Our community needs a safe harbor...

[Businessguy]

I agree with much of what has been said so far. Lively discussion is entertaining and educating. The lack of civility is not. It only takes two posters arguing to ruin a thread for everyone else. There are several very entertaining posters who have left because of the personal attacks. They have told me so. So, to aid in the civility, I have two suggestions that may or may not be practical from an operational view.

1) posters who are not respectful are warned and then banned. Daddy notes the IP address and that is what is banned, not just the handle. Yes they can get on another computer but their tactics won't change and so over time, they are squeezed out.

2) posters who are arguing back and forth in a thread are locked out of that thread. The rest of us can continue the subject without having to put up with the personal feud. If they start up a new thread to continue the argument, the thread is shut down and they are on timeout.

 

I'm not sure those are programmable options but having stinging consequences for ones actions is most often the best deterrent.

[+ deej]

I had another thought, a question to Daddy:

If a poster sees a derogatory, unnecessary or "snarky" remark, should he hit the alert button? or would this cause an "alert overload"? My thought is that if a nasty remark is made a moderator or Daddy can simply go in and delete the post, and warn the poster??

 

You can certainly send alerts. Just note that we do not guarantee a 1:1 ratio of alert to action. (If not you're good at reading between the lines, that means we ignore a lot of them. ) It's a bit of juggling that would make Ringling Bros. proud.

 

Also note that we intentionally wrote the rules such that we don't take action unless the alert comes from the target of an attack. (This is not a guarantee, but it's the intent.) There are quite a few posters here who would not be posters here if we took action on every alert received about them. They survive only because the wrong people sent the alerts. We know that one man's humorous poke in the ribs is another man's insult, so we try to evaluate alerts in context.

 

With all that said, don't hesitate to send an alert because you're afraid of causing a flood. That's the wrong reason not to send an alert.

[Michael Wayne]

i continue to get amazing new clients from this forum and the reviews here, so for me it is GOOD for business. I would participate in an escorts' only forum, of course, but i for one really like the interaction between escorts and a whole body of potential new clients here. For all of you who I have not personally met , I hope 2013 brings us together either as friends or in an escort/client relationship. http://www.rentboy.com/mikey9nola1 or http://www.rentmen.com/mikeyusatop

[Steven_Draker]

We know that one man's humorous poke in the ribs is another man's insult.

 

And here I was hoping to get a time-out

 

One should try to keep their spirits and minds open and not to take everything too seriously (especially on this kind of forum). No one wants the Message Center to be boring and real people are not perfect in their words and actions. I would venture to say, though, that 99% of the problems here are due to the fact that this is largely an anonymous forum. That fact is the elephant in the room.

[Guest countryboywny]

You can certainly send alerts. Just note that we do not guarantee a 1:1 ratio of alert to action. (If not you're good at reading between the lines, that means we ignore a lot of them. ) It's a bit of juggling that would make Ringling Bros. proud.

 

Also note that we intentionally wrote the rules such that we don't take action unless the alert comes from the target of an attack. (This is not a guarantee, but it's the intent.) There are quite a few posters here who would not be posters here if we took action on every alert received about them. They survive only because the wrong people sent the alerts. We know that one man's humorous poke in the ribs is another man's insult, so we try to evaluate alerts in context.

 

With all that said, don't hesitate to send an alert because you're afraid of causing a flood. That's the wrong reason not to send an alert.

 

I get it. I'll also add that I think it's good policy to let the offended do the alerting, if he is in fact offended. I appreciate that it's a judgment call because if every post was deleted that someone else had issue with this place would get boring. You guys do a good job keeping this together and have much experience in this forum. I defer to your judgment.

[+ azdr0710]

Bart makes some good suggestions: limit the number of posts per thread from a single poster (if the software allows).....close the thread after the initial concern has been answered or discussed enough....

 

I often chalk up rude posts to a need by the poster to validate themselves against their own personal insecurities....

 

I hope Daddy continues this great forum...it has helped me a lot and there is nothing else like it....MSS is sorta like this, but not really....the interaction here between all parties is fantastic.....

[+ deej]

And here I was hoping to get a time-out

 

For you? I'd rather arrange a spanking.

[corndog]

Let me chime in by saying that, back in December when there were a whole slew of time-outs, I was annoyed by apparent heavy-handed censorship. However, since that time (with some exceptions) I think that the tone around here has been much more civil. I've found myself posting more often, largely because I currently don't feel like all of my posts are dismissed or highjacked by a few posters who always had to have the last word.

 

So, I'm beginning to agree that although tight moderation has bad short-term effects, perhaps it is the best long term way to keep good posters around and active.

 

Finally, I really miss maxwellissmart's posts. He seemed to bring a unique and articulate perspective to the conversation, and I miss it. It is also frustrating that when someone is sent into exile, it is very difficult to surmise what their transgression was. So, I wish that when a thread was closed the moderators would very briefly note why, and list who was timed-out as a result. I'd like to be able to properly mourn their loss.

