Escorts -- do you/should you cancel when you're just not up for it?

[+ WhamIAm]

And, I don't mean hydraulics-wise or when you're ill. Two experiences where I wish the escort had just cancelled: first, this was a guy who in the past was very, very, very prominent in Daddy's EOY voting and who I was excited to see. We were corresponding off and on for a couple of weeks before, he sounded very engaged and interested. He was clearly distracted and certainly less than engaged during our time together, which ended early. Looked at his social media later that night, which made very, very clear that he was in a bad place emotionally and psychologically. Second guy had over 20 great non-first timer reviews on Daddy's. We scheduled a meet-up in NYC during the holiday season. When we met, he got there about 20 minutes early, which was fine by me. When setting up and during the session I'd asked him to take a very aggressive role. Basically, after some conversation he laid on the bed like a dead fish to the point where I was watching the clock. Asked him if I could order him an Uber afterwards. His response -- "No. I had to park my car in the garage across the street because I came straight here after driving 4 1/2 hours from my family's place. I'm pretty exhausted, but just glad I made it on time."

 

My default mode is to be highly self-critical, so in each case my first assumption was that I'd done something wrong. Upon reflection, though, I'm confident it wasn't me and I'm confident that it wasn't a simple lack of chemistry. Neither was really in a condition mentally and/or physically to take an appointment.

 

Working as an escort doesn't make you superhuman. Like the rest of us, you must have days where you wake up and think "I really don't want to go to work today" to a degree that impacts your ability/enthusiasm at your job. I really feel for the first guy, and was glad to see (again, via the wonders of FB/Twitter) that he got out of his rough patch. In both cases, though, I'd have much rather they call up and cancel rather my being their rather pricey bad day at work.

 

Long-winded set up for my question -- do you ever just call in and cancel (with sincere apologies) to take a mental health day? Is it ethical not to do so when you're way off form?

[jimboivyo]

if you can't be at 100% or fake it beautifully, let the client know you can't do it

 

i'd think that alot of this is depedent on how much money was spent before the meeting in arranging everything. there are times when an escort can't easily say no when there have been thousands of dollars laid out in travel plans

[bigvalboy]

And, I don't mean hydraulics-wise or when you're ill. Two experiences where I wish the escort had just cancelled: first, this was a guy who in the past was very, very, very prominent in Daddy's EOY voting and who I was excited to see. We were corresponding off and on for a couple of weeks before, he sounded very engaged and interested. He was clearly distracted and certainly less than engaged during our time together, which ended early. Looked at his social media later that night, which made very, very clear that he was in a bad place emotionally and psychologically. Second guy had over 20 great non-first timer reviews on Daddy's. We scheduled a meet-up in NYC during the holiday season. When we met, he got there about 20 minutes early, which was fine by me. When setting up and during the session I'd asked him to take a very aggressive role. Basically, after some conversation he laid on the bed like a dead fish to the point where I was watching the clock. Asked him if I could order him an Uber afterwards. His response -- "No. I had to park my car in the garage across the street because I came straight here after driving 4 1/2 hours from my family's place. I'm pretty exhausted, but just glad I made it on time."

 

My default mode is to be highly self-critical, so in each case my first assumption was that I'd done something wrong. Upon reflection, though, I'm confident it wasn't me and I'm confident that it wasn't a simple lack of chemistry. Neither was really in a condition mentally and/or physically to take an appointment.

 

Working as an escort doesn't make you superhuman. Like the rest of us, you must have days where you wake up and think "I really don't want to go to work today" to a degree that impacts your ability/enthusiasm at your job. I really feel for the first guy, and was glad to see (again, via the wonders of FB/Twitter) that he got out of his rough patch. In both cases, though, I'd have much rather they call up and cancel rather my being their rather pricey bad day at work.

 

Long-winded set up for my question -- do you ever just call in and cancel (with sincere apologies) to take a mental health day? Is it ethical not to do so when you're way off form?

 

Not at all long-winded, but well thought out, and I believe you answered your own question.

[RyanDean]

I'd have much rather they call up and cancel rather my being their rather pricey bad day at work.

 

Totally hear you on this, WhamIAm. And, really, I did appreciate it when one gent did this exact thing. In the moment, though, I was disappointed and, in my antsiness, tried for a while to hire someone "right now" (as opposed to my usual fashion of "several days in advance"). The next morning, I was relieved that none of the "right now" guys worked out, as I had vetted none of them really. And, sadly, my travel schedule did not permit me to take advantage of the raincheck that the gent who canceled so graciously offered.

