Friday Funnies

[sincitymix]

yellow+blue makes green

 

Hmm yellow and red make orange.. the color I turn when I blush :P

[geminibear]

[Kevin Slater]

http://www.pleated-jeans.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/funny-book-dedication-Nelson-Mandela-1.jpg

 

Kevin Slater

[AdamSmith]

http://www.pleated-jeans.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/funny-book-dedication-Nelson-Mandela-1.jpg

 

Kevin Slater

Proves the opposite, I would think.

[Zman]

Before you could google lyrics on the internet I NEVER knew what the hell he was really singing...

[+ azdr0710]

Before you could google lyrics on the internet I NEVER knew what the hell he was really singing...

 

very true....the internet is great!....never knew that next line until today!

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blinded_by_the_Light

 

Blinded by the light,

revved up like a deuce,

another runner in the night

Edited February 21, 2016 by azdr0710

[+ azdr0710]

Take a look at the Spotify's Top 10 Misquoted Song Lyrics below and stream a playlist of the mistakenly catchy tracks. What lyrics do you struggle with the most?

 

1. Blinded by the light...wrapped up like a douche when you're rollin’ in the night / Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night (Manfred Mann’s Earth Band, Blinded By the Light) – 52%

 

2. ’Scuse me, while I kiss this guy / ‘Scuse me, while I kiss the sky (Jimi Hendrix, Purple Haze) – 19%

 

3. Rock the cat box / Rock the Casbah (The Clash, Rock The Casbah) – 14%

 

4. Hold me closer Tony Danza / Hold me closer tiny dancer (Elton John, Tiny Dancer) – 13%

 

5. There’s a bathroom on the right / There’s a bad moon on the rise (Credence Clearwater Revival, Bad Moon Rising) – 12%

 

6. Take me down to a very nice city / Take me down to paradise city (Guns N’ Roses, Paradise City) – 10%

 

7. Animal! / Panama! (Van Halen, Panama) – 9%

 

8. Like a cheese stick / Like a G6 (Far East Movement, Like a G6) – 8%

 

9. Don't go Jason waterfalls / Don’t go chasing waterfalls (TLC, Waterfalls) – 7%

 

10. I blow bubbles when you are not here / My world crumbles when you are not near (Macy Gray, I Try) – 4%

[+ azdr0710]

http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/MjAxMi1mOGZlNGFmNGU3MjQ3OTI2.png

[Marlfox]

http://www.pleated-jeans.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/funny-book-dedication-Nelson-Mandela-1.jpg

 

Kevin Slater

I don't know what it proves, but it's funny.

[mike carey]

[AdamSmith]

[AdamSmith]

http://www.pleated-jeans.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/funny-book-dedication-Nelson-Mandela-1.jpg

 

Kevin Slater

[AdamSmith]

Furthermore, see citations below.

 

Against the serial comma are Thurber, Mencken and The New York Times.

For the serial comma is The Chicago Manual of Style.

 

I rest my case.

 

The Best Shots Fired in the Oxford Comma Wars

The Oxford comma, so-called because the Oxford University Press style guidelines require it, is the comma before the conjunction at the end of a list. If your preferred style is to omit the second comma in "red, white, and blue," you are aligned with the anti-Oxford comma faction. The pro-Oxford comma faction is more vocal and numerous in the US, while in the UK, anti-Oxford comma reigns. (Oxford University is an outsider, style-wise, in its own land.) In the US, book and magazine publishers are generally pro, while newspapers are anti, but both styles can be found in both media.

 

The two main rationales for choosing one style over the other are clarity and economy. Each side has invoked both rationales in its favor. Here are some quotes that have served as shots exchanged in the Oxford comma wars.

 

Pro: "She took a photograph of her parents, the president, and the vice president."

This example from the Chicago Manual of Style shows how the comma is necessary for clarity. Without it, she is taking a picture of two people, her mother and father, who are the president and vice president. With it, she is taking a picture of four people.

 

Con: "Those at the ceremony were the commodore, the fleet captain, the donor of the cup, Mr. Smith, and Mr. Jones."

This example from the 1934 style book of the New York Herald Tribune shows how a comma before "and" can result in a lack of clarity. With the comma, it reads as if Mr. Smith was the donor of the cup, which he was not.

 

Pro: "Zinovieff shot over five hundred of the bourgeoisie at a stroke—nobles, professors, officers, journalists, men and women."

