Steady regular vs Fresh face? Breaking off a regular....

[cany10011]

I really enjoy reading this forum and appreciate the comraderie that exists. It's sometimes hard to discuss with some friends who don't hire (at least I don't know) and i appreciate any feedback on this situation:

 

I've been seeing 2-3 non pros from craigslist/A4A for gosh almost 3 years...both on a weekly basis with dinner and play. It started off as great hookups, exhilarating, fresh, and exciting. Both charge reasonably for the nyc market and are not real clock watchers. We have great conversations and do things outside the bedroom. Lately though, it has been more difficult for me to be aroused and i find my mind wandering when we are together...

 

So i've been looking lately and while there are a few bites from some pretty hot guys, i'm hesitant because i'm concerned about breaking off the money for these regulars who i know find it useful to meet up and it has helped them a bit. (And, i do have a budget... so I can't afford to play with regulars and have new guys- who charge almost double 400 or more at the same time). Have any guys been in such a situation? Do i stop answering their emails or texts for get togethers? I know the answer is to communicate but i'm not sure about breaking off and starting anew with some fresh (costlier) meat... (what a lecherous remark, but it's true). Do i give them a lump sum and wish them well? Or, perhaps when they graduate in a years' time, i can slowly transition to others? What have others done??

[+ Archer]

You state that it's more difficult for you to be aroused and you find your mind wandering when you are together. I don't mean this to sound bitchy and pardon the poor grammar, but what is your mind wandering to? Would you like them to do something different? Maybe spice up your encounters with something a little more kinky? Do you want to be more involved in their lives or less involved? Has your taste in men changed?

[rossthebosssf]

I agree with Archer. Try spicing things up a bit. Sex in the bushes, three was, etc.. If that doesn't wok then it's time to move on. However, I would suggest that considering this arrangement has been fairly long term, you really should discuss the issue of moving on and maybe consider a parting gift. I've had arrangements before and it's only fair to take care of the guy you've been seeing for awhile as he's probably budgeted for your regular meetings. This will help resolve any sort of animosity or anger that might come from the departure.

[bigvalboy]

and maybe consider a parting gift. it's only fair to take care of the guy you've been seeing for awhile as he's probably budgeted for your regular meetings.

 

I agree completely here Cany. If he is a regular and providing very satisfactory services to you for well under the going rate, and probably depends on your generosity, then a generous parting gift would certainly be appropriate. I would also take them to a nice dinner, and explain completely your position. Let them know that it is you who have changed. I think that only fair.

 

The only long term hire I had turned into a friendship, and at some point it just became strange that we were still having sex. I looked at him as a friend, still do. I wasn't aroused anymore either. It happens. I still will help him financially whenever he gets a little behind in his bills. I really really like him, but do not see him in a sexual way anymore.

[MiamiLooker]

I really enjoy reading this forum and appreciate the comraderie that exists. It's sometimes hard to discuss with some friends who don't hire (at least I don't know) and i appreciate any feedback on this situation:

 

I've been seeing 2-3 non pros from craigslist/A4A for gosh almost 3 years...both on a weekly basis with dinner and play. It started off as great hookups, exhilarating, fresh, and exciting. Both charge reasonably for the nyc market and are not real clock watchers. We have great conversations and do things outside the bedroom. Lately though, it has been more difficult for me to be aroused and i find my mind wandering when we are together...

 

So i've been looking lately and while there are a few bites from some pretty hot guys, i'm hesitant because i'm concerned about breaking off the money for these regulars who i know find it useful to meet up and it has helped them a bit. (And, i do have a budget... so I can't afford to play with regulars and have new guys- who charge almost double 400 or more at the same time). Have any guys been in such a situation? Do i stop answering their emails or texts for get togethers? I know the answer is to communicate but i'm not sure about breaking off and starting anew with some fresh (costlier) meat... (what a lecherous remark, but it's true). Do i give them a lump sum and wish them well? Or, perhaps when they graduate in a years' time, i can slowly transition to others? What have others done??

 

 

I wouldn't cut them off. No matter how you might try to explain it, they may not understand and feelings may be hurt. Perhaps if you gradually cut back seeing them to once or twice per month, you may appreciate it more when you do see them.

[rocky]

Wow thanks CANY1001; I thought I was the only one with a similar issue and look forward to hearing from others. I've been seeing some regulars for years and enjoy time together, dinner, etc but when it comes time for fun; just not the same. I don't want to sound indifferent or toss some one aside but I enjoy new fresh men and like to reward them. Any help would be greatful.

