Totally Not Cool

[KY_TOP]

I e-mailed an Escort about a week ago when I saw on his Website that he would be traveling through my Hometown. This morning I finally got a reply as part of a mass e-mail, showing my e-mail address plus 5 others, stating that he would be in Town earlier than planned and hoped that "each and everyone of you" would set up a time to meet. His mass e-mail not only showed all the e-mail addresses but since I had originally used my main e-mail, it showed my full name to these 5 complete strangers.

 

I immediately replied that this was Not Cool, expressing my Privacy concerns and that he has potentially caused me a problem here in my hometown. He was kind enough to reply this evening saying sorry and that he "always" sends out e-mail "en-masse" because it would take him all day to respond individually. He also said I was the first to ever complain and that the other guys wouldn't be at all concerned about who else the e-mail was sent too. I was really surprised at that. Glad he trust them, I don't.

 

He said he would remove me from from his "mailing list" and never contact me again unless I initiated the contact.

[KY_TOP]

Oops hit post too soon. Has anyone else had this to happen to them. I was definitely a first for me?

[+ Lucky]

You hit it on the head...definitely not cool. Good thing it was a virgin experience for you though, as we don't get many of those anymore!

[VaHawk]

Yes, I have had it happen three times, all with traveling escorts coming to DC that I had contacted priorly or had been with on a previous visit, but I never use my main email with my real name in it when contacting escorts or even answering personal ads. The first time, like you, it kind of threw me for a loop, but I can see where it is convenient to the escort, and if you use a different email, I don't see a problem in the future.

 

I would advise you to use the same caution if you are in a yahoo group. The most annoying thing about them, is when the group owner sends out an email to the whole group, some people reply back to everyone on the list and not just the sender. I always know this has happened when I open my yahoo mail, and see dozens of messages waiting.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

On the subject of mass mailings~

 

A definate faux-paus when you forget to bracket a mass-email and suddenly it appears a little less than personal. *doh!*

 

An escort complaining about 'being at the computer all day' checking email is unfortunately (or fortunately from a business-perspective) a part of this industry. Personally, i've refrained from mass-emailing when it comes to setting an up appointment, an introduction email or any personal correspondence.

 

Let's face it~ guys out there want personal service. When you're shelling out big bucks you expect 'big bucks' treatment. Simple, no?

 

Most recently, i've dealt with a very alarming privacy issue myself. A friend pointed out that yahoo groups makes it incredibly tough to hide an email address as a member of someone's group. In the event that you do hide your email addy, you then cannot participate in group features such as polls & chat. This double-edged sword stinks for those who wish to remain totally anonymous, yet still have full-functionality.

 

 

KY~ sorry to hear that your personal info was so freely given out. Your best bet may come in creating an email addy from a freebie site like yahoo or hotmail for the sole use of escort communication.

 

 

Warmest Always,

 

 

 

Benjamin Nicholas

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Sorry Hawkster... I'll try to have that issue fixed Creating clutter in your inbox isn't what i enjoy doing.

 

 

 

Now, playing with your outbox is a whole different matter **evil grin**

 

 

 

Warmest Always,

 

 

 

Benjamin Nicholas

[VaHawk]

I guess hotmail or yahoo would be okay, but they can come with a lot of restrictions and less safeguards than a personal email address from your isp. I know I have 7 email accounts thru my isp plus another 3 accessible from anywhere, which, imo offer a little more privacy.

 

So, when do you think you'll be coming to NYC per your group mailing?

[VaHawk]

Hey I didn't mention any names! This is almost like one of your chat sessions, which, btw when do you think you will "ever" have the time to have another as you are one busy young man!

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

**ouch** lol.

 

 

I should be in the Big Apple 8/1-5, maybe longer, but haven't posted anything in 'travels' because i'm still ballyhooing over which hotel to stay with.

 

 

Here's feeling that an Ian Schrager property is leading the pack Got any suggestions?

 

Email me privately if possible.

 

 

Warmest Always,

 

 

 

Benjamin Nicholas

[Guest gentle guy]

Agreed...totally not cool.

 

It has happened to me three times, all with well-reviewed escorts. All three immediately apologized when I told them what had happened.