[Xander]

Alright --

 

Private forums didn't work.

 

Voting/Star/Karma system didn't work.

 

Let's brainstorm and think of other solutions:

 

How about a "Vile cesspool" forum dedicated to rants, foul behavior, etc. That way, people don't feel oppressed and they have a "safe" space to go all nuts on each other.

 

Perhaps a voting system so that threads at a certain point in their life will be moved into said dedicated forum?

 

That way, when a thread starts to turn nasty on page 6, people can vote it out to the cesspool and those who want no part in the matter won't see the thread in that forum (the deli, the lounge, ask an escort etc.).

[Lookin]

I wonder if all this might be simpler than it seems.

 

In my opinion, Daddy's done a great job of thinking through the kind of forum he wants, and then publishing specific guidelines and putting moderators in place to ensure that he gets what he wants. Seems to me that the rest is up to us. We either respect his guidelines, or we go play somewhere else.

 

Daddy's role, in my opinion, should be no more difficult than spotting behavior that's outside the guidelines and booting the offenders. Maybe for a month, maybe for a year, and maybe till the end of time. He may offer to explain a decision, but he shouldn't have to spend endless hours trying to keep us all within the guidelines. I don't think it's his responsibility to manage us; I think it's our responsibility to manage ourselves.

 

We all come into this world without many social skills and, usually by the time we're out of grade school, we've figured out what it takes to fit into a social group and we've adjusted our behavior accordingly. Naturally, it will take the help of our parents and friends, and maybe a fat lip or two along the way, but most of us get it and find our places in the social groups we want to belong to. If not, we spend our lives alone.

 

I belong to a couple of other websites, one of which is pretty similar to this one, and the rules are not all that different. What is different is that the tolerance for bad behavior is much less. Everyone knows it, and most everyone picks up the cues when they are skating a bit too close to the edge.

 

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kJUo3OWcDNE/0.jpg

 

 

Of course, on an anonymous message board with hundreds of people passing through, there will be some folks who just haven't yet learned the social skills to fit in, and there will also be some folks who have the skills, but decide not to use them.

 

For those who just don't know any better, I think it's possible for the rest of us to offer some advice that may end up helping them here and perhaps in other areas of their lives as well. But it shouldn't be the primary purpose of the Board to do that, and maybe a PM or two would do the trick.

 

And for those who do know better, but decide for whatever reason to cause a ruckus that drives Daddy's traffic away, shouldn't they just be given a gentle nudge toward the exits?

 

 

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_-sFohRgxOBI/SPU50IK6qUI/AAAAAAAADxE/HPA8KfYArCU/s320/Drunk+kicked+out+of+bar.jpg

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

Daddy, thanks for sharing your thoughts and giving the opportunity for feedback.

 

I'm a fan of the mix of escorts and clients that contribute to the site and having a strong penalty for inappropriate behavior. I will admit that even after posting here for a couple of years, many times I've typed a comment only to delete it afraid to be asking the 'dumb' question.

 

Many of the guys visiting here are gentlemen and I enjoy reading their remarks, and I love the debates where intellectual exchange of opinions happens without Dan Akroyd starting with, "Jane, you ignorant slut."

[seeker630]

Let me chime in by saying that, back in December when there were a whole slew of time-outs, I was annoyed by apparent heavy-handed censorship. However, since that time (with some exceptions) I think that the tone around here has been much more civil. I've found myself posting more often, largely because I currently don't feel like all of my posts are dismissed or highjacked by a few posters who always had to have the last word.

 

So, I'm beginning to agree that although tight moderation has bad short-term effects, perhaps it is the best long term way to keep good posters around and active.

 

Finally, I really miss maxwellissmart's posts. He seemed to bring a unique and articulate perspective to the conversation, and I miss it. It is also frustrating that when someone is sent into exile, it is very difficult to surmise what their transgression was. So, I wish that when a thread was closed the moderators would very briefly note why, and list who was timed-out as a result. I'd like to be able to properly mourn their loss.

 

I'll join with others in requesting more explanations/transparency for time-outs. Generally speaking, I don't think offending posts should be deleted - they should be labelled by the moderators when they are the cause of penalties, so we all know what line was caused & why someone was punished.

[devonhunter]

What was the outcome of this discussion?

[DeeGeeBee]

I've blocked about 10-members of the Forums for attacking me whenever I post questions regarding a particular escort, etc. And I will continue to block any one who responds to a query, not with a direct response to my question, but rather, an admonishment of some sort. I'm sure those individuals derive some form of temporary power and self-esteem from doing so. Block and I don't have to see remarks that are nothing more than expressions of self-loathing.

[rvwnsd]

What was the outcome of this discussion?

 

I don't think there was an outcome.

[devonhunter]

Ah. Then I'll just stay in the wings for the most part.