Client Cynicism?

[+ Tom Isern]

Okay, I have a question/maybe it’s an observation...I think it’s a question. One of the things I think I’ve noticed about the escort/client world is that when escorts express appreciation for their clients, it’s frequently read as “an act,” as almost inherently insincere--”he’s trying to get/keep my business.” I’ve heard the best escorts on this board described as having a “great act.”

 

For instance, I recently sent a note to a client telling him how much I enjoyed our time together. I followed it up with a second saying that I’d understated my enjoyment, that I REALLY fucking loved our time together. I was being honest. The client (I hope he won’t be angry with me for writing about this!) wrote back saying that I “understand the psyche of the client” better than most. The implication seemed clear: I was not being 100% sincere. I don’t understand the clients’ psyche better. I don’t think I do. I was simply sending a thank you, which I think should be fairly standard, and expressing how I really felt about the meeting.

 

Having been in other professions, I have to say that I don’t think I’ve seen this before--at least not to the same degree. A thank you from a financial advisor or a dentist or a holiday card from any other professional--are these read with the same “hermeneutic of suspicion”? Even students can give their teachers thank you and holiday cards without the same degree of skepticism. I have clients out there whom I haven’t seen in a while and whom I miss...and frankly, I’m afraid to contact them because I don’t want to be read in that particular way that escorts get read: “He just wants my money.” It’s an unfortunate reality. Or is it? Am I reading more into it than there is? Am I the suspicious one?

[Alan]

As a client, I must admit I'm a bit suspicious of some "thank you, I had a great time" messages, wondering if they are sincere or just a ploy to get business. Most of the time, I can tell if the escort had a good time and that's the measure I use to evaluate the truth in such a message. And admittedly, I've come to expect a thank you, especially if I left a good tip.

[+ purplekow]

Just a passing thought. Clients are paying for the escort's attention, so that the nature of the relationship is very clear. Client gives money; escort gives time and other services as may be agree upon by consenting adults in all 50 states and the District of Columbia. Money = Time.

Now, I want to thank you taking me with you to the play I laughed my ass off at the play and at your asides, or the dinner was really superb as was the conversation, or I can't recall having a better blowjob but afterwards laying around together was a real highlight, gives the client a more personal commendation than just spending the time. After all Time = Money.

Now someone who compliments me, gets a perfunctory thank you. Someone who compliments my dogs, well they get another booking.

[Guest alanm]

I was simply sending a thank you' date=' which I think should be fairly standard, and expressing how I really felt about the meeting. A thank you from a financial advisor or a dentist or a holiday card from any other professional--are these read with the same “hermeneutic of suspicion”? [/quote']

 

But, a client is paying an escort for sex, which may, over time, involve an emotional attachment on the part of the client. That kind of an attachment is very unlikely to happen with a financial advisor or dentist.

 

I think a thank you note is a bad idea, and you may even lose clients if you continue.

 

I have been hiring escorts for a long time. The only "gift" I ever received from an escort was two Elton John concert tickets at MSG.

 

At that point, I knew the escort well enough to know that he was sincere about a trip to Provincetown with a bf being more important to him than the concert tickets. And that was the only "gift" he ever gave me. In other words, it is fine if the client truly understands the context of a note or a gift.

[NYTomcat]

But, a client is paying an escort for sex, which may, over time, involve an emotional attachment on the part of the client. That kind of an attachment is very unlikely to happen with a financial advisor or dentist.

 

I think a thank you note is a bad idea, and you may even lose clients if you continue.

 

I have been hiring escorts for a long time. The only "gift" I ever received from an escort was two Elton John concert tickets at MSG.

 

At that point, I knew the escort well enough to know that he was sincere about a trip to Provincetown with a bf being more important to him than the concert tickets. And that was the only "gift" he ever gave me. In other words, it is fine if the client truly understands the context of a note or a gift.

