How much to share?

[wisconsinguy]

Questions for both clients/escorts: When on vacation, or say even a long weekend with each other, during the "down time," how much do you share your life with each other? I'm aware of the discreetness factor and all, but I like to consider myself a pretty socially interactive person. I would find it almost impossible not wanting wanting to get to know something about the person I was with. I'm at a point in life that you could ask me just about anything. However, if I perceive you to be just prying, I'm also good at directing the conversation elsewhere. So, do you set up guidelines at the start? What to ask and not to ask? Do we say something like, "I just feel comfortable going there?" P.S. I'm really not a newbie. I used to be Healthguy. Was gone for a few months, forgot my password, and found it impossible to retrieve.

[McLeanspider]

A lot of escorts lie about their background, origin, profession, politics, etc

 

I think the good ones are the ones who "hook you" with "the tragedy of my life" (being born poor, college debt, etc) and tell you stories about family, friends, etc.

[Kevin Slater]

A lot of escorts lie about their background, origin, profession, politics, etc

 

How flattering.

 

Kevin Slater

[wisconsinguy]

How flattering.

 

Kevin Slater

If you have time Mr. Slater, I'd like your thoughts on my question(s). Thanks

[Kevin Slater]

If you have time Mr. Slater, I'd like you thoughts on my question(s). Thanks

 

I think it depends on the two guys involved. Some folk are more open and conversant than others, and some people are good at drawing others out. If you have a strong preference, I'd suggest you meet up with the prospective hire for a few hours before committing to an extended vacation with him. But I don't see any hard and fast rules.

 

Kevin Slater

[SteveEscort]

A lot of escorts lie about their background, origin, profession, politics, etc

 

I think the good ones are the ones who "hook you" with "the tragedy of my life" (being born poor, college debt, etc) and tell you stories about family, friends, etc.

 

Oh dear, well I don't do that, I own my own home, I am not poor and I've got a car loan and a couple of credit cards but that's about it.

 

I don't really tell any clients any personal stuff about me. They always ask about my tattoo on my arms because it's of my cat that died last November, I mention I have cats etc and a small dog but that's about it. Some clients tell me all sorts about other working boys and I think "well if they will volunteer that about Dave then what's he telling Dave about me".

 

On overnights I am usually a bit more open, many clients will notice my car and comment on it and the discussion goes from there but run of the mill hour long guys get to find out very little unless i see them regularly.

 

Yes, escorts do tell little fibs from time to time, I have, I will readily admit it but on the whole I don't but at some point in the next 10 years I plan to retire and move to Turkey and so when I do I don't want everyone and their grandmother in England knowing everything about who I am.

[btmstudnyc]

I guess I'm the exception and not the rule. My life is an open book for the most part. The only time I hold back is when I feel like it would be a downer or that it might hurt my clients feelings. But that's what I am like in real life too. I mean does my client need to know that his boyfriend hired me on a separate occasion. That kinda stuff. And that 'poor down and out' story that some escorts put out kinda irks me if it's not true. I have also found it easier when I am with the clients friends too, not to reveal the truth about how we know each other, unless he reveals it first (that usually mortifies me, if I have been skirting around how we met) Most guys are ok if they hear we met on the internet (which is true.)

 

Many times I have been to a party or a dinner with clients and was introduced to their friends. Their friends ask all sorts of questions. It's easier for me to tell the truth about who I am, I've made friends that way too. But there are ways to skirt around the issue of whether you are boyfriends or what your job is without being a total con man. I used to say I was in the "entertainment" industry....

 

But to really answer your question, it's gonna be a case by case thing. Some guys just don't reveal much about themselves in real life, so when with I client they will be even more non-forthcoming. Also, some subjects are just off limits with most people that just met. I guess the best answer would be that if you really liked this guy and wanted to make love with him, what would you talk about.

