I'm Asking For a Friend....:-)

[Boner]

When do gay men really stop hating other gay men simply because of their age, looks, desirability and designer/social status in life?

 

Does it really get better after gay men publicly come out?

 

Has coming-out-of-the-closet, now become a social responsibility for us all? No matter who we are?

 

Should I try and create a (hopeful) viral YouTube video about me being gay and how much better I am, and you will be too, because of it?

 

Like I said, I'm asking for a friend...And no, it isn't, bchoen.

[maxwellissmart]

When do gay men really stop hating other gay men simply because of their age, looks, desirability and designer/social status in life?

 

Does it really get better after gay men publicly come out?

 

Has coming-out-of-the-closet, now become a social responsibility for us all? No matter who we are?

 

Should I try and create a (hopeful) viral YouTube video about me being gay and how much better I am, and you will be too, because of it?

 

Like I said, I'm asking for a friend...And no, it isn't, bchoen.

 

Sometimes never. People hate other people usually because they are miserable and are too lazy to change anything about themselves. Sometimes a hateful person feels like they have to win at something, and that something is being a jerk.

 

It does if you surround yourself with people who appreciate honesty and openness.

 

You have to do what's right for you—but I have little respect for people who live their lives in fear of what other people will think.

 

Only if it has hot guys soaping each other up in Andrew Christian underwear. Otherwise you're probably wasting your time.

 

Everyone is in the closet at some point, whether it's with sexuality or something else they're ashamed of or afraid to admit. Change is hard. But it can also be hugely liberating and fun to adopt a new direction and persona.

 

[Samai139]

If there are more insightful answers to the OP questions than those given by Maxwellssmart, they are beyond my abilities. Well done Max.

[Boner]

If there are more insightful answers to the OP questions than those given by Maxwellssmart, they are beyond my abilities. Well done Max.

 

Hopefully, there will be, exactly that. If there isn't, then we are all in a much deeper sleep of shit than Rockhard's Photoshop fraud represented to us all in an earlier thread, and that expression, which was a betrayal upon everyone here, as being the truth- was just an exercise in self importance.

 

With that, I am exhausted. And say - Good-Night.

[seeker630]

When do gay men really stop hating other gay men simply because of their age, looks, desirability and designer/social status in life?

 

 

 

I don't think most gay men hate other gay men who are richer, better-looking, younger, etc. Sure, there's some envy, but "hate" - I don't think it's that common. Nor do I think gay men are any worse about it than straight women, for example.

 

Doesn't the question imply a pretty low opinion of gay men?

[maxwellissmart]

Doesn't the question imply a pretty low opinion of gay men?

 

I think Boner's observations and opinions are endemic in the gay community, because nasty behavior is endemic in the gay community. That is, you have a group of people out of which many have developed coping mechanisms and hardened themselves to the "cold, cruel" outside world. They are cynical, jaded, overly sensitive and oftentimes just want to be left alone.

 

Sometimes I am one of them.

 

And every one of my friends describes every city they have lived or currently live in with the words: "it's hard to meet people here, they're all so cliquish and snobby and unfriendly." While I think this is partly true, I also think that gay life is what you make of it. We all want to be liked—but it's not realistic to expect to be liked by everyone. And gay men have rejection on the brain.

 

I have people on the board who don't like me simply because I'm anonymous. I'll be honest—it's very disappointing to be told that I should be avoided because I might be pretending. And I have people in the real world who don't like me for other reasons. What's ironic about this board is that it provides a forum for meeting and interacting with people through a common interest—escorting. It also provides reasons for us not to like each other by stripping away most all the other things that we might actually like about each other by allowing us to be anonymous for the most part. It's very difficult to interpret tone and meaning from type—and I believe it would be much more difficult to dislike someone if you were able to see what other qualities they brought to the table.

 

Just the other day a poster thought I was insulting them because we were talking about two completely different things. Obviously some people on here really are nasty, and some people just get a bad rap. As a number of posters have said—they all seem to like and get along with each other when they actually meet in person.