 

I dissagree. Look as an attorney I send Thank you's to my clients who were particularly easy to work with. I also have no issues thinking escorts are sincere. If you wrote that you were dying to be with me again OK I think Id doubt the sincerity. Im not that self confident but thats really what it comes down to. Alot of clients are very self conscious about themselves their attributes, or just the fact they are hiring and can't "find a man on our own". We know that physically we are usually the ugly duckling of the pair and that in "real life" we could not or will not find an escort who generally chooses to be with us. Thus we temper everything with he's trolling for money. Trying to be realistic and not "blur the lines"

 

Maybe Ive grown some but I appreciate a thank you and I like to know you had a good time and I will take it at face value. Just don't be over complimentary, then we really question you cause we often question ourselves (at least I do)

[+ ArVaGuy]

I think a thank you note is a bad idea, and you may even lose clients if you continue.

 

I totally disagree with this assertion that sending a thank you note may lead to loss of clients. For me its the other way around, if an escort does not take the time to send a note then I'm less inclined to rebook in the future. Yes, services were delivered in exhange for money but its also a relationship. Call it smart marketing if you like or not but a note, at least in my view, is a nice way of elevating the experience beyond a business transaction.

 

In several instances such post encounter thank yous have led to a much deeper exhange and I've gotten to know some really great guys that way beyond just the escort aspect.

[Guest TBinCHI]

Okay, I have a question/maybe it’s an observation...I think it’s a question. One of the things I think I’ve noticed about the escort/client world is that when escorts express appreciation for their clients, it’s frequently read as “an act,” as almost inherently insincere--”he’s trying to get/keep my business.” I’ve heard the best escorts on this board described as having a “great act.”

 

For instance, I recently sent a note to a client telling him how much I enjoyed our time together. I followed it up with a second saying that I’d understated my enjoyment, that I REALLY fucking loved our time together. I was being honest. The client (I hope he won’t be angry with me for writing about this!) wrote back saying that I “understand the psyche of the client” better than most. The implication seemed clear: I was not being 100% sincere. I don’t understand the clients’ psyche better. I don’t think I do. I was simply sending a thank you, which I think should be fairly standard, and expressing how I really felt about the meeting.

 

Having been in other professions, I have to say that I don’t think I’ve seen this before--at least not to the same degree. A thank you from a financial advisor or a dentist or a holiday card from any other professional--are these read with the same “hermeneutic of suspicion”? Even students can give their teachers thank you and holiday cards without the same degree of skepticism. I have clients out there whom I haven’t seen in a while and whom I miss...and frankly, I’m afraid to contact them because I don’t want to be read in that particular way that escorts get read: “He just wants my money.” It’s an unfortunate reality. Or is it? Am I reading more into it than there is? Am I the suspicious one?

 

Tom,

I think it all depends on the sincerity of the thank you note. A perfunctory note is worse than no note at all - it simply conveys the commercialism of the transaction. But a note that references certain intimate details of your encounter surely should hit the right tone. I think I would know if an escort sent me a second note saying that he fucking loved the session that he truly loved the session. That doesn't mean that he fell in love with me, thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread, or will count the minutes until the next encounter. It simply means that you had a fucking awesome time and suggests that if there is another one it will be just as good.

 

I recently had a great session with an escort and have a follow up time scheduled. In the meantime, the escort has been emailing me about ordinary and funny things. It is truly appreciated as it really does make me think that even though it is still a commercial transaction, it at least is one that he is enjoying. That makes our next session something that I am really looking forward to. And, gaybor, no that does not mean that I'm falling in love with him or that he has no conscience. It is simply a "relationship" that has its own unique but satisfying characteristics.

[rvwnsd]

On Christmas Day, I received a phone call from Raul G Manzo, whom I have hired twice. I was with friends' and family and couldn't take his call. He left a message wishing me a Merry Christmas. He also sent me a thank you note after our first playdate. Both times, I appreciated his thoughtfulness. It never crossed my mind that he was being anything but sincere.

 

Last week, I contacted a guy and then had to postpone because I caught a cold. He was very understanding and I assured him I would call when I was feeling better. After a week went by with no phone call from me, he followed up with an e-mail to see how I was doing. Not once did he mention setting up an appointment. I am still under the weather and told him so. He followed up with another very nice message. I took his message at face value and thought he was just being nice. Again, it never occurred to me to think he was being insincere.

 

There's an old saying that you reap what you sow. Sow cynicism when someone makes a nice gesture and you will receive cynicism when you do the same. Assume that an escort is acting when he tells you that you give the best blowjob ever and you won't enjoy giving him (or anyone else) the next one.

