Brotherly Love

[RickyDC]

Do you think there's such a thing as platonic fraternal love? I'm beginning to think so.

 

I met my friend Sean about a year ago at the tennis courts. We were both looking to hit with someone. I thought he was totally hot - my gaydar registered ambiguous. When I found out he was straight - had girlfriends and all, I thought he'd be just someone I'd hit the courts with once in a while.

 

What surprised me is that he didn't mind at all when I told him I was gay.

In fact he started asking me out to dinners, concerts, theater, NBA games -- just the two of us, date-like. Once in a while we go to straight clubs and I help him scope out the girls . . . he asked to go to a gay club and now he helps me scope out the guys there.

 

I've never met a straight guy so confident in his masculinity that it didn't bother him at all to be around gay men. He feels totally comfortable putting his arms around my shoulder - the other night we fell asleep cuddled on the couch while watching a move on my tv. It felt comfortable but not at all sexual.

 

I never expected to have this kind of intimacy with a straight guy - maybe I don't give them enough credit.

 

Just thought I'd share this rather unexpected relationshp with y'all.

[instudiocity]

Absolutely

 

I can name three guys I have that kind of relationship with. One gay, two straight. I wouldn't want to ruin any of these relationships by having sex with my buddies.

[seaboy4hire]

Times are a changing, this isn't 1955 any more. More and more straight guys are actually ok with gay folk. I've known one for a while who used to live with us for a few months till he got back on his feet. We'd play slap ass, give each other hugs and even kiss each other hello and good bye. There was nothing sexual about it and I was fine with that. We still talk from time to time and he even has a cutie for a son that I am part G-d parent of. I think that more will have similar relationships as time and peoples ideas of gays change. Like another poster I'd never want to have sex with my friend (even though he is cute) because I value our friendship too much to cross that line.

[adriano46]

Times are a changing, this isn't 1955 any more. More and more straight guys are actually ok with gay folk. I've known one for a while who used to live with us for a few months till he got back on his feet. We'd play slap ass, give each other hugs and even kiss each other hello and good bye. There was nothing sexual about it and I was fine with that. We still talk from time to time and he even has a cutie for a son that I am part G-d parent of. I think that more will have similar relationships as time and peoples ideas of gays change. Like another poster I'd never want to have sex with my friend (even though he is cute) because I value our friendship too much to cross that line.

 

To a nswer Ricky - Yes I do believe there is such a thing as fraternal or plaonic lve -- have experienced it often in life and treassure these friends more thasn anything. They are there when I need them (and I am there when they need me), we can be ourselves, and what a relief in a way, that the tension of sexuality seems to be far away in all this. We can laugh together, cry together, give a warm hug, and open ourselves to each other as only real brothers can. It is a rare gift to find such friends so cultivate them.

[adriano46]

Times are a changing, this isn't 1955 any more. More and more straight guys are actually ok with gay folk. I've known one for a while who used to live with us for a few months till he got back on his feet. We'd play slap ass, give each other hugs and even kiss each other hello and good bye. There was nothing sexual about it and I was fine with that. We still talk from time to time and he even has a cutie for a son that I am part G-d parent of. I think that more will have similar relationships as time and peoples ideas of gays change. Like another poster I'd never want to have sex with my friend (even though he is cute) because I value our friendship too much to cross that line.

 

To answer Ricky - YES I do believe there is such a thing as fraternal or platonic love -- and thankfully I have experienced it often in life and treasure these friends more than anything.

 

They are there when I need them (and I am there when they need me), we can be ourselves, and what a relief in a way, that the tension of sexuality seems to be far away in all this. We can laugh together, cry together, give a warm hug, and open ourselves to each other as only real brothers can. It is a rare gift to find such friends so cultivate them.

[Racketjock]

I agree that it does exist and share the other folks' sentiment that it indeed a rare gift. I am glad to have had two such folks in my life, one gay and one straight. Both are as close to me as brothers and we share a great, non-sexual bond. I admit I am attracted to them, but more in the sense of enjoying and valuing their company, insight, and what we share together. I do think times are changing, even somewhat slowly, where these friendships are more common and break traditional stereotypes. Thankfully.

[doitb4ugo]

Wish I could

 

In reading this post, I have to admit to a fair amount of jealousy. Having spent my life living in a closet, I can't say I have made any close friends, either gay or straight. I don't know if this is a direct result of living this lie, but believe that to be the case....I do seem to have anumber of very close female friends which, although they can't play that "brotherly" love roll, have been a real and geniune boon to my existence. To others out there who do not live in the gay or straight world....what experiences have you had with this close bonded brotherly love....It sounds great.

