Sloppy seconds?

[bostonman]

Forgive my provocative thread title. But I've been debating something in my head, and wondering what the rest of you think.

 

Back in October, I saw an ad on Rentboy that intrigued me. He was going to be in Boston for about half a week, from NYC. His ad caught my eye, as did his website, and he does have good reviews on Daddy's. I took the chance and emailed him. We spent the next few weeks, before his arrival, exchanging some emails - I told him all about a fantasy I thought he would be just right for, and though his email responses tended to be short, I did get the sense he was into it and could do what I was asking.

 

We set a date and I planned to meet him the night he arrived, at his hotel, after I finished work.

 

Early that evening I got an email from him saying he had arrived - that he was going to take a nap, etc, to be ready for our meeting later on (and he did sound enthusiastic), and he gave me his room number, etc. I wrote back to say I would get back in touch once I was done with work and ready to head over, and that I was looking forward to meeting him.

 

11PM - I was getting ready to leave, and was just about to txt him when I got an email from him. He wasn't feeling well - some kind of stomach thing - and he hated to cancel, but he felt he had to. he said he was already giving up other plans he had for the next day, and that assuming he was feeling better, would I like to meet that afternoon, or perhaps the next day. I wrote right back, being as supportive as I could, wishing him a speedy recovery, and saying I could do mid-afternoon the next day - and that he should confirm a time. (I asked if 3:00 might be good.)

 

2:30PM next day - I was running late and wasn't sure if *I* could keep the appointment at 3 - but also, I had heard nothing from him. I emailed him, saying I had hoped to hear from him, and that at this point it seemed 3:00 wasn't going be the best time. Again, I tried to be supportive and I stressed that I was hoping we could reschedule at some point, but if not, I would not hold this against him, and hoped he felt the same about me. Hey - things happen.

 

I never heard from him. At all.

 

He also has a twitter account, which I had briefly looked at when we were first in touch, but it was the usual superficial twitter stuff and nothing to pay much attention to. But I looked at it again, sometime that weekend after the cancellation - to find a tweet saying that for his entire trip to Boston he had been in his hotel bed with the flu, and that he had had to cancel with everyone. Ok - well, at least I understood what had really happened now. But the fact that he was alive enough to keep tweeting to his account, but seemingly unable to keep me in the loop did seem odd.

 

The weekend passed, he ostensibly returned to NYC, I just let things fizzle.

 

Just over a week after that - almost 2 weeks to the day of our planned meeting - I got an email from him. He apologized for not being in touch, claiming he was still getting over his illness, and that "[his] inbox has certainly suffered for it. About 95% now though so trying to revisit emails." He went on to say that he really did like my sexual ideas, that he'd still love to meet, and that he was hoping to get back to Boston in December, and that he would make me a first priority if I wanted to meet him then.

 

Problem is, I was curious and went back to look at his twitter account, which has been fairly active this whole time. It's not that i don't believe him getting sick - I'm sure that's true. What rattles me is that all this time he's been up for tweeting, but NOT up for sending me (and perhaps the other clients he bailed on) even a short message explaining what was going on. Essentially, Twitter took priority over "customer service," and I have to say I find that rather irresponsible and rude.

 

There's still part of me intrigued enough to meet him, but I admit a lot of me has just lost interest. I have not written him back yet, unsure as to whether I even should, or whether I should at least express my discomfort at this point.

 

So I guess the question is, does it make a difference whether I respond or not at this point? Should I evade honesty and simply tell him I'm no longer interested? Should I be honest and say I wish he had made communication with me more important than posting tidbits on twitter, and that changes my feelings? Or should I just fade away, as I thought he was doing?

[adriano46]

Bostonman, that's a very hard call.

 

I have had a guy cancel due to a stomach virus or flu and know that it can knock them out.

 

I would not be so quick on a guy having no time for contacting clients but having time for twitter -- seems to be the world we live in now, and there are many YouTubes out there about this total disconnect with reality because of social media.

[DaddyCub]

You don't say anything about his age. I mention this because I have 18 nieces and nephews between the ages of 16 and 30. All of them, and I do mean ALL, are more likely to reply to a text from me, a post on FaceBook, or a tweet than they are to respond to an e-mail. Some may go weeks before they reply to an e-mail but a tweet or text will prompt an immediate reply. Regardless of good customer service, it's just how an entire generation thinks and communicates. I'd say if he's under 30 (or even in his early 30's) it's just more natural for him to tweet and text and only answer e-mail when it's convenient to his timeline.

