how do you handle bfe?

[NYTomcat]

There's been a lot of talk about the bfe experience. And many have said that it can be accomplished even in the first and even short experiences. As I have always found longer times to build comfort a prerequisite. How does an escort accomplish that connection quickly. I'm asking clients and escorts alike. What are your experiences?

[raulgmanzo]

I totally understand the idea of the BFE even for shorter sessions.

It's not just about a connection the follows or may precede a session but also having some things in common, life experiences etc. These can be shared very explicitly but also can tacitly add depth to a kiss.

 

I don't feel that the term BFE is ideal, though not sure of a replacement.

The irony of calling it the BFE is that boyfriend too often implies a monogamous longer term relationship with a lot of baggage from society's heterosexual pro-creative biases and general prudery that makes so many friends have difficulty being sexual or romantic with one another.

 

There's been a lot of talk about the bfe experience. And many have said that it can be accomplished even in the first and even short experiences. As I have always found longer times to build comfort a prerequisite. How does an escort accomplish that connection quickly. I'm asking clients and escorts alike. What are your experiences?

[NYTomcat]

I totally understand the idea of the BFE even for shorter sessions.

It's not just about a connection the follows or may precede a session but also having some things in common, life experiences etc. These can be shared very explicitly but also can tacitly add depth to a kiss.

 

I don't feel that the term BFE is ideal, though not sure of a replacement.

The irony of calling it the BFE is that boyfriend too often implies a monogamous longer term relationship with a lot of baggage from society's heterosexual pro-creative biases and general prudery that makes so many friends have difficulty being sexual or romantic with one another.

 

I have often hated the BFE term. Its also confusing "love", romantic in nature, with the type of connection that just has an emotional, caring, understanding component. Yeah rather than BFE its more Friends with Benefits rather than total strangers banging. (Though thats hot too) perhaps then we will call it Friends+ experience. so how do you get from stranger hired to Friends+ in a short session. Thats got to be a huge challenge although I am told Raul you are a master at it.

[gp0560]

Friends with Benefits

 

I have often hated the BFE term. Its also confusing "love", romantic in nature, with the type of connection that just has an emotional, caring, understanding component. Yeah rather than BFE its more Friends with Benefits rather than total strangers banging. (Though thats hot too) perhaps then we will call it Friends+ experience. so how do you get from stranger hired to Friends+ in a short session. Thats got to be a huge challenge although I am told Raul you are a master at it.

 

Yes, Tomcat, that's it exactly. I felt that BFE was the wrong term for what I look for, but you got the terminology exactly right. BWB = BFE - exclusivity and romantic love. It does include a certain kind of love, though. Now, NYT, your assignment is to find the right word for that. "Brotherly love"? I dunno, and I need your input. Don't fail me now!

[+ purplekow]

Friendly Unencumbered Conjoined Kinship That is what I am looking for in a good FUCK.

[NYTomcat]

Yes, Tomcat, that's it exactly. I felt that BFE was the wrong term for what I look for, but you got the terminology exactly right. BWB = BFE - exclusivity and romantic love. It does include a certain kind of love, though. Now, NYT, your assignment is to find the right word for that. "Brotherly love"? I dunno, and I need your input. Don't fail me now!

 

Brotherly Love.....Oh thats a hard one I'll have to think. Its like the supreme court says about porn. cant define it but I know it when I see it.

 

http://www.belamigalleries.com/galleries/Lautrec_Twins/Lautrec_Twins11_big.jpg

[NYTomcat]

Friendly Unencumbered Conjoined Kinship That is what I am looking for in a good FUCK.

 

I thought you wanted naked hot sweaty muscled ball slapping banging, PK. Wow your mellowing into me

[+ purplekow]

I was unclear. I was answering the question as to the kind of love involved. It is the love of a good FUCK, please see above to define fuck. As for me, yes, I like sweaty and muscled and a bit of ball slaping is fine but I like the other stuff to, in that way, I am versatile.

[NYTomcat]

I was unclear. I was answering the question as to the kind of love involved. It is the love of a good FUCK, please see above to define fuck. As for me, yes, I like sweaty and muscled and a bit of ball slaping is fine but I like the other stuff to, in that way, I am versatile.

 

Well I would never claim you to be anything but flexible PK and willing to roll with the punches

[Guest greatness]

What I want from a boy friend...

 

I want a monogamous relationship with my future boyfriend. I want to raise one boy and a girl with my boyfriend . I would love to cook for my boyfriend and make him fresh fruit juice for him when he comes home after work. Oh my I should stop here otherwise I will write a book on this topic. Where is my prince~~. He is somewhere out there.. lol...

 

boyfriend too often implies a monogamous longer term relationship with a lot of baggage from society's heterosexual pro-creative biases and general prudery that makes so many friends have difficulty being sexual or romantic with one another.

[raulgmanzo]

Friendly Unencumbered Conjoined Kinship That is what I am looking for in a good FUCK.

 

That is brilliant!

[gp0560]

Brotherly Love.....Oh thats a hard one I'll have to think. Its like the supreme court says about porn. cant define it but I know it when I see it.

 

How about Best Friends Forever? Oh, on second thought, maybe not, that's been cheapened by the Valley Girls, Twitter, Facebook, and so on.

