Probably My Last Hoorah

[chrismac]

I agree that Michael is very brave and honest to post his message, and shows what a great guy he must be. I was tested for HIV over the last couple of months three times due to symptoms which I thought were indicative of the virus, but all three turned out negative for HIV. Turned out I have another problem, which over time may be just as bad or worse, but that's neither here nor there.

 

Anyway, although I can't imagine how it is to live with the virus, and the treatments, I got a good taste of how it is to worry about it while the tests are being run, and thinking of how I would tell my family, etc. Thankfully I have a very close childhood friend with HIV who helped me through the process, even though I felt bad about dragging him through it all over again (for him).

 

Throughout the whole time, talking to my friend, and even now, I have a huge appreciation for what people with HIV go through; the stigmas attached to them, difficulties in relationships as a result of being honest, etc. I don't believe in labeling anyone, anywhere. I think if someone adds to the review (as a client) that they and the escort played safe - that's fine - but it's not labeling anyone. People can make their own assumptions. Checking online sites such as OutinSanDiego.com shows that labeling is indeed alive and well.

 

I personally would have no problem dating or just being with someone with HIV. I had a good amount of time thinking about just that for myself. I think one of the crueler ironies is how some in the gay community react to HIV and sex with people with the virus. It can't be underestimated what people who've been diagnosed as positive have to go through, as my friend says, every day of their lives. Not a day goes by that he doesn't think about it. The pills are always there to remind him if he should wake up in the morning and briefly forget.

 

Long-winded way of saying that although I can't possibly know exactly how it is to deal with HIV, I can certainly empathize. After all, even with all the protections we can use, any of us who are sexually active could be there someday too.

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

Please understand I am aware I will be labeled and judged after this posting. More likely will loose what is called a lot of business doing this. If you don’t like long postings, you should move on.

 

 

I have sat here for the last three days reading some of the postings that have been placed on here as I have been away for a bit. The topic of HIV has been brought up a few times by Posters (clients) and I am almost in shock as the replies and comments spill out of your mouths. Please note, I am truly in belief of protecting yourself. I have no issues whatsoever with that. My problem is this……

 

 

I was not an active member or participator of the era when HIV was introduced to the USA. I did not live in San Francisco in the baths, doing drugs, sleeping with everything that walked in what they proclaim as the “Free Love” time. During or after a sexual encounter I have had in the last 8 years has been a constant worry of was everything safe, did a condom break, will cum in my mouth make me HIV+ and kill me.

 

I look at my data base and see mostly men who did grow up in this era barely escaping its wrath as friends, loved ones and those around them died one after the other. Most sat in their dens or living rooms watching the news on television and the news papers as it spread through out our nation like an bomb not caring what it sought out or destroyed. I am thankful that they have escaped it.

 

I am now what they have creatively labeled “Living with HIV” I tested Positive Oct, 16th 2001. I am on medication that just about takes the life out of you if the HIV doesn’t. Please do not show me any pity for this is a result of a bad choice I made to have unprotected sex with a man I was dating for 6 months, he chose to lie about his status and I chose to accept his answer.

 

I guess what I cannot understand is this; my generation is now living in the mess that most of you created. Why is it that we get thrown to the curb or alley when it is found out that we are experiencing the reactions to your previous actions? I tend to see this a lot in society, the drug addict will shun the sober, the boy that can’t get enough sex will cry out prude to the one that insist on a 3rd date. You get the jest; no one wants to see what they really are or created and will scorn those who make them see it.

 

I know this will have no effect on you whatsoever, its just my heart and emotions writing.

 

 

Michael Johnson

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

>I guess what I cannot understand is this; my generation is

>now living in the mess that most of you created.

 

You might want to clarify this statement before you get your cyber-head handed to you on a platter.

 

Helpfully yours,

 

FFF

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

you are correct in confronting me with this statement, being a gemini I tend to speak with my heart not mind.

 

I am not implying that it was something created by the men of the 70's and 80's as they had no idea what had hit them. I am saying the men of that era do need to be a bit more understanding and non judgemental of those living with the ramifications of the way it spread, hello if 20 people only got it, then it wouldnt have been such a disaster, obviously there was alot of promiscuity going on. The comments being made are, we need to shun, BEWARE, RUN from those of us in this decade living with the problem. A few, NOT ALL clients lived in that decade as most NOT ALL escorts did not.

[Godiva]

Michael..I will not pity you but I will applaud your honesty..I hope you steer this thread to be one of both educational and honesty. I have a of my own few questions..We are all gonna learn from this..

 

 

Have you had clients since you tested positve?

 

Did you let them know?

 

Where you practicing safe sex with your clients?

 

What would you do differently?

 

 

 

G

 

I'd rather live in his world...than live without him in mine..

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

>The comments being made are, we need to shun, BEWARE, RUN from those >of us in this decade living with the problem.

