coffee talk 6/6 - why did we start to hire?

[NYTomcat]

Oh, that is such good advice... or to put it in another way you need to find someone who knows what you want even before you realize that you need it yourself... and some guys can read you to the point that they know exactly in which direction to take you and also how fast and how far to go... and even when you yourself have no clue.

 

Interestingly, a couple of years ago I briefly had a signature that expressed that very sentiment.

 

“A talented escort is like a great philosopher… he will take you places that you need to discover.”

 

Funny But this thread has really opened my eyes about an obvious but sometimes overlooked reality about why we hire. WE all have different reasons, loss of loved one we want fulfilled, feeling of connection, need for a huge cock, it really doesnt matter why so much as what it is good escorts provide.

 

I had another poster ask me why I hire instead of just finding someone in "real" life. WELL

 

Clients enjoy feeling special even when we don't realize ourselves what might make us feel that way. And we are willing to pay the escort who makes us feel that way. for each of us feeling special comes in many packages. Some feel special when that really hot guy humiliates us and treats us like dirt. Some of Us feel special cause we are in bed with the hottest guy in town and he has an 11 inch dick. Still others feel special because the escort makes us feel romanced aka the BFE. Or even special just because someone we think is hot, sexy, romantic, smart, street savy, whatever, wants to spend time sharing their lives with us (even if only for a brief moment).

 

IMHO it seems we all started and continue to hire because we seek that which our lives do not provide because of time, looks, whatever. That someone who will make us feel special for that moment. That person who will be our tormentor, fuck-monster, master, lover, romancer or just friend that we dont have. Plus it doesnt hurt if they are great in bed. or the car, or the shower etc...

[Guest socal30]

Plus real life isn't all that different. While I have repressed my sexuality, many of my friends who have married are now divorced or stuck in unhappy situations. Not all of them-but a sizeable figure. People in real life engage in relations for all sorts of reasons-from looks, money, to get ahead in your career, love etc.. Not all relationships/marraige is due to love.

 

I think this is at least more honest, in that both parties know what the deal is and both are on an equal footing.

[NYTomcat]

plus real life isn't all that different. While i have repressed my sexuality, many of my friends who have married are now divorced or stuck in unhappy situations. Not all of them-but a sizeable figure. People in real life engage in relations for all sorts of reasons-from looks, money, to get ahead in your career, love etc.. Not all relationships/marraige is due to love.

 

I think this is at least more honest, in that both parties know what the deal is and both are on an equal footing.

 

bravo

[Guest greatness]

oh my

 

Tom

 

You are so perceptive! It is a nice thread and it is so refreshening! Thanks!

[instudiocity]

Plus real life isn't all that different.

 

For example, Marriage (or Coupling Up) is as much an economic decision as it is an emotional decision.

 

We just choose a by the hr, overnight, day, weekend, week rate versus the "till death do us part" or alimony till death rate.

[Guest OCBeachbody]

Well as I shared before the first time I hired an escort was because I was third business trip. I have a good group of friends and we hang out, so when going away from home I really get homesick... especially on week long assignments.

Anyhow I just wanted someone I could connect with, someone nice and who would pay attention to me (yes I know... not an attention *****) and hang out.

The guy I hired was name Marco, a tall white guy with sticking good looks. He was very charismatic and we got along great. Nothing physical happened, we just had a great dinner and time. LOL... later I learned I could garner contact via massage... so that has saved some coin. Yet every once in awhile I will hire and escort when I just want some quality guy time when I am away from home.

LOL... i shared too much guess when you team looses the championship and your a bit buzzed you open up

[orbital sander]

OCBeachbody,

 

Sorry about the game.

 

I started to hire because I was curious what it would be like to do everything in one step and dispense with all of the "process". I thought it was not too bad, for what it was and so I have continued on. That being said, I think that settling down with someone and building a relationship is a worthy pursuit, I am just not ready to do that just yet.

[+ Charlie]

I have been away from the Internet (a delightful experience--I spent my time talking with people face-to-face) for a few weeks, so I skimmed through the threads I missed, and this is the only one I felt like responding to (more on that later).

 

I came out young (17), and was highly sexed, so I had lots of sex, especially after I graduated from college and acquired my own apartment. It was not unusual for me to have sex every day, with guys I picked up in bars, on the street, or through social contacts. At 25, I settled down somewhat with my partner, but we were honest with one another from the start: we were both promiscuous sluts, and sexual monogamy was not in the cards if our relationship was to last. When I turned 30, we separated for a year, and sex with innumerable men seemed to be the main activity of my days and nights. After a while, though, it had become a stale routine, and when we got back together, I began to concentrate more on my career, although I was still horny enough to be constantly turned on by the studs I saw around me.