[down_to_business]

I think you already know the answer if you are having to ask the question. The moment that the arrangement no longer works for you, it is time to move-on. There is no standard protocol to move-on, but if you prefer to slowly reduce the number of appointments or simply yank off the bandage. You don't owe these guys anything else and you definitely shouldn't keep seeing someone just because you feel bad that they need money. It is entirely your choice whether or not you want to give them a parting gift or even an explanation. You probably should give them notice. If you end things with class and things don't work out with your new hires and you find yourself really missing these guys, you could probably see them again.

[+ FreshFluff]

Speaking from my experience with service providers in other fields, you may well come to miss one or all of these guys, especially if the new guys don't work out. Unless you're absolutely sure you want to end things with all these guys, maybe you should leave things a little open ended. You could tell the guys that you want to take a break for a few months and see where things go from there. That lets them know they need to find another source of income while still allowing you to get back together if you want to. Just make sure that there are no expectations on their end.

 

Also, once they graduate and have other jobs, they may move away from escorting. If that's coming up, consider whether you want to enjoy this under-going-rate sex while it lasts.

[+ WilliamM]

Speaking from my experience with service providers in other fields, you may well come to miss one or Unless you're absolutely sure you want to end things with all these guys, maybe you should leave things a little open ended. You could tell the guys that you want to take a break for a few months and see where things go from there. That lets them know they need to find another source of income while still allowing you to get back together if you want to. Just make sure that there are no expectations on their end.

 

 

My experience is that the client knows when it's time to end the relationship. I made the mistake of leaving things open ended with someone whom I had been seeing for three years. I did try to discuss my issues (mainly the way he told me he treated other clients), but he was making a lot of money and wasn't concern about my opinion. But I was still wrong to not just end it.

[rvwnsd]

You have rolled several disparate questions into one post. My thoughts:

 

 

I've been seeing 2-3 non pros from craigslist/A4A for gosh almost 3 years...both on a weekly basis with dinner and play. It started off as great hookups, exhilarating, fresh, and exciting. Both charge reasonably for the nyc market and are not real clock watchers. We have great conversations and do things outside the bedroom. Lately though, it has been more difficult for me to be aroused and i find my mind wandering when we are together...

 

You need to ask yourself a question: "What do I want out of this versus what am I getting out of this?"

 

So i've been looking lately and while there are a few bites from some pretty hot guys, i'm hesitant because i'm concerned about breaking off the money for these regulars who i know find it useful to meet up and it has helped them a bit.

 

Is the purpose of you hiring them to provide them with some extra money or to provide you with a few hours of pleasure and arousal?

 

(And, i do have a budget... so I can't afford to play with regulars and have new guys- who charge almost double 400 or more at the same time).

 

If your budget allows twice a week meetings with guys who do not turn you on, why does it not allow less frequent meetings with guys who do turn you on? If you wanted to vacation in The Bahamas, would you instead vacation in a cement factory every month because you can't afford to vacation in The Bahamas every month?

 

Have any guys been in such a situation?

 

Yes, I have.

 

 

Do i stop answering their emails or texts for get togethers?

 

No, you don't. Would you like someone to do that to you?

 

I know the answer is to communicate but i'm not sure about breaking off and starting anew

 

"Communication" is not synonymous with "breaking off and starting new." "Communication" would indicate discussing the situation with the guys and suggest you try something new. It would also indicate informing them you would hire them less frequently so you could play with a variety of guys.

 

with some fresh (costlier) meat... (what a lecherous remark, but it's true).

 

Lecherous? No. Disrespectful to both the other guy and yourself? Possibly. Do you think of yourself as the type of guy that calls others "meat?" Do you spend time with "meat?" Would you like to be considered "meat?"

 

Do i give them a lump sum and wish them well?

 

Unless you signed an early termination agreement, no. If you no longer wish to see them, then you should have a respectful conversation about your decision to hire others. At the same time, there is nothing to say you need to cut them off. You could hire them less frequently and use the money you would spend on them to hire others.

 

 

Or, perhaps when they graduate in a years' time, i can slowly transition to others?

 

Have they indicated an intention to stop escorting in a year?

 

 

What have others done??

 

There are two guys I have hired, one more frequently than the other, that do not turn me on as much as they once did. The one I hired less frequently is easy: he lives two hours away, so the chances of us both being in the same place at the same time are slim and one of us is often busy when the other is in town. The one I hired more frequently lives in town. Sometimes when he contacts me I am in the mood to play with him and I hire him. Other times I want to play with someone else, and I simply tell him I don't feel like playing. I don't feel like I need to "move on," as there are times when one or another of these guys delivers exactly the experience I want at that moment.

 

To sum this up, no one is at fault in this situation. Your feelings are yours to feel. If you like the guys, but want to try out others, simply hire them less frequently. If you feel bad about yourself or about the situation, then you have a different story on your hands.

 

Just my two cents.

