Am I ugly?

[Guest thedolphinsofaugust]

It's kind of a weird question to ask, but I'm just curious what a group of gay men think about me. I don't identify as gay myself, but I'm not going to get into that, it's a long story. Let's just say I'm not happy with what I look like, At all and I'm going to have plastic surgery.

 

I'm 26 and I feel ugly and undesirable. I've gone to gay bars, nothing. Nobody even looks at me. I'm the only person I know that has never had sexual intercourse, that has never gone on a date, that has never been in a single relationship. That's unheard of and pathetic so there's got to be something seriously wrong with me.

 

If you think I am hideous, tell me what you'd do to make me better looking, I am all ears. Gay men know these kinds of things - so what would you do?

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7007/6544268263_8287788417.jpg

[Dave]

NO NO NO NO NO

you are NOT UGLY

 

and YES - you ARE desirable. very CUTE - you look like a really sweet guy - you seem like fun - you have a great look in your eyes - and a fantastic SMILE.

but sorry, my opinion is not that of a gay man, but a bisexual man. does that count?

[Sparky12]

You look great! If you're not getting the kind of reception you'd like from guys, I suspect (strongly) that it's your attitude. You certainly don't need plastic surgery and you'd just end up opening up a whole bunch of problems that way. I mean do you actually want to look plastic?

 

How about working out? Gain some muscle. Most gay men love that and it's a healthy thing you can do which will greatly boost your self esteem too!

[bigvalboy]

OMG...are you kidding!!! very cute, I don't know what bars or clubs you have been hanging out at, but in WEHO I can assure you that you would be a hit. I love the glasses and the longer hair, very sexy.

 

I do agree with Sparky, yes maybe hit the gym and gain some muscle, that is almost a no brainer, but first and foremost is self esteem... attitude is everything If you feel unattractive most likely others will see you that way also. You are very cute, have a nice smile and are sexy..if you feel confident about yourself, you will project that onto others. I would concentrate on caring and loving yourself first, then hit the gym, that is icing on the cake...but remember, care about yourself first. Start looking at yourself in a more positive light, other will see the change in you also. I wish you the very best of luck young man and there are so many guys in the forum that can give excellent advice and support, never hesitate to let people know how you are feeling, sometimes a good laugh is all one needs to get through the day, Be Well my friend, BVB

[wayout]

I agree totally with Dave, Sparky and bigvalboy. Def not ugly in my eyes. I remember when I was about your age thinking how plain and awkward I was. I got over that feeling but it took time and in retrospect I probably could have been more proactive. Working out is an option as Sparky says as that can help quite a bit with your self image. Try different looks...maybe a different haircut, highlights or lighter color, try using contacts, get a makeover and a new set of clothes to fit. All superficial changes but may be all you need rather than going with plastic surgery (which in my view you don't need). Those are just some things to consider to experiment with a new look that might help boost your self esteem and confidence. The other point, also raised by Sparky, is to see how your attitude comes across and if it turns people off for some reason. Perhaps you have a friend that can be brutally honest with you in helping to see if that is an issue or not.

[+ Lucky]

Is he spoofing a friend here? Putting the friends pic up to see what a group of gay guys might say about him?

Is he just fishing for compliments?

Enquiring minds wonder why he would post his won pic when he clearly is not ugly.

[gcursor]

It's ok to be you

 

No..you are most definitely not ugly. Focus on the positive things you have in your appearance like..well..your teeth Focus on what is right with you and accentuate that! That is my advice.

 

Also don't change yourself to fit the cookie-cutter pretty-boy mold that you think all boys have to be. I would also not worry about working out like a fiend unless that's something that you desire. This is your life...and you're quite young so I wouldn't stress out so much about it. Also remember that being very attractive brings a whole new set of problems. It's like when you're rich and you wonder if people are with you because of your money or because they want to be.

 

Join online dating services and offline dating services. It isn't going to be easy for you to find somebody good..it never is..but it can be done. When I was searching for my bf, it took me a year of focusing my attention on writing letters, emails, going on dates, calling people, so on and so forth. What did I find? I found the most gentle, caring person who loved me for me. I heard a saying once that goes something like it's sad that people spend more time looking for a new TV than for searching for a new relationship.

 

Remember to find somebody who is happy with you being who you are..not what they want you to be. There are lots of people out there and you will find the person that will make you happy just by living life but don't change. Be yourself and be proud of what makes you the person you are.

[jjkrkwood]

When I look at your pic, I have to think we are being punked here, because all I see is an "adorable" guy, who under most circumstances Would turn some heads. Have you considered that attraction and desirablitiy also involves attitude and personality, traits which you do not address in your original post.

 

Honestly, I cant see how you can improve your looks with surgery. You have decent bone structure and good physical traits, and as you probably know, surgery can turn out REALLY bad... Gay men are often good judges of male beauty, but in the end it all boils down to personal taste...

