Help with what's appropriate when flying an escort in...

[MiamiLooker]

I think you should just let it go and enjoy your time with him. If you choose to discuss it with him, are you prepared to explain your option 2 that you presented to him without coming across as a controlling jerk? You’re willing to see him and pay his fee and expenses (option 1), but not willing to pay the same expenses if he sees other clients (option 2), even though it’s after your time with him is done and does not in any way interfere with your time with him.

[Amoco]

So appreciate the direct and civilized responses -

[Juan Vancouver]

I'm bringing an escort to the southeast US and I'm paying his airfare. I'm also aware that he's posted an ad announcing his availability in the area after my time with him. While I realize our situations are different, I have no problem with it at all. I'm delighted to see him, and frankly, happy if he can establish some other clients in the area because I enjoy seeing the escorts I like being successful. And hell, maybe he'll come back on somebody else's dime and I see him again then!

 

Namchebaz,

 

You are a wise man, kind and generous. I totally agree, I also love to see thrive those who I care for and personally, I love it when I can contribute to their wellness even when I don't receive any benefit in return. I am sure people around you enjoy dealing with you.

 

Here's wishing that you encounter only people who deserve dealing with you.

 

Big hug,

 

Juan

[Amoco]

Just to be fair, I think there's no question that his priority would be me and no contact with other clients until my time concludes. I feel completely respected by him and believe he feels respected by me. This is not a question of him having divided loyalties or non-performance - I think he's great. for me it boils down to the choice he made. If he objected to those, that was the time to discuss it. He chose option #1 for two days, gave me a price (fee + airfare) and I accepted without negotiation, adding that I would be tipping him,based well. What's not clear? There was never any disrespect, no manipulation, just a straightforward contract agreed to by two adults who know each other. I hear and have considered the alternative vews, but haven't heard anything compelling enough to change my perspective.

[namchebaz]

Here's wishing that you encounter only people who deserve dealing with you.

 

Hmmm. I think I'm about to book a flight to Vancouver and make you one of those people, sir.

[Amoco]

Nam...though I appreciate your sensitivity, it's not as easy for me to just let go with a smile on my face. I really wish I had more of that in me, but I don't - in my mind it's because I think more, not less, of these guys. I did feel your empathy for the frustration

[Amoco]

It's beautiful to watch Juan work...nobody does it better!

[namchebaz]

Nam...though I appreciate your sensitivity, it's not as easy for me to just let go with a smile on my face. I really wish I had more of that in me, but I don't - in my mind it's because I think more, not less, of these guys. I did feel your empathy for the frustration

 

Amoco, I would just say be open to what you hear in the conversation. You may find a resolution. You may find that he didn't think it all the way through and wants to fix it. You may hear something from him that you didn't consider. Who knows. And if what you hear doesn't put a smile on your face, then you can decide what to do next. I do thank you for posting this thread. Interesting to see multiple viewpoints, and again, I hope it works out in the best way for you. Sincerely.

[+ pdxleo]

Wow- what a timely thread! Currently discussing with my East Coast regular escort the possibility of a get-together in Chicago in late spring while I'm traveling to a family reunion. In the past, I have mentioned the possibility of using some FF miles to fly him to the Left coast for a visit - he's got friends here to visit, and all the tourist stuff people do here, so I would not expect any trip here to be exclusive. He surprised me over the holidays by asking to be flown out - he had a friend making the cross-country trip, thought I could help out. Unfortunately, the holidays are hell here, so I had to turn him down, but our conversation seemed to turn out OK (we have a session planned over Super Bowl weekend, while I'm back East.) After reading this thread, I see that he and I need to get clear with each other about our expectations, which hasn't been any issue before, hopefully can still stay that way. This would be the first time for me to make this type of arrangement, and you guys have given me lots to consider. Thanks for a place to have a frank conversation about this- not exactly a discussion you can have with coworkers or the guys at the pub!

[+ SundayZip]

Amoco, If it were me in your situation I would feel exploited and angry and certainly confused as to why someone that I thought I could trust would do what this guy has done.

