Losing a pet

[dfw2sfo]

Had to put my nearly 17 year old dog to sleep earlier this week. Can't seem to escape the thoughts about the process. He may have been able to last days or weeks but kidneys were failing. Still so sad and blaming myself.

[jgoo]

My sincerest condolences to you on the loss of your beloved pet. I haven't had to face that difficult decision and hope I never have to. Nevertheless, I am sure you did what you felt was best and please take time to greave but don't blame yourself. He had a long long life. Remember the joy you both brought to each other. God bless you and your beloved pet.

[mmk123]

I think that losing a pet-espcially a pet like a dog or a cat-is much harder than losing a friend or a family member because not only is your pet your family they always show you unconditional love, something we humans do not always express.

 

As hard as it was, you did the right thing by putting your dog to sleep and should not feel guilty. The joy your dog gave you can never be taken away and do not let your guilty feelings cloud that. My thoughts are with you.

[Lohengrin1979]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I faced that exact issue with one of my beloved kitties and, you're right, it's not an easy decision. Embrace the happy memories of you and your dog and remember that he is now free from pain. Our pets depend on us to make the decisions for them that they cannot. God bless.

 

Lohengrin

[Doe Be Doe]

Please accept my condolences. I've put two dogs and two cats to sleep. Each time it's been necessary but that still did not make it easy.I still miss them.

[+ Lucky]

There was an article in the Times today about a couple putting their 13 year old to sleep. I got tears in my eyes reading it, and I didn't even know the dog! So know that the loss of your dog means something to us here too. Many of us have had to do the same, and it is a painful process of grief. Good wishes.

[+ deej]

You cannot blame yourself. Full stop.

 

Their time comes, and you must have the courage not to keep them going for selfish reasons. You must let them go when it's their time, for their sake. You shouldn't make them continue to suffer.

 

You did the RIGHT thing.

 

Take some deep breaths. Get drunk if you feel the need. And when you're feeling lonely, go visit the county shelter to find your companion for the next 17 years! New love won't help you forget lost love, but it sure doesn't hurt.

[bigvalboy]

As many have already said, you can not blame yourself. I hope that you do understand that. One of the difficulties is that we do not really know how much pain they are in or how uncomfortable their lives have become. It is an almost impossible situation no matter what you decide. I just helped a friend through the process of letting his dog go a few months ago. He knew that despite the pain medication, that his little dog was probably suffering. He just needed someone there to tell him that he was doing the right thing and that he had done all he could to save her.

 

Replacing your pet is a personal choice. I know many who just can not do that, and others who want another companion in their life immediately...take your time and the answers will come to you. Talk it over with friends, that always helps....

 

You have my sympathy and I wish you the best.

[Okliehomo]

Still kills me...

 

And it's been over eight years... August 15, 2004... my baby.... that tiny black scared of her own shadow, runt of the litter that my boyfriend brought home as a gift for his mother and she wasn't in the house 5 minutes before she was mine...and she slept between us every night... for 6 years and then just with me for another 10...

 

My little horse. Seriously, she could eat anything. People food, treats, a baby bird in one gulp.... until she couldn't. That's when I knew we was in real trouble. That terrible day that she stopped eating. Took her to the vet and had the blood work and they kept her and flushed her kidneys and it all came right back. They told me that dying of kidney failure is like having the worst case of the flu ever... again and again... with no hope. Just sickness and then seizures.... and suffering.

 

So there was only one choice. To do the unselfish thing. Let them go. I made the appt but still called the vet back 3 times... are you sure? are you sure? are you sure? that there is nothing we can do?? She just kept saying no.. so, she came to my house and my old bf came back home and we held her together on my bed and told her how much we loved her and how much she meant to us and let her go.

 

Was it the right thing? You bet. I have buried both my parents. Do I wish that I could have shown them the same mercy? You bet..... BUT... making that decision.... that's a mother fucker. For sure. It lingers.

 

8 years and I totally broke down writing this. That's how much she meant... and still means.

 

But I did right by her. All her life... and in her death, too.

 

And so did you.

 

Okie

[JT Brooklyn]

Had to put my nearly 17 year old dog to sleep earlier this week. Can't seem to escape the thoughts about the process. He may have been able to last days or weeks but kidneys were failing. Still so sad and blaming myself.

 

My condolences after experiencing the very hard decision that the "quality of Life" is no longer there on 2 occasions..it's one of the hardest and saddest periods in ones lifetime. The thought for you should be the 17 Years of your unconditional Love you both shared and that you did the right thing...

[bigvalboy]

And it's been over eight years... August 15, 2004... my baby.... that tiny black scared of her own shadow, runt of the litter that my boyfriend brought home as a gift for his mother and she wasn't in the house 5 minutes before she was mine...and she slept between us every night... for 6 years and then just with me for another 10...

