Mood Killer!

[Atlantagaguy]

I had a date last night with a beautiful man. He is a trainer at a local gym, he is 35, I am 55. I have had several dates with him and we always have a great time. He is a bottom and I versatile and we have had fun in bed. Here is the problem. One of the guys in our group met a guy on grinder and told about his meeting with his new found love, and about how small his penis was. This brought on a slew of commits from the other groups making fun of guys with small penises. Here is the deal my date has a very small penis which doesn’t bother me, he is smart, handsome, a great kisser, wonderful bottom and I could live with this man the rest of my life. I held his hand during the entire conversation; in hopes he knew it didn’t bother me. It did have a major impact on him, when we left he just broke down and cried. I pulled into a parking lot and just held him.

My rant is why people want to make fun of people on situation they have no control? I will say my date is one of the best lovers I have ever had. What he is lacking in one area he makes it up in others!

[bigvalboy]

People are cruel, that's just the way of the world. I am so sorry Atlantagaguy. That is such a distrubing story. It sounds as if your young man will not get over this anytime soon, and to think that his reaction is because of what a small group of vile nasty people are saying. I have always said and felt, "That what someone thinks of me is none of my business." I know that is easy to say sometimes, and not always easy to ignore the 'mean girls'.

 

I was with a guy once who had a small penis. It never was an issue with me, but I had to be very careful in my conversation when I was in his presence and had to reassure him from time to time that its size did not bother me. It was a tough situation at times, since men routinely seem to make penis size a measurement of manhood.

 

I have never ever been a size queen, and always felt that anything more than a mouthful was a waste of time, so hearing about someone reacting like this is hard to hear. I think that you are doing the best in this situation. Just be there for him and try and let him know that your feelings haven't changed. Good luck with everything. I am sure that you will get some additional excellent advice from other members.

[Atlantagaguy]

Thanks! He does know how I feel about him. I understand why he gets so upset, I also know that one of the reason he has such a great body, that is something he can control. He is a beautiful man!

[Michael Wayne]

AS A LIFELONG TOP who has met so many beautiful bottoms I can tell this forum that the LAST thing I look at is the size of a guys dick. I think penis size is only a problem when the owner of a small one insists on being a top. I have run across this a few times. Most bottoms are looking for at least avg. Not all are the big size queens they boast to be but in order to be a really good top a guy has to have: 1. staying power.2. skill 3. confidence and 4. at least some size..... Some of the best tops i know have 5 or 6 inches. One does NOT have to be HUGE to be a great top or even big but small can be a turnoff to most bottoms (at least visually) However if the under endowed guys bottoms then what is the issue? http://www.rentmen.com/mikeyusatop

[Phil_musc]

Atlantaguy, you sound like a kind and decent man. I hope you can make this work for both of you. I think BVB has offered some good ideas here. Re-read what he wrote.

[Decatur Guy]

I think it's great that you were understanding about the situation and there to support him emotionally.

[down_to_business]

It's not always about the size of the ship... it's about the motion of the ocean.

 

Good job being supportive. There are a lot of us that are NOT size queens. Penis size is actually very far down the list of important qualities for me and this is coming from someone who prefers to bottom if it comes to that. I'd take a beautiful face, great body and a good heart over a big dick any day of the week.

[Atlantagaguy]

It's not always about the size of the ship... it's about the motion of the ocean.

 

Good job being supportive. There are a lot of us that are NOT size queens. Penis size is actually very far down the list of important qualities for me and this is coming from someone who prefers to bottom if it comes to that. I'd take a beautiful face, great body and a good heart over a big dick any day of the week.

Amen!

[+ Cash4Trash]

Have no idea whether this story is true or not but...

Keith Moon the drummer for the Who was reported to have a tiny penis. He was shacked up with a groupie one night and she exclaimed

"who do you think you can satisfy with that?" He replied, "me". Don't let the bastards get you down.

[fedssocr1]

Did you say anything to the mean people in your group at the time? You don't need to say that your guy has a small dick but maybe saying something at the time to put them in their place would have been appropriate.

[Diverdan]

AMEN to all of the above. Keep supporting your friend, and if you are with that group and he is not around, it may be easier to confront them about their being so vile ! I agree with the comments that have been made... it is not the size of the tool, but how it is used, and if he is a loving, passionate bottom... that takes care of 99% of the issue... plus it sounds like he is a wonderful guy, a nice worked out body, brains and a great personality. That in my book is a keeper!! Keep supporting him and let him know that a lot of guys here on the Forum feel the same way about him!

[+ FreshFluff]

Tell this man that you really gave it to that dude who insulted him for his rudeness. Also, comparisons are always good: Tell your lover he's so much better looking (or has a much better body or whatever) than the loser who told the story, and that this quality is much more important than dick size.

[BaronArtz]

OK, how small is it really? What is 'small'?

[BSR]

Atlantaguy, do you like his cock? A cock can be small and still be a great cock. If it's short but fat, I love the proportions. If it's nicely shaped, bonus! And most important, small cocks generally tend to get harder, and I love a rock-hard cock, especially when it points due north. If your new beau's cock is small but there are things about it you genuinely like, telling him and more importantly showing him (think creatively here) how much you dig it will work wonders for his self-esteem. Personally, give me a small (but rock-hard and nicely shaped) cock over a 9-inch marshmallow any day.

 

If there's nothing about his cock you can really get into, then like you said, the turn-on is what that cock is attached to. Handsome, great body, great guy ... hey, if things ever go south between you, give me his number!! :-D

[nycfan2003]

Atlantaguy,

You certainly are kind and caring. This might make no sense to you, but I am a fan of small.