[Boner]

Doesn't the question imply a pretty low opinion of gay men?

 

Yes, it does. That's why, I asked it here.

[Boner]

I think Boner's observations and opinions are endemic in the gay community, because nasty behavior is endemic in the gay community. That is, you have a group of people out of which many have developed coping mechanisms and hardened themselves to the "cold, cruel" outside world. They are cynical, jaded, overly sensitive and oftentimes just want to be left alone. Sometimes I am one of them. And every one of my friends describes every city they have lived or currently live in with the words: "it's hard to meet people here, they're all so cliquish and snobby and unfriendly." While I think this is partly true, I also think that gay life is what you make of it. We all want to be liked—but it's not realistic to expect to be liked by everyone. And gay men have rejection on the brain. I have people on the board who don't like me simply because I'm anonymous. I'll be honest—it's very disappointing to be told that I should be avoided because I might be pretending. And I have people in the real world who don't like me for other reasons. What's ironic about this board is that it provides a forum for meeting and interacting with people through a common interest—escorting. It also provides reasons for us not to like each other by stripping away most all the other things that we might actually like about each other by allowing us to be anonymous for the most part. It's very difficult to interpret tone and meaning from type—and I believe it would be much more difficult to dislike someone if you were able to see what other qualities they brought to the table. Just the other day a poster thought I was insulting them because we were talking about two completely different things. Obviously some people on here really are nasty, and some people just get a bad rap. As a number of posters have said—they all seem to like and get along with each other when they actually meet in person.

 

Had you entertained - paragraphs - I would have been able read everthing of which you wrote. How hard could that have possibly been for someone like you, to have done so, for US?

[Rick Munroe]

I'm asking for a friend...And no, it isn't, bchoen.

 

OK, that was good.

 

I have people on the board who don't like me simply because I'm anonymous. I'll be honest—it's very disappointing to be told that I should be avoided because I might be pretending.

 

I don't care if you're anonymous; I still enjoy your contributions. Although I don't understand why you wouldn't want to take credit for your posts, I respect your decision.

[rguer]

And every one of my friends describes every city they have lived or currently live in with the words: "it's hard to meet people here, they're all so cliquish and snobby and unfriendly."

 

Really? I don't think I've ever lived anywhere that didn't have friendly people.

 

[doitb4ugo]

I don;t have enough perspective yet to agree or disagree. I have found some good behavior and some bad behavior within the limited gay community that I travel....I can offer 1 possible reason for the standoffish behavior....when some gay guys intereeact they are trying to asses the other guy both socially and sexually....if there isn;t immediate buyoff on both then the lack of interest is instant....I have never had this when dealing in the straight social circles...I had good looking friends while not being good looking....seems rarer in gay circles....

 

A second observation I have suggests that within certain sub-groups ( bears, BDSM) where I tend to congregate...much less emphasis on physical attractiveness and more attention to who the guy is personnally....I'm new at this so I may find out I'm full of shit...won't be the first time or the last.....

[maxwellissmart]

Hush—hateful.

 

Done.

[+ purplekow]

You have to do what's right for you—but I have little respect for people who live their lives in fear of what other people will think.

I live in terror of what other people think, so the threat of the loss of your respect has me all aquiver. I guess i just interpreted your statement as: Do what is right for you and if I disagree with it I will not respect your ability to make a decision for yourself.

[Boner]

Hush—hateful.

 

Done.

 

Don't be. The last, that is.

[Samai139]

Hopefully, there will be, exactly that. If there isn't, then we are all in a much deeper sleep of shit than Rockhard's Photoshop fraud represented to us all in an earlier thread, and that expression, which was a betrayal upon everyone here, as being the truth- was just an exercise in self importance.

 

After waiting 24 hours and reading the posts that were posted after mine, I still maintain that Maxwellssmart's answers were right on the mark. In fact, it appears that several posters are exhibiting the behaviour that originally gave boner the reason for posting his "friends" questions. As one person wrote--we are ALL guilty of some of the less-than-desirable behaviour that we find reprehensible in others---and that certainly includes me. I wish I could be better in dealing with others, but there are times when I fail. Perhaps our frailities help explain why we find some comfort on this forum, and often some discomfort as well.