 

One thing you need to realize is that many (NOT ALL) of "clients" tend to be closeted, sexually repressed, or simply don't get laid often enough (and most of them have cats - always a danger sign). There are countless reasons for why they are this way, but there tends to be one thread holding them together and that is that they are AIDS-phobic. They're a bunch of Nervous Nellies and you should just ignore them.

 

Understandingly yours,

 

FFF

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

My private sex life with my partners really is none of anyones business nor concern first off. But for the record I have had unprotected sex with two men in my life, my first partner of 2 years and the one mentioned that I contracted hiv from. I have NEVER practiced unprotected sex with a client although asked countless times in emails or phone conversations in the last two years.

 

 

YES my clients are aware of my status,

 

Yes I do have regular clients that have chosen to not see me anymore. I dont look down at them one bit. Please understand, I am not the millitant BAREBACKER OR NOTHING hiv positive individual most try to assume we are. I do not wish any harm or illness to anyone I encounter. TO be honest it has been a nightmare trying to even have sex now knowing I can in some slight way infect someone. I as an HIV+ person am now at MORE risk than you that are not, I am more suseptable to everything that comes my way. If reinfected with another string, I am risking being totally immune to any of the medications out there. So please understand, I am not against protecting yourself. BUT if we are practicing safe sex, and assume everyone is POZ in this industry, why do we hang those on the cross that are at least honest. I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT escort/client encounters are more likely to be a higher risk than a trick picked up at the coffee shop. You have a situation of such, more than likely have had sex with a person hiv+ and have accepted that this is ok with you, otherwise you would not hire or be hired.

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

I cannot accept the fact that an individual repressed sexually seeks out a hooker to find himself and not be aware of the danger and risks involved in this decade

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

>and the one mentioned that I contracted hiv from.

 

It's none of my business, but I'm curious: did you confront the guy who gave it to you? What was his defense for lying to you?

 

I hope you did something really REALLY mean to him.

 

Vengefully yours,

 

FFF

[Godiva]

Thank You:-)

[bluenix]

If I were Michael I'd be slow to answer those questions. First because he's already revealed more about himself than most people posting here. And second because this is a consumer site, so people are likely to talk about and even perhaps consider escorts to be the equivalent of produce in a grocery store.

 

Too, logic often doesn't run rampant here, especially when it comes to following thoughts to their logical conclusions. I'm thinking in particular about somebody's plan, posted just today in another thread... let me see if I can get this right... where escorts who might have HIV, or might have barebacked, are in Phase One given yellow stars to sew to their clothing. I would suppose that in Phase Two people with yellow stars sewn to their clothing are rounded up and put into special camps.

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

sad case but true he was at the time a board member of a non profit organization for this very disease. I confronted, he denied any responsibility. For my own mental stability chose to dust my hands of the situtation and not put blame on anyone but me for having made the choice to consent

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

No, Phase Two Stars are sent to an island and then burned so the issue is killed at once

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

I guess this is what I am trying to say. Lets be honest, how do I know you are negative, how am I sure I am not at risk being hired by someone that is positive. The reply I will get back is "That is the risk you take in doing this" "You chose this"

 

Well, so did you.

 

And in my opinion should never be discussed. If we as an escort have no right whatsoever to know you and your past sexual experiences, why should you have the right to research every friggin personal profile and private situation and be allowed to post it on a site to condemn?

[Chuck50]

GOD BLESS YOU! you are truly courageous for bring this up and in such light that you do. Many would be bitter you are trying to ensure it doesnt happen again. So let's all not take anything for granted. HUGS Chuck:(

[Losgatan]

>I guess what I cannot understand is this; my generation is

>now living in the mess that most of you created. Why is it

>that we get thrown to the curb or alley when it is found out

>that we are experiencing the reactions to your previous

>actions? I tend to see this a lot in society, the drug

>addict will shun the sober, the boy that can’t get enough

>sex will cry out prude to the one that insist on a 3rd date.

>You get the jest; no one wants to see what they really are

>or created and will scorn those who make them see it.

>I know this will have no effect on you whatsoever, its just

 

Michael,

 

I think it’s a bit of a stretch to hold all of us who survived the 70’s and 80’s responsible for today’s pandemic. Yes, there was a lot of promiscuity in those decades. And yes, there were many people who acted totally irresponsibly – even after the causes of AIDS became known.

 

But there also was a huge number of caring, intelligent people who not only changed their personal behaviors but dedicated many, many volunteer hours trying to educate our community and to help care for those who had become ill. I could tell many stories about manning the AIDS hotline in San Francisco, or the helplessness I felt while trying to provide emotional support to my clients at the Aris Foundation here in Silicon Valley.

 

Did we make a difference? I hope so. But it appears that it was only temporary. With the current increase in infection rates among young gay men, it’s clear that the battle is far from won. And, with the increased longevities made possible by today’s treatments, it’s apparent that the fear tactics used in the past are not going to work now.

