easy to be clear to the few that interest you that you want them, and deflect or ignore the many who don't. I would assume he is not interested in a date.

 

That doesn't mean he's not interested in a conversation. You sound like a smart guy, and you said he sounds that way, too. I've been on the cruising websites and I can tell you its one thing to ignore people who cruise me on the web, its another thing to converse with or become friends with someone if they reach out to me in a way that seems like they were not just looking for a date or a fuck.

 

I don't see a downside in being friendly to him, in person, in a sisterly way, to learn if for whatever reason he is willing to be friendly with you. Juan is right. Just don't try to corner him.

[+ friendofsheila]

I doubt I will approach him at the gym unless I get a smile or some other acknowledgement from him since the lack of reply online basically says to me that he isn't even interested in engaging in any sort of small talk with me.

 

I'm going to do something I don't generally do in these forums: be blunt.

 

You've just given yourself a "no."

 

Maybe you're more comfortable being guarded. That's cool.

 

I just agree with instudiocity that you've interpreted for him what he wants, what he did and why he did it.

 

I hope you'll be a little brave MIS and talk to him a little, rather than try to get a date right away*. You'll make all of us awfully proud if you can.

 

Good luck.

 

*(if he wants that it'll be apparent)

[+ friendofsheila]

Interest, especially coming from attractive and confident people is VERY clear, doesn't need to be interpreted. If he is interested in taking things further, he will clearly let you know. If he doesn't, pat yourself in the back, be happy you had the guts to contact him, thank his politeness and take your interests elsewhere.

 

Juan said it better, especially about the "guts". It gets easier, too.

[instudiocity]

An elderly aunt gave me this dating advice when I left for college: don't speak to the prettiest girl in the room until you've convinced yourself she's your sister.

A West Alabama Redneck, cute, great ass, unfortunately straight told me once, "Never attempt to date the prettiest one, start with her ugliest friend first, work you way up to the prettiest, cuz they will girl talk the prettiest into dating you because you're so good."

[+ VeryHappyCustomer]

... cute, great ass... they will girl talk the prettiest into dating you because you're so good."

Cute. Great ass. And confident.

[+ FreshFluff]

A West Alabama Redneck, cute, great ass, unfortunately straight told me once, "Never attempt to date the prettiest one, start with her ugliest friend first, work you way up to the prettiest, cuz they will girl talk the prettiest into dating you because you're so good."

 

This is standard PUA advice, but their reasoning is different. The idea is that you want to throw the most attractive girl off balance. "Why isn't he talking to me?" she's supposed to wonder. And suddenly, he guy she couldn't give a fig about a moment ago is now mysterious and desirable.

 

It's a form of magical thinking. In reality, playing hard to get works, but only at the margins.

[instudiocity]

FF, I'm thinking missed my point.

 

One can always work one's way up the chain from ugly to hot by starting at the bottom and going up. This isn't marginal play, this is direct action, making your self attractive to all the friends, eventually gets you your choice of them.

[instudiocity]

Cute. Great ass. And confident.

More Cocky than anything. He wore the tightest pants - not only could anyone admire that great ass, but you could tell his state of arousal most of the time.

[+ Gar1eth]

FF, I'm thinking missed my point.

 

One can always work one's way up the chain from ugly to hot by starting at the bottom and going up. This isn't marginal play, this is direct action, making your self attractive to all the friends, eventually gets you your choice of them.

 

While I have no real experience dating, it Sounds mean-going after someone you aren't attracted really to in the hopes it will make you desirable to others.

 

Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

FF, I'm thinking missed my point.One can always work one's way up the chain from ugly to hot by starting at the bottom and going up. This isn't marginal play, this is direct action, making your self attractive to all the friends, eventually gets you your choice of them.

 

I was just wondering whether it really works. When I said that playing hard to get works at the margins, I meant that it only works when someone is near the threshold of attraction for you. Whether it's mean or not, it's unclear to me how hitting on the less attractive friend will make the more attractive one interested unless she was almost there in the first place.

[maninsoma]

While I have no real experience dating, it Sounds mean-going after someone you aren't attracted really to in the hopes it will make you desirable to others.

 

Gman

 

I agree. I can see engaging in conversation with someone in a group who isn't your first choice if that person initiated contact, and that certainly could lead to connecting with other members of that group. But specifically choosing "the ugliest one" as a way to "work" one's way up to "someone better" isn't the sort of behavior I'd ever consider.

[Wolfer]

I wanna know about the original topic... What happened next? Did you see the guy at the gym? Did you exchange brief and superficial pleasantries?

 

Or maybe that thing happened that always seems to happen to me when I'm near a superhot guy: I start to mumble words while simultaneously giggling and for some reason my hands start prodding their biceps and pecs. Luckily this is such an odd sight that the guy undergoing this is actually too stunned to react at first and most have laughed it off afterwards. This might also be because me and my friends feel the need to inform people of my social quirks beforehand.

[maninsoma]

He was there one day since I sent him the message. I only saw him from across a large room as I was leaving. I didn't approach him.

[+ friendofsheila]

Fingers crossed!

[LookingAround]

If he didn't reply it means he's not interested. Time to move on to the next guy.

[aaronpierce]

This was the post that got me to join this forum.

It made me think about what was coursing through my brain 3 years ago as I lay on an operating room table, about to be put to sleep with less than a 20% chance of surviving...

 

My life was hardly flashing before my eyes like so many claim, I didn't think about what I had done at all. I only thought about all the missed opportunities that passed me by, all the things I had not done.

 

At this point of my life I don't miss a sunset.

I recommend near death experiences to my closest friends.

[Mikegaite]

So I recently used to be like the younger guy in this scenario. It may just have bad been bad timing. He got busy and the dating scene took a back seat to other things in life. Or maybe he wasn't interested and life goes on. There are other fish in the sea.

 

I had to message the guy who would become my partner about ten times without a positive response before we reluctantly agreed to meet. He thought someone who looked like me wouldn't be into him, and I thought he was aloof. We didn't have great chemistry in chat and our profiles didn't really draw us to each other. We were in geographic proximity to one another and we were bored. A pathetic catalyst indeed, but it was life changing. With great risk comes great reward.

 

There are also a lot of younger hot guys chasing after older less hot guys. I wouldn't give up so easily in general. It will take a lot of rejection but the success will be memorable.

[mike carey]

Lovely story, Mike!