[jjkrkwood]

There will always be hateful people, and you cant MAKE a person like you.. you can try, but there are no guarantees... I have been openly gay and OUT my entire life, have dealt with everything that comes with it, oppression, bullying, hate, gossip etc... But as long as you are the best person YOU can be, and have no regrets, you owe nothing to anyone. Your first goal in life is to make yourself happy, and then to be a person that contributes something, not in the sense of Ass-kissing to be accepted, but on a deeper level... People should want to accept you for who you are, and what you offer, faults and all, and if they dont, move on to others that will. I dont advocate an anti-social behavior, but always striving to please others is doing YOURSELF a disservice. As for this site, I honestly dont care if people are Real or fake, as long as they are nice and respectful. Chances are these people will never be a part of your life, except for HERE. Once they cross a line into taking aim at others, being hateful, abusive, and arrogant, thats when I have a problem. And YES, I have had conflicts here (I saved Seeker from having to point that out), which I take full owbership of. Whether bad behavior is indicative to Gay culture, I dont believe so. It may seem that way because those are the circles you are more familiar with. but my straight friends and acquaintances say they put up with alot of shit from their comrads, so its a pretty even playing field. Bad doesnt discriminate.

[Racketjock]

I will start by saying that I do not profess to have the answers to the questions you raised for you, but only me. I enjoy and am proud to be an openly gay man. I have made acquaintance with some folks, both gay and straight, who are mean spirited and as a result, are not worth my time and friendship. On the other hand, I have made more that I do foster a friendship with and add to my life. Something I learned for me a long time time ago, is that the only person I can truly please is me. I still want to make others happy and to like me, but I have learned that isn't what should come first. I deserve to love and be loved, to be happy and enjoy my happiness, and to treat others as I wish to be treated. I haven't made any videos, don't fit the mold (or body shape) of the typical gay man in my neighborhood, and have found that by giving and doing that which is most important to me, I am better for it, and have been blessed with good friends. I sincerely wish that for you too.

[+ Lucky]

When do gay men really stop hating other gay men simply because of their age, looks, desirability and designer/social status in life?

 

Does it really get better after gay men publicly come out?

 

Has coming-out-of-the-closet, now become a social responsibility for us all? No matter who we are?

 

Should I try and create a (hopeful) viral YouTube video about me being gay and how much better I am, and you will be too, because of it?

 

Like I said, I'm asking for a friend...And no, it isn't, bchoen.

 

Everyone experiences life differently. I have never lived among a group of gay men who hate each other for any reason. We tend to be just about the same as straight people in this regard. And, of course, we have seen the kind and caring side of gay men who not only helped the sick and dying during the height of the AIDS epidemic, but fought hard to get laws changed to help both sick people and gays, lesbians, transgenders, and bisexuals. That's the kind of gay community I know.

The fact is, whether you are gay or straight, that not everyone is going to like you, nor are you going to like everyone else. But, if the people who surround you are hateful then you might ask why you allow yourself to be surrounded by hateful people.

[jjkrkwood]

Everyone experiences life differently. I have never lived among a group of gay men who hate each other for any reason. We tend to be just about the same as straight people in this regard. And, of course, we have seen the kind and caring side of gay men who not only helped the sick and dying during the height of the AIDS epidemic, but fought hard to get laws changed to help both sick people and gays, lesbians, transgenders, and bisexuals. That's the kind of gay community I know.

The fact is, whether you are gay or straight, that not everyone is going to like you, nor are you going to like everyone else. But, if the people who surround you are hateful then you might ask why you allow yourself to be surrounded by hateful people.

 

Because for the MOST part, I really enjoy Daddy's site, and participating in my own way... There is always a reason for everything.

[robberbaron4u]

When they've "gone cold". . .