[josephga]

All of my male friends but one are str8, mostly friends I know from the military years. I don't currently have any female friends

[+ Charlie]

A few years ago, a new member at my tennis club, a snowbird from a small town in the Pacific Northwest, was added to a match as my doubles partner. He was a vigorous 85 years old, happily married to his second wife, with children and grandchildren, and totally straight. After the match, I ran into a friend, and we kissed. My doubles partner was shocked and appalled, and made a clumsy remark about getting infected that way, which was intended to be funny but was obviously a reaction to being unnerved by the realization that I was gay. But he kept on playing matches with me, and before long he became completely comfortable being around gay men and kidding with them. Now he has several gay men friends with whom he and his wife socialize, and says he is sorry to go back home in the summer, because he finds the people back there "so limited and close-minded." It just shows that you don't have to be a young straight man to learn to be relaxed with gays.

 

I have had other straight male friends over the years, but none of them as close as my straight female friends.

[instudiocity]

In reading this post, I have to admit to a fair amount of jealousy. Having spent my life living in a closet, I can't say I have made any close friends, either gay or straight. To others out there who do not live in the gay or straight world....what experiences have you had with this close bonded brotherly love....It sounds great.

 

First, start looking for friends. You need friends more than sex. And if you need sex a lot, you need friends even more. Learn the unconditionality and vulnerability of self-sacrificial love - not sex, but love.

 

It's not my line, but I love the quote, "Love is allowing you to take my heart and hold it in your hand." and another quote, "A kiss is something that brings two people so close together, they can't see each other's faults."

[josephga]

Sex is easy to get, good friends or much harder too find. I would never have sex with a friend regardless of what they looked like. It's hard too find good friends in the gay community. Iv found a few guys over the years claiming they wanted too be friends but really didn't. really wanted sex posing as people wanting friends. Once they saw it wasn't going in that direction those types move on fast. Imo some of the best places to make gay friends are volunteer type stuff, or joining a gay softball team or football or something like that.

[Guest OCBeachbody]

Yup brotherly love does exist and depending how deep it is it can be really intimate (non-sexual speaking of course). Have at two guy friends whom were closer than brothers. We shared, cried, and been together in good times and bad times... oh and we're drinking buddies too...lol

 

If you find this type of friendship cherish and keep it together... becuase they will last you alot long than any girl (or guy) you go out with!

[dapurplebear]

it would be great to find --

 

I thought I finally found a guy friend that shared a bunch in common - we could hang out, etc. all of the above -- then ended up f*cking a lot -- that was great -- but the other is lost...

[+ purplekow]

why do you suppose it is that you could not stay friends with a guy just cause he and you fucked. Most marriages end in a situation of limited sexual contact after an intense sexual beginning. After getting your rocks off why not go back to enjoying the boat show or the football game or the ballet?

[NYTomcat]

why do you suppose it is that you could not stay friends with a guy just cause he and you fucked. Most marriages end in a situation of limited sexual contact after an intense sexual beginning. After getting your rocks off why not go back to enjoying the boat show or the football game or the ballet?

 

Im still great friends with a man I had many sexual experiences with. we were friends b4 friends during and friends after sex. The problem is how you view the sex. is it an extension of friendship... then it can work and when it over you remain friends. the problem is when one sees the relationship changing into more than friends. Thats the risk that leads to conflict and ultimately a tearing of the intimacy

[dapurplebear]

PK if you are reffering to my situation or in general - I can say that we are friends, but there is a tension now -- we see each other a lot, but he is very involved, yet there is still physical attraction and occassionally we...

 

so that is what has changed and makes it different...

[+ friendofsheila]

I'm envious of those who have found the affection of other men without having sex be a part of the relationship. I've looked for this myself and have come up too often with men who wanted sex or men who departed when it became affectionate.

 

Now I know it does exist! Thanks.

[Diverdan]

BOTH and...

 

I have some very close guy friends and are very close to them emotionally, and a few of them have been/are involved with me sexually too. It never has affected our relationship, in part I think because it was never the sex that first brought us together. The sexual intimacy grew out of the emotional intimacy and the fact that we shared so many common interests. In every situation, the first time we had sex together seemed to be just a natural extension of our relationship. One of these friends became my lover for more than ten years, even though we never lived together. Unfortunately he died of a heart attack at a very young age. Another very close friend and I live at opposite ends of the country, but are still very close. At times we have gotten together without having sex and other times we have had the same torid hot time we had when we first met. To me it all depends on the individuals and how the relationship develops. I have another good buddy who works out at the same gym, and sometimes we work out together, shower together and compare notes on the guys around us. I don't think we will ever have sex with one another, but if we did, I don't think it would be an issue going forward.