 

The consequence of one of those mass-mailing boo-boos (about an email address change) is that I received another 10 mass mailings from other escorts who were trying to use the email list to their advantage. So much for privacy!

[KY_TOP]

>KY~ sorry to hear that your personal info was so freely given

>out. Your best bet may come in creating an email addy from a

>freebie site like yahoo or hotmail for the sole use of escort

>communication.

>

I have a hotmail account that I use as my e-mail for the Message Center on this site. I realize I should have used that e-mail but I have always used my primary e-mail when hiring, since I usually only hire while traveling and I don't care if the "Escort" knows my real name. But this Escort's response was to area people that had inquired about hiring him. I've learned a lesson here.

 

I also agree with your personal service comment. I was trying to set a first meeting with this guy and 5 other guys get replies with me. McDonalds service is more personable than that.

[+ deej]

Indeed unfortunate.

 

If the mailing was created manually, the escort in question should have put all the recipients in the BCC: field. That way they all get it but nobody can see who ELSE got it and there's no risk of "Reply to all".

 

(I mention it here for any lurkers who may be reading along.)

[Guest Utopia]

I agree with you and am a little confused. The escort is so busy he can't send 5 emails out in one day? He never heard of the BCC feature even on AOL? At the least he could have typed one reply and copied and pasted it to the other 4 guys. To me this is a red flag and I would stay far away from this escort no matter how hot he might be.

 

Can you imagine what he must tell his friends and other clients.

 

If he happens to be in LA please send me a private message here and let me know who it is. I don't want to accidentally hire this jerk.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Like Totally

 

I agree it is totally not cool but it happens to all of us. I once did it to four prospects (AOL screen names) and while screen names are often "SDmascman4u," it still violates the privacy of the individual. Even without the "real name" of the recipient, it advises others in his community that he is communicating with an escort and may also reveal other personal matters which are properly the recipient's choice to disclose. Fortunately, I was able to "unsend" the message but I had, however, inadvertently, hit send in the first place, no matter how inadvertently. In your instance, it appears that this is standard procedure for this as well as some of the other escorts mentioned here, however.

 

I only send mass mailings when the prospective client has not followed up, beyond asking for my links or my reviews, as a simple follow up on my part. I personally think it totally inappropriate not to write a personal response when someone inquired personally of me. Even if I were doing a mass response, versus personal responses, it is a simple matter to show the recipients as "blind cc's."

[+ deej]

Now hold on, let's not throw out the baby with the bath water.

 

Yes, this was an eggregious violation of privacy. But the simple fact is that email has become ubiquitous in our society yet few stop to think how it really works or what its ramifications are. Fewer still are fully versed in privacy issues.

 

I remember a successful lawsuit where a woman sent email to the editor of a newspaper, the editor forwarded it (address in place) to the author, and the author wrote back to the woman. She sued and won.

 

Many people don't know what a BCC is in traditional correspondence, much less in email. Heck, *I* only know what it is from a 9th grade typing class with Miss Bonnie Palmer. (Now THERE was a dyke you didn't wanna cross!)

 

Cut the guy some slack. He simply may have had no clue. Instead of blacklisting him, how about giving him a clue and helping him improve his behavior.

[Steven_Draker]

Hey K-Y Top,

Sorry to hear that happened to you. To be honest, it happened to me once, when I was so excited to send an e-mail that in the rush I forgot to put the recipient's addresses in the BCC line ... I hit "sent" too fast.

 

The bottom line is that everyone can make a mistake, but we all have to learn from our mistakes and improve.

 

What wasn't cool is the escort's reply.

 

Steven

http://www.HotSexyStud.com/uk/

[Guest man2man4u40]

Not only is it "totally not cool" but hasn't this guy discovered blind carbon copying to avoid this situation? Not only is he lazy but he also lacks in basic email skills let alone etiquette.

 

 

Jack in SF

415-303-0221

man2man4u40@hotmail.com

http://www.gaydar.co.uk/man2man4u40

[AaronScottDC]

>Not only is it "totally not cool" but hasn't this guy

>discovered blind carbon copying to avoid this situation? Not

>only is he lazy but he also lacks in basic email skills let

>alone etiquette.

