what not to say to a client

[kaboom35]

ehh....let me know if i'm being too sensitive.

 

I had an appointment booked today with an escort. I politely text him this morning to ask him if we can do tomorrow afternoon instead as my plans with other stuff got switched around. He wrote me back saying that he will cancel plans he has tomorrow to meet with me. He then said that he was looking forward to meeting me because he really needed the money. Then told me as story about a sick relative and how he needs plane fare.

 

Personally this makes me a bit disinterested in meeting with him. I know we all have our reasons for hiring and I don't feel I need to be guilted into a session so I can pay for his plane ticket. Had he responded "Can't wait to meet you tomorrow so we can have a hot time and I fuck your brains out" or something to the effect of whats to come sexually...I would of kept the appointment. But his little story left me with a bad taste in my mouth and I have no interest in meeting him.

 

Thoughts?

[+ Keith30309]

I think I'd be a little surprised but try to view it in a glass-half-full way. Connecting on an emotional level with someone you're meeting for the first time can be difficult and I think I'd try to look for a way to build some kind of chemistry, albeit under some unfortunate financial circumstances. To Killian's point I don't want to hear someone's sob story but, now that it's out there, maybe make the best of it and build a little rapport.

 

A few month ago I met someone for the first time and, at the end of our 2 hours together, he casually mentioned a charity fun-run he was doing that weekend. It happened that the charity was one that hit pretty close to home for me because it had affected a close family member, as it had with him. We sat and talked for another 30 minutes about our feelings about our losses on a deeper emotional level that I had with anyone and I vividly remember and value that 30minutes much more than what preceded it.

 

I can understand not wanting to pay to be someone's shoulder to cry on and if it's impossible to have an enjoyable time then so be it. That said, text messages are such a lousy way to communicate complex ideas I think that if it were someone I really wanted to meet I'd give him a quick call and know for certain it would or wouldn't be a positive experience.

[down_to_business]

What I think is not important as you are the one hiring him, but since you asked.

 

I think after you changed your mind on him once, he was trying his best to make a connection with you so you wouldn't cancel/reschedule on him again thinking that if you realized that you were both inconveniencing him by rescheduling and making him change his plans to accommodate you and that he had reasons that he wanted to keep the appointment (i.e. the sick relative) that you wouldn't do it to him again.

[Amoco]

My thought is that you should have stuck with the great guy I referred you to...

 

Separately, I appreciate any escort (or client) speaking straightforwardly and honestly about some of this craziness, so kudos to Killuan for saying that it was ridiculous for him to say that stuff - he's right, there's no point. I do not, however, think he was trying to make conversation. My take is that he was upwelling..."Would you like a muffin with your skinny machiato , Sir?"

[loverboy95]

I would never met with an escort who would say that. To me, that shows they are not taking a genuine interest in me.

[rvwnsd]

Count me in the "Give him the benefit of the doubt" column. It is possible that his concern for the sick relative is clouding his ability to communicate and simply linked "looking forward to meeting you" and "I need the money" by mistake.

[corndog]

I've recently been subjected to a string of different sob stories from different guys. I like to think of myself as a compassionate person, but simply put:

"Desperation is not sexy."

[bostonman]

It's a fact of life that most of us (perhaps excluding the "1%" lol) work because we need the money - whether one loves their job or not. But how often are we ever asked (or have felt that we need to explain) what that money is going to be used for? Unless perhaps it's going towards something special and fun ("hey - once I get my paycheck this week, I can afford to put a down payment on a cool new car" or something like that). I see no reason why escorting should be any different. There's no need to justify where that money is going, and no need to bring it up with a client. Unless of course it's part of some sort of guilt factor (i.e. I'm not doing this for the sex, I'm doing it because I really need plane fare to see a sick relative) at which point it most likely makes the sexual rendezvous seem less fun. Or it could make it sound more like a hustler/panhandler situation.

 

That said, I might agree with rvwnsd's post above mine, and others - perhaps he's just not thinking rationally because of the sick relative? And/or that he thought it was a way to reach out personally by sharing his emotions a bit. He might not have realized that it would sound wrong to you.

[kaboom35]

Thank you all for your opinions. I feel like I made the right decision by completely canceling on him because he seems emotionally unstable due to his second reply to me. He pretty much had a breakdown via text. Details aren't important but I think I dodged a bullet.

 

With that said I found what I hope to be a fantastic escort replacement instead of him tomorrow and really looking forward to it.

[MiamiLooker]

But his little story left me with a bad taste in my mouth and I have no interest in meeting him.

 

Thoughts?

Did you lose interest because he told you about the sick relative, or because you think he’s lying and you don’t believe he has a sick relative?

[thickornotatall]

over sharing and possibly making up the story is common when trying to wring cash out of your pocket...makes me feel sorry for him....not in the way he wants I'm sure...maybe a fairy tale?