[unsub2O17]

I became aware of a similar situation about 2 months ago. The escort was a totally honest and caring sweetheart, and the client treated him very very well. In this case, they communicated but both thought and felt that they were in the right. It ended with the client asking to be removed from the escorts list (which was very hurtful to both), and, to my knowledge, they have not communicated since. This is just one anecdote, but a very very sad one to me.

[+ bigjoey]

When I fly an escort in, I make the offer to him of seeing other clients or family/friends after our time together before flying back home. This "perk" makes the escort's trip even better for him and a happy escort is a good escort. The ticket cost to me is the same and if he leaves for the airport or someplace else makes no difference to me. If you are flying in an escort, I suggest you make him the offer of adding of additional days to do what he wants to do in the area on his own.

 

One escort has local college friends and after a weekend with me, he goes and spends a few days with them; another escort has a mother who lives about two hours away and he rents a car (his expense) and drives to her for a few days; another escort stays a few days in town and sees other clients. In all these cases, the escorts love coming to see me as the private time on their own after our get-together is a "bonus" for them. In a few cases, I have friends who know I bring in the escorts and I have invited them to hire the escort after I am done with my time; they have the funds to hire the escort for an overnight but not the airfare; this is a "bonus" of my friendship with these other men who enjoy the same "hobby" but can not afford the airfare on top of the escort fee.

 

Now the original posting is more about honesty than the fact the escort sees other people after the event. That honesty factor is a different matter. The escorts I bring in and I have good relationships and honesty would be a factor in our relationship. The relationships have often gone beyond the "business" part of the relationship and we have become close friends. All I would ask is that the escort be honest with me; that said, I think offering the escort "plan A" and "plan B" was silly and almost an invitation for dishonesty. Silly in that the added time makes no difference in cost so why care; as to the escort's actions, that is silly as well since the client is bound to discover the Rentboy ad and catch the escort's action.

[+ SundayZip]

This is an add-on to my short post last evening (just before my bedtime).

 

Finding parallels to the corporate world is useful but this is not the corporate world; the rules and protocols are less defined and for many of us, the line between business and friendship can easily become blurred. Given this ambiguity, communication and honesty is paramount. It seems that some clients would be comfortable paying airfare in this situation. That is admirable. Other clients (me included) would be less comfortable paying airfare which the escort uses to also see other clients... also totally okay.

 

You were upfront with your guy and told him what you were comfortable with. He agreed but then went in another direction without checking with you. To me this shows a lack of respect and consideration that rubs me wrong.

 

Could you suggest the following to your guy? If, on the trip to see you, he earns enough from other clients to cover cost of airfare plus a reasonable profit, he reimburses you for airfare. It not, you happily bare the cost of his airfare.

[LookingAround]

To me, there's only one way to reasonably look at this. You specified two options and he chose the one where he was exclusively with you and you paid airfare. He rejected option #2 in which he would engage in commerce outside of your time. Although he rejected #2, he is proceeding to practice #2. Therefore, that's a breach of your agreement. I see why you're bothered.

 

In the abstract, had you not had that conversation, I wouldn't see anything wrong with what he's doing. But since you specifically discussed it with him, and he has misled you, of course you are bothered.

[robberbaron4u]

Please forgive my directness in this reply, but, you actually expected a man who sells his body for a living to be principled in his dealings with you???

[+ Topseed]

Somewhat relatedly: this fall I was arranging with an escort I knew reasonably well to spend nearly a week with me in Palm Springs this winter. He quoted me a rate that I thought was fair. Then, when I checked back with him to verify that all was OK (and before making the final "purchase" moves on airfare and hotel), he told me he wanted to see one other client/day so that he would "make the money that he needs" for the week.

 

I was stunned.

 

He then told me that his quoted rate to me was a "discount" from his usual weekly rate because he "knows me and likes me". We talked more; I found out that his "usual" rate was so high that he's never found anyone to pay it.

 

In short, I felt like was being gamed. I cancelled the appointment and, happily, wasn't out any funds for air/hotel. And this has prompted me to re-evaluate whether further hiring of him is in my best interest.

 

Long story, and pardon the detour. Offer this only to say that there are many variations on this theme. Yes, full communication is essential; even then, the outcome may be cloudy, at best.

[Amoco]

I'm fine with your directness, as long as it's respectful...

