You're fat and you're ugly and...

[seeker630]

Gman, your honest post touched my heart, as I too have always been inclined to be on the heavy side, and have worked extremely hard to control my weight over the years. Obviously, as I get older, its much harder as everything becomes more difficult due to the changes your body goes thru as you age. I can sympathize with your ordeal. However, I took 1 particular sentence out of context from your post because I feel the issue is the crux of your problem. I am in no way being judgemental, only trying to offer my perspective from my own life experiences. The following sentence you used really gave me insight: The only thing I've managed to remain constant in over the years is my dislike of being gay. I really don't know what to do. . I have always believed that your first obligation is to Yourself, and to be happy with who you are. If you are at peace with your own being, other things will usually fall into place. Obviously I dont know your life experiences or what caused you to feel the way you do about your "gayness", but I CAN tell you that you waould find an easier road ahead of you if you "embraced" being gay and saw all the good and positive things it can offer you, rather than dwelling on the negative connotations you have placed on it. Self-realization is a process which begins by accepting who and what you are and then striving to be the best at it... I am in no way minimizing what "you feel", or the road you have traveled, but perhaps its time to take a step back and accept there are others options available for you. God bless and God speed.... - JJ

 

A balanced & sympathetic response, IMHO.

[jjkrkwood]

A balanced & sympathetic response, IMHO.

 

YES, people that deserve them, get them....., but thanks for the acknowledgement eventhough it was sorta back-handed. At least it wasnt a Full-on attack.

[ErieBear]

I will say that no nutritionist told me to only eat 800 calories. However, I was separated from my wife and our shrink said, "You need to look like a man that she would come back to." I literally had a card in my wallet that said, "Before I commit suicide, I will do these 10 things...". I just never, ever felt hungry. Because, back then, eating food meant that I wouldn't be allowed to see my kids anymore. The hard thing is that everyone kept telling me how great I looked and how well I was doing. But the inside and the outside never matched up. I also ended up running 4 half-marathons. It was in the running that I blew out my Achilles (2 years on crutches) and sprained & broke my ankle several other times. This was part of the reason that I gained a lot of the weight back.

 

Now, I am working on losing weight for myself. The shrink is helping with that. But it is incredibly difficult. I am 41 years old. And only in the last 6 weeks, have I started allowing myself to want things just because I want them. Before, they had to be a need, or I wanted them for someone else. I still struggle with allowing myself to feel the void and not try to fill it up with food. It all sounds so good in theory, but it's harder than hell in real life. I'm debating wether to get the gastric bypass done. I would definitely be approved for it, but it scares the hell out of me.

 

Anyhow, enough of me babbling. I will suffice it to say, that I am genuine and I express how I feel. No bullshit here, lol.

[bigvalboy]

You are right about one thing EB it does all sound great in theory but it is harder than hell in real life. The gastric bypass was done by a few friends of mine and FYI... it worked amazing well...food for thought. As always, good luck with this struggle.

[+ Gar1eth]

I am appreciative all the support. I also recognize that everything everyone offered is great advice from accepting being gay, to taking small steps in fitness, to changing my diet. I only wish I could follow through on it. Maybe someday I'll grow up and take responsibility for my life and my happiness--but I doubt it.

 

Just a few more things--and I'll shut up. I want everyone to know that I acknowledge there are people on the Forum here who have had it much rougher than I have ever had--people raped, molested, rejected by their families when they came out, serious medical problems. For all of those people I want to apologize for what sounds, even to me, like trivial whining from someone who just can't get their sh-t together. All of you who are enduring or have surmounted these types of issues, you have my deepest admiration. I guess one of the things I do give thanks for is that I haven't had to deal with issues like that because I don't think I could surmount them.

 

G

[ErieBear]

I know the morbidity/mortality rate is pretty good these days. However, I've had 5 friends who have had it done and almost died. I know the doctor who does it locally and he's really good. But it still scares the hell out of me.

[seeker630]

YES, people that deserve them, get them....., but thanks for the acknowledgement eventhough it was sorta back-handed. At least it wasnt a Full-on attack.

 

Sorry - I don't think there was anything back-handed about it.

[ErieBear]

Okay, here's an interesting one. I may have a trip to CA coming up in a couple of months. I just talked to one escort, who has very good reviews. However, his price for someone as fat as I am is $100 more an hour than someone who isn't fat. Another said that he wouldn't meet me at all. Just thought you might be interested...

[+ Travis69]

Okay, here's an interesting one. I may have a trip to CA coming up in a couple of months. I just talked to one escort, who has very good reviews. However, his price for someone as fat as I am is $100 more an hour than someone who isn't fat. Another said that he wouldn't meet me at all. Just thought you might be interested...