 

I guess this is to say that, after the fact, it does seem to clearly be the mutually-respectful thing for the gent to "call in" if he's not feeling up to it. But in the moment, for both the gent and his client, I suspect it can feel more complicated.

[rvwnsd]

And, I don't mean hydraulics-wise or when you're ill. Two experiences where I wish the escort had just cancelled: first, this was a guy who in the past was very, very, very prominent in Daddy's EOY voting and who I was excited to see. We were corresponding off and on for a couple of weeks before, he sounded very engaged and interested. He was clearly distracted and certainly less than engaged during our time together, which ended early. Looked at his social media later that night, which made very, very clear that he was in a bad place emotionally and psychologically. Second guy had over 20 great non-first timer reviews on Daddy's. We scheduled a meet-up in NYC during the holiday season. When we met, he got there about 20 minutes early, which was fine by me. When setting up and during the session I'd asked him to take a very aggressive role. Basically, after some conversation he laid on the bed like a dead fish to the point where I was watching the clock. Asked him if I could order him an Uber afterwards. His response -- "No. I had to park my car in the garage across the street because I came straight here after driving 4 1/2 hours from my family's place. I'm pretty exhausted, but just glad I made it on time."

 

My default mode is to be highly self-critical, so in each case my first assumption was that I'd done something wrong. Upon reflection, though, I'm confident it wasn't me and I'm confident that it wasn't a simple lack of chemistry. Neither was really in a condition mentally and/or physically to take an appointment.

 

Working as an escort doesn't make you superhuman. Like the rest of us, you must have days where you wake up and think "I really don't want to go to work today" to a degree that impacts your ability/enthusiasm at your job. I really feel for the first guy, and was glad to see (again, via the wonders of FB/Twitter) that he got out of his rough patch. In both cases, though, I'd have much rather they call up and cancel rather my being their rather pricey bad day at work.

 

Long-winded set up for my question -- do you ever just call in and cancel (with sincere apologies) to take a mental health day? Is it ethical not to do so when you're way off form?

 

As another member noted, not at all long-winded.

 

I've had a couple of guys cancel on me due to being in a place that didn't allow them to focus on our time together. I was glad they did, as neither of us would have enjoyed ourselves had we gotten together. In addition, I might have hesitated to hire them again in the future.

[Bryanforservice]

I agree with RVWNSD....

 

Being professional (in this business or any other) is not only being able to shut out the outside world when you are with a client but also knowing when you just aren't capable of doing that. Postponing an engagement only when it is called for is a way to preserve a well earned and professional reputation.

[TruHart1]

I actually had an excellently reviewed/well vetted escort cancel twice when he had scheduled a working trip to my city. The first time he called and explained he had the flu. The second time he called and explained that I was the only client who had scheduled with him and airfare was inordinately high (there was a national sporting event going on at the time here) so he could not afford to make the trip just to see me. I was very disappointed both times but I never gave up hope, and when I eventually was able to meet with him, it was well worth the wait! Heck, he was and is a truly amazing escort!!!

 

TruHart1

[+ peterhung85]

I apologize for not reading your whole post but just to reply to your title strictly:

ABSOLUTELY!!! I think it is only professional to cancel on a client if the escort does not feel up for it. Sure, it might be a financial loss on the escort's end but you always have to look at the big picture (you are in it for the long run) and the big picture is that when you see a client in that condition you risk:

- A bad review

- Losing the client ever coming back to you (exceptions always apply)

- Making yourself feel even worse by knowing you showed somebody a bad time while you knew that the meeting had a potentially negative pre-determined outcome already and at that point if the escort has a soul or is conscientious it would almost feel like "stealing" from that client (at least to me).

 

No need to risk that; a professional apologetic email/phone call would do a lot more good than a "soulless performance".

 

That's my 2 cents...

[TruHart1]

I apologize for not reading your whole post but just to reply to your title strictly:

ABSOLUTELY!!! I think it is only professional to cancel on a client if the escort does not feel up for it. Sure, it might be a financial loss on the escort's end but you always have to look at the big picture (you are in it for the long run) and the big picture is that when you see a client in that condition you risk:

- A bad review

- Losing the client ever coming back to you (exceptions always apply)

- Making yourself feel even worse by knowing you showed somebody a bad time while you knew that the meeting had a potentially negative pre-determined outcome already and at that point if the escort has a soul or is conscientious it would almost feel like "stealing" from that client (at least to me).

 

No need to risk that; a professional apologetic email/phone call would do a lot more good than a "soulless performance".

 

That's my 2 cents...

 

...and a concise and intelligent 2 cents it is, Peter!!!

