The Death of Common Courtesy

[jjkrkwood]

1) You enter the subway and wait for the train. A train pulls in, and all the passengers are crowded around the doors while there is PLENTY of room in the middle of the train, but the passengers wont move to allow you on.

 

2) You get on a crowded bus, but a passenger and her shopping bags are spread over 2 seats and she wont remove them to allow you to sit down.

 

3) You are on line at the grocery store, and the person ahead of you has 2 carts full of food to check-out, while you are only holding a container of orange juice. But they wont allow you to go ahead of them.

 

WTF ???? Why are people so resistant to things that require so little effort from them. Are they mean ? Rude? just oblivious or stupid ? Or do they just lack Courtesy ?

 

The above examples are occurences that take place in NYC, a city with the biggest and baddest attitudes, so I just chalk it up.

 

How are things in your neck of the woods ?

[dcguy20]

I hear you!! Just this past weekend I was in the grocery store and had numerous items in my cart and the guy behind me had one item. I turned around and asked him if that was all he had. When he said yes, I told him to go ahead of me.

[josephga]

It's the same way here.

[josephga]

The one thing that pisses me off. self checkout like kroger has. the other day I went to kroger got my stuff got to the self checkout two were open I get too them and there's merchandise laying there. people will get stuff take it to the self checkout lay it down walk off to go god only knows where in the store to get more stuff.

[maxwellissmart]

The one thing that pisses me off. self checkout like kroger has. the other day I went to kroger got my stuff got to the self checkout two were open I get too them and there's merchandise laying there. people will get stuff take it to the self checkout lay it down walk off to go god only knows where in the store to get more stuff.

 

I always enjoy when some 87 year-old grandmother who is also 5 feet tall makes sure to take the exit row—because you know her ass is going to hurl that 40-pound window out of the way and lead everyone to safety in the event of an emergency. Meanwhile, I'll be unfolding myself from my narrow chair-like space—just like the fucking Alien. And who will make it to safety? Me, after I push Granny out of the damn way.

 

We've been groomed as a culture to think about ourselves—and screw everyone else. I was in NYC this weekend (trying to find Kevin Slater so he could buy me a drink and did he show up? Of course not—he was busy thinking about HIMSELF).

 

And there should be a test that you have to pass before you can ever use the self-checkouts.

[josephga]

there was a lady living next door too me she had a problem with the bottle. she would get drunk fight with her also drunk husband. last time she hit him he hit back. both went to jail lost jobs couldn't pay rent given eviction notice. after the power was cut off for a week I heated her lunch and dinner made her coffee. husband leaves her to return to his sisters sofa in another state. leaving wife holding the bag. she cried for a week got drunk everyday made no effort to move any belongings. she had no car, no checking account, no credit cards. the day b4 the sheriff office showed to evict I went on line purchased her a one way bus ticket to Nashville. I went over to her apartment filled her with black coffee. helped her put what she could in two travel bags walked her ass to the bus stop handed her the ticket... still waiting on that thank you from her.

[Lankypeters]

Another irritant: people at the theater or movies don't want to stand up to let you enter an aisle. They turn their knees and feet sideways and wait for you to pass. I've started just standing there, hoping they'll get the hint to stand up. In some cases, I've even said, "I need more space to get in." One bitch recently said to me, "I suppose you want me to get up," as if it were an annoyance. At 8 p.m. in New York, there are no rude people on the streets. They're all inside the theaters.

[Guest JackF]

I have NO problem voicing my opinion to someone who is a prick in public, whether to me or someone else.

 

Exhibit 1: Today, approximately 3:52pm, EST, at the bank. I'm in line, one guy behind me (very young, dressed flashy, drove up in brand new '12 Beamer with the I rule the roost attitude) and two more behind him. I walk up to teller to conduct business. His phone rings, he answers (of course) and begins speaking VERY loudly in spanish to whoever. After about a minute of this, I turn around and blatantly stare at him. He glances once, then twice, realizes on third time I'm still staring....no, it's not a good stare. Gives me a weird look, then I immediately say: "I don't go to the bank to hear your conversations, if you want to talk on the phone, GO OUTSIDE." He was speechless, I turned around, finished at the teller (who smiled at me) and walked out.