[bostonman]

You don't say anything about his age. I mention this because I have 18 nieces and nephews between the ages of 16 and 30. All of them, and I do mean ALL, are more likely to reply to a text from me, a post on FaceBook, or a tweet than they are to respond to an e-mail. Some may go weeks before they reply to an e-mail but a tweet or text will prompt an immediate reply. Regardless of good customer service, it's just how an entire generation thinks and communicates. I'd say if he's under 30 (or even in his early 30's) it's just more natural for him to tweet and text and only answer e-mail when it's convenient to his timeline.

 

He's 27 according to his ad.

[+ WmClarke]

Being of that younger generation, he may have just assumed that all interested clients follow him on Twitter.

[rvwnsd]

Being of that younger generation, he may have just assumed that all interested clients follow him on Twitter.

 

Apparently, bostonman followed him on Twitter, even after he left town.

 

...What rattles me is that all this time he's been up for tweeting, but NOT up for sending me (and perhaps the other clients he bailed on) even a short message explaining what was going on. Essentially, Twitter took priority over "customer service," and I have to say I find that rather irresponsible and rude. ...

 

Although I'm not an active Twitter user, I do recognize its merits, one of which is the brevity of tweets. It takes very little thinking, creativity, or energy to tweet. Reading and replying to emails does take thinking and energy, two things that typically suffer when one has the flu. He was sick, not irresponsible or rude. Would you like an escort to deem you irresponsible and/or rude if you were active on this forum despite being too sick to follow through on an appointment?

 

You may have to be "of that younger generation" to be an active twitter user, but you can be of any generation to have some empathy.

[+ purplekow]

Sure between bouts of coughing or episodes of diarrhea or perhaps both at the same time, he could have made you and a first time meeting his priority. Escorting is a job for him and he was sick and did not feel like working. Twitter is a diversion, when one is ill, time drags as much as you do. A brief diversion helps the recovery time pass. When dealing with him directly and for business, he responded. When he was ill, he informed you and kept you aware. When he recovered, he tried to catch up with you and reschedule.

It is clear you feel slighted, but most of that is due to your thin skin not his professional behavior.

Get over it and have him over when he is in town.

[+ ArVaGuy]

I agree with Purplekow in this instance. The young man traveled to a distant city, became ill, had the professionalism to cancel multiple appointments - thus losing income- and you criticize him for Tweeting his condition? It's all about you, huh?

 

So what if he didn't email you quickly enough. He was sick, as PK noted, Twitter is a diversion for most of us. For you it seems to be a stalking tool as well. Jeesh.

 

The escort behaved responsibly. You criticizing him is ridiculous.

[justaguy]

I have to agree with many of the other posters. For the younger generations, social media has become a primary tool of communication not simply something to do for fun. And it worked--bostonman got the message through twitter.

[bigvalboy]

Sure between bouts of coughing or episodes of diarrhea or perhaps both at the same time, he could have made you and a first time meeting his priority. Escorting is a job for him and he was sick and did not feel like working. Twitter is a diversion, when one is ill, time drags as much as you do. A brief diversion helps the recovery time pass. When dealing with him directly and for business, he responded. When he was ill, he informed you and kept you aware. When he recovered, he tried to catch up with you and reschedule.

It is clear you feel slighted, but most of that is due to your thin skin not his professional behavior.

Get over it and have him over when he is in town.

 

Spot on....By all accounts he acted as about as professional as he could. You said you wouldn't hold this against him. Stick to you word and have the young man over. Stop over thinking this.

[Chance]

My take on the rentboy is good

My take on the poster not so good

 

My two cents

[RSully94]

I'm a 20 year old myself, and I can definitely say that email in general takes a lot longer to hear back from than a text message or Facebook/twitter message. Even when it comes to school, my classmates are more likely to respond to Facebook or a text than to email.

 

I think the escort did nothing wrong.

[bostonman]

Thanks all. Not the advice i wanted to hear, obviously, but thanks for the honest responses.

 

However, I resent being called a stalker. I am nothing of the sort.

 

Also, the fact that he emailed me to cancel that night, and did offer to make things up to me the next day, but then never responded back after that, even after I had suggested a time - I mean, what if I had assumed he was ok with the rescheduled time (having not heard anything to the contrary) and I just decided to show up the next day at the time I suggested? (Since he had made the offer, after all.) Seems to me he should have at least let me know he wasn't up to meeting that day either. He also did have my cell # all this time - if he could tweet, he could also have texted me - seems to me that's also more "hip" and less "effort" than an email.