 

So now I'm stuck at Best Friend Experience, and I can't use BFE as an abbreviation. Lawsy me. what to do? Guess I'll just have to take the time to explain that I'm looking for a Best Friend (with privileges), not a Boyfriend.

 

Your thoughts, counselor?

[dapurplebear]

I do like Friends+... FWB- maybe -- maybe FtF -friends that f*ck??

[NYTomcat]

I'm sticking with friends+ I think it fits lots of sitches as the + is not defined.

[AdamSmith]

friends+

 

How about just...

 

My friend.

 

...for those infinitesimally few, life-altering cases you are talking about.

 

Life-altering in both directions: the qualification that will separate the 'secular humanists' from the 'true believers' among us!

 

(of which yr umble narrator is, needless to say, irredeemably among the latter )

[instudiocity]

The fewer words the better...

 

How about just...

My friend.

...for those infinitesimally few, life-altering cases you are talking about.

Life-altering in both directions: the qualification that will separate the 'secular humanists' from the 'true believers' among us!

 

That describes it! I've met a young man once who worked as an escort. I met him while he was working. By the 3rd appt, he allowed me to prepare dinner, share my wine collection (2 bottles in 3 hours) and accepted only one hour's compensation saying, "I'm giving you the Friends With Benefits discount from now on. He was a Frequent Dinner and Fun Guest! Now he's disappeared! I don't know where he is now, but I'd sure like to find him.

 

Oh, yeah and I'm now taking applications for his position just in case he never comes back.

[jimboivyo]

NYT- Don't forget that there are some great, amazing escorts out there who can find common ground almost immediately. It's what they do. It's their job. If you can find a guy who can do that AND seemingly enjoy his time with you, that's someone you don't easily let go of. As a client, that's what I'm looking for (the bfe). I've found it a couple of times, but kissed a whole lot of frogs in the process.

[NYTomcat]

well thats why i posted this. to find out the ones who can make the connection do quickly and how.

[doitb4ugo]

Both Ways

 

NYT- Don't forget that there are some great, amazing escorts out there who can find common ground almost immediately. It's what they do. It's their job. If you can find a guy who can do that AND seemingly enjoy his time with you, that's someone you don't easily let go of. As a client, that's what I'm looking for (the bfe). I've found it a couple of times, but kissed a whole lot of frogs in the process.

 

I think that's true jimboivyo. I should mention while this talent can be found in some escorts, it is not the escort (solely) who makes this happen. You need to be lucky enough to be someone who the escort "clicks" with as well as finding the escort who "clicks".....That makes the doubly difficult situation of being that "someone" who finds that "someone" ...OMG....it sounds F*cking difficult to have all this happen simultaneously...amost like finding love...

 

Despite kissing a whole lot of frogs, I'm gonna guess that the journey to find the Friend+ is as much an essential part of the whole thing as the finding.....You gottta love what life throws your way....

[jimboivyo]

Doit: Love your sig line. The Beatles were my favorite and still are.

 

NYTom: I have my own favorite escorts for long-term escapes. The few I see are guys who can relate to me, understand my needs and still keep it fresh for every trip. That being said, top quality comes at a price. I'm unsure at times if guys here on this board realize that.

[NYTomcat]

Doit: Love your sig line. The Beatles were my favorite and still are.

 

NYTom: I have my own favorite escorts for long-term escapes. The few I see are guys who can relate to me, understand my needs and still keep it fresh for every trip. That being said, top quality comes at a price. I'm unsure at times if guys here on this board realize that.

 

Thats always been my feeling as well. I firmly believe once the connection is there short visits can be as meaningful (well almost) as long but you still need the time and money to get to that stage. When I have said this others seem to say that the connection can be gotten almost immediately. Thats not been my experience but it could be me. I see (especially with bfe hirers) a long term investment being needed to build the connection. admittedly with some escorts it will never happen its the difference between 10 years experience and one years experience 10 times.

[jj69action]

I think the bfe involves a high level of trust especially is you are into kink of any kind. My best bfe is with Ace Rockstar, rough but safe!

[raulgmanzo]

I think the bfe involves a high level of trust especially is you are into kink of any kind. My best bfe is with Ace Rockstar, rough but safe!

 

Ace rocks! had a very fun leather and mildly kinky 3way with him.

[jimboivyo]

Yeah, trust is huge. My own BFE is the infamous (around here at least) Benjamin Nicholas, who's had a majorly wonderful impact on my life since we first met. Immediately wanting to feel trust and actually trusting someone are two very different things, but with BN, it came quickly. While I haven't seen Noah Driver as much, I'd say the same thing about him too. Great kid. Very responsible.

[NYTomcat]

Yeah, trust is huge. My own BFE is the infamous (around here at least) Benjamin Nicholas, who's had a majorly wonderful impact on my life since we first met. Immediately wanting to feel trust and actually trusting someone are two very different things, but with BN, it came quickly. While I haven't seen Noah Driver as much, I'd say the same thing about him too. Great kid. Very responsible.

Jim. Thank you for sharing and I have heard such things from his loyal client base before. Now please lets not turn this thread into another slash and burn session OK guys.

Jim. That's not for you thank you for sharing. I just don't want this thread to become what others have. Just at the mention of a name. So please. Best behavior boys.