 

I bet everyone was glad I had the balls to say something to the guy. I can't stand people who do that...

[maxwellissmart]

there was a lady living next door too me she had a problem with the bottle. she would get drunk fight with her also drunk husband. last time she hit him he hit back. both went to jail lost jobs couldn't pay rent given eviction notice. after the power was cut off for a week I heated her lunch and dinner made her coffee. husband leaves her to return to his sisters sofa in another state. leaving wife holding the bag. she cried for a week got drunk everyday made no effort to move any belongings. she had no car, no checking account, no credit cards. the day b4 the sheriff office showed to evict I went on line purchased her a one way bus ticket to Nashville. I went over to her apartment filled her with black coffee. helped her put what she could in two travel bags walked her ass to the bus stop handed her the ticket... still waiting on that thank you from her.

 

And folks, that young lady's name was Taylor Swift.

 

Song lyrics from her upcoming album "Surprise, Taylor Is Single... Again!"

 

"Bus Ticket"

Gonna need me a bus ticket

Gotta get away from asshole

Ain't got no money for a bus ticket

Gotta find me a sympathetic homosexual (you'll do)

 

Hey buddy (or is it sister)

Imma need me some coffee, black

Do you happen to have a bus ticket

Cause I'm leaving and I ain't coming back

 

Chorus:

Bus ticket

Bus ticket

Gay man got me a bus ticket

Bus ticket

Bus ticket

And I ain't gotta blow some man (for once)

To get what I want

 

Repeat First Verse then Chorus 12x and Fade

[gallahadesquire]

I hear you!! Just this past weekend I was in the grocery store and had numerous items in my cart and the guy behind me had one item. I turned around and asked him if that was all he had. When he said yes, I told him to go ahead of me.

 

I'm curious - what was his reaction?

 

I'm mobility impaired - great hip replacement but it started from a really, really bad place. Anyway, I'm always surprised at the people who want to help me (hold a door, whatever) and I usually try to decline - it's a matter of self-esteem and physical therapy, as well as a major psychological impetus NOT to become dependant on others.

 

I might opine: A generation of kids who got a trophy just for going to the game. A Gen. of kids who get what they want, when they want. Parents who need there rotors clipped. My mother knew I was in the forest during the annual river flood and she just assumed I was smart enough NOT to walk through the just-thawed water (nor the raw sewage).

 

I don't know the answer, except to say: We each need to take our own corner and make it the best that we can.

[+ azdr0710]

oh man, max.....wish we could meet so you could teach me some of that clever, savvy, witty humor of yours.....(but you are so secretive!)

[bigvalboy]

but you are so secretive!

 

That he is....

[+ azdr0710]

part of the explanation might be that there are so many more people today occupying the same square footage that you have to look out for yourself first....or you'll get run over....

 

this isn't a new phenomenon....remember the famous NYC story back in the 1950s or so of some woman getting murdered in clear earshot of hundreds around her and nobody did anything?....

 

and don't forget that many of us used to be selfish kids, too, once....

 

but, yeah, I notice it, too....selfish and/or oblivious drivers are my peeve.....

[tom1980]

The thing that really irritates me are the people at the grocery store who get in the 10 items or less lane with 43 items in their carts. I used to stew in silence, but I've started engaging them. Last week this happened, and the offender was directly in front of me in line. As she was about to check out, I said, "Excuse me ma'am." She gave me a cold look daring me to comment on her rude behavior. "I couldn't help but notice your nice handbag," I told her. She started to smile and said thank you. "I was just curious. Wherever did you find such a nice Coach bag for less than $10?" Her face became a mixture of puzzlement and defiance as she said, "I paid nearly $300 for this bag." "Oh," I responded with a look of feigned befuddlement. "I didn't mean to insult you, but after looking at your cart I just assumed you couldn't count higher than 10."