 

Not sure if you mean your question to be rhetorical, but the short answer is yes...I do agree though that when Juan pushes this notion of "walking very softly" when raising very straightforward issues, and others support providing perks and incentives outside of agreements because "a happy escort is a better escort", an observer is left seeing this as less of a real "profession" with rules, regulations and guidelines, to something much more loosey-goosey and compromised. Once again, I don't think you can have it both ways, and to my mind, the blurred lines diminish the escort despite the possibility of enriching them. If you're a professional and agree to clearly delineated terms, then you're obligated to comply. There are plenty of guys that are fine with escorts working on their dime as that as long as the escort is left happy and sated. However, I'm not in the sugar-daddy business and think it's perfectly appropriate to be a reliable, respectful, consistent and appropriately generous client without going along with anything not agreed to.

[Amoco]

TopSeed...

 

That's no detour from where I sit. You agreed on terms and he changed the rules. The idea that he gave you a discount because he "liked you"is irrelevant because if true, he should have said up front, "Look, in order to provide this rate I'll have to pee at least one other client a day", at which point you could agree or disagree. But to raise it later after everything is decided, just seems manipulative to me. And there's another piece of this for me that your post raised...I get that we're all supposed to see this sexual activity in a detached, unemotional way, but the idea of hiring someone for a full week to be a companion in many different senses of the word, and to then expect them to unemotionally disconnect while the escort goes off to screw another guy before coming back to the original client, is a tough pill for me to swallow... I know it's just sex but is there a better way to be seen only as only a self-serving sex worker than that? Is that part of the profession, too?

[Bart]

Robber interesting response, a bit callous. Yes I do expect the gentlemen I work with to act in a professional manner, as they expect me to do the same.

 

In this case I believe Amoco was quite clear about his expectations. The gentleman in question should have quoted a rate appropriate to exclusivity and is similar to the issue Topseed just brought up. The gentleman in question could have offered the third option of non-exclusivity charge the rate he was probably going to charge. At minimum asked Amoco if his actions would cause a problem.

 

I am sure there is a bit more to the Topseed discussion, because I don't think it is inappropriate for a gentleman to ask if when the appointment is over if he could see other clients. If I understand correctly here the gentleman asked if could take one of the days you were paying for to see other clients, that would be wrong, but if it were after and he asked you to have the airline ticket extend a day, I don't see it a problem with him asking nor do I see a problem with you saying no to the issue.

If I interpreted your post incorrectly sorry. The gentleman in question could have just as easily avoided the whole conversation and purchased a one-way ticket home for a later date.

 

I will say this an interesting thread and appreciate reading the responses. I have actually realized that at times I have a very bad habit of being passive/aggressive with gentlemen. I have been on this board for years and I am still learning.

[cany10011]

I understand the feeling of being generous and "used". However, i think if i like this escort and enjoy the time together, i wouldn't say anything and just keep in mind for future reference that I might propose an alternate arrangement.

[Amoco]

Bart...I appreciate your comments, but just to clarify my understanding of what Topseed is saying: my reading was that the escort in question wanted to see another client EACH day he was contracted to be with the original client - isn't that what "(he) wanted to see one other client/day..." means?

[+ Topseed]

That's exactly what he proposed: excusing himself to see 1 other client/day in order to have "the income he needs".

 

For me, a deal-breaker on several fronts.

[Amoco]

Hey Topseed..are you sure you had fresh breath?

[BaronArtz]

That's exactly what he proposed: excusing himself to see 1 other client/day in order to have "the income he needs".

 

For me, a deal-breaker on several fronts.

 

I would not accept that arrangement either. No way. What a mood-killer!

[TUOT89]

All I would ask is that the escort be honest with me; that said, I think offering the escort "plan A" and "plan B" was silly and almost an invitation for dishonesty. Silly in that the added time makes no difference in cost so why care; as to the escort's actions, that is silly as well since the client is bound to discover the Rentboy ad and catch the escort's action.

 

Precisely, the initial conditions (options) are the cause of the OP's moral dilemma.

 

Furthermore, knowing what the OP claims to know about the subject of escort entitlement, as he called it, why would he propose options that invited that behavior?

 

It is what it is. Why do we always try to make something more of it?