 

Keep in mind that I am talking about the 1960s and 70s, when "escorting" for the middle classes had not yet been professionalized. "Rentboys" had a sleazy image, and I wasn't inclined to have sex with someone who was probably straight (or claimed to be) and potentially dangerous. Even more important, I didn't have a lot of money, and was reluctant to waste it on a commodity I could get for free. However, as I aged, I was finding cruising for sex was often a waste of time--and money, too--because I was finding the kind of guys who attracted me were no longer as easy to get as they used to be. I discovered the ads for "models" in the old pink pages of the Advocate, and they began to look intriguing, especially in New York, where I was living then.

 

I was 35 when my father died, and I went home to Virginia for a month with my family. When I returned to NY, I was horny as hell, but in no mood to cruise for relief. So I picked up the Advocate, and found an ad for an escort service, which I called. The price for an hour at their location with an escort was $65, which I could afford, so I made an appointment. When I arrived, I discovered that the guy working the desk was someone I recognized from the bars. He sent me to the back bedroom, where I nervously waited until someone was sent in to join me. He was not exactly what I had expected, based on what I had asked for, but the whole experience was kind of exciting. I thought it would be a one-time thing.

 

A few months later, after a few particularly frustrating cruising experiences, I decided to try hiring again, but this time I called directly to someone who advertised in the pink pages. When I got to his place, he turned out to be really attractive to me, and I had the most satisfying sex I had had in a long time; a week later, I did it again, and would probably have done it a third time, except that he called me to solicit another meeting, and that did not sit well with me. I didn't do anything again for several months, but I was not having much success with the guys I was picking up in bars, so I called yet another ad. This guy turned out to be the ideal hunk of my fantasies since my teens, and I was hooked. If I had had the money, I would probably have become addicted to hiring, but I didn't, so I budgeted for a monthly treat, for several years.

 

By the time AIDS came along, my sex drive had already been slackening as a result of middle age, and the available sex in the clubs and baths abruptly came to an end. Since the mid-1980s, my sexual experiences have been almost exclusively with escorts. As the years have gone by, however, I have found that kind of sex less and less exciting, and my hiring has tailed off to almost nothing. I can no longer fool myself into thinking that the hot guy would be doing it with me even if I weren't paying him--and I can't afford to pay him enough to make him eager to fake it. I can now go for weeks without even thinking about sex, and seem to have lost my need for it.

 

Which takes me back to my opening comments. When I first discovered this site back in 1999, I was excited to start talking about escorts with peers who were interested and open about the subject. That excitement has faded, too, and if the site hadn't morphed into a social gathering to discuss more topics than escorting, I probably would have left a long time ago. The fact that I found good friends through the site has kept me here, even though the subject of escorting no longer piques my interest. However, I find that, in the course of 3000+ posts, I have said pretty much all that I have in me that is worth saying about most subjects discussed here, and I find I'm repeating myself, as in the story above, which I have told here more than once before. I am starting to bore myself. When Lucky announced his departure, I was actually relieved, because I thought it gave me an opening to withdraw, too, and I was somewhat dismayed to come back today and find that long thread in which he seems to have returned to the MB (I haven't had a chance to discuss developments with him yet).

 

I am not going to do a "hail and farewell" message, because I don't intend to burn any bridges the way Will did several ago (those of you who weren't here in his days missed some wonderfully intelligent, humane discussions, and I'm sorry that he felt it necessary to cut his contacts here), but even though I intend to post much less frequently in the future, I still will look in frequently to see what is happening here.

[+ purplekow]

Well I am sorry to hear we will have one less Good Time Charlie posting here but the lure back to friends and familar conversations may hold more of a draw than you think. If you have ever been hooked on a soap opera, Dynasty for me, then you know you can leave but you can never escape. So I have no doubt some words of wisdom will be thrown at us from Charlie's direction soon enough. Have a nice vacation.

[Guest greatness]

My illness made me a saint! I don't want to hire or have sex.. Although I enjoy porn from time to time.. lol Charlie you seem a very nice guy and we will miss you if you completely leave so tell us how you are doing from time to time..

 

I

 

I can now go for weeks without even thinking about sex, and seem to have lost my need for it.