 

I would say ask away....otherwise your down time with him will be a downer time if you both aren't talking. If you encounter resistance, than just ask another question. I think talking about an escorts boyfriend should be off limits unless he brings it up....that's usually a total buzz kill.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

I guess I'm the exception and not the rule. My life is an open book for the most part. The only time I hold back is when I feel like it would be a downer or that it might hurt my clients feelings. But that's what I am like in real life too. I mean does my client need to know that his boyfriend hired me on a separate occasion. That kinda stuff. And that 'poor down and out' story that some escorts put out kinda irks me if it's not true. I have also found it easier when I am with the clients friends too, not to reveal the truth about how we know each other, unless he reveals it first (that usually mortifies me, if I have been skirting around how we met) Most guys are ok if they hear we met on the internet (which is true.)

 

Many times I have been to a party or a dinner with clients and was introduced to their friends. Their friends ask all sorts of questions. It's easier for me to tell the truth about who I am, I've made friends that way too. But there are ways to skirt around the issue of whether you are boyfriends or what your job is without being a total con man. I used to say I was in the "entertainment" industry....

 

But to really answer your question, it's gonna be a case by case thing. Some guys just don't reveal much about themselves in real life, so when with I client they will be even more non-forthcoming. Also, some subjects are just off limits with most people that just met. I guess the best answer would be that if you really liked this guy and wanted to make love with him, what would you talk about.

 

I would say ask away....otherwise your down time with him will be a downer time if you both aren't talking. If you encounter resistance, than just ask another question. I think talking about an escorts boyfriend should be off limits unless he brings it up....that's usually a total buzz kill.

 

Well said.

[+ Gar1eth]

Really Well Said--my last hire for a weekend was one of the guys who can't keep his hands off his iphone. Now he uses it for "business" too. So I understand he couldn't turn it off completely. But he's really attractive--and he kept his log in to the social apps open and would reply back. Now I got rid of all but one of my social apps about 2 months ago--and am thinking of getting rid of the last one too. When you aren't hot, and I'm not, it's very envy inducing being around someone who is texted frequently on the apps. I'm sure the majority of the escorts if they are into using apps--get lots and lots of messages. But being a schlub--I wasn't. And seeing all the hot guys who were never going to be into me finally got to be too much. So I deleted them. Being around a someone who is very popular on the apps--was just a painful reminder of my life.

 

Gman

 

Gman

[Steven_Draker]

Gman, I'm sorry to hear about this experience. I cannot imagine that I'd be paying for the company of someone and he'd spend all his time hooked up on his iPhone. This is just plain rude, pay date or not.

[Lookin]

And seeing all the hot guys who were never going to be into me finally got to be too much.

 

Tell me!

 

I was thinking of doing a calendar of all the hot guys who were never going to be into me, but there just aren't enough months.

 

If I were a Mayan, maybe.

 

http://rubylee1776.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/mayan-calendar.jpg

[KMEM]

lookin-

 

Maybe you aren't trolling (the other definition of trolling) with enough Benjamins. A threesome of you, a hot guy and Benjamin(s) can make everyone happy.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[jimboivyo]

A lot of escorts lie about their background, origin, profession, politics, etc

 

I think the good ones are the ones who "hook you" with "the tragedy of my life" (being born poor, college debt, etc) and tell you stories about family, friends, etc.

 

And this post is a good example of why escorts can see clients as insincere.

 

having a chip on your shoulder like this is a something no one should bring into the mix

[jgoo]

I only open up in generalities and nothing that gets into much specifics. I think it still allows enough for having engaging conversations. Most escorts are fine with that and I am fine with them being not too specific either.

 

There is a fine line and sometimes it can become awkward for one reason or another. Recently I was with an escort and we were discussing various travels. He described some amazing trips with clients (a few on private jets, luxury hotels, exotic destinations, etc). While not his intent, it started to make me feel rather sad with what I had to offer for his visit to me. I diverted the conversation to some other topics but I have to admit the overall experience was not as great as it would have been otherwise.

[nate_sf]

There is a fine line and sometimes it can become awkward for one reason or another. Recently I was with an escort and we were discussing various travels. He described some amazing trips with clients (a few on private jets, luxury hotels, exotic destinations, etc). While not his intent, it started to make me feel rather sad with what I had to offer for his visit to me. I diverted the conversation to some other topics but I have to admit the overall experience was not as great as it would have been otherwise.