 

My little horse. Seriously, she could eat anything. People food, treats, a baby bird in one gulp.... until she couldn't. That's when I knew we was in real trouble. That terrible day that she stopped eating. Took her to the vet and had the blood work and they kept her and flushed her kidneys and it all came right back. They told me that dying of kidney failure is like having the worst case of the flu ever... again and again... with no hope. Just sickness and then seizures.... and suffering.

 

So there was only one choice. To do the unselfish thing. Let them go. I made the appt but still called the vet back 3 times... are you sure? are you sure? are you sure? that there is nothing we can do?? She just kept saying no.. so, she came to my house and my old bf came back home and we held her together on my bed and told her how much we loved her and how much she meant to us and let her go.

 

Was it the right thing? You bet. I have buried both my parents. Do I wish that I could have shown them the same mercy? You bet..... BUT... making that decision.... that's a mother fucker. For sure. It lingers.

 

8 years and I totally broke down writing this. That's how much she meant... and still means.

 

But I did right by her. All her life... and in her death, too.

 

And so did you.

 

Okie

 

Amazing heartfelt story...this story made me very emotional. I know that it has been years for you, but while the pain will subside, it rarely goes away. For me sometimes I think that I really don't want the pain to go away, I want to feel the sadness. In many respects the pain of the loss keeps the experience more real. I don't want to forget how much I loved her, and I don't want to forget what a tremendous loss this was for me. The sadness will often help me to remember the joy that she brought to my life, and soon I will find myself smiling as I remember that in the end, I gave her the very best life she could have had anywhere. The sadness often helps me put all the daily trivial nonsense that I go through into perspective.

[justaguy]

Sad to hear about your loss, dfw. I know from experience that it takes a long while to work through the different emotions. Best wishes.

[+ Shoreboy]

My beloved golden retriever died in my arms one hour before he was scheduled to go to the vet to be put to sleep. He was by my side for 16 glorious years and that night I laid with him on the floor all night, crying, laughing and talking to him and although he could barely move his eyes kept looking at me with that deep love that only a cherished pet can give.

 

It hurt so bad that when I buried him in my backyard I vowed never, ever again to get another dog and go through that pain.

 

He died five years ago and then three years ago I was entering the supermarket and someone was giving away puppies and as I walked quickly past the woman and her puppies this adorable little black lab mix puppy literally followed me through the doors and into the store.

 

I picked her up to bring her back and saw in her eyes that same sparkle that my golden had and right now she is asleep at my feet.

 

Did she replace my golden....no. Does she add a new element of joy to my life....a resounding yes!!!

[Sparky12]

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your beloved dog. Please keep in mind that grief has several stages and cycles. Feeling guilt is normal, "Why didn't I... what if I had done this differently". It will become much more a background vibe in time. You can't force yourself to change your feelings. All you can do is feel them.

 

Hugs!

[gallahadesquire]

I'm probably goingto get in trouble for this ...

 

It is sad to lose any sort of loved one, not necessarily by death. Fortunately, we have the option of putting our pets down when it's time.

 

Unfortunately, we do not have the same option for ourselves.

 

Said.

[+ purplekow]

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Ypu have 17 years of good memories which will remain long after the acute pain of losing him are gone but that does not make this time any easier. No matter their age, it does seem that pets leave too early.

I am now caring for Rusty, a dog I have had for more than 16 years and she has a progressive neurologic disease which has left her with slowly progressive ascending paralysis. It started in a toe and now she cannot move from the waist down. I was told that her life expectancy with this disease was 3 months but it has been almost a year and she is still going. Every day I am grateful she is still around but it is a lot of work to care for her. For those who wonder, she is not in pain, loss of sensation and loss of muscular degeneration happen at the same time so she has lost feeling in her legs as well strength. Against all odds, she has managed to keep enough strength to wag her tail, which she does whenever she gets a treat or attention. My other two dogs support her, though they do try to eat her dinner. Sometimes, when I come home, if I am quiet I can catch the three of them lying on Rusty's mattress, Ben on one side and Bonehead on the other. Three big old dogs, lying in the sun gleaming in from the picture window that is the memory I will carry with me when, in the next few weeks, I have to make the decision that you made this week

[+ overeasy]

dfw -- Sorry to hear of your loss. My little girl went blind last year, so had been taking more time and attention; but it was given freely. The love I got in return these last 13 plus years was worth it. She had gotten sick last week and was having trouble breathing. I took her to the vet on Thursday, expecting she might not come home with me. He decided to try some medication that, if it did not work overnight, we could then revisit our decisions. I dropped her at home mid afternoon, and got home from the office about 6:30...She was lying at the foot of my bed...looked like she was relaxed and asleep. She was gone. True to form, she came through again...didn't make me make that hard decision. It's been a hard weekend...too quiet around the house....She will be remembered and loved forever. I will probably get another dog in a few months. But part of loving the animal is missing it and remembering when they're gone.

[cany10011]

Don't blame yourself. Sometimes, it's the hard decisions that we have to make as owners to ensure that our pet's time on this earth are happy and painfree.