[kaboom35]

Did you lose interest because he told you about the sick relative, or because you think he’s lying and you don’t believe he has a sick relative?

 

I lost interest mainly because he seemed desperate for my money and thats a mojo killer for me. I want the escort to enjoy to have sex fun as much as I do. If I kept the session it would of been in the forefront of my mind that he's just meeting me for the money and he's not going to be into the session. Yes, this is all assumption but it wasn't a risk I was going to take. I'm sure i've been with many escorts who "needed my money" but they never told me their personal sob story in hopes for me to keep my appointment.

[bostonman]

I agree with you, kaboom - though I also think that there are definitely both escorts and clients for whom the transaction is the aphrodisiac - the psychological aspect of paying for sex or getting paid for sex being a big driving force.

 

Myself, I'm more like you. I'd rather feel like the escort is doing this (or making it seem like he's doing this) because he enjoys the social/sexual part of it - the money is a given, and a necessity - but that the real passion is in the interaction. (Even, as I said, if that's just the illusion he creates.)

 

When someone hires me for freelance work (I work in the arts), it's not always going to be a given that I like them personally or that I like the project I'm doing for them (though of course it's always extra nice when it's one or both of those as well). But I do feel it's part of my job to create a sense of basic enthusiasm for helping them - I never want the client to feel I'm just doing it for the money, even though it would be rare for me to accept such work without being paid for it. I like an escort who projects a similar sense of enthusiasm, whether it's real or not.

[+ dutchmuch]

He then said that he was looking forward to meeting me because he really needed the money. Then told me as story about a sick relative and how he needs plane fare.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

Que the violin!

 

[bostonman]

Cue the violin!

 

 

Ok, this is funny. I saw the pic and thought, why is he posting a man shaving? But clearly that's not what the pic is, lol...the guy is indeed fiddling around.

[rvwnsd]

... He pretty much had a breakdown via text. Details aren't important but I think I dodged a bullet....

 

Ohhhhhh. Breakdowns aren't good for anyone, regardless which end you are on. Sounds like you made the right decision.

[ZhenXBear]

I wouldn't mind if an Escort shared that kind of information with me and we had an established relationship, but it does seem kind of odd that he elected to mention it to a prospective client.

 

Since you're on the "What Not to Say to your client" theme, here's one from my "First hire" that I found uncomfortable:

 

Him: Yeah, I couldn't really ever see myself being with an older guy. It's just not my thing.

Me: Um, well, we were just...together?

Him: Oh, yeah, I know but it's not like I enjoy being with older guys. I could never see it happening outside of Escorting.

Me: Right. Thanks for telling me how you feel.

 

**looses number from iPhone**

[+ bigjoey]

Dear Kaboom,

Ask your self: would the escort pick you up if you two just happen to meet in a public place? If not, he is having sex with you for money. Whether he mentions it or not, it is about the money. Call me cynical.

[Frequentflier]

1. The OP cancels the morning of the first appointment because plans with "other stuff" got switched around. The escort graciously says he'll cancel other items on his schedule and meet, as the OP requested, the next day.

2. Was the escort "too" transparent about why he wants to meet a client? Maybe. First, he likely doesn't meet with clients because he enjoys getting with, in general, old and often out of shape guys. If the escort had said he can't want to f**k the OP's brains out I really doubt that would have been true. I suspect the OP wanted to hear that and cared more because he didn't than the fact the real reason for wanting to meet the next day was economics. What a "shock" it must have been that a man is escorting for economics. Second, some people do widely share troubles they or family members are dealing with either because its their personality, they are young and haven't learned to keep things to themselves, whatever.

3. The OP cancels because the escort shared a reason he is escorting - money - versus a physical desire to get with an old guy that's probably not in the same good shape the escort is in.

4. The OP comes on this site to hopefully hear his callous treatment of the escort was ok. I'm not going to help with that.

5. And, really, cancelling because an escort wants money to go see a sick family member? No empathy apparently.

 

It was inconsiderate to cancel on the day of an appointment because "other stuff" got switched around. Inconsiderate to cancel a second time because a guy the OP has never met for some reason shared one of the reasons he wants to meet the OP. I think the OP should buy some good karma for himself and pay the escort the money he didn't get had the OP been considerate and kept one of the two appointments he made and cancelled. Couldn't the OP have kept the appointment to see how the escort was in person - maybe he would have enjoyed the escorts company?

 

I can imagine some guys don't escort because they hear stories of treatment like this or stop for the same reason. Open up about a personal reason for escorting and the "sensitive/nice" client cancels on you. I don't escort because I don't need the tax headaches the millions in related revenue would create for me. If I did, I'd become tough fairly quick with potential clients if I got treated like in this instance.