George Ives, the author of a 1921 guide to the usage style of the Atlantic Monthly Press, gives this example to show how making the comma before "and" standard practice is more economical. This way, the reader will know for sure that if it's missing, there's a good reason. Here the reading is that there were both men and women among the nobles, professors, officers, and journalists. Without the expectation of the Oxford comma, the reader has to work harder to figure out that men and women aren't two additional groups on the list.

 

Con: "There are certain places where for the sake of clarity and good form the presence of a comma is obligatory, but on the other hand a too liberal use of this form of punctuation tends to slow up the pace of the reading matter and to create confusion and hesitancy in the mind of the reader."

The 1937 New York Times style guide put economy on the side of the no comma rule. Use when necessary—otherwise, it's just clutter to slow you down.

 

Pro: "...use the comma between all members of a series, including the last two, on the commonsense ground that to do so will preclude ambiguities and annoyances at negligible cost."

Wilson Follett, in his 1966 Modern American Usage, advocates for the comma on the grounds that it can't really hurt.

 

Con: "All those commas make the flag seem rained on. They give it a furled look. Leave them out, and Old Glory is flung to the breeze, as it should be."

This complaint was addressed to Harold Ross, the founding editor of the New Yorker, by James Thurber, who preferred "the red white and blue" to "the red, white, and blue." Ross, a notorious defender of the serial comma, was impressed by Thurber's argument and responded, "write a piece about it, and I'll punctuate the flag any way you want it—in that one piece."

 

Pro: "This book is dedicated to my parents, Ayn Rand and God"

A probably apocryphal book dedication, this example has been a favorite of pro-Oxford comma language blogs for a while. Without the comma before "and," you get a rather intriguing set of parents.

 

Con: "The English are rather more careful than we are, and commonly put a comma after the next-to-last member of a series, but otherwise are not too precise to offend a red-blooded American."

H.L. Mencken, who did not use the serial comma himself, implies, in this quote tucked into a supplement to The American Language, that there is something prissy, pedantic, and altogether un-American about the extra comma.

 

?: "By train, plane and sedan chair, Peter Ustinov retraces a journey made by Mark Twain a century ago. The highlights of his global tour include encounters with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demigod and a dildo collector."

Languagehat dug this gem out of a comment thread on the serial comma. It's from a TV listing in The Times. It supports the use of the Oxford comma, but only because it keeps Mandela from being a dildo collector. However, even the Oxford comma can't keep him from being an 800-year-old demigod. There's only so much a comma can do.

 

http://mentalfloss.com/article/33637/best-shots-fired-oxford-comma-wars

[bigvalboy]

 

LOL...I'm a little slow. Took me a second.

[AdamSmith]

4 Copy Editors Killed In Ongoing AP Style, Chicago Manual Gang Violence

 

http://i.onionstatic.com/onion/1915/6/16x9/1200.jpg

NEWS IN BRIEF January 7, 2013

Vol 49 Issue 01 News · News Media · Our Annual Year 2013

 

NEW YORK—Law enforcement officials confirmed Friday that four more copy editors were killed this week amid ongoing violence between two rival gangs divided by their loyalties to the The Associated Press Stylebook and The Chicago Manual Of Style. “At this time we have reason to believe the killings were gang-related and carried out by adherents of both the AP and Chicago styles, part of a vicious, bloody feud to establish control over the grammar and usage guidelines governing American English,” said FBI spokesman Paul Holstein, showing reporters graffiti tags in which the word “anti-social” had been corrected to read “antisocial.” “The deadly territory dispute between these two organizations, as well as the notorious MLA Handbook gang, has claimed the lives of more than 63 publishing professionals this year alone.” Officials also stated that an innocent 35-year-old passerby who found himself caught up in a long-winded dispute over use of the serial, or Oxford, comma had died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

 

http://www.theonion.com/article/4-copy-editors-killed-in-ongoing-ap-style-chicago--30806

[Kevin Slater]

 

Kevin Slater

[+ quoththeraven]

Furthermore, see citations below.

 

Against the serial comma are Thurber, Mencken and The New York Times.

For the serial comma is The Chicago Manual of Style.

 

I rest my case.