Give your friend a big hug and kiss, and hold him deeply.

[sfguy]

It's a social maturity issue. People who are mean to others usually have little to offer in terms of compassion and intellect (or at least believe that they have little to offer). It takes a certain level of maturity and self-awareness to recognize that the only useful things we offer the world come from our minds and our hearts. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there, say "This is what I think" and "This is how I feel," and then turn those thoughts and feelings into a plan of action to better the world around us. It's difficult, not only because it requires us to think beyond ourselves and to engage with the much larger world around us, but also because we're afraid that others will think our ideas are stupid and that our feelings are not valid.

 

People who do not have the ability to engage with the world on that internal level then only can engage with the world on an external level. Commenting on and laughing at people's looks or actions (in the "I can't believe she did that" and "Did you see when he...?" sense) is easier than being empathetic or contributing to solutions.

 

People are mean and cruel because they are narcissistic and selfish. Highlighting the perceived faults of others is just a way for them to say, "I don't have this flaw." It's really all about them and not the person they are commenting on. Trust me, I know; when I was younger, I was one of those mean people. I now regret those horrible things I said, and I cringe when I'm out a bar or coffee shop and overhear people having those sorts of conversations because I know that's what I must have sounded like.

 

Your friends who made fun of guys with small penises took the opportunity to implicitly say, "I have a big dick." The need to brag and boost themselves was paramount to the feelings of others. It also demonstrates their selfishness. Sex is about intimacy and pleasure between two (or more) people. The concern over a small penis reflects that for them sex is just about getting themselves off and that they have no concern for making sure their partner is enjoying himself. It takes two to tango, and sex is no different. If sex is just about you, then you're probably not mature enough to have sex. Sex is about mutuality. To disregard your partner's needs, wants, desires, and limits is the pretty much the opposite of mutuality. Mutuality would be saying, "Let's find something that we can both enjoy."

 

And people are mean because no one else speaks up. The lack of dissent is taken as tacit approval. People don't speak up because of the fear that others will think our feelings are not valid. While we are loathe to think that we are so easily and heavily influenced by others, we are social creatures. It's human nature. It's certainly not unreasonable to be afraid of what others might say in response to our dissent, but it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there. It's not easy.

[Diverdan]

Thanks for this post, sfguy... you hit the nail on the head... and you are so accurate in your observations... Thanks again for sharing these great observations about humanity...

[Atlantagaguy]

I have read all the comments above and really appreciate the many valued opinions. I will say I didn’t participate nor did I laugh at any of the stories that were being told. Now looking back I feel bad about not saying something to the group about making fun of people of disadvantages. (I don’t believe my friend is one of those disadvantages, he makes up any deficits other ways) My friend and I got together yesterday and spent quality time, he now knows how much I love him and I found out for sure he has feeling for me. As bad as the situation was on Saturday, It brought us closer. Thank you for your comments! I truly see value in this forum and find it sad for others who don’t use it more and only use it for a escort review board.

[+ VeryHappyCustomer]

Hard to argue with

 

When a guy I'm in bed with says something critical about his own body, I

1. remind him that I chose to spend my time with him
   
2. put his hand on the proof that he turns me on
   

[bigvalboy]

Thanks for this post, sfguy... you hit the nail on the head... and you are so accurate in your observations... Thanks again for sharing these great observations about humanity...

 

+1...impressive observations and very thought provoking. Excellent post.

[Phil_musc]

It's a social maturity issue. People who are mean to others usually have little to offer in terms of compassion and intellect (or at least believe that they have little to offer). It takes a certain level of maturity and self-awareness to recognize that the only useful things we offer the world come from our minds and our hearts. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there, say "This is what I think" and "This is how I feel," and then turn those thoughts and feelings into a plan of action to better the world around us. It's difficult, not only because it requires us to think beyond ourselves and to engage with the much larger world around us, but also because we're afraid that others will think our ideas are stupid and that our feelings are not valid.

 

People who do not have the ability to engage with the world on that internal level then only can engage with the world on an external level. Commenting on and laughing at people's looks or actions (in the "I can't believe she did that" and "Did you see when he...?" sense) is easier than being empathetic or contributing to solutions.

 

People are mean and cruel because they are narcissistic and selfish. Highlighting the perceived faults of others is just a way for them to say, "I don't have this flaw." It's really all about them and not the person they are commenting on. Trust me, I know; when I was younger, I was one of those mean people. I now regret those horrible things I said, and I cringe when I'm out a bar or coffee shop and overhear people having those sorts of conversations because I know that's what I must have sounded like.

 

Your friends who made fun of guys with small penises took the opportunity to implicitly say, "I have a big dick." The need to brag and boost themselves was paramount to the feelings of others. It also demonstrates their selfishness. Sex is about intimacy and pleasure between two (or more) people. The concern over a small penis reflects that for them sex is just about getting themselves off and that they have no concern for making sure their partner is enjoying himself. It takes two to tango, and sex is no different. If sex is just about you, then you're probably not mature enough to have sex. Sex is about mutuality. To disregard your partner's needs, wants, desires, and limits is the pretty much the opposite of mutuality. Mutuality would be saying, "Let's find something that we can both enjoy."

 

And people are mean because no one else speaks up. The lack of dissent is taken as tacit approval. People don't speak up because of the fear that others will think our feelings are not valid. While we are loathe to think that we are so easily and heavily influenced by others, we are social creatures. It's human nature. It's certainly not unreasonable to be afraid of what others might say in response to our dissent, but it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there. It's not easy.

 

Wonderfully insightful post. I think I'll save it for reading when I need to be reminded that there are decent and humane guys out there.