 

This is a good point. My first thoughts reading the OP was I'm generally forthcoming about everything except my day job and relationship. But add to that not discussing details of other clients or appointments, either specifics or anything that would diminish the experience at hand as jgoo mentions. I'll talk about my day job and relationship in more abstract terms and would never outright lie, but might omit specifics for privacy.

 

On longer appointments you'll inevitably talk about SOMEthing, so I don't think it's too much to ask to want to talk about more personal stuff. If someone (either client or escort) doesn't want to talk about something in particular they can just say so. I try to balance trying to get to know someone with not being too intrusive, and if it's something that's on the boundary I'll volunteer that they don't need to answer the question if they don't want.

 

Having said that, clients have shared a lot of personal stuff with me and me with them. Several have shown me their childhood homes, taken me to favorite restaurants, discussed initmate details of their marriages, and so on. I do the same ... I like sharing life's experiences, particularly as you get to know someone over a longer amount of time. But with the understanding that both the client and escort are entitled to privacy, and things are not meant to be relayed or repeated outside the relationship.

[Steven_Draker]

If it's a first-time client on a first meeting it's obvious that you (escort) cannot open up on all levels. Building trust comes with time.

 

I've noticed that I'm pretty easy on sharing banal things of my life. However it takes me more time to share more personal things of my life. As with most things: trust is a two-way street.

[Traveler North]

Questions for both clients/escorts: When on vacation, or say even a long weekend with each other, during the "down time," how much do you share your life with each other? I'm aware of the discreetness factor and all, but I like to consider myself a pretty socially interactive person. I would find it almost impossible not wanting wanting to get to know something about the person I was with. I'm at a point in life that you could ask me just about anything. However, if I perceive you to be just prying, I'm also good at directing the conversation elsewhere. So, do you set up guidelines at the start? What to ask and not to ask? Do we say something like, "I just feel comfortable going there?" P.S. I'm really not a newbie. I used to be Healthguy. Was gone for a few months, forgot my password, and found it impossible to retrieve.

 

 

 

 

I am very open with escorts I see regularly and they are the same with me. Perhaps it is because we become friends as we see eachother more. Frankly we are talking about three or four guys who I like to spend time with as much as possible.

[dannyboynyc]

From the client side, I like to chat with an escort before getting into the reason we're together. I don't mind sharing some information about my life. There are some boundaries - employer name, financial situation, etc. The boundaries I expect from an escort are no mention of other client names, and I do understand there is personal information the escort doesn't want to share. Over the years, as I've gotten to know escorts, some have shared lots of personal information with me.

 

I agree that the amount of sharing depends on the two people, but, I do enjoy sharing some cursory personal information with an escort. This can be as general as where he lives, where he grew up (location - city), general things like that.

 

For what it's worth - my opinion!

[leigh.bess.toad]

Having said that, clients have shared a lot of personal stuff with me and me with them. Several have shown me their childhood homes, taken me to favorite restaurants, discussed initmate details of their marriages, and so on.

 

Gee, anyone I know?

[leigh.bess.toad]

Well wisconsinguy, I'm one of the guys who shares virtually everything about me and my life with my escorts and friends. The quote I always use to describe myself is from Shrek, when he told Donkey: "You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the ability".

 

They all know my sad saga from being locked away in the loony bin because I was days from trying to kill myself, to my coming out, to meeting my partner. All but one of the escorts I am close to have met my partner. And yes, as Nate mentioned, I'm one of the guys who has showed him (and many of my escorts) my childhood home, taken them to favorite restaurants of my youth (I figure if a restaurant can stay open as long as I've been around, they have something going). From issues dealing with my wife and marriage and my special needs son, and my job, they know it all. One of them shared my joy at my very first pride parade as a newly out man. The only thing they don't know about me is the fact that I'm actually a 95 year old Catholic nun, but maybe they'll figure that out eventually. And they have become mentors, teachers, advisers, confidantes, friends. Most share with me significant parts of their life, but I would never ask for more than they are willing to disclose. I believe I know the real-life names of every one of my escorts, to the point that I had to teach my partner their escort names before the DC luncheon so he wouldn't be confused. He knows them by their real names as well. I have been there for them through loss of pets and loved ones, breakups, new relationships, changes in their "day" jobs, dealing with ridiculously crazy clients, and with the sometimes bitter old queens who come out here on the forum. But I would never ask for more than is willing to be shared. Just because I have no filter doesn't mean I expect that of them. I have been taught not to talk about other escorts I hire with another escort and don't want to or need to hear about other clients in specific. And yes, I've been told things in confidence that I would no more share than I would want surgery without anesthesia.