 

The Best Shots Fired in the Oxford Comma Wars

The Oxford comma, so-called because the Oxford University Press style guidelines require it, is the comma before the conjunction at the end of a list. If your preferred style is to omit the second comma in "red, white, and blue," you are aligned with the anti-Oxford comma faction. The pro-Oxford comma faction is more vocal and numerous in the US, while in the UK, anti-Oxford comma reigns. (Oxford University is an outsider, style-wise, in its own land.) In the US, book and magazine publishers are generally pro, while newspapers are anti, but both styles can be found in both media.

 

The two main rationales for choosing one style over the other are clarity and economy. Each side has invoked both rationales in its favor. Here are some quotes that have served as shots exchanged in the Oxford comma wars.

 

Pro: "She took a photograph of her parents, the president, and the vice president."

This example from the Chicago Manual of Style shows how the comma is necessary for clarity. Without it, she is taking a picture of two people, her mother and father, who are the president and vice president. With it, she is taking a picture of four people.

 

Con: "Those at the ceremony were the commodore, the fleet captain, the donor of the cup, Mr. Smith, and Mr. Jones."

This example from the 1934 style book of the New York Herald Tribune shows how a comma before "and" can result in a lack of clarity. With the comma, it reads as if Mr. Smith was the donor of the cup, which he was not.

 

Pro: "Zinovieff shot over five hundred of the bourgeoisie at a stroke—nobles, professors, officers, journalists, men and women."

George Ives, the author of a 1921 guide to the usage style of the Atlantic Monthly Press, gives this example to show how making the comma before "and" standard practice is more economical. This way, the reader will know for sure that if it's missing, there's a good reason. Here the reading is that there were both men and women among the nobles, professors, officers, and journalists. Without the expectation of the Oxford comma, the reader has to work harder to figure out that men and women aren't two additional groups on the list.

 

Con: "There are certain places where for the sake of clarity and good form the presence of a comma is obligatory, but on the other hand a too liberal use of this form of punctuation tends to slow up the pace of the reading matter and to create confusion and hesitancy in the mind of the reader."

The 1937 New York Times style guide put economy on the side of the no comma rule. Use when necessary—otherwise, it's just clutter to slow you down.

 

Pro: "...use the comma between all members of a series, including the last two, on the commonsense ground that to do so will preclude ambiguities and annoyances at negligible cost."

Wilson Follett, in his 1966 Modern American Usage, advocates for the comma on the grounds that it can't really hurt.

 

Con: "All those commas make the flag seem rained on. They give it a furled look. Leave them out, and Old Glory is flung to the breeze, as it should be."

This complaint was addressed to Harold Ross, the founding editor of the New Yorker, by James Thurber, who preferred "the red white and blue" to "the red, white, and blue." Ross, a notorious defender of the serial comma, was impressed by Thurber's argument and responded, "write a piece about it, and I'll punctuate the flag any way you want it—in that one piece."

 

Pro: "This book is dedicated to my parents, Ayn Rand and God"

A probably apocryphal book dedication, this example has been a favorite of pro-Oxford comma language blogs for a while. Without the comma before "and," you get a rather intriguing set of parents.

 

Con: "The English are rather more careful than we are, and commonly put a comma after the next-to-last member of a series, but otherwise are not too precise to offend a red-blooded American."

H.L. Mencken, who did not use the serial comma himself, implies, in this quote tucked into a supplement to The American Language, that there is something prissy, pedantic, and altogether un-American about the extra comma.

 

?: "By train, plane and sedan chair, Peter Ustinov retraces a journey made by Mark Twain a century ago. The highlights of his global tour include encounters with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demigod and a dildo collector."

Languagehat dug this gem out of a comment thread on the serial comma. It's from a TV listing in The Times. It supports the use of the Oxford comma, but only because it keeps Mandela from being a dildo collector. However, even the Oxford comma can't keep him from being an 800-year-old demigod. There's only so much a comma can do.

 

http://mentalfloss.com/article/33637/best-shots-fired-oxford-comma-wars

 

More of a comma example than a serial comma example:

 

A panda bear eats, shoots[,] and leaves vs. eats shoots and leaves.

[+ WmClarke]

Take a look at the Spotify's Top 10 Misquoted Song Lyrics below and stream a playlist of the mistakenly catchy tracks. What lyrics do you struggle with the most?