 

TruHart1

[loverboy95]

Here's my 2 cents from a client's perspective. If an escort is not willing to give me their 100%, then I would rather they cancel the meeting altogether. I would prefer that over them pretending to enjoy being with me and not giving me their entire devotion and attention.

[tom1980]

2015 Tom says, "Yes, the escort should definitely cancel because I would be probably disappointed with the appointment. I've had this happen before with one of my favorite escorts, and I respect him for being honest with me and canceling when he wasn't feeling up to meeting me."

 

2011 Tom says, "Maybe. It depends on how attractive I find the guy. If I am really turned on by his pics, I'd probably have a good enough time to make the appointment worthwhile to me even if he wasn't fully engaged."

 

2007 Tom says, "I'd be pissed off if he canceled for such a lame reason. I've just started exploring sex with other guys, and I'm super horny all the time."

 

My point is that clients will view this differently depending on their individual personalities and level of maturity.

[+ Archer]

Yes, I would want him to cancel if he's not up to it, but please just tell me the truth. I'm a big boy and can handle it.

[jimboivyo]

most guys paying for sex aren't mature enough to see this kind of honesty as a good thing

 

big thumbs up to those who can see past the veneer

[+ WilliamM]

jimboi, Isn't the "aren't mature enough" part of your comment kind of insulting, since it is something you can not possible know

[Will56]

An escort that I had been with once and had a great time with so I scheduled another appointment for a week later. The second session he was a completely different person obviously upset about something and not into being with me. I asked what is wrong and he said had a bad argument with a friend and had not slept well last night. My response was you should called and said you were not up to meeting and that we need to reschedule, I would been fine with that. He was very surprised that I felt that way and said he thought I would have been very upset with him for canceling and would not been willing to book with him again. Actually I was more upset about him showing up in bad mood than would if he had canceled.

We have met since and everything has been great.

Reason for the long story is to try to bring out the mindset of some escorts. This escort is not a novice and has good reviews. As many here have said before escorts are not machines not matter how good they are at what do, and need to know when to say no.

[+ WhamIAm]

+1

[Bargara Leatherboy]

can see both sides of this discussion.

 

Some of us can not hire very often for numerous reasons.

 

Had a years communication with a cancelled appointment, unable to find a replacement booking.

 

But s*** happens

[Racketjock]

Thought I would share a client and escort perspective. I was in SF for a conference and was anxious following Okie's rave reviews of David to meet him while visiting. Our schedules overlapped by 12 hours before I was leaving, he was returning from a long trip overseas, somewhere in Asia I believe. He was very up front in asking what it was I was looking for, his travel schedule with the possibility of delays, his willingness to see me because of my interest, but his open honesty that he wouldn't be at 100% percent, offering only a one hour session. I sincerely appreciated his honesty and communication. We had the appointment, I enjoyed meeting such a classy guy, and my expectations were more than fulfilled.

[sincitymix]

Thought I would share a client and escort perspective. I was in SF for a conference and was anxious following Okie's rave reviews of David to meet him while visiting. Our schedules overlapped by 12 hours before I was leaving, he was returning from a long trip overseas, somewhere in Asia I believe. He was very up front in asking what it was I was looking for, his travel schedule with the possibility of delays, his willingness to see me because of my interest, but his open honesty that he wouldn't be at 100% percent, offering only a one hour session. I sincerely appreciated his honesty and communication. We had the appointment, I enjoyed meeting such a classy guy, and my expectations were more than fulfilled.

 

That is how an escort should treat the situation. upfront and honest, especially about his capabilities due to fatigue or what not. It seriously does suck when you schedule something, agree on what's going to happen, and then bam.. I have a serious migraine that's been bothering me for a week. You can suck me off, but I cant top you despite our agreement. its like WTF :o \o/

[marylander1940]

if you can't be at 100% or fake it beautifully, let the client know you can't do it

 

i'd think that alot of this is depedent on how much money was spent before the meeting in arranging everything. there are times when an escort can't easily say no when there have been thousands of dollars laid out in travel plans

 

That's the right thing to do!

[marylander1940]

jimboi, Isn't the "aren't mature enough" part of your comment kind of insulting, since it is something you can not possible know

 

We all have baggage, I do, unfortunately many gay folks are flaky.

I get your comment and I also understand what Jimboi... wanted to say in a humorous way. Escort handle more crap then we do when we think about hiring someone, so many guys out there bothering them just for the fun of it without the money to hire them.

[+ dutchmuch]

 

i'd think that alot of this is depedent on how much money was spent before the meeting in arranging everything. there are times when an escort can't easily say no when there have been thousands of dollars laid out in travel plans

 

1,000's of $$$ laid out, how?

[marylander1940]

yes, better than risking a bad review and disappointing the client.