 

All the customers erupted in laughter and the cashier strained to keep her smile under control. The woman was extremely huffy, of course. After she left, the cashier thanked me for saying something. She told me that she isn't allowed to kick customers out of her line because they complain about the store and the manager gets a black mark for poor customer service. So store managers actually forbid cashier from enforcing the 10 items or less policy.

[gallahadesquire]

The thing that really irritates me are the people at the grocery store who get in the 10 items or less lane with 43 items in their carts. I used to stew in silence, but I've started engaging them. Last week this happened, and the offender was directly in front of me in line. As she was about to check out, I said, "Excuse me ma'am." She gave me a cold look daring me to comment on her rude behavior. "I couldn't help but notice your nice handbag," I told her. She started to smile and said thank you. "I was just curious. Wherever did you find such a nice Coach bag for less than $10?" Her face became a mixture of puzzlement and defiance as she said, "I paid nearly $300 for this bag." "Oh," I responded with a look of feigned befuddlement. "I didn't mean to insult you, but after looking at your cart I just assumed you couldn't count higher than 10."

 

All the customers erupted in laughter and the cashier strained to keep her smile under control. The woman was extremely huffy, of course. After she left, the cashier thanked me for saying something. She told me that she isn't allowed to kick customers out of her line because they complain about the store and the manager gets a black mark for poor customer service. So store managers actually forbid cashier from enforcing the 10 items or less policy.

 

A slightly amusing anecdote:

 

A young lady was tending the cash register at Savinor's in Cambridge, MA. It's where Julia Child used to shop. A rather tweedy academic came up to her line, which was marked in the grammatically correct "Ten items or fewer."

His basket had about 15 things in it.

 

The young lady checked him through, and was approached by the manager:

"I thought you handled that very well," he said, "but I assume you noticed that he had more than ten items?"

"I did," said the young lady.

"Well, what did you think?" the manager asked.

"Well," she said, "Either he was from Harvard, and couldn't count, or he was from M.I.T., and couldn't read."

 

[it really is just as funny, or not, if you reverse the counting and reading].

[Racketjock]

Tom, that was priceless. I will steal that line and give you credit!

[+ deej]

"Well," she said, "Either he was from Harvard, and couldn't count, or he was from M.I.T., and couldn't read."

 

They need signs like these:

 

http://static.themetapicture.com/media/15-is-this-many-sign-540x405.jpg

[jjkrkwood]

The thing that really irritates me are the people at the grocery store who get in the 10 items or less lane with 43 items in their carts. I used to stew in silence, but I've started engaging them. Last week this happened, and the offender was directly in front of me in line. As she was about to check out, I said, "Excuse me ma'am." She gave me a cold look daring me to comment on her rude behavior. "I couldn't help but notice your nice handbag," I told her. She started to smile and said thank you. "I was just curious. Wherever did you find such a nice Coach bag for less than $10?" Her face became a mixture of puzzlement and defiance as she said, "I paid nearly $300 for this bag." "Oh," I responded with a look of feigned befuddlement. "I didn't mean to insult you, but after looking at your cart I just assumed you couldn't count higher than 10."

 

All the customers erupted in laughter and the cashier strained to keep her smile under control. The woman was extremely huffy, of course. After she left, the cashier thanked me for saying something. She told me that she isn't allowed to kick customers out of her line because they complain about the store and the manager gets a black mark for poor customer service. So store managers actually forbid cashier from enforcing the 10 items or less policy.

 

Tom I applaud your tenacity, but in this case, the fault was with the store for enabling her bad behavior by not enforcing their policies. Why have a policy if its not going to be enforced ?.

On second thought, THAT is another of my pet peeves.