 

1. Blinded by the light...wrapped up like a douche when you're rollin’ in the night / Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night (Manfred Mann’s Earth Band, Blinded By the Light) – 52%

 

2. ’Scuse me, while I kiss this guy / ‘Scuse me, while I kiss the sky (Jimi Hendrix, Purple Haze) – 19%

 

3. Rock the cat box / Rock the Casbah (The Clash, Rock The Casbah) – 14%

 

4. Hold me closer Tony Danza / Hold me closer tiny dancer (Elton John, Tiny Dancer) – 13%

 

5. There’s a bathroom on the right / There’s a bad moon on the rise (Credence Clearwater Revival, Bad Moon Rising) – 12%

 

6. Take me down to a very nice city / Take me down to paradise city (Guns N’ Roses, Paradise City) – 10%

 

7. Animal! / Panama! (Van Halen, Panama) – 9%

 

8. Like a cheese stick / Like a G6 (Far East Movement, Like a G6) – 8%

 

9. Don't go Jason waterfalls / Don’t go chasing waterfalls (TLC, Waterfalls) – 7%

 

10. I blow bubbles when you are not here / My world crumbles when you are not near (Macy Gray, I Try) – 4%

I always liked: You won't buy so I call for pizza / You walk by and I fall to pieces (Patsy Cline, I Fall to Pieces) - but I have no idea how common it is.

[+ Gar1eth]

I think this cartoon had a Headline referring to Trump when I first saw it.

 

http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j12/itsallos/CBF34704-57D4-435E-B9B5-2062F70ADA38_zpspuhms13n.jpg

 

Gman

[+ Gar1eth]

http://www.pleated-jeans.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/funny-book-dedication-Nelson-Mandela-1.jpg

 

Kevin Slater

 

Furthermore, see citations below.

 

Against the serial comma are Thurber, Mencken and The New York Times.

For the serial comma is The Chicago Manual of Style.

 

I rest my case.

 

The Best Shots Fired in the Oxford Comma Wars

The Oxford comma, so-called because the Oxford University Press style guidelines require it, is the comma before the conjunction at the end of a list. If your preferred style is to omit the second comma in "red, white, and blue," you are aligned with the anti-Oxford comma faction. The pro-Oxford comma faction is more vocal and numerous in the US, while in the UK, anti-Oxford comma reigns. (Oxford University is an outsider, style-wise, in its own land.) In the US, book and magazine publishers are generally pro, while newspapers are anti, but both styles can be found in both media.

 

The two main rationales for choosing one style over the other are clarity and economy. Each side has invoked both rationales in its favor. Here are some quotes that have served as shots exchanged in the Oxford comma wars.

 

Pro: "She took a photograph of her parents, the president, and the vice president."

This example from the Chicago Manual of Style shows how the comma is necessary for clarity. Without it, she is taking a picture of two people, her mother and father, who are the president and vice president. With it, she is taking a picture of four people.

 

Con: "Those at the ceremony were the commodore, the fleet captain, the donor of the cup, Mr. Smith, and Mr. Jones."

This example from the 1934 style book of the New York Herald Tribune shows how a comma before "and" can result in a lack of clarity. With the comma, it reads as if Mr. Smith was the donor of the cup, which he was not.

 

Pro: "Zinovieff shot over five hundred of the bourgeoisie at a stroke—nobles, professors, officers, journalists, men and women."

George Ives, the author of a 1921 guide to the usage style of the Atlantic Monthly Press, gives this example to show how making the comma before "and" standard practice is more economical. This way, the reader will know for sure that if it's missing, there's a good reason. Here the reading is that there were both men and women among the nobles, professors, officers, and journalists. Without the expectation of the Oxford comma, the reader has to work harder to figure out that men and women aren't two additional groups on the list.

 

Con: "There are certain places where for the sake of clarity and good form the presence of a comma is obligatory, but on the other hand a too liberal use of this form of punctuation tends to slow up the pace of the reading matter and to create confusion and hesitancy in the mind of the reader."

The 1937 New York Times style guide put economy on the side of the no comma rule. Use when necessary—otherwise, it's just clutter to slow you down.

 

Pro: "...use the comma between all members of a series, including the last two, on the commonsense ground that to do so will preclude ambiguities and annoyances at negligible cost."

Wilson Follett, in his 1966 Modern American Usage, advocates for the comma on the grounds that it can't really hurt.

 

Con: "All those commas make the flag seem rained on. They give it a furled look. Leave them out, and Old Glory is flung to the breeze, as it should be."

This complaint was addressed to Harold Ross, the founding editor of the New Yorker, by James Thurber, who preferred "the red white and blue" to "the red, white, and blue." Ross, a notorious defender of the serial comma, was impressed by Thurber's argument and responded, "write a piece about it, and I'll punctuate the flag any way you want it—in that one piece."