 

I will wrap this up by saying that Tom and I have had a few very pleasant e-mail exchanges. Unfortunately, we haven't been able to meet yet. Tom, I never thought you were being insincere. On the contrary, you struck me as being very genuine and sensitive. Keep sending your thank you notes. As Dr Seuss said, those who matter won't mind and those who mind don't matter.

[Boston Guy]

First, whenever a service provider (in almost any business) does something to thank a client, there will almost always be some small question about the sincerity of the act. That's reasonable because at least some of those gestures are, in fact, good marketing. I think that a thank you can be appropriate and appreciated in some instances.

 

However, there have been those here who definitely did not want a thank you phone call, email or note. They did not want to take the chance that someone else could intercept it or read it and preferred to say their goodbyes and thank yous at the door as they were leaving.

 

I'm ambivalent, myself, but urge some caution when considering sending notes or other messages.

 

BG

[Rick Munroe]

However, there have been those here who definitely did not want a thank you phone call, email or note. They did not want to take the chance that someone else could intercept it or read it and preferred to say their goodbyes and thank yous at the door as they were leaving.

 

That's why I usually hesitate to write one, unless Derek and I know the client well or know that it definitely would not be a problem. We're definitely of the camp that likes to show our appreciation in the moment and at the door.

[orbital sander]

This is a great post by the way...

 

I generally do not mind ONE text,e-mail, or thank you after a meet-up, however, when someone continues "to check in" say hi or just see what is going on it starts to annoy me....so it is a bit of a slippery slope. I had one guy I hired who would check in every month... "just seeing how November is going for you", etc.

 

One time, fine...more than that, no thanks.

[trooperbill2000]

While I always try to keep my eyes open, I do not dig as deeply into issues of sincerity as I used to. It is common in business to follow up and be courteous and these gestures of friendship cost little and are appreciated.

 

I have seen politicians go to public funerals and I used to question their motives. But when aquaintences came to funerals of my folks, for whatever reason, I appreciated it.

 

My initial visit to an escort was rationalized to be a small self reward after a rough summer of sacrifice. The escort I chose is friendly and considerate. Although the first visit was very satisfactory from a sex standpoint, I can say for certain that I would not have stayed interested if it were not for these kind and considerate gestures. I would most certainly have moved on and perhaps sampled some others.

 

I see an escorts expression of appreciation as no different from other businesses. I appreciate the courtesy. Being similar to a puppy dog, pet me - I will like you and want to know you better. In the case of an escort, it enhances their appeal and does not leave you with the feeling of just another random encounter.

[Guest alanm]

I totally disagree with this assertion that sending a thank you note may lead to loss of clients. For me its the other way around' date=' if an escort does not take the time to send a note then I'm less inclined to rebook in the future.[/quote']

 

I would appreciate a note from an escorts whom I had seen four or five times. But, I do not want a note from an escort whom I have hired once. To me, that note is the same as thank you letters from people whom I have interviewed for a job. The latter has been the norm for decades to the point of becoming a waste of time for both parties. Now you want to promote the same thing from escorts.

 

Aren't you talking about an escort whom you have hired once! Do you need that note for your ego? I just do not get it.

[+ newatthis]

I'm definitely with those who prefer some sort of post-hiring contact or thank you and are less likely to rehire if there isn't any. And I don't mind being told "I hope to see you again" (once -- I don't want to be harrassed with repeated emails if I haven't responded to the first one). So what if it's "just" marketing? To me, the absence of any communication could be interpreted as "I had a lousy time" or "you're a lousy client and I sure hope I don't have to deal with you any more."

 

I also agree that a personal touch makes a difference. It doesn't need to reference sex -- how about "that story you told me had me chuckling the rest of the day" or "I appreciated your sightseeing tips"? One guy's pretty boiler-plate thank you was redeemed by the suggestion that he was open to getting together for coffee or a meal the next time he was in town.

 

Like Bill, I've learned to turn down my cynicism dial. Makes life more pleasant and doesn't cost me anything, at least in a case like this.

 

BG, I underdstand that some clients, for reasons of discretion, don't want this kind of contact -- but in the case where the escort and clent have already been using email, surely the escort can conclude that an emailed thank you is ok.