 

Also keep in mind that we are also not always aware when people are attracted to us, or dont dont how to react. Reading the replys from my fellow members, replies from gay or bisexual men all seem positive, but since you say you DONT identify as gay, whats the difference what we think ? I think you need to get your approval from women since I sense that is the group you are looking to attract. Correct?

[Guest thedolphinsofaugust]

Reading the replys from my fellow members, replies from gay or bisexual men all seem positive, but since you say you DONT identify as gay, whats the difference what we think ? I think you need to get your approval from women since I sense that is the group you are looking to attract. Correct?

 

I identify as transgender and no, I don't like women lol.

[Guest thedolphinsofaugust]

No..you are most definitely not ugly. Focus on the positive things you have in your appearance like..well..your teeth Focus on what is right with you and accentuate that! That is my advice.

 

Also don't change yourself to fit the cookie-cutter pretty-boy mold that you think all boys have to be. I would also not worry about working out like a fiend unless that's something that you desire. This is your life...and you're quite young so I wouldn't stress out so much about it. Also remember that being very attractive brings a whole new set of problems. It's like when you're rich and you wonder if people are with you because of your money or because they want to be.

 

Join online dating services and offline dating services. It isn't going to be easy for you to find somebody good..it never is..but it can be done. When I was searching for my bf, it took me a year of focusing my attention on writing letters, emails, going on dates, calling people, so on and so forth. What did I find? I found the most gentle, caring person who loved me for me. I heard a saying once that goes something like it's sad that people spend more time looking for a new TV than for searching for a new relationship.

 

Remember to find somebody who is happy with you being who you are..not what they want you to be. There are lots of people out there and you will find the person that will make you happy just by living life but don't change. Be yourself and be proud of what makes you the person you are.

 

Thank you for your kind words (:

[Guest thedolphinsofaugust]

Thank u all... for being so sweet... I've read every word (:

[+ Charlie]

I'm with Lucky on this one. I can't imagine anyone on this board who wouldn't think the guy in the photo is adorable, even if he is not their type. If the post is serious, you would be better off spending the money on psychological counseling to overcome your irrational perception of your own looks than wasting it on surgery. Or put the photo on rentboy and see how many hits you get.

[jjkrkwood]

GCursor had mentioned in his post "when I was searching for my BF". I think that the "searching" process in and of itself puts alot of stress on people. And stress can certainly affect how you are perceived by others. My advise would be just to put yourself into places and situations where there might be people you would like to attract, and let nature take its course. Be aware of the signals of attraction, always be courteous, and engaging in your conversation. And dont stress it. when its meant to happen, it will happen.

 

Is being transgenedered a concern, or are you comfortable with it ? If you come off as self-conscious and uneasy, it could be off-putting. Just remember, you are now who were were Meant to be. Embrace it and enjoy it. From my expirience, i can tell you life is even MORE beautiful when you can share it with someone special.

[Steven_Draker]

Is he just fishing for compliments?

 

Enquiring minds wonder why he would post his won pic when he clearly is not ugly.

 

Oh, puleeze. Your lack of understanding is astonishing.

 

The guy clearly needs some self-confidence. Apparently, you've never been in his shoes.

[robberbaron4u]

You are a nice-looking boy; before undergoing the "knife" have a go at a good hair cut, style and eyebrow pluck to enhance your appearance. As for enjoying "popularity" in a gay bar, I have found, in the past, that sticking a crisp hundred dollar bill behind each ear with chewing gum ensures attentiveness.

[jjkrkwood]

You are a nice-looking boy; before undergoing the "knife" have a go at a good hair cut, style and eyebrow pluck to enhance your appearance. As for enjoying "popularity" in a gay bar, I have found, in the past, that sticking a crisp hundred dollar bill behind each ear with chewing gum ensures attentiveness.

 

Thank you Robber4 for bringing to MY attention what I have been doing Wrong all these years. I've been sticking rumpled $5 bills behind my ears... DAMN! It all makes sense Now...

[MsGuy]

Sorry, robber, but crisp c-notes simply scream crass, vulgar and needy...and chewing gum? Ewww!

 

jjkrkwood, why not just go whole hog and wear the keys to your 1993 Chevy pickup on your goldtone neck-chain and tape a polaroid of that mobile home you inherited from your Aunt June right on your forehead?

 

Now lightly used (soft but still impeccably clean), neatly folded $50s discreetly secured with 3M stickum, that strikes just the right fashion statement, IMHO.

[Sparky12]

When I was first "exploring" I didn't feel comfortable in the bar environment and that made me try to act invisible. Not intentionally, it was just an instinctual thing. I tried visiting the local LGBT center for their conversation/hang out nights. That worked well on a lot of levels!

[+ Lucky]

Oh, puleeze. Your lack of understanding is astonishing.

 

The guy clearly needs some self-confidence. Apparently, you've never been in his shoes.[/color]

 

No, but I understand that you have. Asking strangers to judge your appearance based on one picture with nothing further is not something i would endorse.

And I still doubt that this thread is for real.

[robberbaron4u]

But my dear sir, you have succinctly described the gay bar sentence in your opening sentence; when in Rome. . .