[curiousnomore]

I agree with bigjoey and Frequentflier. I accept that the escort is meeting me for business purposes only (ie:$). The first time, at least. Should he have shared his story? Probably not. Should you have canceled because of it? Almost definitely not. Just my opinion.

[doitb4ugo]

Big Sigh, when all this activity comes down to cold cruel business. There are real people on both sides of this "transaction"(ugly word, I know).

[MiamiLooker]

1. The OP cancels the morning of the first appointment because plans with "other stuff" got switched around. The escort graciously says he'll cancel other items on his schedule and meet, as the OP requested, the next day.

2. Was the escort "too" transparent about why he wants to meet a client? Maybe. First, he likely doesn't meet with clients because he enjoys getting with, in general, old and often out of shape guys. If the escort had said he can't want to f**k the OP's brains out I really doubt that would have been true. I suspect the OP wanted to hear that and cared more because he didn't than the fact the real reason for wanting to meet the next day was economics. What a "shock" it must have been that a man is escorting for economics. Second, some people do widely share troubles they or family members are dealing with either because its their personality, they are young and haven't learned to keep things to themselves, whatever.

3. The OP cancels because the escort shared a reason he is escorting - money - versus a physical desire to get with an old guy that's probably not in the same good shape the escort is in.

4. The OP comes on this site to hopefully hear his callous treatment of the escort was ok. I'm not going to help with that.

5. And, really, cancelling because an escort wants money to go see a sick family member? No empathy apparently.

 

It was inconsiderate to cancel on the day of an appointment because "other stuff" got switched around. Inconsiderate to cancel a second time because a guy the OP has never met for some reason shared one of the reasons he wants to meet the OP. I think the OP should buy some good karma for himself and pay the escort the money he didn't get had the OP been considerate and kept one of the two appointments he made and cancelled. Couldn't the OP have kept the appointment to see how the escort was in person - maybe he would have enjoyed the escorts company?

 

I can imagine some guys don't escort because they hear stories of treatment like this or stop for the same reason. Open up about a personal reason for escorting and the "sensitive/nice" client cancels on you. I don't escort because I don't need the tax headaches the millions in related revenue would create for me. If I did, I'd become tough fairly quick with potential clients if I got treated like in this instance.

 

I’m guessing it was the degree of desperation expressed by the escort that was the turnoff. Especially, since the escort had no history with the client. I had an escort cry during our one and only appointment as he told me how he had lost his clothing business due to his partner stealing all their money. He had nothing and was escorting to pay for food and his room at a cheap motel. I felt really sorry for him, but it was not an appointment I would wish to repeat. I’ve had escorts that I’ve considered regulars contact me for an appointment because they were really in need of the money right then. Sometimes, I’ll go ahead and schedule an appointment with them; or, depending on the situation, just give them the money they need outright, NSA. A little money in a time of need can be a life-changing amount to some.

[marylander1940]

ehh....let me know if i'm being too sensitive.

 

I had an appointment booked today with an escort. I politely text him this morning to ask him if we can do tomorrow afternoon instead as my plans with other stuff got switched around. He wrote me back saying that he will cancel plans he has tomorrow to meet with me. He then said that he was looking forward to meeting me because he really needed the money. Then told me as story about a sick relative and how he needs plane fare.

 

Personally this makes me a bit disinterested in meeting with him. I know we all have our reasons for hiring and I don't feel I need to be guilted into a session so I can pay for his plane ticket. Had he responded "Can't wait to meet you tomorrow so we can have a hot time and I fuck your brains out" or something to the effect of whats to come sexually...I would of kept the appointment. But his little story left me with a bad taste in my mouth and I have no interest in meeting him.

 

Thoughts?

 

Exactly... besides (considering the story is true and not just a way to ask for a tip) if he works as an escort and doesn't have money saved for an emergency or a CC he has issues handling his business.

[marylander1940]

I lost interest mainly because he seemed desperate for my money and thats a mojo killer for me. I want the escort to enjoy to have sex fun as much as I do. If I kept the session it would of been in the forefront of my mind that he's just meeting me for the money and he's not going to be into the session. Yes, this is all assumption but it wasn't a risk I was going to take. I'm sure i've been with many escorts who "needed my money" but they never told me their personal sob story in hopes for me to keep my appointment.

 

I agree with you, we know they like our money... but they should keep it classy.

[marylander1940]

Personally, I wouldn't share my sob story with anyone. What's the point? You were willing to do the session with him and in turn he would be paid for his services allowing him to buy a plane fare.

 

Maybe he was looking to just make conversation with you? Perhaps he didn't use the logic above and have you feel sorry? Who knows.

 

Well said, Killian.

 

We all have baggage, past and present, let's have fun putting it aside for a minute. That's why you're so successful!

 

 

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