 

Pro: "This book is dedicated to my parents, Ayn Rand and God"

A probably apocryphal book dedication, this example has been a favorite of pro-Oxford comma language blogs for a while. Without the comma before "and," you get a rather intriguing set of parents.

 

Con: "The English are rather more careful than we are, and commonly put a comma after the next-to-last member of a series, but otherwise are not too precise to offend a red-blooded American."

H.L. Mencken, who did not use the serial comma himself, implies, in this quote tucked into a supplement to The American Language, that there is something prissy, pedantic, and altogether un-American about the extra comma.

 

?: "By train, plane and sedan chair, Peter Ustinov retraces a journey made by Mark Twain a century ago. The highlights of his global tour include encounters with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demigod and a dildo collector."

Languagehat dug this gem out of a comment thread on the serial comma. It's from a TV listing in The Times. It supports the use of the Oxford comma, but only because it keeps Mandela from being a dildo collector. However, even the Oxford comma can't keep him from being an 800-year-old demigod. There's only so much a comma can do.

 

http://mentalfloss.com/article/33637/best-shots-fired-oxford-comma-wars

 

4 Copy Editors Killed In Ongoing AP Style, Chicago Manual Gang Violence

 

http://i.onionstatic.com/onion/1915/6/16x9/1200.jpg

NEWS IN BRIEF January 7, 2013

Vol 49 Issue 01 News · News Media · Our Annual Year 2013

 

NEW YORK—Law enforcement officials confirmed Friday that four more copy editors were killed this week amid ongoing violence between two rival gangs divided by their loyalties to the The Associated Press Stylebook and The Chicago Manual Of Style. “At this time we have reason to believe the killings were gang-related and carried out by adherents of both the AP and Chicago styles, part of a vicious, bloody feud to establish control over the grammar and usage guidelines governing American English,” said FBI spokesman Paul Holstein, showing reporters graffiti tags in which the word “anti-social” had been corrected to read “antisocial.” “The deadly territory dispute between these two organizations, as well as the notorious MLA Handbook gang, has claimed the lives of more than 63 publishing professionals this year alone.” Officials also stated that an innocent 35-year-old passerby who found himself caught up in a long-winded dispute over use of the serial, or Oxford, comma had died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

 

http://www.theonion.com/article/4-copy-editors-killed-in-ongoing-ap-style-chicago--30806

 

My English teachers in school often talked about parallel structure. It seems to me that leaving the last comma out is non-parallel. It looks funny. And without it

 

http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/oxford-comma-jfk-stalin.jpg

 

Not to mention...

 

http://americandigest.org/sidelines/oxfordcomma.jpg

 

So let there be no more discussion of eliminating my Oxford Comma.

 

Gman

[Guest]

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door.

 

"Is there a problem, Officer?"

 

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

 

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

 

"You don't have one?"

 

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

 

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

 

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

 

The policeman says, "Why not?"

 

"I stole this car."

 

The officer says, "Stole it?"

 

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

 

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"

 

"She's in the boot if you want to see."

 

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

 

The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

 

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"

 

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

 

"Murdered the owner?"

 

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"

 

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

 

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

 

The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.

 

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."

 

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

 

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

[AdamSmith]

My English teachers in school often talked about parallel structure. It seems to me that leaving the last comma out is non-parallel. It looks funny. And without it

 

http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/oxford-comma-jfk-stalin.jpg

 

Not to mention...

 

http://americandigest.org/sidelines/oxfordcomma.jpg

 

So let there be no more discussion of eliminating my Oxford Comma.

 

Gman

Commenting on your position -- use the Oxford comma not just when needed for clarity, but all the time -- H.W. Fowler observed in The King's English:

 

"No one would write this who was not suffering from bad hypertrophy of the grammatical conscience."

 

[+ Gar1eth]

Commenting on your position -- use the Oxford comma not just when needed for clarity, but all the time -- H.W. Fowler observed in The King's English:

 

"No one would write this who was not suffering from bad hypertrophy of the grammatical conscience."

 

 

 

Thank gosh I'm an American and acknowledge no King, except of course from having grown up in the largest contiguous cotton-growing region in the world, King Cotton.

 

Gman

[MrMattBig]

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door.

 

Lmao clever way to get out of a ticket... ... or not lmao this is to funny.

[AdamSmith]