 

However saddened we are by what’s happening today, there is little us “old timers” can do but continue to be careful with our personal behavior and to support those organizations which seem relevant to the current situation. Oh yes, and to remember to never, never become judgmental.

[Guest tmbg]

>>Michael Johnson

 

 

>I know this will have no effect on you whatsoever,

 

You're Right!

 

Cheers! Ritchie

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

Please read response two

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

and then there are times I wish we did have an island to send people to

[Guest tmbg]

>

>Michael,

>

>I think it’s a bit of a stretch to hold all of us who

>survived the 70’s and 80’s responsible for today’s pandemic.

> Yes, there was a lot of promiscuity in those decades. And

>yes, there were many people who acted totally irresponsibly

>– even after the causes of AIDS became known.

>

>But there also was a huge number of caring, intelligent

>people who not only changed their personal behaviors but

>dedicated many, many volunteer hours trying to educate our

>community and to help care for those who had become ill.

 

Well expressed Losgatan! And thankfully all those who Michael wants to blame for his illness are actually still here. Kind of makes his "argument" a non-issue.

 

Cheers! Ritchie

[+ deej]

<<However saddened we are by what’s happening today, there is little us “old timers” can do but continue to be careful with our personal behavior and to support those organizations which seem relevant to the current situation. Oh yes, and to remember to never, never become judgmental. >>

 

Los,

 

Have I told you lately that I love you? You say little here but when you do, you speak volumes in just a few words.

[Guest Bitchboy]

I'm sorry you feel that way, sdmuscl - because that sentiment doesn't represent me at all. I have posted a number of times on this forum that while I am not HIV positive I am involved in a long-term relationship with a man who is. I love him more than I can express in any written words. I have never been worried about contracting HIV, even though I know the possibility exists. I know him to be fine, upstanding, intelligent, handsome human being, someone I hope to spend the rest of my life with. I would never kick someone to the curb because of their HIV status, either as a friend or a lover. I value the human being too much for that.

[Will]

Dear Michael, I'd add my name to the long list of your cheering supporters. Furthermore, I'd add my name to the list of those who survived the '70s and '80s without having become infected. By the way, I take no credit for that. A combination of life-events, all of them destructive, had at least the one benefit of keeping me HIV- negative.

 

With some exceptions I infer that most posters here are very supportive of HIV+ people, whether escorts or not. I've thought a lot about it, and I don't think that I myself would hestitate to hire a positive escort if that were the only consideration. You are extremely correct that both clients and escorts know that sex is a risky business. However, it is also the case that HIV is a fragile virus outside the human body, and for that reason sensible precaution seems to work.

 

Beyond that, though, I feel nothing but compassion (which is not pity) for those who live with HIV. I am very close to some men in that condition, close enough to consider them my brothers. It would not occur to me to judge them, nor do I judge you.

 

I think you have a huge army of supporters and fans out here. Next time you're feeling strung out -- and who wouldn't? -- try to remember that there's a bunch of aging-cheerleader fags out here just longing to shake pompoms in your direction!

[Guest Bitchboy]

>>I know this will have no effect on you whatsoever,

>

You're Right!

>

>Cheers! Ritchie

 

 

What a nasty little man you've turned out to be!

[Bilbo]

I think that I don't remember or have avoided what Ritchie has said in other threads. On this one, what he said was very ambiguous. And I chose to believe he meant it the way that I do - Michael, Nothing has changed. I still am hot after your body. I still would do with you today whatever you would have allowed me to do with you yesterday.

 

My last husband (6 years, then he died) was HIV+. My current husband (3.5 years and counting) is. I did feel cheated with my last husband because he withdrew from me and the only thing I could get away with was beating off together. Please don't go away. We know so much more now than we did.

 

I organized and performed, in my own and others, AIDS benefits for around 14 years and towards the end of that was very fraustrated that we were having a great lot of trouble getting help from the younger guys. Well, now, that organization (the local Imperial Court) has seen the "youngsters" finally take the ball and run with it. (Just wish the Board of Directors would get more out of their way!) But even more importantly, I have seen "youngsters" come up with new and different ways to make money for the cause, which are making more money now than we ever did. (Sure, sometimes I resent the fact that many of my contemporaries waited to do anything till they had made their own piles and could afford to give lots to charity, while I was out there "squandering" a lot of my pile making time.) But my point this time is trying to be - We made mistakes, we corrected what we could of them, we drove the infection rate down. Now the new generations will have to take over from the mess we didn't get completely cleaned up. You've made your own mistakes, the infection rate is back up (We are shocked, shocked, and a bit guilty over that.) and now you correct what you can and get that infection rate back down. And your scientists must build on what ours left them. Or else you will see another generation stuck with what part of the mess you don't get cleaned up and you will be shocked, shocked and a bit guilty. And guilt does make some people say and think some very wierd things.