Why do some escorts decide to do bareback?

[rossthebosssf]

Today I had some time and I looked up some escorts who I used to see years ago. Strangely, many of them now offer bareback as a service. What is the mentality behind this? Is there more money to be made? Personal preference? Drugs? Maybe now they test poz so they're no longer concerned about health? I'm not judging, I'm just curious. Even if you don't do it, you might know another escort who does and why. If you don't feel comfortable posting here, please feel free to PM me.

 

For the record, I only hire escorts who advertise safe only. While that's no guarantee as to what always happens in either an escorts personal or professional lives, I guess I like to reduce the risks as much as possible.

[JoeyBryant]

You're in San Francisco thats why...New York is similar. Condoms seem to have gone out of style in both cities. Thats not exclusive to escorts...

[Mark Gordon]

Sadly, where there is a demand, there will be a supply.

[dane michaels]

I can only say that it is so sad to see a lack in self worth. I was a combat medic in the military and have delt with HIV and AIDS patients, it isnt uplifting, and most tell the story over and over again knowing the deficiency at that point and only wishing to be able to go back to change it. Safer sex only and no compromise = success... I hope they see things before its too late...

[wayout]

Although not an escort, I would like to relay something that happened to me relatively recently on the matter of barebacking with an escort. I met last Friday evening a local young escort who is fairly new to the biz. In our emails we took care of all the usual things (day, time, place, rate, me topping, only safe, etc) and he was agreeable to everything saying he only played safe and was fine with bottoming. We played and he was quite good at everything with lots of kissing, mutual oral, frottage and caressing. When it came time for him to bottom he presented himself for penetration and surprisingly made it clear that he was fine with me not "suiting up". I have never had unprotected anal sex before and I am well aware of the risks/dangers, however to be totally honest here there was a few seconds (which seemed like minutes at the time) where I actually considered barebacking. Thankfully my common sense took hold and I put on a condom. In hindsight I know I made the right decision but perhaps should not have gone any further.

 

It may or may not be different for escorts than clients, but I speculate that sometimes both may get caught up in the moment and make a tragic mistake. I shutter to think what I might have done if I had a few drinks before hand to lower my inhibitions, which is another possible reason I think it often happens (if not with alcohol then perhaps drugs). In this specific case I speculate that the escort, being new, may have felt he was obliged to let the client do as he pleased or, being young, had that sense of being invulnerable. So there are lots of possible reasons and I was tempted to ask him at the end of our session why he would have let me done bareback but I didn't ask.

[SteveStacks]

Although not an escort, I would like to relay something that happened to me relatively recently on the matter of barebacking with an escort. I met last Friday evening a local young escort who is fairly new to the biz. In our emails we took care of all the usual things (day, time, place, rate, me topping, only safe, etc) and he was agreeable to everything saying he only played safe and was fine with bottoming. We played and he was quite good at everything with lots of kissing, mutual oral, frottage and caressing. When it came time for him to bottom he presented himself for penetration and surprisingly made it clear that he was fine with me not "suiting up". I have never had unprotected anal sex before and I am well aware of the risks/dangers, however to be totally honest here there was a few seconds (which seemed like minutes at the time) where I actually considered barebacking. Thankfully my common sense took hold and I put on a condom. In hindsight I know I made the right decision but perhaps should not have gone any further.

 

It may or may not be different for escorts than clients, but I speculate that sometimes both may get caught up in the moment and make a tragic mistake. I shutter to think what I might have done if I had a few drinks before hand to lower my inhibitions, which is another possible reason I think it often happens (if not with alcohol then perhaps drugs). In this specific case I speculate that the escort, being new, may have felt he was obliged to let the client do as he pleased or, being young, had that sense of being invulnerable. So there are lots of possible reasons and I was tempted to ask him at the end of our session why he would have let me done bareback but I didn't ask.

 

I think you raise a very good point. There are those who argue that safe sex should be taken on a case by case basis and that those of us who insist on a condom every time are "condom nazis." I would argue that it is for just those sorts of reasons (maybe having had a drink or two or just being really turned on by the guy and that clouding your judgment) one should make the decisions ahead of time and be consistent, rather than hoping your instincts and judgment were correct when you made the on the spot decision to go bare or not.

 

Whether you're in San Francisco or Boise, there always have been (and unfortunately, likely always will be) people who chose not to use a rubber, BUT there will also always be people who chose to be responsible and consistent and for those of us, despite whatever "styles" happen with barebacking, we'll be using a rubber every time!

[lasvegasguy4twink]

Just out of curiousity, I've never fucked a guy(yet), however, I know myself, so what about the people that are UNABLE to get hard or stay hard with a condom at all? Just curious, besides using viagra(which I've never tried yet) what other solution IS there if I really wanted to top a younger boy? Just curious, I know I'm not the only one that could'nt "perform" with a condom covering my organ?

[KMEM]

I think you raise a very good point. There are those who argue that safe sex should be taken on a case by case basis and that those of us who insist on a condom every time are "condom nazis." I would argue that it is for just those sorts of reasons (maybe having had a drink or two or just being really turned on by the guy and that clouding your judgment) one should make the decisions ahead of time and be consistent, rather than hoping your instincts and judgment were correct when you made the on the spot decision to go bare or not.

