Are we or am I, because we hire escorts, sex addicts?

[Guest wondering]

I love men, specifically, I love cock, ass, nipples, lips, well everything about a man. I realized that I was attracted around the age of 17, but denied it and didn't act on it until I was 25, falling for a guy I met in college, we were both in Nursing school, a small liberal arts college in south Alabama. We developed a relationship which lasted thru college and then quickly fell apart. Since then, almost 15 yrs now, I really have not had a relationship, but many one night stands, many of those, probably about 60% or more, with escorts. I crave being with a man, but I admit that I am very much attracted to beautiful men only. I myself do not consider myself beautiful, but friends and coworkers tell me I am handsome. I have been hiring escorts for about 12 years, and I still get so excited when I am expecting to see me, I get butterflies in my ass, it is such a weird feeling, but It is just a craving. I have never considered my self addicted or an addict, but recently switching to a speciality of mental health nursing, I am begining to wonder? Anyone have any thoughts on this, Thanks.

(P.S. I am hiring a guy this weekend, I am really excited, he is a beautiful porn guy, and yes, the butterflies are fluttering in my ass just thinking about it)

[+ Lucky]

You don't say whether you are a top or a bottom, but if you are a bottom, it is important to douche before sex. That should clear the butterflies out of your ass!

Your question is an interesting one. Personally, I don't think hiring escorts per se would make you a sex addict. If the need to hire becomes an obsession, that could indicate that you might be. Or, if you are spending way more than you can afford, that also would indicate you are a sex addict.

Only a trained therapist could help with that. But, just from your post, you seem quite healthy to me! The anticipation of an escort's arrival is an exciting part of the whole encounter, don't you think?

[Guest DevonSFescort]

I wouldn't necessarily conflate having cravings with having an addiction, and as Lucky says, anticipation is a nice -- and healthy part -- of the hiring process (beats dread, anyway). Are there other aspects of your behavior that remind you of the patients you're coming into contact with? One big thing I would worry about -- are you in debt and pushing yourself further into debt in order to hire? Also, you mention relationships and seem to imply that you perceive a tradeoff between your appetite for sex with a variety of beautiful guys. This is interesting and worth examining, but not necessarily cause for alarm. If the tradeoff is worth it -- and I don't mean in the heat of the moment but when you sit back and reflect on your life -- then there's not really a problem. If you feel that the tradeoff is not worth it -- that something is missing that your hiring habit is getting in the way of -- then there is a problem, whether "addiction" is the proper diagnosis or not.

 

Your observation about how you prioritize looks (and perhaps the narrowness of how you define 'beautiful?' my inference here) is also interesting. Again, it's not obvious to me that this is a sign of addiction, and I don't think it's something you should feel guilty about, but I would say that it does represent a narrowing of your horizons. It cuts you off from a lot of possibilities, not only for relationships but for great sex. I've said it before and I'll to say it again: one of the nicest "side effects" escorting has had on me is that it has opened up my sexual tastes. It's not that I've repudiated or "outgrown" my interest in the kinds of guys that always attracted me before. It's that now a wider variety of men are sexually interesting and enjoyable to me, and I consider my sex life to be richer for that fact.

 

There are ways to "work on this," if that's something you'd like to do, without taking up escorting. One thing I found extremely helpful was an erotic massage class I took some months before starting escorting. We worked together three to a table, so the odds were high that you'd get grouped with someone not beautiful to you. It was a great introduction to touching such people in a sensual way, but the fact that it was "erotic" and didn't involve what most people would consider "sex" made it accessible and unscary. Body Electric has retreats devoted to this sort of thing.

[Guest AlecGriffin]

RE: Are we or am I, because we hire escorts, sex addic...

 

You don't necessarily sound like a sex addict to me...just someone who enjoys sex and the excitement of meeting a hot guy. But you can find some food for thought on the Sex Addicts Anonymous website:

http://www.sexaa.org/12ques.htm

 

Some of their 12 questions seem too negative about sex to me, such as #3: "Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media?" Duh, yes, and so do most men with normal hormonal levels. But most of their questions seem to boil down to a few key issues that seem reasonable:

 

1) Compulsion: Can you slow down or stop seeing escorts when you need to? As others have mentioned, going into debt to hire escorts should be a big red flag...unless you're hiring me, in which case it's perfectly normal ;-)

 

2) Negative feelings: You sound rather upbeat about seeing escorts, so it sounds like this isn't a problem for you...but if you often find yourself with feelings of regret or depression after having been with an escort then this might be something to think about (could be a sign of addiction OR could a guilt-ridden part of yourself that needs to learn to chill out).

 

3) Impact on your life: Does seeing escorts get in the way of your career, your personal relationships, and other priorities in your life? It sounds like you are fine on this issue in most ways with the possible exception of romantic relationships. If you are happy being single then fine...I don't think anyone has the right to dictate to you that your life won't be complete until you settle down with someone. If you're going to be a slut, be a happy slut :9

 

But if you have wanted to be in a relationship these past 15 years, then it may be that you need to expand your "asshole butterfly" signal for being attracted to men. I like Devon's suggestions for expanding the range of guys you enjoy sex with. You may also need to be open to dating someone who triggers your butterflies, but less of them... sex and sexual attraction is an important part of long-term relationships, but only one part of many. Perhaps you could take the 40% of your one-night stands which are not with escorts and turn some of them into something more by realizing that its okay if your butterflies are not quite as excited on a second or third date. Its important to listen to your asshole, but your heart and brain may something to say about all this as well.

 

Good luck to you.

 

-Alec

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

RE: Are we or am I, because we hire escorts, sex addic...

 

"Are we or am I, because we hire escorts, sex addicts?"

 

 

Are we or am I, because we hire physicians, hypocondriacs

 

Your situation, whatever your feel it is, can't be generalised as your title asks?

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Homo Hai-Ku (pithy version)

 

>I love men

>I love cock

>ass

>nipples

>lips,

 

healthy human male labido rears ugly head

 

>I crave being

>beautiful men only

>not myself beautiful

 

loneliness doubt self esteem raise expectations

 

>excited

>expecting

>in my ass

>weird feeling

>just a craving

 

 

modern theraputic analysis: you are horny

 

 

>addicted

 

ancient Chinese secret: all men pigs

[Rick Munroe]

RE: Are we or am I, because we hire escorts, sex addic...

 

>Its important to listen to your asshole

 

That's what I always say to Derek but still he tunes me out. :+

[pierrot]

I agree with the other responders that sex addiction and hiring escorts do not necessarily go together. I hire escorts on a very occasional basis as I'm sure many of you do. For me it's a matter of having a fantasy fulfilled every now and then. Having a relationship is a whole other, unrelated part of one's life. Escort sex, at least in my experience, is fun, a fantasy, not an emotional bond. If you're trying to replace your lack of a relationship with hiring escorts, then you may be frustrated. Escorts are a great sexual outlet, but not a substitute for love. By the way, I think most men, gay, straight and in between, have a very strong sex drive that can border on the obsessive, especially the younger you are. I wonder how I got through college sometimes remembering how horny I was all the time. The obsessiveness does ease a bit with age methinks.

[+ Charlie]

Thomas Mann, the author of "Death in Venice", admitted that the driving force behind his art throughout his life was his attraction to beautiful young men (although he was married and fathered six children). I don't think the appreciation for beauty, in whatever form, is in itself a negative quality, unless it drives you to do things that are destructive, to yourself or to others. If your desire for beautiful escorts blinds you to anything else that is of value, if you pursue them to the detriment of your health (physical and mental) and finances, then one might call it an addiction. For most of us, however, it is simply a natural impulse that we indulge when it is appropriate.