[tom1980]

jj -- I also fault the store for not enforcing the policy. In fact, I told the cashier that I'd like to register a complaint about the store's poor customer service for failing to enforce the 10 item limit in designated lanes. Next time, I might demand to see the manager while I'm in line, tell him or her that I understand his/her policy is to not enforce the limit and get all the other people in line with me to register complaints about the poor service the manager provides to us by not enforcing the limit. Maybe that will change the store's tune.

[jjkrkwood]

jj -- I also fault the store for not enforcing the policy. In fact, I told the cashier that I'd like to register a complaint about the store's poor customer service for failing to enforce the 10 item limit in designated lanes. Next time, I might demand to see the manager while I'm in line, tell him or her that I understand his/her policy is to not enforce the limit and get all the other people in line with me to register complaints about the poor service the manager provides to us by not enforcing the limit. Maybe that will change the store's tune.

 

Power in Numbers !

[bigvalboy]

Maybe that will change the store's tune.

 

Well good luck with that...

[jgoo]

I have to disagree that common courtesy is dead. While it may not be as healthy as it once was, I see signs of it being strong and alive often enough to say that it is far from dead (and isn't even on life support). It may be something very small and simple but I see it all the time. Perhaps there are times when a lack of common courtesy or outright discourtesy seems like the norm as it may stand out more because of the feelings/emotions it elicits, but from my perspective it is the exception rather than the rule. I believe if one looks around they will see kindness and courtesy more than not.

[+ FreshFluff]

Next time, I might demand to see the manager while I'm in line, tell him or her that I understand his/her policy is to not enforce the limit and get all the other people in line with me to register complaints about the poor service the manager provides to us by not enforcing the limit. Maybe that will change the store's tune.

 

I'm guessing grocery stores get such complaints often, but nothing changes. Having the checkout people count the number of items ahead of time or cancel transactions once they've counted more than ten would significantly add to your wait time--and that's without accounting for people's tantrums. Also, many people may take their business elsewhere if they feel hassled over an extra item.

 

A slightly amusing anecdote:"Well," she said, "Either he was from Harvard, and couldn't count, or he was from M.I.T., and couldn't read."

 

I like this, but it would be even funnier if MIT people ever actually shopped there. They rarely go anywhere but Star Market in Porter Square and the convenience store in their student center (whatever building number that is).

[jjkrkwood]

I have to disagree that common courtesy is dead. While it may not be as healthy as it once was, I see signs of it being strong and alive often enough to say that it is far from dead (and isn't even on life support). It may be something very small and simple but I see it all the time. Perhaps there are times when a lack of common courtesy or outright discourtesy seems like the norm as it may stand out more because of the feelings/emotions it elicits, but from my perspective it is the exception rather than the rule. I believe if one looks around they will see kindness and courtesy more than not.

 

Well jgoo, perhaps you live on Wisteria Lane ? Surely NOT in NYC where you wont even get a person to say Thank You if you hold the Office Bldg door open for them, and forget about even hailing a cab. If one stops, someone will inadvertently swoop in front of you and snatch your cab. and how about people behind you in the movie theatre with their feet up on the back of YOUR chair ???

[leigh.bess.toad]

I have to disagree that common courtesy is dead. While it may not be as healthy as it once was, I see signs of it being strong and alive often enough to say that it is far from dead (and isn't even on life support). It may be something very small and simple but I see it all the time. Perhaps there are times when a lack of common courtesy or outright discourtesy seems like the norm as it may stand out more because of the feelings/emotions it elicits, but from my perspective it is the exception rather than the rule. I believe if one looks around they will see kindness and courtesy more than not.

 

I'm going to have to side with jgoo, at least from what I see. Maybe it's living in the "genteel" south, but people do routinely hold the door open for others and let people with one or two items go ahead of them in the grocery stores. Now on the highways (and especially parking lots) it's certainly another matter -- winner takes all seems to be more of the rules of the road. But when you can look into the person's eyes, I think it helps. At least it does around here.

 

But what I wonder about are the people who circle the parking lot at the gym trying to get the closest parking space. Aren't you there to exercise anyway? Would walking a few extra yards really kill you?