 

Whether you're in San Francisco or Boise, there always have been (and unfortunately, likely always will be) people who chose not to use a rubber, BUT there will also always be people who chose to be responsible and consistent and for those of us, despite whatever "styles" happen with barebacking, we'll be using a rubber every time!

 

But, of course.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[KMEM]

Just out of curiousity, I've never fucked a guy(yet), however, I know myself, so what about the people that are UNABLE to get hard or stay hard with a condom at all? Just curious, besides using viagra(which I've never tried yet) what other solution IS there if I really wanted to top a younger boy? Just curious, I know I'm not the only one that could'nt "perform" with a condom covering my organ?

 

You need to develop "sexy thoughts" about condoms and their use. In other words, I "get" to use a condom, this might be fun.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[+ deej]

Just out of curiousity, I've never fucked a guy(yet), however, I know myself, so what about the people that are UNABLE to get hard or stay hard with a condom at all? Just curious, besides using viagra(which I've never tried yet) what other solution IS there if I really wanted to top a younger boy? Just curious, I know I'm not the only one that could'nt "perform" with a condom covering my organ?

 

A competent therapist can assist you with your condom aversion, and it is your responsibility to seek this assistance.

 

This is not somebody else's problem, and it isn't something that anyone else is required to deal with.

 

You are not relieved of your responsibility just because it makes you feel icky.

[jgoo]

Just out of curiousity, I've never fucked a guy(yet), however, I know myself, so what about the people that are UNABLE to get hard or stay hard with a condom at all? Just curious, besides using viagra(which I've never tried yet) what other solution IS there if I really wanted to top a younger boy? Just curious, I know I'm not the only one that could'nt "perform" with a condom covering my organ?

 

Try getting the erection, put on a cock ring and then use the condom to see if you can maintain the erection.

[happyguy2]

Guys, this is a great discussion. Years ago, from this board, I learned the famous rule: assume everyone is positive. It has served me very well over the years - and as I get into my forties, I am more aware of the risks than ever before. Maybe I missed it, but I still ask myself, why is condom use on the decline in some areas? I get the supply and demand thing but why does someone put themselves at such risk? Maybe fewer people are dying from aids these days, but last time I checked, the terrible quality of life - with cocktails of pills - seems pretty risky to me. Is there some thrill of the moment here that I am missing?

hg

[Terpmaniac]

I think whats happening with escorts who are not ashamed to "bareback" is nothing more then a reflection of what's happening in the gay community as a whole. I keep a large supply of condoms and lube by my bedside(strangely with me its not so much HIV but a whole host of other little nasties you can get but I digress). Something is happening on a fairly regular basis that I have noticed and that is the topic of "safe-play" and "condoms" never comes up unless I bring it up! This has happens with guys across the age and racial divide, they dont bring it up at all. It just amazes me that more often then not, I say.."I got condoms in the dresser babe." My partners rarely do. I am starting to think that condoms are the exception and not the rule. Just a personal observation.

[Guest Merlin]

I think it is probably that most escorts who begin barebacking are positive. I would certainly make that assumption if the offer were made to me, and I would not go forward. I agree with rosstheboss that an important part of safer sex is to avoid sex when you know or have reason to believe the other is positive. Accidents happen and sex is never totally safe. All we can do is reduce the risk.

If you find it hard to get hard with a condom, try the Trojan extra large even if you do not need extra large. The reduced restriction may help. Also you might try the Trojan unlubricated ones. They may actually stimulate you more.

[lasvegasguy4twink]

Just the idea makes me soft! What if both parties are tested for HIV? If I ever do fuck a gorgeous guy, I would ONLY want it to be natural, so what the likelihood of finding a gorgeous twink type whos been tested and agrees to it(probably for a higher fee of course)?

[Steven_Draker]

Just the idea makes me soft! What if both parties are tested for HIV? If I ever do fuck a gorgeous guy, I would ONLY want it to be natural, so what the likelihood of finding a gorgeous twink type whos been tested and agrees to it(probably for a higher fee of course)?

 

"Before we work on artificial intelligence why don't we do something about natural stupidity?"

Steve Polyak

 

http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/dailyrft/russian-roulette.jpg

[happyguy2]

as you do so often, Steven, you hit the nail on the head.

hg

[JoeyBryant]

Whether you're in San Francisco or Boise, there always have been (and unfortunately, likely always will be) people who chose not to use a rubber,

 

I must agree and take back what I said (although slightly because I do know how the bigger cities are).

 

I was in Colorado Springs couple months ago and the shit I seen was like some of the things I witnessed going on in South Beach. It caught me off guard because I though what happens in Vegas and Miami stays in Vegas and Miami. Apparently it happens EVEREEWHERE.

 

In addition, there's things far more annoying than HIV/Aids. I would be more worried about a UTI (urinary tract infection) and some of the other nasties from bareback than HIV/AIDS because atleast the odds are less.