 

What has it gotten me, gotten us? The intimacy of knowing someone as well as I know my escorts seems to make all aspects of the relationship deeper and more meaningful. Even, or maybe especially, the sex. You want to make your friend, your partner happy and will do whatever it takes. Over time, you learn what really pushes their buttons, what pleases them the most. Outside of the hires, it has gotten me some fantastic friends who honor me with calling me friend. Men who were there for me when I had my knee replaced 4 months ago. A friend who showed his concern by texting me minutes after the massive east coast earthquake a couple of years ago. You know, sort of like friends do for each other. Men far more experienced in the gay world who can help me, still a relative newbie, through any issues I may confront. And if I can ever get that no-good, marriage-phobic partner of mine to ever say yes, hopefully it would get me the best damned looking wedding party a gay man has ever had.

 

Yeah, I know I'm the outlier, the odd-duck, with how close I get to my escorts. It isn't what everyone wants. It sure isn't what I was expecting when I made my first hire a bit over 2 years ago. There is no one "right" way for a client and escort interact. All I know is that this works for me. And apparently for my escorts.

 

I've gotten to know a new guy very recently. In the bit over a month we first met in a social setting, we have exchanged dozens of phone calls and hundreds of emails. Already he knows everything about me and I know a lot about him. And it seems like it is benefiting both of us. But it takes two to tango, and I don't push it. It is just flowing naturally, as would any new friendship.

 

So share what you are comfortable sharing and your escort may do the same. But don't expect it. If it happens, great. If not, no problem. But I have found that the more open and honest about everything about me, the more open and honest they are with me.

 

And I can't imagine it any other way. Because that is what friends do: share their lives with their friends, through all of life's ups and downs. And be there and support each other through all of it. That and maybe have some incredibly hot sex together too.

[tyro]

Ditto. Months ago, there was a thread about whom you'd want around in your last moment. I included my best female friend and two favorite "boyzes."

T

[wisconsinguy]

Well wisconsinguy, I'm one of the guys who shares virtually everything about me and my life with my escorts and friends. The quote I always use to describe myself is from Shrek, when he told Donkey: "You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the ability".

 

They all know my sad saga from being locked away in the loony bin because I was days from trying to kill myself, to my coming out, to meeting my partner. All but one of the escorts I am close to have met my partner. And yes, as Nate mentioned, I'm one of the guys who has showed him (and many of my escorts) my childhood home, taken them to favorite restaurants of my youth (I figure if a restaurant can stay open as long as I've been around, they have something going). From issues dealing with my wife and marriage and my special needs son, and my job, they know it all. One of them shared my joy at my very first pride parade as a newly out man. The only thing they don't know about me is the fact that I'm actually a 95 year old Catholic nun, but maybe they'll figure that out eventually. And they have become mentors, teachers, advisers, confidantes, friends. Most share with me significant parts of their life, but I would never ask for more than they are willing to disclose. I believe I know the real-life names of every one of my escorts, to the point that I had to teach my partner their escort names before the DC luncheon so he wouldn't be confused. He knows them by their real names as well. I have been there for them through loss of pets and loved ones, breakups, new relationships, changes in their "day" jobs, dealing with ridiculously crazy clients, and with the sometimes bitter old queens who come out here on the forum. But I would never ask for more than is willing to be shared. Just because I have no filter doesn't mean I expect that of them. I have been taught not to talk about other escorts I hire with another escort and don't want to or need to hear about other clients in specific. And yes, I've been told things in confidence that I would no more share than I would want surgery without anesthesia.