 

I just feel he had so many opportunities to send me even just a tweet-sized alert somehow - "sorry, still sick...will catch up with you later, very sorry" or something.

 

I'm just letting it all go. Thanks.

[tom1980]

I would have probably been annoyed in the OP's position as well. It doesn't take a whole lot of effort to copy the twitter message into email/text and send it to 10 clients (assuming the guy's schedule was totally booked). On the other hand, I sympathize with the escort because I know how much I hate responding to work emails and calls when I'm sick or trying to take a day off.

 

This is one of those areas where the comparison between escorts and professional careers tends to break down. As a lawyer, I would never ignore a client email about a meeting unless I was literally on my deathbed. Of course, I have to abide by rules of professional responsibility and worry about unhappy clients suing me for malpractice. I don't hold escorts to the same standard, even though I'll admit that the lack of a response would annoy me if I was in the OP's shoes.

[imrthr]

 

 

However, I resent being called a stalker. I am nothing of the sort.

 

snip

 

 

 

You are not a stalker because you read someones' tweet account that is available to everyone, provided the owner so elects.

 

It is astonishing to read some of the absurd accusations posted to this forum. Fortunately, most posts (but certainly not all) are good to excellent.

 

I particularly thought the post of purple cow was exceptionally on point for your situation.

-

[Lohengrin1979]

I agree with Purplekow in this instance. The young man traveled to a distant city, became ill, had the professionalism to cancel multiple appointments - thus losing income- and you criticize him for Tweeting his condition? It's all about you, huh?

 

So what if he didn't email you quickly enough. He was sick, as PK noted, Twitter is a diversion for most of us. For you it seems to be a stalking tool as well. Jeesh.

 

The escort behaved responsibly. You criticizing him is ridiculous.

 

A stalking tool? The point of a twitter account is to broadcast updates concerning your life and situation. The escort did that. Granted the OP expected the escort to be lying and used it to assuage his suspicions, but he wasn't stalking the escort. The escort probably directed him there in the first place for updates on travel plans, city visits, and whatnot.

 

 

Lohengrin

[namchebaz]

I don't think you're a stalker and understand your predicament completely. I've found (over a long period of time because it took me a great deal of time to learn this), that the more inclined I am to assume the best, cut someone a break, or give them a 2nd chance, the happier I am. On the other hand, my dad used to say that "getting kicked twice by a mule is not an education", so in my book, after 2 strikes you're out!

 

Who knows, if you do decide to see him, you might find that you make a sudden and impressive recovery from your disappointment in his communication lapse! ;-)

[Juan Vancouver]

Wow, I am a little taken aback by most of the responses on this thread. I am far from wanting to criticize a colleague but I could not disagree more with most of what has been said.

 

At no age it is ok to disappear on a customer with whom one has cancelled a session, and to whom one has offered a re-scheduling option. At no age it is acceptable to expect one's customer to keep abreast of one's life through social media, especially when there is an unfinished thread of communication going on. Respectfully I don't care if it is easier to answer through Facebook, christian singles or Grinder, if one is in the middle of re-scheduling a session one has to make sure one communicates directly with one's client.

 

Of course if one is incapacitated, in a coma, out of internet range, for example, it is understandable to communicate as soon as it is possible to do so, but if one has functioning fingers and a mind clear enough to twit, one has the responsibility to write to one's clients directly. And I don't mean engage in a lengthy email exchange, a simple "Im terribly sorry, but I am feeling really under the weather. I am keeping my emails to a minimum so I will reach out to you as soon as I start feeling a bit better. Sorry for the mix up, hope we will be able to connect soon! Big hug." It took me 17 seconds to type that and it takes twenty seconds to copy paste it on a different email for each client with whom I am dealing at the moment.

 

Of course it is terrible he was feeling ill. In a strange city, losing money, possibly alone. It's a nightmare situation! Which is why -when one is experiencing losses- one has the duty to make sure one is in perfectly good terms with the clients who will potentially make up for this current loss.

 

I am all for being patient, but if I was doing the hiring two weeks without a peep would make me decide never to engage his services.

