Friday Funnies

[gallahadesquire]

Actually, the Proper Thing to Do is put BOTH seats down (assuming there is a lid) after making sure the seat is Dry and Clean. We do that in my Household, and it's two men.

 

And why is this in the Funnies?

[Kevin Slater]

Actually, the Proper Thing to Do is put BOTH seats down

 

...and then pee.

 

Kevin Slater

[AdamSmith]

This schtick never failed to tickle me...

http://24.media.tumblr.com/74d52f87de3d24d7e1b8910e5dba2066/tumblr_n0rhfmmcy81s9btcio1_500.gif

[AdamSmith]

Bit of an extended Funny -- Max Beerbohm's classic Shakespeare parody 'Savonarola':

 

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1306/1306-h/1306-h.htm#link2H_4_0005

 

...typical stage direction:

[Re-enter Guelfs and Ghibellines fighting. SAV. and LUC. are arrested by Papal officers. Enter MICHAEL ANGELO. ANDREA DEL SARTO appears for a moment at a window. PIPPA passes. Brothers of the Misericordia go by, singing a Requiem for Francesca da Rimini. Enter BOCCACCIO, BENVENUTO CELLINI, and many others, making remarks highly characteristic of themselves but scarcely audible through the terrific thunderstorm which now bursts over Florence and is at its loudest and darkest crisis as the Curtain falls.]

Edited August 25, 2016 by AdamSmith

[AdamSmith]

And (spoiler! ) the whole fifth act is just a set of stage notes.

 

Dawn on summit of Mount Fiesole. Outspread view of Florence (Duomo, Giotto's Tower, etc.) as seen from that eminence.—NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI, asleep on grass, wakes as sun rises. Deplores his exile from Florence, LORENZO'S unappeasable hostility, etc. Wonders if he could not somehow secure the POPE'S favour. Very cynical. Breaks off: But who are these that scale the mountain-side? | Savonarola and Lucrezia | Borgia!—Enter through a trap-door, back c. [trap-door veiled from audience by a grassy ridge], SAV. and LUC. Both gasping and footsore from their climb. [still with chains on their wrists? or not?]—MACH. steps unobserved behind a cypress and listens.—SAV. has a speech to the rising sun—Th' effulgent hope that westers from the east | Daily. Says that his hope, on the contrary, lies in escape To that which easters not from out the west, | That fix'd abode of freedom which men call | America! Very bitter against POPE.—LUC. says that she, for her part, means To start afresh in that uncharted land | Which austers not from out the antipod, | Australia!—Exit MACH., unobserved, down trap-door behind ridge, to betray LUC. and SAV.—Several longish speeches by SAV. and LUC. Time is thus given for MACH. to get into touch with POPE, and time for POPE and retinue to reach the slope of Fiesole. SAV., glancing down across ridge, sees these sleuth-hounds, points them out to LUC. and cries Bewray'd! LUC. By whom? SAV. I know not, but suspect | The hand of that sleek serpent Niccolo | Machiavelli.—SAV. and LUC. rush down c., but find their way barred by the footlights.—LUC. We will not be ta'en Alive. And here availeth us my lore | In what pertains to poison. Yonder herb | [points to a herb growing down r.] Is deadly nightshade. Quick, Monk! Pluck we it!—SAV. and LUC. die just as POPE appears over ridge, followed by retinue in full cry.—POPE'S annoyance at being foiled is quickly swept away on the great wave of Shakespearean chivalry and charity that again rises in him. He gives SAV. a funeral oration similar to the one meant for him in Act IV, but even more laudatory and more stricken. Of LUC., too, he enumerates the virtues, and hints that the whole terrestrial globe shall be hollowed to receive her bones. Ends by saying: In deference to this our double sorrow | Sun shall not shine to-day nor shine to-morrow.—Sun drops quickly back behind eastern horizon, leaving a great darkness on which the Curtain slowly falls.

Edited August 25, 2016 by AdamSmith

[Guest]

[+ glennnn]

Actually, the Proper Thing to Do is put BOTH seats down (assuming there is a lid) after making sure the seat is Dry and Clean. We do that in my Household, and it's two men.

 

And why is this in the Funnies?

 

It's in the Funnies, because the post just before it was about men annoying women with their pissing habits. It just triggered a sequence in my head that I thought was amusing. Sorry that you didn't. I have spent most of my life in households with a plethora of females who have complained bitterly about this issue.

PS I was thinking about toilet seats that don't have lids like one finds in many public restrooms.

[+ poolboy48220]

I've never understood this one. Isn't it insulting to a whole gender to imply they're not smart enough to check the toilet seat before using it? Living alone for most of my adult life, and when not almost always with other males, I've just left the seat the way I've used it. And clean, because my aim is terrible. There's a reason a rifle is more accurate than a handgun.

[mike carey]

Physicist Brian Cox posted this on Twitter when he was flying back to the UK from Australia (he had been here for Science Week):

 

Flying back from Singapore the other evening - didn't expect the map to pass comment on my character

 

[Kevin Slater]

“I forgot to bring flowers,” Tom said lackadaisically.

 

Kevin Slater

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]

Actually, the Proper Thing to Do is put BOTH seats down (assuming there is a lid) after making sure the seat is Dry and Clean. We do that in my Household, and it's two men.

I think the proper thing, past a certain age, is for everyone in the household to have his/her own dedicated bathroom. Eliminates this and several other problems.

[+ glennnn]

I grew up with a family of friends that had five boys plus the dad. They had a "men's room" in the house with a toilet and a urinal. I always thought it was a practical solution.

[AdamSmith]

"How do you keep it tucked in?" Tom asked, oblivious of the gaffe.

[Rod Hagen]

I could not agree more. The top one is gramma's coffee: her cookies were good, coffee was crap.

[AdamSmith]

I could not agree more. The top one is gramma's coffee: her cookies were good, coffee was crap.

http://assets.amuniversal.com/4d0b89506f0301301e29001dd8b71c47

[bigvalboy]

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.

The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."

 

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, "Your Grace."

 

The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence."

 

Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle, "Well?"

 

So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh my God!"

[+ Gar1eth]

http://i1262.photobucket.com/albums/ii612/rexmaker/22AD30B6-D379-435F-A237-3AA215625CED_zpstxcade1w.jpg

 

Gman

[rvwnsd]

Actually, the Proper Thing to Do is put BOTH seats down (assuming there is a lid) after making sure the seat is Dry and Clean. We do that in my Household, and it's two men.

 

And why is this in the Funnies?

I have lived alone for years and I always put the seat and lid down. Interestingly, my female friends leave the lid up and my made friends leave the lid down, as they found it.

 

PS: Growing up, leaving the lid or seat up would get my brother or me called back to put it down. That included when we were outside playing with friends. We DID NOT want to hear my dad shout at the top of his lungs "Come in here and put the toilet seat down."

[Kevin Slater]

"I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner," said Tom succinctly.

 

Kevin Slater

[AdamSmith]

[+ Truereview]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iuglC2XFW9I/Ul2JihntWlI/AAAAAAAAOQ0/n7_bjYAsXzg/s1600/funny--islamic-beauty.jpg

[+ Truereview]

http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/funny-man-jokes.jpg

[+ Truereview]

http://www.pmcaregivers.com/images/massage.jpg

[+ glennnn]

p

 

You got me again. I'm cleaning up the coffee that shot out of my nose! Hilarious! And a weird kind of poetic justice.