 

[twinkboylover28]

The only reason I started paying for twinks is because I'm fat with a huge unattractive beer belly. I cant attract the type of guy whom I'm attracted to. I'm exclusively into skinny white boyish twinks, like the twinks featured on lollipoptwinks

 

Obviously I'd much rather have a monogamous, faithful, loyal boyfriend who is mutually in love with me as much as I'm in love with him, but in reality that will just never happen given the age-difference and weight issues.

 

I never dated in high school or college, and i'm mostly closeted, which all contributed to my having to hire. I only had one serious relationship in my life, which began in April of 2008 and ended shorty after a year or two. It was the best time of my life, and I'll never get that first-love romance ever again.

 

Anyways, every single gay couple I know, who is so-called "monogamously coupled", is secretly cheating on the side. Whether it be an open relationship, or they "got permission from their boyfriend" or whatever, I dont know of any gay "monogamous relationships" where both partners are truly 100% monogamous.

 

Sure people will poimnt to the straight community and say "that happens over ther etoo", but in my idealistic world i was hoping true love might exist.

 

I still find it hard to not have a boyfriend, amnd have to "share" the public escort to the highest bidder. Knowing that anyone who has the money can "have" the escort is a real turn-off in so ,many ways.

 

Obviously if people could have a "real" boyfriend they would be monogamous ,and wouldnt have to pay for sex.

 

Just my humble opinion.

[Juan Vancouver]

Well, I hired the first time because I had just decided that I wanted to finally give into temptation and be an escort myself. However, I had absolutely no idea how I could go about doing that, so I decided that the best way to do that was to do some research. I googled male escort vancouver or something similar, and hired the escort who I thought looked more professional.

 

I did learn a lot by doing this. He was very good on the phone, on email, checking information, setting his rules gently and demanding enough information from me so that he felt confident and safe. He was also quite good in the sack, and because of him I got a clear idea of how an escort would behave. We talked quite a bit and I left that session ready to try it myself.

 

Throughout my research days I traveled quite a lot and met with some of the best reviewed escorts of the day. I never said that I was also an escort. I wanted to get their John Doe approach. Some very incredibly good, fully justifying their reputations, some incredibly bad, leaving me to wonder how they got their reviews.

 

Now I don't hire for research. I don't hire that often, but sometimes I am traveling and I feel like not having to work at luring anyone, so I just get a nice fuck a la carte.

 

Now, about this:

 

Obviously if people could have a "real" boyfriend they would be monogamous ,and wouldnt have to pay for sex.

 

So, if a couple is not monogamous, the boyfriend is not real?

 

So, the only reason to pay for sex is to get a boyfriend?

 

So, one can find a boyfriend whilst engaging an escort?

 

Lastly,

 

Knowing that anyone who has the money can "have" the escort is a real turn-off in so ,many ways.

 

This goes to show that we are all different. Sometimes I am with an escort, either working with him or hiring him and the idea that anyone can have this gorgeous man turns me on beyond words. There is something very beautiful about the fact that this incredibly beautiful and talented man can brighten up the lives of many.

 

I guess, vive la difference! (Amongst each other.)

[twinkboylover28]

 

 

This goes to show that we are all different. Sometimes I am with an escort, either working with him or hiring him and the idea that anyone can have this gorgeous man turns me on beyond words. There is something very beautiful about the fact that this incredibly beautiful and talented man can brighten up the lives of many.

 

 

Uhm, I guess so. Most people would view those people/escorts as wh0res. That is a fact. Let's not sugarcoat or glorify the "occupation." Most people dont find wh0res "attractive." Am I wrong?

[AdamSmith]

Obviously if people could have a "real" boyfriend they would be monogamous ,and wouldnt have to pay for sex.

 

Speak for yourself.

[twinkboylover28]

 

 

So, if a couple is not monogamous, the boyfriend is not real?

 

 

 

Absolutely it's NOT a real boyfriend. Obviously if it was a real "monogamous boyfriend" then he wouldnt be banging everything in sight.

 

I think you're trying to make this into an argument about whether or not so-called open relationships and polyamory are real relationships. In the straight community, theres no way a girlfriend would let her boyfriend cheat on her and not be faithful, and still call him her "boyfriend." You're living in the Land of Oz if you believe that.

 

Plus, I'm not trying to start arguments. Im just chiming in with my personal opinion, which is what the original poster was asking for.

[twinkboylover28]

Speak for yourself.

 

Likewise.

[josephga]

theres no way a girlfriend would let her boyfriend cheat on her and not be faithful, and still call him her "boyfriend." You're living in the Land of Oz if you believe that.