[leigh.bess.toad]

DOA -- I have to agree with the others. Ugly? Good god, no. Cute. Take it from an old man who is, on his very best days, average looking. But I think I know where you are coming from. I've been on an incredible journey the last 13 months since coming out. What I have learned from my escorts and friends as well is how self-defeating self-doubt and self-deprecation can be. It almost radiates around you and acts like an invisible neon sign over your head. But self-confidence is an incredibly sexy quality. Going from one to the other isn't easy. Trust me, I know that from first hand experience. And it is a constant battle to avoid falling into old traps. For me, a great therapist has worked wonders as has some of the most incredible friends and escorts a man could possibly have. The suggestion of maybe a good haircut and some better style wouldn't hurt. But it has to come from within you. All the attractive packaging on the outside won't make a damned bit of difference unless you learn to confront yourself about those doubts.

 

After a very rough and candid discussion with friends, I finally saw what I was doing and how I was driving people who genuinely cared about me away. I had enough and so I threw those killers away. I simply said "Enough". I've certainly had a few slips along the way. But it wasn't a couple of months after that when I met a man, 7 months ago today was our first date. Now, a lot more sure of myself and what I have to offer, I have found the love of my life and plan on sharing the rest of my life with him. But if my friends and escorts hadn't been brutally honest with me, I wouldn't have made the changes in my outlook I needed and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I wouldn't have been someone he would have been interested in long-term. Friends on this forum and escorts I've met through here have given me my entire future and that is why this place is so special to me.

 

Like I said, it isn't easy. And self-examination can be painful. But it is also needed at times.

 

If you want to send me a PM, I'd be happy to talk. Of course after my date with my guy tonight.

[+ Gar1eth]

Okey dokey--to join the consensus--you are very cute. Take that from someone who is-on the ugly side. Ok--I am not hideous--but my attractiveness is of the type that gay men don't usually recognize. As for not having sex--I didn't have sex until I was 41--so you have a way to go on that one. But the transgender remark is baffling me. You said you weren't attracted to women, I believe. So does that mean you were born physically male--but with your own sense of gender you feel more female? In that case would plastic surgery mean- becoming female--because obviously gay guys aren't going to be attracted to a woman--so the transgender remark has me all confused.

 

I hope either the OP or someone who understands, takes pity on me.

 

Gman

[jjkrkwood]

Okey dokey--to join the consensus--you are very cute. Take that from someone who is-on the ugly side. Ok--I am not hideous--but my attractiveness is of the type that gay men don't usually recognize. As for not having sex--I didn't have sex until I was 41--so you have a way to go on that one. But the transgender remark is baffling me. You said you weren't attracted to women, I believe. So does that mean you were born physically male--but with your own sense of gender you feel more female? In that case would plastic surgery mean- becoming female--because obviously gay guys aren't going to be attracted to a woman--so the transgender remark has me all confused.

 

I hope either the OP or someone who understands, takes pity on me.

 

Gman

 

Gar, I am a bit confused myself, and also attempted to address the transgender remark. My understanding is that the OP is a female to male transgender, and "he" is now attracted to men, but perhaps does not yet have the correct physical equipment to make him feel confident in gay oriented settings where he can look for "partners"... I might be off-base here, but thats my gut feeling.

[+ Charlie]

I decided to go back and look at your posting from the past, and now I think I understand your transgender comment. You mentioned at one time that you had estrogen treatments, and tried dressing as a female, but felt it didn't work for you. When I look at your photo, I definitely see a male, a really cute guy who would not be as attractive if he were a woman. I think there are a lot of young gay men who wish they were women, because they think that then they could attract the kind of straight men, or "straight acting" (Rick Munroe, forgive me!), who obviously turn you on, based on your comments about individual escorts who have been brought up on those threads in which you have participated. But at age 25, it's time to stop that kind of fantasizing. You are a man, and a physically attractive one, regardless of how you envision yourself, so the men who are attracted to you are going to be gay, or bisexual. I wonder if you haven't had sex because you can't accept that fact about the men who are available to you.

[jjkrkwood]

I decided to go back and look at your posting from the past, and now I think I understand your transgender comment. You mentioned at one time that you had estrogen treatments, and tried dressing as a female, but felt it didn't work for you. When I look at your photo, I definitely see a male, a really cute guy who would not be as attractive if he were a woman. I think there are a lot of young gay men who wish they were women, because they think that then they could attract the kind of straight men, or "straight acting" (Rick Munroe, forgive me!), who obviously turn you on, based on your comments about individual escorts who have been brought up on those threads in which you have participated. But at age 25, it's time to stop that kind of fantasizing. You are a man, and a physically attractive one, regardless of how you envision yourself, so the men who are attracted to you are going to be gay, or bisexual. I wonder if you haven't had sex because you can't accept that fact about the men who are available to you.

 

Ah well, thats a whole other kettle of fish, and puts an entirely different spin on the OP's post... Thanks Charlie for enlightening us.