 

Tom -- I think alanm's remark about emotional attachments is the key to the "why." Some clients feel the need, consciously or subconsciously, to protect themselves against forming an emotional bond with an escort. One way to do that is to turn up the cynicism. I imagine that's a hard part of the escorting business for escorts who actually like their clients.

[Guest Merlin]

The cynicism is largely a result of the client's negative self image, at least in regard to sex. Many clients are older and less than handsome, in less than good shape. Escorts are usually young and very attractive. So the client is thinking, if I were young and attractive, I would not want sex with me, so if he says he enjoys it, he is just drumming up business.

[bobchitown]

I'm afraid that this is a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" issue.

 

As a client I see a couple guys I'd define as "regulars". In each case I keep going back for the sex - sure, but also for the interaction. Every time I see them we catch up with each others lives, talk politics, complain about whatever.... As I've probably said in other threads before, I don't know if they truly like me or if they're just making me happy AND IT DOESN'T MATTER. What matters is they make me feel like I've spent my money wisely. I exchanged holiday greetings with a few escorts this year, about half on their initiative and half on mine and didn't feel intruded upon in any way.

 

What I dislike is when I've only seen someone once and they then continue to deluge me with "when can we get together again" messages. I ignore them and in most cases they eventually stop.

 

The only time I've felt hurt was when a former regular just quietly left the business and disappeared. I thought that he'd have sent out some sort of "it's been fun, but I'm retiring" message, but he just dropped off the face of the earth - phone no longer working and e-mails not being responded to, even one asking "just making sure you're OK." Probably just stopped reading messages to that address.

[Racketjock]

My mother raised me to provide common courtesy to others, be that a thank you for a gift or kindness shown, to open doors for others, and to be respectful of your elders among other things. I still struggle with them all sticking at times, but can see the value in them nonetheless. Not to speak with cynicism here, but with the large amount of travel I do, I tend to see these types of acts, be they good customer service or sincere expressions, less fewer and far between, regardless of geography. Tom, for my 2 cents, it is an appreciated gesture that I don't often find the norm. Thanks for raising the interesting topic.

[whipped guy]

My mother raised me to provide common courtesy to others...

 

As did my parents... In fact I was taught that the words "thank you" were "magical words"... "key words"' that would open doors for me...

 

While a "thank you" is always a good thing… it is not necessarily something that I really would expect to receive after the fact from an escort or even from a lawyer or dentist. Still, a sincere expression of thanks does make the recipient feel good. Therefore, when a session has gone well (and I have been fortunate in that most have) or even when things have not gone down quite as planned... but the escort gave it his earnest best shot… in addition to expressing my thanks at the conclusion of the session I ALWAYS send a thank you note and attempt to do so as soon as possible. Such a note of appreciation surely makes the escort feel as though he not only provided great service, but also reassures him that he is indeed quite adept at what he does. I think that is something that the human psyche feeds on and especially so when not necessarily expected.

 

Being in a service profession I am always so heartened when I get a sincere expression of thanks… It makes me feel worthwhile and needed. I have also learned that if it makes me feel good it will also make the client feel good as well… the proverbial two-way street so to speak. That is why the client is always thanked in one manner or another right after the service is rendered. In that regard Rick is right when he says that he and Derek like to do it in person and right after the moment of service. As for follow up thank you notes, that can be a bit tricky. As has been rightfully noted, there is quite a bit of cynicism out there and especially where the “oldest profession” is concerned… so it is a balancing act as it can seem to be merely a ploy to seek out a bit of additional business.

 

Still each individual knows what he feels in his heart and if someone like Tom or Raul feels the need to send that additional expression of thanks then by all means they should do it and if the client takes it the wrong way, “so be it”… At the very least it shows that the escort cares and has gone above and beyond the call of duty… so in the final analysis unless the thank you note blatantly exclaims, “...and when are you going to schedule you next appointment”, it probably is not a bad thing to consider doing.

 

In my opinion people do not thank others often enough. As an example, I frequent a couple of restaurants on a regular basis and (tip aside) I always verbally thank the waitress for every little thing that she does… and it is amazing how many people don’t!

 

A sincere thank you is indeed food for the soul…

[+ sf westcoaster]

I am on the side of liking to receive a follow-up note of thanks, but not fond of the canned note. For me it is all about the tone of the thank you and the words used to personalized it. I believe we can all read between the lines and know the depth of sincerity in a note or letter.