 

I agree. Anyone who can't send email messages to people without revealing other people's email addresses is either really dumb, or extrememly lazy. I don't buy the whole "oh, I was sooooo busy because I had too many emails to respond to" routine, either. If you are that busy, then hire an assistant.

 

Aaron Scott DC

http://www.erados.com/AaronScottDC

http://www.male4malescorts.com/reviews/aaronscottdc.html

[KY_TOP]

>Cut the guy some slack. He simply may have had no clue.

>Instead of blacklisting him, how about giving him a clue and

>helping him improve his behavior.

 

I received a followup e-mail from the Escort even more apologethic and he said he had "talked" to each of the other e-mail recipiants and that they had deleted the e-mail for any further reference. He also said he had learned from his mistake and made some comments very similar to Benjamin's post (maybe he has seen this thread). I responded with deej's suggestion about using bcc area if he wants to mass e-mail his travel plans or whatever. He is young and apparently trying to build his client base. I don't think he was being malicious and hopefully he has learned the importance of privacy. He again referenced that I was the first to complain, that sort of puzzles me.

 

Lastly, there has many comments in many threads about communication between client and Escort when things are not as they should be. Hopefully, by communicating my concern and possibly him reading this thread he has as deej says: given him a clue and helping him improve his behavior. And it speaks well of him that he has responded and not just blown it off.

[+ Lucky]

RE: Totally Not Cool- Really. Totally

 

Aren't we stetching a little here to make this escort look better? Suppose that KY is well-known in his community. Once his name is out it doesn't matter if everyone else "deleted" the name from their computer. They still know that he is in contact with a male escort and if he is well-known enough, that juicy tidbit is out for good. The escort's act is simply inexcusable and no amount of "cutting slack" will undo any damage that he did.

[KY_TOP]

RE: Totally Not Cool- Really. Totally

 

>Aren't we stetching a little here to make this escort look

>better? Suppose that KY is well-known in his community. Once

>his name is out it doesn't matter if everyone else "deleted"

>the name from their computer. They still know that he is in

>contact with a male escort and if he is well-known enough,

>that juicy tidbit is out for good. The escort's act is simply

>inexcusable and no amount of "cutting slack" will undo any

>damage that he did.

 

Well Lucky that was the crux of my original concern. Again I don't think he was malicious, but made a serious mistake. I can only hope, at this point, that as he says I don't have anything to be concerned about.

[Flower]

RE: Totally Not Cool- Really. Totally

 

>Aren't we stetching a little here to make this escort look

>better? Suppose that KY is well-known in his community. Once

>his name is out it doesn't matter if everyone else "deleted"

>the name from their computer. They still know that he is in

>contact with a male escort and if he is well-known enough,

>that juicy tidbit is out for good. The escort's act is simply

>inexcusable and no amount of "cutting slack" will undo any

>damage that he did.

 

Well, I believe in privacy and discretion and especially confidentiality and all of that--but what happened to COMMON SENSE?

 

When you are writing to a complete stranger about a matter you are embarrassed to have others know you are involved in, WHY USE YOUR REAL NAME IN THE FIRST PLACE?

 

To me, these initial inquiries are so tentative and speculative, that it's simply foolish to have your real name floating around on an email you don't want the world to see--especially when you are sending to a complete stranger!

 

So true, the escort lacked discretion, but who gave the potentially embarrassing information to a complete stranger in the first place allowing him to be indiscreet? It would be different if you knew him and had formed a basis of trust--then I'd be completely on your side, but here I think you were both careless.

[+ Lucky]

RE: Totally Not Cool- Really. Totally

 

That's a good point Flower. Where the hell you been lately?

[Flower]

RE: Totally Not Cool- Really. Totally

 

>That's a good point Flower. Where the hell you been lately?

 

Thanks, Lucky, and since you asked---Los angeles, SF, SD, Denver, Dallas, and Fairbanks next week x( and NOT for pleasure (well not most of it anyway --been workin my ass off--so to speak

[Barry]

RE: Totally Not Cool- Really. Totally

 

Flower....don't forget to update us on the Fairbanks escort scene when you get back. }(

 

Have a good trip. Barry