 

I did that for my tripod 13 year old retriever a few years ago. He had a relatively good 3 years since his surgical amputation of his leg due to an osteosarcoma. But his sarcoma eventually metastasized and was impairing his quality of life, eating, and walking. I kept thinking that his recurring symptoms were just temporary hiccups and that he would get better... and i'm a physician and i still didn't want to believe what I knew was happening.....I didn't have the heart to put him through any more misery and when it was time to say good bye, both I and the dog knew it was time.

 

I still tear up when i think about him and when i walk around the hudson river waterfront and our favorite spots....

 

Had to put my nearly 17 year old dog to sleep earlier this week. Can't seem to escape the thoughts about the process. He may have been able to last days or weeks but kidneys were failing. Still so sad and blaming myself.

[Guest countryboywny]

Dear dfw,

 

I too, have felt the pain of losing a beloved friend. She was old and her kidneys shut down, she was suffering and in pain. I took her to the veterinarian, we discussed her case and decided it was time. I held her in my arms, her nose buried in my neck and I gently stroked her while he administered her fate. I cried, and cried, and cried. I felt guilty, as I had betrayed her. Now, my own father is in failing health, he is in pain, he can no longer function as he once could and it came to me. We treat our animals better than we treat humans in this regard. You chose to take a route that spared your dog's pain, but not your pain. You have done what is best, even though it brings you misery. You have been brave, and have shown your friend the compassion it has earned. Cry as long as you have to, but know in your heart you did what was best. The pain will pass and you will have good memories of your friend to sustain you. I'm sorry.

[gallahadesquire]

Dear dfw,

 

I too, have felt the pain of losing a beloved friend. She was old and her kidneys shut down, she was suffering and in pain. I took her to the veterinarian, we discussed her case and decided it was time. I held her in my arms, her nose buried in my neck and I gently stroked her while he administered her fate. I cried, and cried, and cried. I felt guilty, as I had betrayed her. Now, my own father is in failing health, he is in pain, he can no longer function as he once could and it came to me. We treat our animals better than we treat humans in this regard. You chose to take a route that spared your dog's pain, but not your pain. You have done what is best, even though it brings you misery. You have been brave, and have shown your friend the compassion it has earned. Cry as long as you have to, but know in your heart you did what was best. The pain will pass and you will have good memories of your friend to sustain you. I'm sorry.

 

Point well taken, country boy.

[bostonman]

Had to put my nearly 17 year old dog to sleep earlier this week. Can't seem to escape the thoughts about the process. He may have been able to last days or weeks but kidneys were failing. Still so sad and blaming myself.

 

So very sorry for your loss. I think only fellow pet owners can truly understand your sense of loss right now, and your inevitable sense of guilt.

 

But as others have said, please don't blame yourself. 17 years is a very decent life for a dog - but of course I know that the longer you live with a pet, the tougher it is to accept that it will pass away. I had to have my 16-year-old cat put to sleep, 2 summers ago, and I still miss her terribly. I know i felt the same guilt as you did, but I knew that in reality, her time had come and there wasn't much I could have done. In your case, you obviously didn't bring the kidney failure on, and the days/weeks he might have lived on wouldn't have been ideal ones - in so many ways you were treating your dog with the utmost love and respect by ending the suffering.

 

I had a very dear friend who was able to shuttle me to the vet, give invaluable advice, and help me through the process of saying goodbye to my dear cat Q-tip. I would not have made it through the day without my friend there, stoic as I tried to be. She also did something that I know some of you might frown upon - she took me to the MSPCA to "look around." And yes, within a few days I had a new cat gleefully running around in my apartment. It really wasn't too soon, as I realized I just didn't want to be alone, and that having a new cat would actually help me through the grieving process. I know that isn't for everyone. I still have photos of Q-tip in my apartment, and sometimes I try to tell my new cat, Furball, all about Q-tip. (Yes, we pet owners do silly things like talk to our animals, lol.) And sometimes I do let myself indulge in a little crying for Q, who will never really leave my consciousness, even though she is no longer physically here.

 

In any case, do let yourself grieve - but also do remember the wonderful things about your relationship with your dog - the memories no one can ever take away. And above all, don't feel guilty about his loss - you can feel assured that he understood what was happening, in his own way, and knew how much you loved him.

 

My thoughts are with you.

[MichiganMan]

The Rainbow Bridge Poem

 

Just this side of heaven is a place called the Rainbow Bridge.

 

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to the Rainbow Bridge.

 

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

 

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

 

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

 

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.

 

The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head. You look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

 

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together…

 

Author Unknown

[Racketjock]

Sharing in my sympathy and condolences. Having lost my best four legged friend after 21 years, I was devastated. The sharing of unconditional love is a strong and powerful emotion, impossible to forget. What you did in the end you did out of love and respect to ease their suffering. It was an act of grace and courage. Don't forget that.

[dfw2sfo]

Thank you everyone. It's coming up on a week and I'm getting a little more perspective.

[bigvalboy]

Thank you everyone. It's coming up on a week and I'm getting a little more perspective.

 

God bless you...and hang in there.