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Creative puns.........

Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg

By Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg
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Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg

Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg

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Received this as an email today...some are groaners, but many made me LOL.

Hope you enjoy.

 

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

 

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

 

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

 

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

 

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

 

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary.

 

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

 

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

 

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

 

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

 

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

 

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway one hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head..'

 

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

 

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

 

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

 

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

 

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

 

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

 

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

 

23 . Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

 

:D:D

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Oliver Grand Master

+ Oliver

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Just love puns!

 

...some are groaners, but many made me LOL ...

 

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. Groaner

 

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. Sounds like one my father would have told

 

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. LOL ...

 

Per my father: "This could run into money", said the monkey as he peeed in the cash register.

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AdamSmith Grand Master

AdamSmith

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"Creative puns" is an oxymoron!

 

Isaac Asimov wrote a short story in which several scientists are sitting around a table, thinking about humor. One of them observes that nobody ever seems to know where really funny jokes come from. The only form of "humor" that one ever actually sees being created, or creates oneself, is puns.

 

From this, they eventually deduce that humor is an experiment being conducted on humans by an alien race. All the funny jokes are concocted by these aliens, who then inject the jokes into human circulation, and observe the results. The only thing we can originate, in weak imitation, is puns.

 

In the denouement, they further realize that, now they have seen through the aliens' experiment, they have invalidated it. Thus, for the rest of H. sapiens' existence -- no more new jokes! Except for our own puns. :(

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Kevin Slater Grand Master

Kevin Slater

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What is a 5 letter word for puzzle, he asked cryptically.

 

Ah, Tom Swifties! From wikipedia:

 

* "We'll have to amputate," the surgeon said off-handedly.

* "Can I go looking for the Grail again?" Tom requested.

* "I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner," Tom said succinctly.

* "They had to amputate them both at the ankles," Tom said defeatedly.

* "Who discovered radium?" asked Marie curiously.

* "Would you like to ride in my new ambulance?" asked Tom hospitably.

* "Who put the moss in the bog again?" asked Tom repeatedly.

 

Kevin Slater

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Kevin Slater Grand Master

Kevin Slater

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Ah shit. There's more:

 

"The doctor had to remove my left ventricle," said Tom half-heartedly.

"Elvis is dead," said Tom expressly. (Took me a minute.)

"You must be my host," Tom guessed.

"I've only enough carpet for the hall and landing," said Tom with a blank stare.

"Don't let me drown in Egypt!" pleaded Tom, deep in denial.

"I'm going to end it all," Sue sighed.

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

"I love hot dogs," said Tom with relish.

"I won't finish in fifth place," Tom held forth.

 

Kevin Slater

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  • 10 years later...
Kevin Slater Grand Master

Kevin Slater

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Ah, Tom Swifties! From wikipedia:

 

* "We'll have to amputate," the surgeon said off-handedly.

* "Can I go looking for the Grail again?" Tom requested.

* "I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner," Tom said succinctly.

* "They had to amputate them both at the ankles," Tom said defeatedly.

* "Who discovered radium?" asked Marie curiously.

* "Would you like to ride in my new ambulance?" asked Tom hospitably.

* "Who put the moss in the bog again?" asked Tom repeatedly.

 

Kevin Slater

 

Today's (Tuesday's) NYT Crossword is all Tom Swifties!

 

Kevin Slater

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