 

What has it gotten me, gotten us? The intimacy of knowing someone as well as I know my escorts seems to make all aspects of the relationship deeper and more meaningful. Even, or maybe especially, the sex. You want to make your friend, your partner happy and will do whatever it takes. Over time, you learn what really pushes their buttons, what pleases them the most. Outside of the hires, it has gotten me some fantastic friends who honor me with calling me friend. Men who were there for me when I had my knee replaced 4 months ago. A friend who showed his concern by texting me minutes after the massive east coast earthquake a couple of years ago. You know, sort of like friends do for each other. Men far more experienced in the gay world who can help me, still a relative newbie, through any issues I may confront. And if I can ever get that no-good, marriage-phobic partner of mine to ever say yes, hopefully it would get me the best damned looking wedding party a gay man has ever had.

 

Yeah, I know I'm the outlier, the odd-duck, with how close I get to my escorts. It isn't what everyone wants. It sure isn't what I was expecting when I made my first hire a bit over 2 years ago. There is no one "right" way for a client and escort interact. All I know is that this works for me. And apparently for my escorts.

 

I've gotten to know a new guy very recently. In the bit over a month we first met in a social setting, we have exchanged dozens of phone calls and hundreds of emails. Already he knows everything about me and I know a lot about him. And it seems like it is benefiting both of us. But it takes two to tango, and I don't push it. It is just flowing naturally, as would any new friendship.

 

So share what you are comfortable sharing and your escort may do the same. But don't expect it. If it happens, great. If not, no problem. But I have found that the more open and honest about everything about me, the more open and honest they are with me.

 

And I can't imagine it any other way. Because that is what friends do: share their lives with their friends, through all of life's ups and downs. And be there and support each other through all of it. That and maybe have some incredibly hot sex together too.

Thanks Lee, and to all. This is very much how I envision things as I would want them to be. And, from what many of you have said, there is a principle that I always try and follow with all my interactions.

"What is said here, seen here, and done here, stays here."

[leigh.bess.toad]

Recently I was with an escort and we were discussing various travels. He described some amazing trips with clients (a few on private jets, luxury hotels, exotic destinations, etc). While not his intent, it started to make me feel rather sad with what I had to offer for his visit to me. I diverted the conversation to some other topics but I have to admit the overall experience was not as great as it would have been otherwise.

 

You know I sort of felt like that at one time. How in the world could some of these guys, who are taken on exotic trips, hired for weeks at a time, admired and lusted after for by so many, be interested in an old schlub from the middle of nowhere, who has none of that to offer. Someone who isn't young, isn't gorgeous, isn't wealthy, isn't, isn't, isn't. And you know what? I've found out that, at least with my escorts, that really isn't what mattered.

 

I guess that is just something we all have to learn.

[Bart]

Mr 1955, by the way a very good year if I say so myself, yes that has happened to me, early on and learned. But I handled it well and acted as an ear to listen to his story and wished him good luck the first time the second time he did it with different story I held firm and told sorry to hear about that but let me know how it turns out and that my friend was the end of that one.

 

That happened about -8-9 years ago and pretty good since then. Wisconsinguy, what a fine location, I think your experience will let you know where to go with that. I too like a bit more from the gentlemen I am with but dont push it. I almost always do longer appts, 2 + hours to overnights. I am usually pretty open about things within a certain level first time out, second time if I get the feeling the gentleman is interested than even more. There are a few guys who I am very intimate with and know a great deal about me. I have also learned to shy away from talking about other appts and that is the one area I would caution about, especially the bad ones. If you think we clients are insecure, many a gentleman is also insecure and I think sometimes out of respect and for yourself I would caution against talking about specifics, especially the negative ones. I have had a few guys get a bit nervous about things because somethings may be misinterpeted and has affected performance or the intimacy. I would concentrate on the time being spent with the individual and you will have a far better appt. That is one reason I find it is more interesting to talk about your life or the gentleman's life. This is suppose to be a very personal experience, well most times, there are a few times we just need a plain old fuck.

[leigh.bess.toad]

Mr 1955, by the way a very good year if I say so myself

 

Damn. How many 1955 birthday babies do we have here? Count me in too.