[raife]

I really enjoy reading this forum and appreciate the comraderie that exists. It's sometimes hard to discuss with some friends who don't hire (at least I don't know) and i appreciate any feedback on this situation:

 

I've been seeing 2-3 non pros from craigslist/A4A for gosh almost 3 years...both on a weekly basis with dinner and play. It started off as great hookups, exhilarating, fresh, and exciting. Both charge reasonably for the nyc market and are not real clock watchers. We have great conversations and do things outside the bedroom. Lately though, it has been more difficult for me to be aroused and i find my mind wandering when we are together...

 

So i've been looking lately and while there are a few bites from some pretty hot guys, i'm hesitant because i'm concerned about breaking off the money for these regulars who i know find it useful to meet up and it has helped them a bit. (And, i do have a budget... so I can't afford to play with regulars and have new guys- who charge almost double 400 or more at the same time). Have any guys been in such a situation? Do i stop answering their emails or texts for get togethers? I know the answer is to communicate but i'm not sure about breaking off and starting anew with some fresh (costlier) meat... (what a lecherous remark, but it's true). Do i give them a lump sum and wish them well? Or, perhaps when they graduate in a years' time, i can slowly transition to others? What have others done??

 

I'm in almost the same boat - I have 3 long time regulars (and some intermittent guys as well...) from CL/BP/A4A/networking (2 are students, 1 a single dad) who I've been seeing for 2-5 years, I've needed to take a 1-5 month break from time to time to renew and recharge my interest, try some new hires (I don't usually go for costly or nomadic types, if I find a quality man I would prefer to keep seeing him), I have a great honest relationship with these guys and try to always level with them, tell them how much I enjoy and value our time together but I sometimes need a little shake-up scheduling to keep things fresh. I'm open to serious dating but that's not what we have right now. They've been quite cool with this, and I've been able to keep things new and energized. I've done weeklies in the past, but that's just too much heavy intimacy right now and 2-5 week visits tend to work better for us and give more latitude for irregular intervals. Hopefully your men are not overly reliant on your funds and you can vary your timeframe to come up with a suitable compromise where you won't have to totally drop their services, if there's still some mutual enjoyment to be had.

[justaguy]

Lots of good advince in this thread.

 

Don't burn bridges by thinking in terms of terminating your hiring these guys completely. At the same time, don't waste your money by continuing to see them regularly if you're not being satisfied. Variety is one of the big factors in hiring. I'm sure the escorts know this. At the very least to want to try out a few new guys, compare your reactions to the ones you're having with your regulars. How you react to someone new give you some perspective.

[cany10011]

Guys, thanks for the great and useful advice. I think I'll try to vary things up a bit and decrease the frequency; hopefully, this along with maybe anohter individual will keep things new. I'm by no means tired of playing with them but maybe it has been my mindset of late, ever since ive been visiting the strip club Adonis, I've been admiring and lusting after all those hot guys...oh boy, that will have to be another thread!

 

 

 

 

 

Lots of good advince in this thread.

 

Don't burn bridges by thinking in terms of terminating your hiring these guys completely. At the same time, don't waste your money by continuing to see them regularly if you're not being satisfied. Variety is one of the big factors in hiring. I'm sure the escorts know this. At the very least to want to try out a few new guys, compare your reactions to the ones you're having with your regulars. How you react to someone new give you some perspective.

[justaguy]

In the wee hours of the morning, cogent thinking and coherent typing don’t always coincide. Thanks for looking past the grammatical disaster. I hope it all works out well for you.

[JT Brooklyn]

I really enjoy reading this forum and appreciate the comraderie that exists. It's sometimes hard to discuss with some friends who don't hire (at least I don't know) and i appreciate any feedback on this situation:

 

I've been seeing 2-3 non pros from craigslist/A4A for gosh almost 3 years...both on a weekly basis with dinner and play. It started off as great hookups, exhilarating, fresh, and exciting. Both charge reasonably for the nyc market and are not real clock watchers. We have great conversations and do things outside the bedroom. Lately though, it has been more difficult for me to be aroused and i find my mind wandering when we are together...

 

So i've been looking lately and while there are a few bites from some pretty hot guys, i'm hesitant because i'm concerned about breaking off the money for these regulars who i know find it useful to meet up and it has helped them a bit. (And, i do have a budget... so I can't afford to play with regulars and have new guys- who charge almost double 400 or more at the same time). Have any guys been in such a situation? Do i stop answering their emails or texts for get togethers? I know the answer is to communicate but i'm not sure about breaking off and starting anew with some fresh (costlier) meat... (what a lecherous remark, but it's true). Do i give them a lump sum and wish them well? Or, perhaps when they graduate in a years' time, i can slowly transition to others? What have others done??

 

The Working Guys are Soliciting You? Time to have a Cast Change! Close down the ATM and I guarantee you will not be hearing from them....