 

Basic good business practices would have you acknowledge a customer's business - escorting is a business and should give thought to good practices.

[jeepman]

Interesting topic.

I don't mind, and generally appreciate a quick 'thank you" or "nice to have met you" note from an escort after having spent time with him. I take it for what's it worth; if I get the impression during the meeting that he had a good time, then I am inclined to take it as he is being sincere. If I got the impression that he was just going through the motions, then I take it for face value. If the intent of such an e-mail is meant to drum up business, then so be it: if I was pleased with the guy, I would be inclined to see him again; if I was not pleased for whatever reason, then I won't see him again- regardless of whether I received a thank you or not. I think a quick acknowledgment shows a bit of class.

[Rick Munroe]

Rick is right when he says that he and Derek like to do it in person and right after the moment of service.

 

And "right after" really is the key here. If you do it any sooner, nobody can understand what you're saying with a mouth full of cock.

[KMEM]

And "right after" really is the key here. If you do it any sooner, nobody can understand what you're saying with a mouth full of cock.

 

A gay dentist might be able to understand such a "thank you".

 

As a business person, I get a lot of business thank yous in the form of Christmas cards, thank you for doing business with us, etc., etc. While I think of these as just a part of their way of doing business, I also think of these as part of my understanding of how we all do business. There may or may not be sincerity in any business thank you note but don't we just have to try to evaluate each and every note on the basis of what has transpired previously and what might transpire in the future? As always, keeping one's eyes wide open and not expecting something for nothing should be the operative words, don't you think?

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[+ g56whiz]

That's why I usually hesitate to write one, unless Derek and I know the client well or know that it definitely would not be a problem. We're definitely of the camp that likes to show our appreciation in the moment and at the door.

 

I think you guys are spot on about that but if Tom is in error, it's nice that he's wrong about being perhaps too nice.

 

After my dad died, my mother received a short, hand written note from his oncologist that said simply, "It was a pleasure to have known Harry and an honor to have been his physician." That was twenty years ago: it was, in its simplicity, the most profound of the condolences we received; and I remember it and the writer still. My point in noting this is that such communications should be restricted to really significant occasions.

 

Tom anyone can write a note (although few are as gifted as my father's oncologist), What I think I'd have done is go out and bought something connected to something that occurred during your interaction and let him know that you hope he returns because you have something for him when he returns: a simple cock ring or tit suction cups but really connected with what transpired or what you talked about.

 

Tom having read your reviews and blog, may I suggest you have replicas of your cock made up as dildos that you give out only to these very special clients. When the word gets out, your phone will ring off the hook. When I get the courage to engage you, I'll be working to be thought worthy of such a prize.

 

In the mean time it's nice to know you care.

[+ newatthis]

...may I suggest you have replicas of your cock made up as dildos that you give out only to these very special clients. When the word gets out, your phone will ring off the hook...

Or maybe he'll lose lots of business to do-it-yourselfers?

[Bart]

G56 I love your humor and the thoughtfulness of your post.

I dont really know 100% Tom's thoughts but I think he was going beyond just the thank you, I believe that his question is actually a bit broader. There are actually several threads currently running talking pretty much about the same subject, client-gentlemen friends, lovers, actors, emotions. It is all moving sort of towards the same end game.

 

When the client and gentlemen part, what remains. I believe Tom is trying to project the thought that he is just not acting a role. He is providing something that is real and tangible for the client to take home with him. I dare tread on this trail but does the gentleman feel that the client has provided anything for him other than the greenbacks in his wallet. My friends there is the rub of it all.

 

As nieve as it can be I tend to be one of those person's whose hope is that I was not just another check mark on the task list completed. I am confident in what I have done is some instances is actually make a connection with someone beyond the dollar and cents. Not that I am some great looker or lover but genuine in heart to have at least an impression. I use to think I was only hiring for the sex but realized as I have gone through the years that making a connection was a significant part of it.

 

I have been fortuante to have made such connections and especially one in particular that is not a question of falling in love or something but actually develop a true friendship.

 

So I do think sending a sincere Thank you is a good thing. I am comfortable with on going communications as long as it is not part of group message. That is the quickest way to join the spam file.