 

It saddens me how many men are willing to excuse unprofessional behaviour. I get it, if one wants to pork a specific man one will take a certain amount of shit as long as one gets one's rocks off, but to accept no shows, last minute cancellations, bad communication and awful service and then go ahead and recommend this guy's service, sell him as an outstanding escort or sing his praises forever just makes no sense to me. (We have all seen this happening here.) I see so many escorts be professional, caring, compassionate, show up in time, take care of their healths, provide a consistently great service that it makes me sad when people clamour that since the kid's young it's fine if he disappears for two weeks... and (what is much worse) to attack the original poster because he is complaining about bad service, to call him ridiculous, to ask him to get over it simply makes me think we are living in an upside down world.

 

Bostonman, listen to your heart. If you want to meet this man so bad that you are willing to withstand his bad service, by all means contact him again. However, if you -justifiably so- feel that you want to be treated with respect and consideration and feel uncomfortable engaging his services, by all means take a pass. There are many wonderful, beautiful, professional guys out there for you. You deserve great service always and it makes sense to celebrate and patronize those services providers who excel at that.

 

Getting kicked twice by a mule is certainly not an education.

 

Begrudgingly tolerating being treated poorly is not showing empathy, it's just perpetuating the cycle of poor service.

 

And before the naysayers jump clamouring that I am just promoting myself I say this: I am on the other side of the world, it is very unlikely I will ever meet Bostonman... but I know there are many excellent escorts near him that could and should.

 

Off my soapbox. Hugs to everyone!

[Bart]

Default

 

Juan thank you for your response, on point as usual. Two points I would like to state, first I believe most of us here ask for one thing from the "gentlemen" we engage, personalization. When the gentlemen is the who asked if they could meet up the next day if he felt better, I think he could have followed up with a quick text, "Sorry still not up to it." I will assume the gentleman in question has a smartphone, therefore, emails, like texts and tweets bing the phone so yes he did know the email was there. If you have time for tweets, really another text or two would not have taken that much more effort.

 

As to social media and escorting in general, these two are mutually exclusive. A corner stone to escorting is discretion, while social media is anything but discretion. I have managed to avoid facebook and all forms of it. Tweets, I still don't understand their value. I am careful about info on the computer and follow password suggestions. I am not naïve enough to think that my activities are not recorded but I do use discretion.

 

Bostonian you may or may not wish to engage the gentleman again, I think if you really are interested in the gentleman see what kind of response he gives you upon his return.

[Phil_musc]

Thanks, Juan and Bart, for well reasoned responses.

[Frequentflier]

Wow, I am a little taken aback by most of the responses on this thread. I am far from wanting to criticize a colleague but I could not disagree more with most of what has been said.

 

At no age it is ok to disappear on a customer with whom one has cancelled a session, and to whom one has offered a re-scheduling option. At no age it is acceptable to expect one's customer to keep abreast of one's life through social media, especially when there is an unfinished thread of communication going on. Respectfully I don't care if it is easier to answer through Facebook, christian singles or Grinder, if one is in the middle of re-scheduling a session one has to make sure one communicates directly with one's client.

 

Of course if one is incapacitated, in a coma, out of internet range, for example, it is understandable to communicate as soon as it is possible to do so, but if one has functioning fingers and a mind clear enough to twit, one has the responsibility to write to one's clients directly. And I don't mean engage in a lengthy email exchange, a simple "Im terribly sorry, but I am feeling really under the weather. I am keeping my emails to a minimum so I will reach out to you as soon as I start feeling a bit better. Sorry for the mix up, hope we will be able to connect soon! Big hug." It took me 17 seconds to type that and it takes twenty seconds to copy paste it on a different email for each client with whom I am dealing at the moment.

 

Of course it is terrible he was feeling ill. In a strange city, losing money, possibly alone. It's a nightmare situation! Which is why -when one is experiencing losses- one has the duty to make sure one is in perfectly good terms with the clients who will potentially make up for this current loss.

 

I am all for being patient, but if I was doing the hiring two weeks without a peep would make me decide never to engage his services.

 

It saddens me how many men are willing to excuse unprofessional behaviour. I get it, if one wants to pork a specific man one will take a certain amount of shit as long as one gets one's rocks off, but to accept no shows, last minute cancellations, bad communication and awful service and then go ahead and recommend this guy's service, sell him as an outstanding escort or sing his praises forever just makes no sense to me. (We have all seen this happening here.) I see so many escorts be professional, caring, compassionate, show up in time, take care of their healths, provide a consistently great service that it makes me sad when people clamour that since the kid's young it's fine if he disappears for two weeks... and (what is much worse) to attack the original poster because he is complaining about bad service, to call him ridiculous, to ask him to get over it simply makes me think we are living in an upside down world.