 

As for assuming someone is positive...thats not true. I had a long talk with a guy during a 3way session awhile back and how I was stunned that he allowed himself to engage in bareback. As I was telling him about why he should refrain from it with this particular guy he was messing with...he got VERY scared because it never dawned on him the risks of doing so. He wasn't barebacking because he was positive, he was barebacking because he could not rationalize WHY it was inappropiate and unsafe.

[Guest FTLdude]

Some of it is ignorance; some of it is burnout; and some if it is ambivalence. HIV/AIDS is still infecting and killing people. Its just that because of the anti retroviral cocktails some of them are living longer than back in the 80s and early 90s when this disease wiped out a significant portion of the gay male population. But things are changing again, even though some of these guys look ok we're seeing more and more of them coming into the hospitals with symptoms and complications that they wouldn't be experiencing if they were compliant with the medications, and we're seeing more newly diagnosed cases, too. The drugs are expensive. Some people can't always afford them and when they run out they just go without it. And they think that they're ok not taking the medications just because they feel ok, so many of them go off the meds and do not go back on again.

 

I also get the feeling that some people are a little relieved to find out that they are positive because now they don't have to live in fear of the infection itself anymore, and they feel they can do whatever they want now with whomever they want. I was talking to another physician a few weeks ago about a gay male patient that we were both taking care of. This dude of course does not know that I am bi and he made the remark that he was shocked that the patient is not HIV+. Why? For no other reason than the fact that he's gay. The medical community circulates all this stuff from CDC and other research organizations whenever we get together for conferences, so doctors and nurses all know about the increasing barebacking, felching and other high risk sexual stuff that gay and bi men do, and a lot of them think that we're sex-crazed, nasty, disgusting people who will all inevitably become HIV+ anyway.

 

So yes, bareback has made a strong comeback. And its happening everywhere. There are lots of guys down here with bareback hookup ads on Craiglist, Adam4Adam, etc. Unfortunately, all that this will lead to is the spread of more HIV, HPV, Hepatitis B & C, herpes, gono, and syphillis. Its the 1980s all over again. And maybe in another 10 or so years we're going to start hearing about a lot more people getting sick and dying again. Its very frustrating. I used to do volunteer work for local community outreach organizations. We offered free condoms, free HIV and STD testing, free everything...Most people just aren't that interested in the message anymore. They're more interested in the next guy they're gonna fuck than they are in the fact that they can catch a disease that can kill them.

[EZEtoGRU]

In answer to the original question, I assume that anyone willing to bareback is already HIV positive and they don't care about the risks to themselves or others. I can see no other logical reason why someone would be willing to do that. Am I being overly simplistic?

[Steven_Draker]

For the record, I only hire escorts who advertise safe only.

 

I don't understand the logic behind this. I know of a few guys who advertise 'safe only' but are known to bareback behind closed doors, some of them have even done bareback porn and post regularly on this very Message Board. Do you mean that if you see someone advertising 'safe only' you're less careful ?? My advise would be: ASSUME THAT EVERYONE IS HIV POSITIVE and act accordingly. Safe sex is everyone's responsibility.

 

And lastly: only ask questions that you know the answer to ... http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/8697/iconsage.gif

[NYTomcat]

Ok maybe this is just my risk tolerance. But I think Steven is absolutely correct here. Whether someone advertised safe only or not. I have to assume that anyone I am with is positive. Protecting yourself is your responsibility. Now im also the Guy who would not have a problem being with someone who is HIV+ I know the risks. Have educated myself and take the precautions I feel are necessary for my risk tolerances.

 

Safe only statements mean little assume positive and play to protect yourself. If you choose to bb. Know it Russian roulette your playing and be sure the benefits you see are worth the risks. Its your life.....

[justaguy]

Steven, it isn't logical but emotional. People want to feel safe. If a guy is known to bareback than that illusion is broken. ASSUME THAT EVERYONE IS HIV POSITIVE is the only way to approach it. I'd like to change "safer sex" to "responsible sex." I'd also like to see people act responsibly, but that's my fantasy.

[+ Italiano]

I don't understand the logic behind this. I know of a few guys who advertise 'safe only' but are known to bareback behind closed doors, some of them have even done bareback porn and post regularly on this very Message Board. Do you mean that if you see someone advertising 'safe only' you're less careful ?? My advise would be: ASSUME THAT EVERYONE IS HIV POSITIVE and act accordingly. Safe sex is everyone's responsibility.

 

And lastly: only ask questions that you know the answer to ...[/color] http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/8697/iconsage.gif

 

Absolutely RIGHT!

 

I think that in 2010 (almost 2011...) it's quite naive to consider that it's safe to have sex with people (escort or sex buddies) who state themselves as negative or having "only safe sex", come on!

 

Be safe with EVERYONE, because EVERYONE is a potential risk when you have sex!

[BaronArtz]

I had a chat conversation yesterday with Owen Hawk, who advertises as 'HardRawTopHK' on adam4adam. He describes himself as HIV+ in his ad. For a mere $300 he will engage in a raw session. I asked him whether he'd like to bottom safe. Reply: not really interested in a safe session. On one hand, I appreciate his honesty, on the other hand, I am also amazed. There ARE people out there who don't give a damn. I took a pass.