 

I would mention their names as that is not someone I would want to do business with as they discriminate. Discrimination is wrong in every aspect of life or business.

[gcursor]

discrimination note

 

Eriebear:

I'm saddened to hear that somebody wouldn't see you because of your weight. BUT I am very happy that they TOLD you they wouldn't see you because of that. It is far better for them to be honest and open with you than to lead you along believing whatever you want.

 

As for the discrimination, yes it is wrong however if we labeled people for that then there would be a lot of people on that list for various reasons. I like the U-scan lanes (people would yell at me because I'm putting people out of work though). Whether discrimination takes place verbally or non-verbally, it does occur. But people who are that way and are HONEST about the people they don't want to see are very important in my opinion.

gcursor

 

I would mention their names as that is not someone I would want to do business with as they discriminate. Discrimination is wrong in every aspect of life or business.

[jjkrkwood]

I would mention their names as that is not someone I would want to do business with as they discriminate. Discrimination is wrong in every aspect of life or business.

 

I agree with your discrimination comment Travis, but really, you cannot force anyone to have sex with someone even if a guy is willing to pay for it.

 

In business, there are often sur-charges associated with extenuating circumstances. The airlines makes you buy an x-tra seat is you are extremely overweight, etc. So in a perfect world, everyone would love everyone, Kum-Bay-Yah. But it doesnt work that way...

 

That the escort is even willing to have sex with a person he is obviously not attracted to is amazing to me, even for an xtra $100. But I guess times are tough. I can respect his refusal. Look, there are other escorts that will be willing to accommodate ErieBear, so why beat a dead horse ?

 

We ALL face rejection of some sort everyday of our lives. why should the escort business be any different.

[zeyfur]

I would rather an escort was honest than take money off me by pretending to be into me.

[ErieBear]

I should clarify that one said, "No, I am not the right escort for you. I appreciate the offer, but. Don't think I could get into it." Which I thought was very diplomatic. Another escort that I contacted said that his hourly rate would be an extra $100/hour. I understand that there are extenuating circumstances (i.e. an extra plane seat), but I'm not sure what the extra circumstances would be here, except that he's hoping I won't accept the rate.

[leigh.bess.toad]

I am appreciative all the support. I also recognize that everything everyone offered is great advice from accepting being gay, to taking small steps in fitness, to changing my diet. I only wish I could follow through on it. Maybe someday I'll grow up and take responsibility for my life and my happiness--but I doubt it.

 

Just a few more things--and I'll shut up. I want everyone to know that I acknowledge there are people on the Forum here who have had it much rougher than I have ever had--people raped, molested, rejected by their families when they came out, serious medical problems. For all of those people I want to apologize for what sounds, even to me, like trivial whining from someone who just can't get their sh-t together. All of you who are enduring or have surmounted these types of issues, you have my deepest admiration. I guess one of the things I do give thanks for is that I haven't had to deal with issues like that because I don't think I could surmount them.

 

G

 

Gman -- I must say your posts touched my heart. We have chatted about this occasionally. So many of the comments are right. It starts first with accepting who you are and embracing it and learning to love it. A year ago, I was so deeply in the closet Lewis and Clark couldn't have found me. It wasn't that I hated being gay -- I ignored it. Once I realized my mental health depended on me dealing with it and came out, I've never been happier or more content with my life. Sometimes you just have to say "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired". It isn't easy. Change isn't. Anything really worthwhile isn't. But in the end it is worth it.

 

As far as going to a gym, I do have physical issues and limitations. That's why for me a personal trainer was the ideal situation. They will work with you on a program that fits any problems you are having. It is something that, if you can, I would highly recommend.

[leigh.bess.toad]

ErieBear -- first, I'm appalled that an escort would charge a "weight differential". I respect the escort who said he didn't think he would be a good fit a lot more than this guy.

 

I used to be overweight and went even further than you. I was on a 500 calorie a day diet for almost 9 months. And a lot of it was self-loathing. Towards the end, I had lost what I wanted to but still didn't like myself. At all. And yes, I was suicidal. So much so that I spent 5 days in a psych unit. I have said that is 5 days of my life I would never want to repeat but 5 days of my life I can't imagine not going through. I was still married (hell, I still am but I'm out to my wife now) and dealing with the lack of self-esteem and self-loathing along with really coming to grips with my sexuality was seriously depressing. So I know in part where you have been. What I've learned on this journey I've been on for a bit over a year now though is that you have to first learn to like yourself. I'm glad you have a therapist who can help you with that. Someone once asked me if going to a therapist meant you were crazy. For me, it's the only thing that keeps me from being crazy.

 

It sounds like you are on a good path now. The guys here can be a tremendous support so if you need anything, ask.