 

Bostonman, listen to your heart. If you want to meet this man so bad that you are willing to withstand his bad service, by all means contact him again. However, if you -justifiably so- feel that you want to be treated with respect and consideration and feel uncomfortable engaging his services, by all means take a pass. There are many wonderful, beautiful, professional guys out there for you. You deserve great service always and it makes sense to celebrate and patronize those services providers who excel at that.

 

Getting kicked twice by a mule is certainly not an education.

 

Begrudgingly tolerating being treated poorly is not showing empathy, it's just perpetuating the cycle of poor service.

 

And before the naysayers jump clamouring that I am just promoting myself I say this: I am on the other side of the world, it is very unlikely I will ever meet Bostonman... but I know there are many excellent escorts near him that could and should.

 

Off my soapbox. Hugs to everyone!

 

Outstanding post. Many should memorize this. With most people, and likely all 20 year olds, having a phone in their pocket that allows for responding to a text/email/facebook/twitter/etc/etc there is no excuse for being able to respond to an email. I'm well over 20 and can alternate responding to a text or email without becoming bitchy about someone using email. I have customers and whatever mode of communication they prefer I can adapt to. And if it is so hard to send an email response, ask the customer if they would be ok texting. If they say "no", pull your big girl panties up and deal with it or send them a last email telling them you're in no way versatile. Difference between these oh so special 20 year olds that can't accommodate and myself is perhaps I want my customers business (money) and I care whether people think my business dealings are professional. Its just not that hard if you give a damn. I rent properties to lots of different people, young/old/white collar/blue/retired/students. I encounter people who don't act like many expect them too. The student that shows up early for a showing and then turns the paperwork back in record time including references and a co-sign from a parent, the so called social elite 1 percenter that isn't heard from for days and then is surprised you rented to someone else because "you know" her family is so well known and she expressed an interest in seeing the property when she can schedule it. So its possible for young people to act like respectful adults. Grow up and stop thinking the world revolves around your teenage form of communication and everyone needs to adapt to your style. And certainly if you're not a teenager, stop acting like one when you're in your 50s/60s/70s/80s or thinking because you stick up for someone's attitude toward how a client wants to communicate is going to make you cool or young again; you just encourage their poor customer attitude and lack of respect for others. Some people shouldn't be in the business of serving customers and some people are best working from home and having direct deposit so they don't have to come to the office (they don't interact well with other people - unless they text maybe).

[Steven_Draker]

Allow me to add a dissenting opinion.

 

I'm not a robot and if I'm sick, I'm really sick. My brain is shut down and I cannot function properly. The only preoccupation I have is how to get better and get over the illness. Asking to reschedule and when we can meet serves no purpose at that very moment. I don't know when I'll feel better and will be able to see you. You can safely proceed to plan B.

 

As Purplekow mentioned so eloquently, Twitter and other social medias (and even this Message Board) are a diversion and also a way to stay connected with the outside world. Apparently those who were quickly to judge the "unresponding" escort have never been sick ...

 

Personally, I'd cut him some slack.

[bostonman]

Allow me add a dissenting opinion.

 

I'm not a robot and if I'm sick, I'm really sick. My brain is shut down and I cannot function properly. The only preoccupation I have is how to get better and get over the illness. Asking to reschedule and when we can meet serves no purpose at that very moment. I don't know when I'll feel better and will be able to see you. You can safely proceed to plan B.

 

As Purplekow mentioned so eloquently, Twitter and other social medias (and even this Message Board) are a diversion and also a way to stay connected with the outside world. Apparently those who were quickly to judge the "unresponding" escort have never been sick. Personally, I'd cut him some slack.

 

Let me just reiterate - HE asked to reschedule, and HE suggested the very next day. That would also suggest that he didn't realize he was seriously ill at that point - that perhaps it was something he ate, etc, and it would pass by the morning. But even so, the fact that he didn't follow up to cancel the 2nd time, no matter how he felt, seems odd. Had he said "I don't know when I'll feel better and will be able to see you" it would have made things clearer. He never did that.

 

And if it is so hard to send an email response, ask the customer if they would be ok texting.

 

And also to clarify - we did have each other's cell numbers, and had given the ok to txt each other, though we had somehow been sticking to emails. I did say in my email to him earlier that first evening that he could certainly txt me if he preferred. So he knew he could do that. He never did. I'm not sure why. Perhaps I should have texted him. Would it have made a difference, though? I have to think not.