 

/QUOTE]

 

 

Oh theres gay men that feel that way too. iv also known a few gay couples that claim to be 100% monogamous. I was always 100 % faithful to who ever i dated and had quiet a few gay men over the years make fun of me for be that way but then again i didn't then or now need their approval.

[+ Charlie]

Absolutely it's NOT a real boyfriend. Obviously if it was a real "monogamous boyfriend" then he wouldnt be banging everything in sight.

 

I think you're trying to make this into an argument about whether or not so-called open relationships and polyamory are real relationships. In the straight community, theres no way a girlfriend would let her boyfriend cheat on her and not be faithful, and still call him her "boyfriend." You're living in the Land of Oz if you believe that.

 

Plus, I'm not trying to start arguments. Im just chiming in with my personal opinion, which is what the original poster was asking for.

 

Why should we make the straight community the model for gay relationships? I have never equated love or emotional commitment with sexual monogamy, even if heterosexual women do so.

[+ deej]

I think you're trying to make this into an argument about whether or not so-called open relationships and polyamory are real relationships. In the straight community, theres no way a girlfriend would let her boyfriend cheat on her and not be faithful, and still call him her "boyfriend." You're living in the Land of Oz if you believe that.

 

You are quite wrong all the way around but your narrow-mindedness will prevent you from ever realizing it.

 

Life is not black and white, and relationships don't all fit into your narrow definition. Nor should they. Nobody has to live life by your rules but you.

[twinkboylover28]

Why should we make the straight community the model for gay relationships? I have never equated love or emotional commitment with sexual monogamy, even if heterosexual women do so.

 

Uhm, if someone enters into a MONOGAMOUS relationship with me, do yo uthink I'm being unreasonable expecting threm to be MONOGAMOUS?

 

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Plus, if you've never equated LOVE and committment with sexual monogamy, what the hell do yo uequate it with, banging as many skanks as possible?

 

Maybe next time people look for a mongamous boyfriend ,they should post an ad on Match-dot-com saying "I dont mind if you bang any one with a pulse, or pay for sex with prostitues." We will see the "quality" of responses you get.

 

Nothing says "I LOVE YOU" like bangin hot ass - someone else's.

[twinkboylover28]

You are quite wrong all the way around but your narrow-mindedness will prevent you from ever realizing it.

 

Life is not black and white, and relationships don't all fit into your narrow definition. Nor should they. Nobody has to live life by your rules but you.

 

 

Ahhh Deej!! We meet again. I see you havent lost your extreme looney liberalness. Here you go again with the name calling, and labelling people you disagree with as "narrow minded." Classic liberal school of thought. All liberals use that "black & white" arguement. The fact is Deej, even grade kids know the difference between RIGHT or Wrong, or "black and white" as you like to put it.

 

Monogamous relationships dont fit into my narrow definiton? HELLO!!!!

 

Deej, honey, ask any grade school kid what their definition of a monogamous relationship is, and I guarantee you that 100% of them will definetely say it does NOT involve cheating!!! ... or banging as much ass on the side (paid for or not.)

 

Maybe YOU' are the one that is "narrow minded" in your belief that every gay man beleives the way you do.... with your extreme liberal positions on relationships. That would never fly with most people, and you know it.

 

If you dont want to be in a monogamous relationship, then dont get into one.

 

As I said earlier, people can debate all day long as to whether or not so-called open "relationships" or polyamory are REAL relationships; however, for the vast majority of normal thinking society, a real relationship does NOT involve cheating, sexually or emotionaly.

 

This is a fact! Wheter or not you wish to admit it or not, or label it as "black and white."

 

And yes, why should gays be treated any differently than straight people in their behavior?

 

All my best!

[NYTomcat]

and i consider myself an old world romantic

 

understand i understand the sentiment. I do See a world of different interpretations. A relationship can be where you have sex with others but come home to sleep with your partner/husband if you will. The real trick to commitment is not lying to your husband about it. Dont pledge what you dont intend to provide. Just my 2 cents. For what its worth.

[twinkboylover28]

 

A relationship can be where you have sex with others but come home to sleep with your partner/husband if you will.

 

On what planet?

[Boomer]

"Deej, honey, ask any grade school kid what their definition of a monogamous relationship is, and I guarantee you that 100% of them will definetely say..."

 

What's monogamous?

[NYTomcat]

On what planet?

 

Right here on earth tbl. Whether you like it or not we have evidence of it all around you. People who are not alone and still maintain a varied sex life and a loving relationship. It nay not be your idea of Paradise. Hell it may not be mine. But it works for a whole lot of people. Many less lonely than us because of it.