[+ Travis69]

The escorts should have said "I might not be the best choice for you due to your (weight/race/age/disability), as that factor may diminsh my performance, but I will still gladly see you if you would like. It is your choice." The only time a surcharge of $100.00 is appropriate is if the client has a gigantic cock and lubing it up will require 10 extra bottles of lube. That stuff isn't cheap!!

[RockHard]

Running and sweating to catch up...

 

My my. Who knew this thread would turn into Taxicab Confessions? If I were a new escort and I visited this thread, I'd be scared, and I'd consider some other way to make money.

 

I'm fat. I'm Biggest Loser fat. I beat myself up every single day and tell myself that I should be skinny.

 

If I were you, I would keep the word skinny out of my thought process. The word is an extreme and using it is self-defeating. For healthy living, obese people need to reduce their body fat. They don't need to be skinny.

 

Regardless of what people say, gyms are not friendly to fat people.

 

Civilized society is not friendly to fat people, no matter where you go in the world. Should we lock you up and throw away the key? There are size limits to any item used by and created for the public. If you fall outside average size, particularly if you are larger, chances are you will suffer.

 

Losing large amounts of body fat is a painful process. You certainly see some of that pain on The Biggest Loser. Watching the pain and feeling it yourself are two different experiences.

 

Gyms are made for skinny or built guys.

 

I'm sorry but this statement is ridiculous. Muscular men were not born built. Yes, some have good genes but most do not. They build their fabulous bodies at a gym, through hard work and serious discipline.

 

A gym is not some doorman governed nightclub for starving fashionistas. The purpose of a gym is to provide exercise to those who want it. If you feel self-conscious in a gym (or anywhere), that's your burden to overcome.

 

During 30 years of travel, and visiting every local gym that would give me a day rate, I've never witnessed unfriendly service to obese patrons. Never. Many gym employees have their own history with obesity. These are often the most compassionate and sympathetic people you can find in the world of weight loss.

 

Yes, I take longer in the locker rooms. Do you want to know why? Because I'm still sweating.

 

You'll sweat much less if you lose some body fat. Sweating is an important body function and, when your body looks more fit, sweating can actually be sexy.

 

Locker room size is an issue, especially in NYC where real estate is at a premium. You don't need to be fat here to feel uncomfortable in a locker room. I never work out during rush hours.

 

I've used food as an emotional crutch for 35 years.

 

35 years is a long time to live with a crutch. In ancient Rome, 35 years was an average life span. A fad diet alone will not fix what ails you. Losing weight may not fix it either.

 

I wish it were as easy as "making good choices". I really do.

 

Fixing oneself is almost never easy. Shedding 100 pounds requires hard work and commitment. I would throw the word easy out with the word skinny, and concentrate more on realistic goals.

 

What I need is encouragement and help.

 

You can find it but you need to look with open eyes.

 

So Rockhard won't think I'm depraved- I've never been a member of a gay gym.

 

Why would anyone care what I think?

 

I, too, have never been a member of a gay gym. Of course, I have memberships to almost every bathhouse around the world but I don't really think of a bathhouse the way I think about a gym. Yes, you can often exercise at a bathhouse gym area, if one is provided, but it's much easier to ignore the cardio machines and concentrate on naked men. My "home" gym in NYC is definitely not gay, and it caters to men and women of all sizes. However, in NYC, gay is everywhere, which certainly makes my gym experience quite special.

 

The only thing I've managed to remain constant in over the years is my dislike of being gay. I really don't know what to do.

 

Find a way to fall in love with yourself. Or find God. God loves everyone. Some say there's great power in discovering God's love. Empowerment can help you overcome many ills.

 

Look to what's inside...We're all some sort of amazing, it's up to us to see that.

 

I agree, which is why I mentioned God. Greatness and possibilities exist far beyond youth, beauty, and horn-dog sex. But if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.

 

I just talked to one escort, who has very good reviews. However, his price for someone as fat as I am is $100 more an hour than someone who isn't fat. Another said that he wouldn't meet me at all.

 

For most escorts, the job is about the money, not the sex. It takes more work for an escort to have sex with a fat guy, especially if the escort is not into chubs. Some guys are willing to do the work but they want more money for it. Seems fair to me.

 

If an escort can only get hard with a customer who is uncut, then I want to know that. If an escort likes his sex with PNP, then I want to know that, too. If an escort is only a top, than I want to know that as well. Information is key to ensuring a worthwhile time. I don't want to pay for some guy's time if he can't enjoy himself, too.

 

I would rather an escort was honest than take money off me by pretending to be into me.

 

Unless the escort finds fat men a sexual turn on, pretending will be necessary. Some escorts are great at pretending. If the act is rock solid, I can often get rock hard.